Seeing Clearly

by Casey McMillin

  Not daring to defy his orders, I went back to my original position facing the door. I heard the rustle of him taking his clothes off. (At least I assumed that's what he was doing.) I could feel the warmth of his body as he approached me from behind. I wanted to squirm with anticipation, but made myself hold still. He kissed my shoulder then trailed light kisses down the side of my arm before turning his attention to my neck. He held me tightly, my back to his chest. I could feel his hard length against my back as his hand came across my stomach, and gently lifted the edge of my panties so he could have access to what was underneath. One arm held me securely by the stomach while the other hand slipped under my panties and along the sensitive slit at the core of me. I gasped audibly at the contact, and he moved his other hand from my waist to my mouth. "You have to be quiet, remember?" I nodded, and he took his hand from my mouth, putting it back on my waist. His other hand, having never left its position inside my panties, began moving again in little, teasing strokes that had me stretching back to grab onto him… anything to have more of him. "I can see right now that you're going to need some training, Gretchen. I'm gonna let you slide this time, but the next time I tell you to be still, you better listen."

  "Or what? You'll punish me?"

  "Damn right I'll punish you."

  "What makes you think you have any right to punish me?" I said, turning to face him. I gave him a look with as much defiance as I could muster (which was really hard, since I totally wanted whatever punishment he was talking about).

  "I can do whatever I want with you now that you're mine." I knew exactly what he meant by "mine" he didn't mean I was "his" for the night or for any other set amount of time. He meant I was "his" indefinitely. He knew it and I knew it. It was a done deal. I was his. I smiled at him, and he smiled back, each of us able to read the promise in the other one's expression.

  Joel scooped me into his arms and carried me the few feet to my bed. I stretched out, letting him know he could have his way with me. He climbed on top of me, both of us being careful not to make too much noise, in case one of the many people in this cramped house could hear us (which was very likely since every room in the house had multiple people still stirring around). He hovered over me, his thick black waves falling over his forehead as he looked down at me. His gaze swept over me… from my outstretched arms, over to my face. He took a few seconds to stare at my mouth before giving in to the urge to bend down for a kiss.

  Without breaking the kiss, he slid his hand down my side. Just like he'd done a minute ago, he lifted the edge of my panties and, with a light touch, he began to touch me in the place that'd been aching for him. I writhed under him, unable to control the urge to grind my hips into his hand. He was as hungry for me as I was for him, I could tell. Both of us were holding back, trying to be quiet, but neither of us were able to hide our desire, you could hear it in our breathing.

  I explored his lean, muscled body with my hands, teasing him with fingertips and using a rougher touch when I just couldn't help myself. He was the most stunning creature I'd ever seen, and I wanted to never stop touching him. I grabbed on to him by the waist and pulled him down onto me, lifting my hips upward to meet him and increase the pressure. I could feel the hard length of him as it pressed against me. "I want you inside me," I said.

  Joel didn't have to be told twice. He pushed the tip of his cock inside me with equal parts urgency and gentleness. I let out a whimper and he stopped, looking at me to make sure I was okay. I dug my nails into his ass, pulling his hips to mine, urging him the rest of the way. He smiled at me before driving forward, filling me with his full length.

  The wave of ecstasy hit me without warning. I can usually count on a little build up, a little warning, but not this time. This time, the instant he was fully inside me, my body went into an orgasm so intense, I had the fleeting thought it might be possible to die from pleasure. It took me a full minute to come down from the unexpected trip, and Joel was still inside me when I resurfaced.

  "Oh my God, Joel. That was amazing. Please let me make you feel like that," I whispered. I wasn't just pretending to want to continue for his sake. Everything had happened so fast for me, and even though it was mind-blowing, I wanted more. I still wasn't ready to quit touching him.

  My hands continued to explore his chest, arms, and back as my hips began a slow rhythm. Joel's body began to move with mine in a slow dance that was an utter assault on my senses. The merging of our bodies was like a fireworks display, rhythmic and electric. Changing, but constant. The show went on for at least another hour before both of us shared a climax that warranted a little recovery time.

  "I have something to tell you, that may make you a little upset with me," Joel said, after five restful minutes of lying entangled.

  I breathed a sigh of relief. "Well, thank God," I said, beaming (though he couldn't see me since I was laying on his chest). "That's the best news I've heard all day." I picked my head up, still smiling. "I've got something to get off my chest too. Who's going first?"

  Chapter 24

  Joel

  "What do you mean? You're going first, of course. You can't just say 'I've got something to get off my chest' and think I'll be able to wait to hear what you're going to say." I said. Wanting to be more alert for the conversation, I sat up on my elbows and searched Gretchen's face.

  "Well, you said you have something to tell me that's gonna make me upset. How do you think that makes me feel?"

  "Fair enough," I said, in a hurry to get everything out on the table. "I made a real estate investment or two this last week with you in mind that's all. Gretchen, listen to me closely when I tell you that neither of these investments come close to putting a dent—"

  "Just let me have it," she said. "What'd you buy?"

  I'm investing in a restaurant. One I believe in."

  "Is it the Sims?" she asked. I couldn't read her tone.

  "Yeah," I said simply. I flinched inwardly, almost expecting to hear how I shouldn't have interfered. No reprimand came. She put her arms around me in a tight bear hug and made an excited squeezing sound.

  "It's the sweetest thing I've ever heard!" she squealed. "I wish I'd had the idea myself." She looked at me sweetly. "It's the best Christmas gift you could have given me, really. The Sims are going to run an amazing successful restaurant, and it's all because of you. Don't worry about it," she said, looking aloof. "My boyfriend just goes around changing lives, no big deal." She shot me a glance to see how I'd react to her saying the word boyfriend.

  "Well then, as your boyfriend, I have one more thing to tell you… but it's so similar to the first, I'm feeling like you're gonna maybe be okay with it."

  "Is it the arts center?" she asked, not even bothering beating around the bush.

  "Yes," I said. "But I'm setting it up so you can be as involved as you want. No pressure. You can still work at the show. The center will be fully staffed. I just wanted you to have it when you were ready.

  "Oh, you're giving me permission to work at the show now?"

  "Don't fuckin' push it Gretchen. If I didn’t want you so bad, I'd just forget about the whole thing. I can't stand the thought of you working at that God-forsaken show, but I can't seem to live without you either. Let me tell you something, though. I will not be witness to any make out scenes, neither in person, nor on television. And I do not want you or anyone else talking about you being with another guy in my presence, even if the guy is a co-star and you're discussing a scene. If I'm going to try to be okay with your job Gretchen, I don't want to hear about it or see it. You understand?"

  "It's not going to be an issue," she said.

  "I hope not, because I seriously can't—"

  "I quit the show," she said. I looked at her like it wasn't quite registering. "Joel, I want to tell you everything, I do, but can I just take a second to freak out about the fact that you're buying me my dream!" She shook her head, making her hair fly around wildly, and beat her fists on the bed, trying in vein to be quiet
with her little flip out session. "I can't believe you bought the arts center!" Then she gasped, "Did you really buy the arts center?"

  "Why would I joke about that? Of course I bought it. It's yours to do whatever you want with. But Gretchen, for the love of God, tell me what you were saying about the show. Were you kidding when you said—"

  "No, I was totally serious. I quit the show. Well, I guess technically I got fired, but either way, I'm leaving the show within the next few months. It's a long story that starts with the news."

  "What news?" I asked.

  "The news I was about to tell you."

  "I thought quitting the show was the news." I said.

  "Quitting the show is a result of the news."

  "Jesus, Gretchen. You're killin me here." I said, wondering what the bloody hell she was talking about.

  "I'm having a baby. We're having a baby." She said, her gaze dropping like she was suddenly shy.

  I stared at her in confusion, not fully grasping what she was saying. She looked back up at me, and I saw tears fill her eyes. The words she'd just spoken began to sink in. I took her face in my hands, searching it for confirmation. Her eyes flooded with silent tears, a few of them spilling over onto her cheeks in tiny droplets. She blinked hard to clear her eyes. I put my mouth to her precious cheeks, kissing away the salty tears.

  "Gretchen, I can't think of a single thing you could have told me that would have been better than that. Please tell me I'm the only person you've been with lately."

  She gasped and pushed at me like she never dreamed I would have asked that in a million years. "Of course the baby's yours, stupid. You're the only guy I've been with in a long time. But thanks a lot for thinking I'm a big slut."

  "I don’t think that, I just want it to be mine. I want you to be mine. I just asked because… it doesn't matter. It's mine." He smiled at me. "You both are."

  "We are?" she asked. Her voice was hopeful. Her vulnerability broke my heart.

  "Yes," I said, kissing her cheek again. "I'm going to take care of you, Gretchen. You won't have to worry about anything."

  "I don't want you to feel stuck with me, us, just because I'm pregnant. I can do it on my own, and you can be part of the baby's life without having to make any sort of commitment."

  I couldn't believe the ridiculous statement. Did she just need to hear me say it again? "You're both mine, Gretchen. Stop giving me a way out, because I'm not going to take it."

  "I'm so glad to hear that, because I think I love you," she said.

  "Oh yeah?" I asked.

  "Yeah," she said, "but don't get any big ideas. We already had one emergency wedding lately, and I don’t want to go there. Let's just start with the idea of being together. The baby's already going to be a big adjustment."

  "You're saying you don't want to marry me."

  "I'm not saying that… I just don't want to marry you right now."

  "You can't carry my baby and not expect me to marry you. I think you have to marry me."

  "How's about let's just agree to talk about that possibility in the future? For now let's just get to know each other." She cupped her cold, little hand around my jaw. "I was telling you the truth about loving you, though. I really do love you, and I think that's a great start."

  "I love you too," I said. "And I think it's really cute how you're trying to be all independent like you don't want to marry me."

  "Oh, you think I'm cute, do you?"

  ****

  Gretchen and I stayed up all night. We made love, and talked, planed and schemed, and made love some more. The last time I glanced at the bedside clock, it read 6:22AM. I knew the whole house would be awake soon, and as I closed my eyes, I prayed for at least a few hours solid rest.

  Our wake up call came at 9:30 on the dot in the form of her four-year-old nephew Tyler. He rapped on the door several times, jarring me out of deep sleep.

  "Hey Aunt Gretchem, my dad said wake you up cuz breakfast. And plus, you missed Santa, so time to get up." Rap, rap, rap. "Hey Aunt Gretchem."

  "I'm up Tyler!" Gretchen yelled. She threw a pillow at the door like it would stop the racket. "I'll be down there in just a few minutes okay?"

  "Kay, but Aunt Gretchem?"

  "Yeah, buddy?" "You got some presents down here you didn't even unwrap yet."

  "I know, Ty, thanks buddy. I'll be right down okay?"

  The pitter-patter of little feet sounded down the hallway. Gretchen (who'd sat up in bed to yell through the door at Tyler) fell back onto her pillow with a moan. She rubbed her face. "I'm sorry, I should go on down, but you can stay up here and get some more sleep." Her voice was raspy and I smiled at how utterly cute she was when she first woke up.

  "How could you expect me to go back to sleep knowing Santa's been here?" I asked, sitting on the edge of the bed. I bent down to pick up my T-shirt, shrugging into it and letting myself stretch a little bit at the same time.

  "Hey Joel?" she said.

  "Yeah?"

  "What'd ya ever do with that picture? The one that Ian Craig—"

  "It's hanging in my house."

  "It is? Like on the wall?"

  "On the wall, right out in plain sight."

  "What's Bruce Willis think?" she asked.

  "He likes it," I said.

  Gretchen laughed as she crossed to the place I'd tossed her pajamas last night. "My parents are gonna know you were up here if we go down at the same time," she said. She looked at me as if she was actually serious, which made me laugh. The girl was so freaking innocent and cute sometimes.

  "Your mom told me to sleep in the playroom. You don't think they've noticed I'm not down there?"

  "Damn, you're right," she said groggily. "I guess we're caught, huh?" She let out a sigh. "I'm never gonna hear the end of this from my brothers. Thank God they like you."

  "Well, you're going to have to tell them something… I think you're forgetting we're having a baby. They need to know that little piece of trivia. They're gonna have to get used to seeing us wake up together anyway."

  "I think I could get used to seeing us wake up together," she said.

  "Me too."

  I put on my pajama pants since I was stranded in here without any of my things. "I need you to get my bag, or at least a pair of jeans out of it."

  "You mean you don't want to tell my parents you knocked me up while you're wearing your P.J.'s?"

  "Are you seriously going to tell them? I thought you said you wanted to wait."

  "I don't know what I want. I keep going back-and-forth. Do you care?"

  "No," I said. "They're your family."

  "They're your family now too," she said.

  The simple statement hit me like a ton of bricks… or more like a ton of bricks had just been magically removed from me. Those five words were easily, by a landslide, no contest, the best Christmas present I'd ever been given.

  Chapter 25

  Gretchen

  I found Joel's overnight bag in the basement and brought it upstairs. Five or six people stopped me on my trip, but I told them all I'd be right back after I brought Joel his bag. I was relieved none of them acted surprised by the admission. Maybe I was just getting old enough where I didn't have to sneak around in my parent's house… maybe they just took a liking to Joel. Either way, I was thankful they hadn't given me the hard time I had been expecting.

  I opened my bedroom door to find Joel sitting on the corner of my bed. He was bent over with his elbows resting on his knees and his head in his hands. He picked his head up quickly when I opened the door. "Thanks," he said, reaching out for his bag.

  He stepped into a pair of button-fly jeans that rode on his hips right at the place where you could see that little muscle on his side. He changed from the gray T-shirt to a perfectly faded, light blue long sleeve thermal that made his eyes even brighter green than usual. You'd think it would take green to make them stand out, but this baby blue was doing the trick. He lifted his shirt a few inches onto his belly so he could ad
just his belt. I just sat there and watched him get dressed before I made any moves to do the same. I can tell he enjoyed my blatant appraisal and approval of his looks. I know I enjoyed it when he did the same thing to me as I got dressed a few minutes later.

  I pulled some tights and a loose-fitting sweater out of my bag and changed into them, leaving my pajamas in a neat, folded pile on the edge of my bed. Joel reached out and grabbed me by the wrist, pulling me into his arms.

  "I'm glad we're us," he said.

  "Me too," I said.

  "I left the kid's Christmas gifts in the trunk of the car last night. Should I get them now or wait till later?"

  "It might be fun to wait until this afternoon sometime," I said. "They have no idea you brought anything and it'll be a fun surprise. What'd you get them, anyway?"

  "Just a bunch of Nike stuff… shoes and shirts. That's why I asked for their sizes. It was a shot in the dark. I'm looking forward to you being in charge of shopping for us next year."

  I smiled at his casual reference to us being together this time next year.

  "Nike stuff was a great idea." I said.

  ****

  The Santa craziness was over for the most part when we joined everyone downstairs. They'd all dispersed into whatever activity their Santa gifts prompted. Collin, Rachel and Emily had beaten us downstairs, and were sitting around the bar having coffee. Two of my brothers were sitting around a partially put-together bike in the living room.

  Joel looked at Collin as we made our way to the kitchen. "I'm surprised you didn't get in on that action," he said with at nod of his head toward the bike.

  "Oh, I'm in on it all right… so are you. There's a whole other bike for us to work on. I was just waiting till you got up in case you knew a scientific way to make all the pieces levitate out-of-the-box and put themselves together."

  Joel laughed. "I don't know that one, but I'm decent with a socket wrench."

  "You're hired," Collin said.