Confessions of a Heartbreaker

by Sucevic, Jennifer

  "Around nine or so." Am I pushing it by wanting to spend a solid thirteen hours with her? Maybe, but I'm feeling greedy.

  "You'll be gone for the whole day?"

  Something tenses inside me again. "That's the plan, Ms. Fisk."

  Her tongue slides slowly over her teeth before she mutters, "I want your cell phone number. And I want Jordan to check in with me at least three times throughout the day."

  "Done," I agree quickly. Because, let's face it, I would pretty much agree to just about anything right now.

  She holds my gaze again before saying quietly, "Don't hurt her, Parker, she's been hurt enough already."

  Without thinking, I murmur, "After today, I'm pretty sure I'm the one who's going to be hurting."

  Her eyes drift slowly back to her niece who stands watching us from the foyer with a small frown marring her gorgeous face. "I think you're both going to be nursing broken hearts come the morning."

  My eyes slide to Jordan as our gazes cling.

  I think she might just be right about that. My heart already seems to be fracturing inside my chest.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Eleven reasons I'm totally crazy about Jordan Whitnall... and why I'm going to miss her like crazy when she leaves me in her dust.

  Reason number one- I love the way her hand fits so perfectly in my larger one. Even though my hand is large and hers is small and delicate, we just seem to fit together like the pieces of a puzzle. Honestly, I just love touching her. Period. It's seriously that simple. Even if it's just her hand. That's how far and hard (no pun intended) I've fallen for this chick.

  The entire time we've been sitting in the front seat of my truck, I've had her hand secured firmly within my own. She doesn't seem to mind. I may have to let her go at the end of the night, but for now she's mine. I think she feels the same as I do because she's holding on for dear life just like I am.

  "You're really not going to tell me what we're doing, are you?"

  My eyes slide very quickly to hers before finding the road once again. "Nope. Not a chance."

  "So, are we chucking it all and making a run for the border?"

  I can hear the teasing tone of her words but beneath it there's just a shade of seriousness. Again my eyes slide back to hers. "I’m game if you are." I think I would actually do it if that’s what she wanted. God but I don’t want to let go of her. Not ever.

  She doesn't say anything for a long moment before whispering, "I doubt we'd get very far before a search party dragged us back to reality."

  "Yeah, not to mention that the border we're closest to is Illinois. We could always turn around and head to Canada. I'm up for a little road trip that will eventually end in extradition," I say jokingly but my words fall flat.

  Averting her face, she stares quietly out the window before finally asking, "Is it much further?"

  "Nah, about twenty more minutes." All I want is for her to enjoy the day I've planned. I don't want either one of us to dwell on what tomorrow will bring.

  After about ten minutes I maneuver the truck onto a two lane country road that winds its way through the pines and tall oaks as they spear their way up into the deep blue sky.

  She sighs as her eyes take in the view. "It’s really gorgeous out here."

  Even though the trees have lost all their foliage, there's still something beautiful about being surrounded by nature. You can almost imagine what it looked like hundreds of years ago. Tranquil. Serene. A place where a dude can just be alone with all his jacked up thoughts. Surprisingly deep, I know. Sometimes that's just how I roll. Without thinking, I bring her fingers to my lips before pressing a gentle kiss against her knuckles.

  Reason number two- I love the way her silky skin feels against my lips. Even if it’s just her knuckles...

  I seriously can't get enough of this girl. And it's been that way ever since the very beginning.

  Before I know it, I'm pulling off the country road onto a narrow gravel one. The trees hug both sides of the road. FYI- if you stick your hand out the window, you'd be able to grab a handful of tree branches as they whip past. But I'd strongly advise against that because it hurts like a major you-know-what. Especially doing around thirty.

  Jordan straightens in her seat but I still don't release her hand.

  "Sooo, you've brought me out to the woods for the day, huh?"

  My look is pretty cagey at this point because I know that the whole not-knowing-thing is driving her bat shit crazy. "Sort of but not exactly."

  She tilts her head towards me before her eyes narrow.

  Which rather strangely reminds me of Ms. Fisk...

  "You're loving this, aren't you?"

  A slow smile spreads its way across my face. "Oh yeah."

  Finally the deeply wooded landscape opens up to reveal a gray clapboard cottage sitting against the vibrant blue backdrop of Lake Michigan.

  I hear her sudden gasp of surprise and as unmanly as it is to actually admit this (even privately to myself), something flutters unexpectedly inside my chest. Yeah, it's totally true. Making this girl happy makes me happy. I've definitely crossed over to the dark side. There's no turning back now.

  And I don’t even want to.

  With a smile tilting the edges of her lips upward, Jordan leans forward as if trying to take it all in. Excitement and awe dance in her greenish-gold eyes. Even though it's mid-November, the weather isn't freezing cold or rainy or even snowy. Because at this time of year, it definitely could be. So I'm grateful that we have this gorgeous day ahead of us. The sun is bright and the sky is a deep cloudless blue.

  Because I need today to be perfect.

  It has to be a day she'll never forget. I want this date with me to be the one she uses to compare all other future dates to. Something twists painfully in the pit of my gut with that thought.

  "Is this place yours?" Her eyes are wide, sweeping over the landscape, still taking everything in.

  I park the truck in the drive before we both get out. "Yeah, it's been in our family for a couple generations now."

  "I can't get over how beautiful it is with all the trees and water." Then she says a little more wistfully, "I love the water."

  Yep, knew that. I'd tucked that little nugget away in the back of my mind. Since this place is only an hour and a half from our house, I come out here whenever I want to be alone or when I just want to feel closer to my grandparents who are gone...

  In Florida.

  As I survey the rolling blue waves of the lake, I realize that I've never brought a girl out here before. I've never actually wanted to share this place with anyone else. I mean sure, I've brought Max and a few other guys out here.

  But never a girl.

  I mean, why the hell would I do that?

  Which brings me to reason number three- I seriously enjoy spending time with her.

  Okay, I'm going to qualify that statement with- I actually enjoy spending time conversing (feel free to have a heart attack) with her and not getting horizontal (no need to be redundant with the whole heart attack comment, is there?). And it's not that I don't want to get horizontal with her because I do. Oh, you know I do but that's kind of taken a backseat to just wanting to spend time with her.

  This girl does things to me that no one else has ever done. She makes me feel things that I never realized I could feel. Or even wanted to feel for that matter. Because sometimes it's just easier not to feel. It’s easier not to become invested or involved. And yeah, all these feelings scared me at first but now... well, now I don't know how I'm going to get along without her.

  Hand in hand, we stand on the bluff overlooking the dark waters of Lake Michigan. The bright sunlight makes the water sparkle as the whitecaps roll towards shore. Even though the sun is beating down on our faces, the air is still frigidly cold. We both snuggle a little deeper into our jackets as we take in our surroundings.

  Finally her eyes lock onto mine. "Thanks for bringing me out here today. This place is perfect."

&n
bsp; "Yeah, but it's only perfect because you're here." Alright, alright, cheesy but absolutely true. Yeah, I've totally become that guy now. But guess what, I don't give a rat's ass. All I care about is what Jordan thinks. Man, I really have become that guy...

  I watch as something softens in her eyes before she tears them away from mine to stare out over the dancing waves. And in that moment, I know we're both thinking the exact same thing. That this is the last day we have together and after tomorrow... well, I'm not exactly sure what will happen between us. I have some ideas but I guess we'll tackle those later on. Right now, I just want her to enjoy the day I've carefully planned out for us.

  I nod my head towards the cottage. "You ready to head inside?"

  She forces a smile before nodding. I do my best to hoist mine as well because more than anything I want to keep things light.

  As we walk towards the double story cottage, the gravel crunches beneath our feet. Still I hold onto her fingers because I need that physical connection between us. Even if it's just holding her hand. It's enough to calm my insides.

  Pulling out a key, I unlock the door before holding it open. I watch as her eyes fly around as we step into the airy and spacious living room, again trying to take in everything at once. This whole place is open concept. There's a large grouping of couches and oversized chairs that face a massive stone fireplace. Pieces of driftwood and big glass containers filled with shells decorate the mantle and tables throughout the room. It's cozy. Simple yet comfortable. Without asking, I can see from the expression on her face that she loves the place as much as I do.

  Reason number four- I freaking love how expressive her face is.

  Okay, I need to amend that statement because yeah, we all know that Jordan has a pretty good poker face. No question about it. But when she finally gets to know you, she totally drops that guard. And her eyes, all of her expressions, become a window into her thoughts. So, good or bad, I usually know exactly what she's thinking. Even when I make her mad (which, let's face it, I have a certain knack for doing), it's written all over her gorgeous face. Most of all, I love the look that fills her eyes when she’s gazing at me.

  After a moment, she moves closer to the wall of windows before looking out over the water. "This view is absolutely breathtaking." Her voice is so full of awe and yeah, once again it strums my insides like the chords of a guitar.

  Silently I come up behind her before pulling her flush against my body. We both stare out over the water as the whitecaps roll towards the shoreline. A few boats bob on the distant horizon. The notion that this is our last day together nudges its way back into my consciousness. It takes everything I have to force it back out.

  Clearing my throat, I say, "I thought we could maybe go for a walk on the beach and then have some lunch. You'll be incredibly impressed to know that I packed our lunch with my very own two hands."

  I pause, waiting for her to make some kind of smartass remark but she doesn't. Instead her gaze stays focused on the water. The look in her eyes tells me exactly what she's thinking. Even if she's not willing to actually say the words out loud. They're there, sitting between us. This is a battle we're going to have to fight all throughout the day because every moment that ticks by brings her that much closer to walking out of my life for good.

  "I'll make a fire later on," I whisper in her ear wanting to take her mind off the inevitable, "and if you want, we can use the hot tub out back." And that thought is exactly how I'm going to keep my mind off her leaving.

  And yeah, it totally does the trick.

  Because I'm not going to lie, I'm dying to see Jordan in some itsy bitsy teensy-weensy, little microscopic bikini. The teensier, the better, I always say. I'm pretty sure there's a whole lot of hopefulness in my voice because seeing her in a few scraps of strategically placed fabric will more than likely bring me to my knees. But you know me, I'm always willing to take one for the team... team Parker, that is.

  "I guess the hot tub would be the reason you told me to pack a swimsuit."

  "Don't forget that I said to pack a sexy little swim suit." Emphasis on the word little. And yeah, sexy.

  She laughs, "Then I guess you're in for a major disappointment because I brought a long sleeve swim shirt and a pair of shorts. It was the only thing I could find."

  "That's alright," I smile, "I'm kind of into the whole Amish look. I think it's seriously hot."

  The old me would have been highly disappointed to hear this news. But Parker 2.0 doesn't give a damn. Alright, I'm a little bummed about the suit but I'll get over it.

  Jordan turns in my arms until her breasts are pressed against my chest.

  See? So totally over it.

  Damn but I love her breasts. Believe it or not, other than copping a very slight feel at that party way back when, I haven't even tried feeling her up. Trust me, my mind is completely blown as well.

  Okay, Jordan's small but incredibly perky breasts are reason number five.

  Yeah fine, I'm a pig, so sue me. I'm still a guy after all. Boobs are kind of a thing with us. That's just DNA. I can't exactly fight genetics, now can I?

  And FYI- if any guy tries to tell you differently, he's either lying to you or batting for the other team. I'm just saying... Breasts (big, small, or medium sized), we like them. A lot. Enough said.

  Her fingers dance their way up my arms before tangling in my hair. "Thank you for bringing me here, Parker. It really means a lot to me."

  "I wanted our first date to be special." I'm pretty sure it goes without saying that this is the most effort I've ever put into anything having to do with a girl... because unrolling a condom doesn't exactly take much effort...

  "It is. No one's ever done anything like this for me," she whispers as one hand slowly slides down the side of my face until she's able to cradle my cheek in the palm of her hand. "Thank you."

  I can't help but lean into it. "Don't thank me just yet, this is only the beginning, baby." I give her a little wink needing to lighten the mood between us.

  She rises up onto her toes until her lips meet mine, stroking over them softly. After a few heartbeats I pull away, not because I want to but because I know that if I continue kissing her, touching her like this, I won't be able to stop myself from devouring her. Jordan Whitnall has become my drug of choice and it's doubtful I'll ever be able to get enough.

  Her brows draw together as I step away, needing to put some distance between us. Smiling, I take her hand. "You ready for that walk?"

  Her brows beetle together with confusion. Because let's face it, it's a well-known fact that I usually don't stop girls from trying to kiss me. That actually goes against everything I believe in. I watch the sexy little haze clear from her eyes before a small chagrined smile curves her lips upward. "Yeah, sure."

  Leaving the cottage behind, we use the boardwalk that stretches across the sand dunes. It's windier down here on the beach but Jordan doesn't seem to mind the breeze that sweeps her hair away from her face. She tilts her face to the sky as brilliant sunlight spills over her. She stands like that for just a heartbeat or two but it's enough.

  Enough to affect me.

  I'd be lying if I didn't admit that my stomach just bottomed out. Reason number six- the way she makes me feel when I'm around her.

  Needing to touch her, I pull Jordan into my warmth as I cradle her body close to mine. I point down the beach. "There's a lighthouse about a mile away, you up for a walk?"

  She smiles as her gaze meets mine. "That sounds great."

  As we start walking, a comfortable silence settles over us. We both seem just a little bit lost in our own private thoughts. The surf continues to pound the sand as it rolls up onto the shoreline. Seagulls cry overhead as they sweep across the brilliant sky in search of food. The feel of her small body tucked into the side of mine feels right. More right than anything else has ever felt before in my life. Even though there's a good foot that separates us in height, we seem to fit together perfectly.

  Needing to
focus on something else, I open with, "So, Ms. Fisk..."

  Yeah, I don't even know what to say about that. All my notions regarding that woman have been completely shattered.

  Completely.

  Shattered.

  I feel the vibrations of Jordan's laughter rumbling against my body. "She dresses a little differently at home than at school."

  "Dresses differently," I echo in disbelief. "Oh, that was way more than just dressing differently." And then it all becomes clear. "Oh, she has some kind of split personality thing going on, doesn't she?"

  Jordan comes to an abrupt halt before turning towards me. Her hands go to her slender hips. "No, she doesn't have a split personality!" She laughs before swatting at my chest with her tiny hand. Unlike the last time she hit me, this one doesn't hurt. Or leave a mark. Thank goodness because Jordan knows how to pack a punch when she wants to.

  "Are you sure? Because I've seen TV shows on this kind of thing and family is always the last to know. It's like they're all in denial or-"

  My words trail off at the look of exasperation that simmers in her laughing green eyes.

  I shrug my shoulders before raising a brow. "I'm just saying that it's something to consider."

  "She just likes to tone down her look for school."

  "Tone down her look," I repeat like a parrot. Again. This girl is definitely the queen of understatements today. "Are you being serious right now?"

  She shakes her head. "It's not what I would do, but she feels more comfortable dressing like that at school. She wants her students to focus on the material she's trying to teach instead of her looks."

  "Well, I know I'd pay a whole hell of a lot more attention if she dressed like that all the time."

  She hits me again in the chest. And yeah, this time she's packing a little more heat.

  Is it totally wrong to say that she's kind of turning me on right now?

  I’m just asking...

  "Maybe we should change the subject," I chuckle not wanting to be hit again.