The Road To Forgiveness

by Justine Elvira

  “We fogged up the windows. I’m sure anyone who’s driven by knows what we were doing.”

  He laughs along with me. “We do know how to get things scorching hot, don’t we,” he teases.

  “I guess we need to get back now, don’t we?”

  Sebastian looks down at his watch.

  “It’s a little after four so we need to hurry. We’ll get back to the hotel, shower and change, and be at your mother’s at six.” He kisses me one last time and gently lifts me off his hips. We changed as quickly as possible. Neither of us saying too much. Once I’m dressed and ready to go, I open the door and step out of the backseat of the car. Sebastian follows me out of the car so that he can get in the driver’s seat.

  He gives me a passionate kiss on the lips before releasing me. “I’ll see you back at the hotel, Honey.”

  I smile and make my way over to my car. Part of me is hopeful and part of me is dreading tonight’s festivities.

  Chapter Ten

  “ Are you ready to go inside?” Sebastian asks me for the third time.

  We are sitting in my mother’s driveway and Sebastian is patiently waiting for me to open the door. It’s going to be a quiet Christmas Eve. My mother didn’t invite any of our extended family member’s like she usually does. It’s just going to be Sebastian, Charlie, my mother and me.

  Jonathon was supposed to spend Christmas with us but he cancelled last minute. He is going to take a flight out to Seattle and try to spend the Holiday with Cameron. I guess watching Sebastian and I reconnect has motivated Jonathon to try and do the same.

  Maybe that is why I am acting like a total lunatic and unable to get out of the car. We’ve been sitting in the driveway for the past ten minutes and my legs are unwilling to move. I take a few more deeps breaths and think about what Dr. Krane has told me.

  “I can do this,” I say to Sebastian. “Can you come around and help me out?”

  He nods his head and kisses me gently, and then he turns and opens his door. Within seconds he is around the car and opening the passenger side door for me. He reaches down for my hands and I don’t protest. Even though my body seems to be in shock, I am mentally prepared to face this holiday.

  “I’m proud of you,” Sebastian whispers to me as we slowly start to make our way to the front door. I don’t say anything as I lean into him for support.

  We walk in to my mother’s house and I spot Charlie and my mother, dancing slowly in the kitchen. It warms my heart to see this. Charlie and my mother used to have these tender, sweet moments all the time. I watch for a few seconds as their happiness spreads across the room and to me.

  I make a deliberate coughing noise and they both turn their heads towards Sebastian and I.

  “I’m sorry, Darling, I didn’t hear you come in.” My mother walks over to us and gives us both hugs. “Merry Christmas.”

  “Merry Christmas, Momma.”

  “Merry Christmas, Melanie.”

  Charlie steps in and picks me up in one of his bear hugs, “Merry Christmas, Mia.”

  I hug him back just as tightly. His warmth comforts me.

  When Charlie lets go he shakes hands with Sebastian and they exchange pleasantries. We all walk in to the kitchen and my mother goes back to the stove to continue cooking. Charlie grabs a beer from the fridge and hands one to Sebastian as we all sit down at the table. I would help my mother cook but I’ve been banned from the kitchen since I was twelve years old. That was the year my mother lost all hope in my ability to ever be able to cook a decent meal.

  Sebastian and Charlie start talking sports, specifically basketball and what team they think has a chance at winning the championship this year.

  “I have to respectfully disagree, Charlie. The Heat has LeBron, Allen, Wade, and Bosch. They’re line-up is unstoppable.”

  “I know I only lived in Chicago a short time, but I think the Bulls are going to shock everyone this year. They have Noah, Boozer, Robinson, Deng, Gibson, and its rumored Rose will be back off the injury list this year. If that’s true, then I think they will go all the way,” Charlie adds. I would chime in but I know nothing about basketball.

  I make small talk with my mother about the food, the weather, and if she is going to enter apple pie contest that is thrown every year during Rib Fest. She is still undecided but she said she would let me know as soon as she makes up her mind.

  “So, I wanted to ask you guys something,” I say to everyone in the room but look down at my hands. I can feel everyone’s eyes on me so I look up in to Sebastian’s eyes, seeking comfort from the familiarity.

  “My therapist suggests that I continue on with at least one tradition we do every year… with Miles,” I say nervously. I decide to continue and speak fast before anyone has time to speak and ruin my idea.

  “So I thought that maybe we could light off fire works before dinner. You know, in celebration of Jesus’s birth? It was his favorite thing to do on Christmas Eve and I know he would be begging to do it right now, if he were here.”

  I look over to my mother and see tears in her eyes. She looks sad but something tells me she wants to do this too. Charlie, on the other hand, looks like what I said might break him. This is the thing Miles and him did together every year. Maybe I am asking him for too much.

  Sebastian reaches his hand out for mine, “I think that’s a great idea. I didn’t know Miles but I think he would love that.”

  I’m comforted by Sebastian but my eyes never leave Charlie. I don’t want to do this if it makes him uncomfortable in any way. I’m about to give up on the idea and suggest a different tradition when Charlie abruptly gets up and pushes his chair back.

  “I think we still have some fireworks in the garage from last year’s celebration. I always seemed to buy too many for that kid. I just couldn’t say no to him when he looked at me with those big eyes. Kind of like you’re looking at me now, Darling,” Charlie says to me.

  “I’ll go check the garage and if they’re still in there, I’ll gladly light those bad boys up. I want Miles to be able to see them from Heaven.”

  Charlie walks out of the room and out of the house.

  “I’ll go help him look,” Sebastian says and follows Charlie out.

  It’s now me and my mother in the kitchen, in awkward silence. We never were good at communicating. It’s gotten worse since Miles died.

  “So, you and Charlie look happy.” I say to break the ice.

  She looks up from the pot she is stirring and smiles brightly at me. She is positively glowing with happiness at the sound of Charlie’s name.

  “He is staying in town, for good. He missed me just as much as I missed him. He says it’s going to be hard, being here without Miles, but he is going to work on getting through it. Miles’s death was hard on him but he says that knowing you forgive him, helped him tons.”

  I want to tell her how there was no need to forgive Charlie. I never blamed Charlie in any of this. I didn’t tell her, though. Somehow I know that my mother needs to hear those words. She needs to know that I forgave Charlie and didn’t blame him too! I’m guessing it would be hard for her to be with him otherwise.

  “ I do forgive him. Momma. I forgive you, too. Honestly, the only person that is really to blame in all this is the driver. We were all victims in that tragic accident. We may not have physically died, but part of us died that day with Miles. That is something I have been trying to grasp with Dr. Krane. She is teaching me how to deal with all the changes in my life, how to not blame myself for every shortcoming in life, and how to live. I’m still here. You’re still here. Charlie is still here and we need to start living again.”

  As I say the words, I realize for the first time how true they are. I get up and move over to my mother. I hug her with all the strength that I have. “We need to start living Momma and starting tonight, that’s what I’m going to do. I hope you and Charlie start living, too!”

  I hug her until we hear the front door open and Charlie and Sebastian’s loud vo
ices echoing off the small walls of the kitchen.

  “And the Lord said, ‘Let there be light’,” Charlie says while holding a stack of fireworks in his arms.

  My momma and I laugh while still holding onto each other. I spot Sebastian behind Charlie, holding more fireworks.

  I look over to my mother and then to Charlie, “Well… What are we waiting for? Let’s light those bad boys!”

  *****

  The firework show is spectacular. It may have been amateur, and some of the fireworks were duds, but it still served its purpose. We held true to our tradition and I couldn’t help but smile the entire time. In my heart, I know Miles is seeing this. I let out a silent prayer and tell Miles how much I love him and miss him everyday.

  When the fireworks are over, we all go inside and have dinner. My mother still cooked as if twenty people were going to be in her home instead of four. We serve our dishes and continue the stories from outside. Charlie is telling Sebastian about the time Miles caught his first fish. It was on a camping trip Charlie took him on in Tennessee two years ago. My mother has out her photo albums and is showing Sebastian every possible picture she has of Miles and me.

  We laugh and drink all night. The memories bring comfort to us instead of heartache. It almost feels as if Miles is with us tonight.

  “Mia, do you remember when we were in line at that convenient store in Atlanta? After we spent the day in the city?”

  I start laughing remembering how hard it was to keep a straight face in front of that woman. “How could I forget? That might have been the single, most embarrassing moment Miles had ever put me in… and the most hilarious.

  I turn to Sebastian to tell him the story. “So we are on our way home from a fun day in Atlanta when Miles tells me he has to use the washroom. Charlie pulls over at this little convenient store off the highway. We all go in and pick up something to drink while Miles uses the washroom. He comes out of the stall and is waiting with me in line to pay, when a female police officer walks in and steps in line behind us.

  “I think nothing of this but Miles keeps staring at this woman. As I’m paying for our drinks, Miles tugs on my shirt and calls my name. I give the attendant cash and turn around to see what Miles needs and he asks me, ‘Mommy, is that a woman?’ Naturally, I looked little confused. She was obviously a woman, so I look to Miles and say, ‘Yes, Miles, of course she is a woman.’ I go to turn around when he pulls on my shirt and speaks again.” I stop telling the story for a second because I’m laughing so hard just thinking about what he said next.

  Sebastian is staring at me like I’ve gone crazy but now Charlie is laughing with me, too. My mother just shakes her head at us. “So Miles… says,” I say in between laughing fits, “ He says, ‘If she’s a woman, why does she have a mustache?’ My face turned bright red, I quickly apologized to the woman, and we left the store as fast as we could. I couldn’t even reprimand him because he said it so innocently and Charlie wouldn’t stop laughing.”

  We are all busting up now, laughing at my little boys innocence.

  Sebastian looks over at me adoringly. “He seems like he was a great kid.”

  “He was, the best little man in the world,” Charlie says as he gets up from his seat. “It’s well after midnight, maybe we should open some gifts.”

  We all get up and follow Charlie into the living room. There are a few scattered gifts under the tree including the gifts I brought over for Momma, Charlie, and Sebastian. Sebastian pulls me down on the sofa next to him and wraps his arms around my body.

  “Merry Christmas, Honey,” he whispers in my ear.

  I relax into his body and place my head on his shoulder. “Merry Christmas, Baby.”

  My Momma gets up and claps her hands together with enthusiasm. “What about our tradition of saying why we are grateful for the person we our giving the gift to. I think we should keep that tradition alive. Miles loved that tradition.”

  “I think that sounds great, Momma.

  We go around the room exchanging gifts and gratitude. Sebastian and I got my mother a top of the line Vitamix professional Series blender. It’s perfect for when she makes her jam. Sebastian also got her ticket vouchers to fly to Miami and visit whenever she wants to. I didn’t have any immediate plans on going back to Miami but Sebastian thinks its inevitable and the tickets have no expiration date.

  Sebastian also got Charlie ticket vouchers to fly to Miami and visit. We both got him a new chair for the living room. It is soft, leather, reclines completely back and had a built in fridge in the armrest. This is perfect for when Charlie wants to watch his games.

  My Momma and Charlie give Sebastian and I our gifts but before we can open them, Charlie stands up and announces that he had some big news.

  “Earlier today, I did something crazy. Something I should have done years ago. Mia, I asked your wonderful, caring, generous, and thoughtful mother to marry me… and she said yes.”

  I gasp in shock at the news and my mother looks stunned. “I thought we said we would wait to tell her until after the holidays?”

  “I’m sorry, Melanie, but I couldn’t wait any longer.”

  “It’s only been a few hours?” My mother says still in shock.

  Charlie walks over and gives her a long kiss on the lips. “It was a few hours too many. I couldn’t wait any longer to tell them the great news.”

  Once the initial shock is gone, I jump off the sofa and run to give them hugs. I have never been so happy for my mother. She’s been through so much and she deserves all the happiness in the world. After raising me, and the stress I put her through with Miles, she deserves her happily ever after.

  “I think this calls for a celebration,” Sebastian says from behind me. He goes into the kitchen and comes back a few seconds later with four plastic flutes and a bottle of champagne.

  “Where did the Champagne come from? My mother only ever has beer.”

  Sebastian looks down for a second and back up to meet my eyes. “Its sparkling cider, not champagne, and I brought it just incase we had a reason to celebrate. I never thought that this could be the reason, but what a happy surprise.”

  Something in his voice is a little off but I choose to ignore it. This is a happy occasion and I’m going to start listening to Dr. Krane’s advice. I need to start living my life and that is what we are doing here tonight. We manage to have our first Christmas Eve without Miles. We kept traditions, shared happy memories, and I had Sebastian by my side. I call that a success.

  We toast to the happy couple and I look over at the clock on my Momma’s mantle. It almost two in the morning.

  “I think we better get going. It’s late,” I say as I lean into Sebastian and yawn into his shoulder.

  We say our goodbyes and I tell Momma we’ll be over sometime tomorrow for leftovers. Sebastian says his goodbyes and we make our way out to the car. After we’re seated, Sebastian starts the car and pulls away. Something is still bothering me about the sparkling cider and I can’t let it go.

  “Sebastian?”

  “Yes, Honey.”

  “Why did you have sparkling cider with you? Don’t give me the same excuse you gave everyone earlier. If you brought it in just in case we all had something to celebrate, then I would have seen it. I never saw the bottle, which means you must have snuck it in.”

  Sebastian sighs as he turns onto the highway towards the hotel. “How very perceptive of you. I did have something to celebrate but once Charlie made his announcement, I decided to wait to announce mine. I didn’t want to ruin your mother and Charlie’s moment.”

  “What did you have to announce?”

  He looks over at me thoughtfully, “You really want to do this now…in a car?”

  “I don’t know what ‘we’re doing’ but yes, I want to know, now,” I say dramatically.

  Sebastian gets off at our exit and pulls off to the side of the road. He puts the car in park and turns his body to face me completely. Then he grabs my hands and places them in h
is hands.

  “I saw Darcy this morning… or yesterday morning since it is technically a new day. When you went to the therapist, I met her in the hotel conference room.”

  I’m shocked to find out that, not only is Darcy in town, but that Sebastian met up with her. I know I have no reason to be jealous since they haven’t been together for a long time, and they both are with different people, but I am jealous. I’m jealous because Sebastian didn’t bring it up until right this moment.

  “Before you freak out, hear me out. She came in with both of our law teams. I wanted to get this over with today so that I could give you the best Christmas gift. The meeting took about forty-five minutes and then they all left to go back to the airport. That was why I was free to have lunch with you. I couldn’t wait to see you. When Jonathon called and invited me to have lunch with you both, I jumped at the chance. I was so happy and I needed to share my happiness with you, even if I wanted to wait to tell you.”

  Sebastian lifts his hands to cup the sides of my face and then leans forward to give me a soft kiss. “Don’t you see? Honey, I’m free.”

  I shake my head in confusion, “I don’t quite understand. What do you mean, you’re free?”

  He kisses me again, a little harder this time. He is enthusiastic and his tongue comes out to ask for entrance. I allow him access as we both succumb to our heated attraction. The kiss becomes more urgent as Sebastian’s hand lowers to my breast. Before it completely gets out of control, I break away from the kiss.

  “Sebastian, please explain,” I pant.

  “Darcy and our lawyers flew out for the divorce. I wasn’t going to be able to make it out to Miami before Christmas. We signed the divorce papers Christmas Eve morning. Everything is settled. As of a little over two hours ago, exactly at midnight, I’m divorced. Which means you are mine and I am yours, only yours.”

  I need him to be that clear. I need him to spell out exactly what he meant and now that he has, all I can think about is being with him forever.