Pieces of Love

by PJ Sharon

  The doctor turned his attention to me. “You can stay for a few minutes. It’s fine if you talk to her, but I can’t guarantee she will hear or understand you.” His compassionate expression turned to one of stern determination. “When I come back, I’ll need you to sign those papers.”

  My insides tightened as he exited the room. I looked into Maddie’s face, the crooked oxygen tube in her nose drawing my attention. I reached up and tentatively adjusted it, hoping she would open her eyes, but she remained still.

  “You hate all of this, don’t you?” I asked into the silence. Burning behind my eyes signaled tears were about to follow. Seeing her at the mercy of machines—so vulnerable, so frail, so not her usual feisty self—made my heart ache. She was always so put together...but now...she looked small and helpless—a state she would clearly despise. Up until that moment, I’d never considered how fragile human dignity was. Tears spilled over and I squeezed her icy fingers. “Of all the times to not offer advice, you picked a fine one.” I pulled a smile out of nowhere despite the fact she couldn’t see it, and I tried to sound strong. “I’m not sure what to do here. I know you would only want the best doctor working on you—someone you trust—but I don’t think we should wait for Ethan’s dad.” She didn’t respond. Instead she lay there, motionless and looking nothing like the grandmother I had grown to love and respect more than I thought myself capable of. I continued talking, trying to keep my voice steady and ignore the fear that burrowed into my chest and the tears that wet my cheeks. “I talked to Mom. She’s doing better.”

  Maddie lay still, machines registering a steady heartbeat at her side. “I don’t know how long it will take for Doctor Kaswell to arrive, or even if he can get permission to do surgery here, but I don’t want to wait until...” I stopped before the words it’s too late escaped my lips.

  I let out a long sigh and swiped at my jaw where tears were poised, ready to drip onto her hand. Maddie didn’t need me laying this on her, whether she could hear me or not. She needed me to be strong—to take charge—to be a grown up about this and make a decision.

  “Don’t worry about it, okay?” I said, rising and standing over her inert body. “You just worry about getting better. You and I have lots more to talk about. I know there must be stories you haven’t told me about Dad and Grandpa Henry. I want to hear them all, so you have to get better...you have to.” My voice was barely above a whisper. I rested a hand on Maddie’s forehead, aware that her skin was cool and smooth, pulled tight over her skeleton as if gravity was drawing her to the earth—either holding her there to keep her from floating heavenward, or forcing her back to the ground from which she’d come. I pushed a fine strand of auburn hair away from her face and laid a soft kiss on her cheek. “I love you, Grandma.” As I stood upright to leave, ready to make the decision she so needed me to make for her, I felt a flicker in her grasp.

  Her lips moved and her eyes fluttered open and then closed again. Bending close, I strained to hear. A grin crept over my face as the words became clearer.

  “Don’t call me Grandma,” she rasped.

  Chapter 35

  “Don’t try to talk. Save your energy. You’re going to be fine.” I said all the words Maddie needed to hear. I kept my tears in check and gave her the steadiest tone I could muster. “You’re in a hospital in Turkey. You had a heart attack, but they’re going to fix you right up.”

  She squeezed my fingers again and the hint of a smile found her lips. She nodded and tried to speak but no words came out. I leaned in close again to hear the one word she managed to say. “Wait.”

  I pulled back. “You heard me?”

  A slight nod of her head acknowledged that she’d gotten the gist of what I’d said and that she wanted to wait for Ethan’s father. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? The doctor says he needs to operate now. I don’t mean to be negative, but you know how Ethan’s dad has been. I’m not sure we can trust him?”

  She croaked out another word and I read her lips clearly. “Trust.” I didn’t know how, after all Ethan’s dad had done, and after all the sadness and disappointments she’d suffered in life, that Maddie could utter the word trust with such certainty.

  “But what if he doesn’t come in time?” I had no time to be delicate and I needed her to be sure she knew what she was asking of me.

  Her once sharp blue eyes, now dim and gray, stared up at me and she uttered one more word. “Faith.” She sucked in a labored breath and the lines on the heart monitor spiked, sending my own heartbeat racing.

  Doctor Rossoff’s re-entry drew my attention. “You should let her rest now. She will need all of her strength.”

  I looked back to Maddie who had closed her eyes again. Reluctantly, I followed the doctor out of the room and back to the nurse’s station where Ethan waited. The nurse slid the consent form toward me and handed me a pen, a patient, tight-lipped smile plastered on her face. Studying the form, which she had kindly translated for me, I took the pen. I glanced from the nurse to Ethan, and then to Doctor Rossoff.

  After a long few seconds I put the pen down again and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, but I can’t sign this. Maddie wants to wait for Doctor Kaswell, and I think it’s best if we give him another fifteen minutes. If he isn’t here by then, I’ll sign the papers.”

  The doctor stared at me and shook his head in frustration. “You are taking a great risk with your grandmother’s life...I won’t be held responsible if...” He huffed out another breath. “I will respect your wishes.” He turned to the nurse and barked out an order. Even though it was in Turkish, I assumed he was telling her to inform him when Doctor Kaswell arrived. I heaved a sigh as he stalked off, muttering something derogatory about Americans, still speaking a foreign language.

  “Are you sure about this?” Ethan asked, his face filled with doubt. “You know my dad. He means well when he makes promises, but I never know if he’s going to deliver. I don’t want you making this decision out of some kind of loyalty to me.”

  “I’m not. It’s what Maddie wants and I’m trusting she knows what’s best. She told me to have faith and that’s what I’m doing.” Before I could say another word, the object of Ethan’s doubt and Maddie’s faith stepped off the nearby elevator. Without hesitation, I ran up to greet him and threw my arms around his neck.

  He stiffened upon my assault, and then wrapped his arms around me in a warm embrace. “I can’t remember the last time anyone was so happy to see me,” he said over the top of my head.

  I released the man and apologized. “I’ve never been so happy to see a doctor in all my life. Thank you for coming.”

  “My son made it clear how important this was to him.” His gaze honed in on Ethan. The two shook hands a little too formally and Martin Kaswell seemed at a loss for words when Ethan pulled him into a hug.

  “Thanks, Dad. I knew you’d come.”

  Doctor Kaswell stepped back, his eyes misty and his brow raised. “You didn’t give me much choice.”

  “I’m just glad you made it...for a lot of reasons.” Ethan grinned. “We can talk later. Right now, you have a patient to see.”

  ∞∞∞

  After wading through a pile of paperwork and obtaining permission from the hospital board to do the surgery, Ethan’s father assured me he would do his best and left Ethan and me to pace the halls for the next several hours. When I was finally so exhausted I couldn’t remain standing, I sank onto a waiting room couch. I woke a while later with my head in Ethan’s lap, his father’s commanding voice catching my ear. I bolted upright and jumped to my feet.

  Doctor Kaswell’s expression held relief and genuine affection as he laid a large hand on my shoulder. “Maddie should be up and ready to take on the world in no time. She had several obstructed arteries, but the bypass was successful. She’s not totally out of the woods, but she’ll probably have a lot more energy and feel better now than she has in years.”

  “I don’t know how I can ever thank you,” I said, hugging him a
nd letting the tears fall.

  “No need.” He patted my back and when he pulled away, he looked to Ethan. “You, on the other hand, son, can thank me by making sure this young lady gets back on board that ship safely and makes her flight home on Sunday. I’ll have you two flown to Athens where the ship will be in port tomorrow morning. I can stay here until Maddie is ready for discharge in a few days, and then I’ll arrange transport for her back to the States. Barring any complications, there’s no reason why she can’t recover at a hospital closer to home. I’ll know better in a day or two, but I’m sure she would want you to continue on as planned.”

  “No way. I can’t leave her,” I argued. I looked to Ethan desperately. “Why can’t I stay here?”

  “I think we should listen to my dad,” Ethan said, glancing from his father to me.

  Doctor Kaswell smiled appreciatively, a look of pride flashing in his eyes. “Since I’ll be here at the hospital round the clock for the next few days, I need to know you two are taken care of. Putting you in a Turkish hotel where neither of you speaks the language makes much less sense than having you back on board the cruise ship where I know you’ll be looked after. Can I count on you to stay out of trouble and be responsible?” He shifted his gaze from one to the other of us, wearing the same expression Mitch often did—the one where he asked a serious question and expected me to say exactly what he wanted to hear.

  “Of course—” Ethan started.

  I cut him off. “I’m not going anywhere until I see Maddie and make sure she’s okay.”

  Ethan’s father nodded approval. “I understand. And from the few conversations I’ve had with your grandmother, I’m sure she would have my hide if I sent you away without allowing you to see her. She’ll be out of recovery in a few hours. In the meantime, I’ll take care of the flight arrangements. If you’ll excuse me.” He turned and strode down the hallway.

  “You’re dad’s a man of few words,” I said, watching as he pushed through a door without ever looking up from Maddie’s chart.

  “Tell me about it.” Ethan’s gaze followed along, a mixed look of confusion and admiration clouding his features. Stepping closer, he faced me and took my hands in his, an expression of affection softening the tiny creases around his eyes. “Well, I have a lot to say.”

  “Not right now, you don’t.” I looped my arms around his neck, took a deep breath, and drew him into a kiss. His arms tightened around me and his heart thumped against my chest. When our lips finally parted, a catlike grin spread across his face.

  “How can I complain about a girl who thinks talking is overrated?”

  Then he kissed me back and my toes curled in my flip-flops.

  Chapter 36

  When I walked into Maddie’s room a few hours later, she was awake and already arguing with a nurse. This time, although there were still machines with tubes hooked like tentacles coming from her nose and arms, the color in her face had turned from blue-gray to a pasty white, a slight tinge of pink in her cheeks. The nurse took my coming as a reprieve, handed me a cold wet washcloth, and with brief instructions, left the room.

  “Are you seriously going to give these people a hard time? They pretty much just saved your life. You might try being a little grateful.” I leaned over to wet her lips with the cloth filled with ice chips as the nurse had tried to do before she’d made her escape.

  Maddie’s expression changed and she let me hold the cloth, obviously appreciating the cool moisture as she sucked some of the chips into her mouth. She closed her eyes and her chest rose and fell with a deep breath. When she opened them again, a sparkle there made my heart leap.

  “Well look at you, doling out advice,” she whispered, and then broke into a coughing fit.

  I jumped to my feet. “Are you okay? Do you need me to go for help?”

  She waved me off and settled back onto the pillow, clearly drained. “They cut my damn chest open. Of course I’m not okay.” She lifted the blanket covering her and rubbed a weak hand over a thick bandage. “It feels like someone tore my heart out and then stapled me back up. I’ll have a few words with my doctor, believe me,” she whispered hoarsely. She started peeling the tape back but I grabbed her hand to stop her. She didn’t fight me. Instead she let her hand drop into mine and squeezed my fingers as she winced. “I’m going to have an ugly scar.”

  I held her hand and smiled. “Look on the bright side. You’ll have to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe.”

  “Well there is that, I suppose.” A feeble grin curved her lips upward.

  “And Doctor Kaswell says you’ll be feeling better than you’ve felt in a long time. No more dizzy spells, no more chest pains, and no more shortness of breath.”

  “All this positivity from you—forgive me for saying—is uncharacteristic, and frankly a little unnerving.” She signaled for another serving of ice chips, paused, and drew in a relieved breath as the cool moisture hit her throat. “Am I mistaken or has something in you changed?”

  Her raspy voice tugged at something deep inside me and my chest tightened. “I guess you scared me. I thought...I thought I was going to lose you.” Carefully rubbing the back of her hand, I smoothed a curl of tape peeling up from the IV. Deep bruises were already forming around the site. My gaze rose up to meet hers. “I was afraid I wouldn’t get a chance to tell you...I love you.” Tears welled but I blinked them back, determined to say what needed to be said and unwilling to let the opportunity pass again.

  “I see.” Maddie’s expression softened, the blue of her eyes turning to misty gray. “I love you too, Alexis.” She shook her head, clearing away the emotions rising to the surface. “Sometimes it takes a heart attack to wake us up.” Her voice faded as fatigue or the pain meds kicked in. “Family—that’s what’s important,” she whispered.

  “We’ve already lost too much. I won’t lose you too.” I pressed my bottom lip between my teeth, willing myself not to cry.

  “You are so much like your father in so many ways. He never saw how strong he was inside.” Tears filled her eyes. “He would have been very proud of you today.”

  I held her hand gently and the two of us shared a moment of quiet. Despite the nail-biting drama of it all, we were, and would always be, connected by our experience—and by my father. I shared Martin Kaswell’s plan to send Ethan and me to pick up the cruise in Athens. We would board in the morning and be on our own for the final three days before reaching Civitavecchia, Italy, for the flight home.

  “Go see Athens for me. Take lots of pictures. You can tell me all about it when I get home.”

  “I don’t want to leave you here alone.”

  “I won’t be alone. Now,” she said firmly, despite the strain in her voice. “I’m collecting on our bet. I won at Bingo, so you have to do what I tell you. You get back on the ship and finish this journey.” She squeezed my hand and her I mean business expression took over her face. Incongruent with the stern look was the frailty in her voice and the presence of the oxygen lead that reminded me how close I’d come to losing her. Her next words held the weight she’d intended. “I’m trusting you and Ethan to be responsible. Remember, you always have a choice, and you can’t lose by doing the right thing.”

  She had to know how hard it would be for me and Ethan to keep our distance, especially without her eagle eye on us. She also had to know that choosing to do the right thing was not my strong suit. I considered Maddie’s carefully chosen words about my dad being proud of me today. She’d suggested that my father might not have been pleased with me during my epic drama days the past year, but that maybe, just maybe, I was becoming the kind of daughter he could be proud of. Now was my chance to prove it.

  For the first time since my father’s death, it mattered. I had been so angry with him for drinking and driving, for killing that boy and ruining our family, for not being here to keep me and Amanda from turning into screw-ups, and—for dying. For so many years I hadn’t cared one bit about how he would have seen me. Whether he would h
ave been proud of me or thought me a coward for not standing up to my sister and telling someone about her alcohol consumption and drug use. Whether he would have been disappointed in me for smoking pot and getting busted. None of that mattered since I’d seen him as a failure and a coward himself. Nothing I could have done would be as bad as what he had done...as what Amanda had done. But in that moment, it did matter. For the first time in as long as I could remember, I wanted to be someone that others could be proud of—someone I could be proud of.

  “I’ll behave. I promise.”

  ∞∞∞

  I hated leaving Maddie, but Doctor Kaswell assured me she was in good hands, recovering like a Marine, and that he would see her safely back to the States in a few days. He had arranged for a car to take us to a small airport an hour away where the French Embassy’s private jet waited to shuttle us to the Greek port of Piraeus to meet the ship at dawn. The way the attendant catered to us, she must have thought we were royalty. But in spite of the cushy décor and comfy seats, it was still an airplane and my frazzled nerves took one more leap. As we lifted off, I clung to the armrests.

  “You really don’t like flying, do you?” Ethan said, stating the obvious.

  “What gave me away?” I gritted my teeth and glared at him.

  A sympathetic grin flashed before my eyes. I closed them again, sensing the front end of the jet tipping upwards and climbing. “If you squeeze the arm rests any tighter, you might break something. And I don’t think I’ve ever seen your face quite that shade of green before.”

  “If I throw up, it will be all your fault and I’m sending it your way,” I sniped, trying to keep the contents of my stomach in place.