Pieces of Love

by PJ Sharon

  “It wouldn’t be the first time,” Ethan said with a chuckle. He reached over and laid his hand on mine. “The rough part is almost over. Once we level out, it should be smooth sailing.”

  “Please, don’t mention sailing.” I covered my mouth and swallowed.

  The attendant showed up with a cool wet cloth, a glass of ginger ale, some saltines, and a small paper bag in case all of her efforts failed. I gave her a grateful grimace and nibbled a cracker.

  Ethan picked up the conversation—clearly an attempt to distract me. “We should get back to the ship in time to catch our tour of Athens—if you want to. Or we could stay on board for the day. I know you haven’t slept much.”

  “I don’t know if I can relax and have fun knowing Maddie is in the hospital.”

  “She would want you to enjoy the rest of the trip. We only have Athens, one day at sea, and then Messina before we reach port in Civitavecchia.”

  “At this point, I wish I could just go home.” Exhaustion had set in and tears welled behind my eyes.

  Ethan wove his fingers through mine, squeezing gently to keep my attention focused on him and not the ear-popping change in cabin pressure as we climbed. “A lot has happened the past couple of days, huh?”

  “So much has changed,” I whispered, peering out the window into an inky sky, lights below disappearing as we ventured out over the Aegean Sea.

  “Like what?”

  I sipped the ginger ale, noticing that the plane had leveled off and the ride had smoothed out. “I guess I’ve learned to appreciate the people in my life who care about me. I used to think my mom and Mitch resented me for still being alive while Amanda—wasn’t.”

  “Why would you think that?” A look of confusion clouded his face.

  “Amanda was everything to my mother. It always seemed like she could do no wrong in Mom’s eyes—while I only reminded her of my dad—the way I disappeared into my music and fought her all the time.” My father’s image filled my mind. Once a source of pain, the image now brought a confusing mix of sadness and a comforting reminder of our special connection. Ethan’s voice drew me back.

  “I seriously doubt your mother loved your sister more than you. And I’m sure she doesn’t blame you for Amanda’s death.”

  “I knew what Amanda was doing. She had been binge drinking for a long time. I should have told my mother, but I didn’t. I felt some stupid sense of loyalty, like I had to keep my sister’s secret and protect my mom from the disappointment of knowing neither of her daughters was perfect. It cost my sister her life—it cost my family everything.”

  Ethan squared off with me, his eyes the color of the sea. “You have to stop blaming yourself. Your mother has to know it wasn’t your fault. It was your sister’s choice to do what she did. It had nothing to do with you.”

  “I realize I can’t control what other people think or do,” I said with a sigh, the truth finally seeping in. “I can only be responsible for myself, right?”

  “Wow, what a novel concept. Does this mean you’ll stop bugging me about eating meat?” Ethan laughed.

  I nudged him with an elbow. “You wish.”

  “Seriously, Lexi. I’m glad you finally realize what happened to your sister wasn’t your fault.”

  “Amanda was all messed up from what happened to our dad. She was older—remembered more. I’m not sure why, but I think she blamed herself.”

  “I guess kids do that...blame themselves for how unhappy their parents are.”

  I got the impression we weren’t only talking about me and Amanda anymore. Ethan’s drive to be the perfect son was probably a selfless attempt to make up for Martin Kaswell having lost the love of his life. But instead of focusing on how it affected Ethan, the man hid from his grief by burying himself in his work and leaving his son out in the cold. Ethan could have hated his father, but I could tell he didn’t. Suddenly, I had a new appreciation for Ethan’s capacity for love. I gave his fingers a gentle squeeze.

  “I know I haven’t made things easy for my mom and Mitch. But that stops now.” I reclined my seat and closed my eyes, hoping the motion sickness meds I’d taken would kick in and knock me out for the rest of the flight.

  “You’ve learned your lesson, and you’re going to walk the straight and narrow, huh?”

  “That’s me—totally reformed,” I said, opening one eye.

  Ethan chuckled. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

  Chapter 37

  We met the ship early the next morning. The two of us had fallen asleep on the plane and again in the car on the way to the port in Piraeus, Greece. By the time we boarded, each got cleaned up, and met for breakfast on the Lido deck, we decided taking the later tour would be sufficient. Neither of us was in any mood to shop in Piraeus, or in shape to go to the monastery in Dafni, but by noon, after answering a barrage of questions from the Captain and all the passengers who had come to know Maddie, I was ready to board the bus for an afternoon tour of Greece. Touring the Acropolis, Hadrian’s Arch, and the Temple of Zeus, was sure to be a highlight of the trip.

  We found our seats and listened as the guide filled us in on Greece’s long and colorful history. From the classical period in 2000 BC to the Hellenistic period, through the Roman and Byzantine occupation, and finally through its years of Independence in the past two centuries, Greece had seen many changes.

  We passed the Temple of Olympian Zeus, the Corinthian columns standing out impressively in the middle of the 21st century city of Athens. But as we drove through the modern jumble of poorly planned high-rise condos we noticed the poverty and desperation in the faces of the people.

  “Unemployment has risen to an all-time high this year,” reported the tour guide as we passed boarded up buildings and children begging in the streets. Traffic was sparse and parts of the city resembled a post-apocalyptic scene from a movie. “The economy here has suffered greatly the past ten years and a steady decline of tourism and industry has left many without jobs.” Costas, our guide, who was a young man with curly dark hair and dark skin, smiled despite his sad eyes, obviously feeling fortunate to be among the employed.

  When we reached the outer city and disembarked at the renovated Acropolis, I took in a deep breath. Hot, dry air filled my lungs, and I pulled my hat lower to hide from the bright sun. Without Maddie to remind me, I’d forgotten to wear sunblock. Ethan took my hand as we climbed the stone steps upward. When we reached the top, we passed through the Propylea, a colossal entry gate leading to the upper terrace. We studied the temple of Athena, also known as Nike. The long columns and massive head stone towered above us. Built in the fourth century BC in honor of the Athenian victory over Persia—a slanted V that looked like a check mark along with other Greek lettering stood out on the temple’s header. It dawned on me where the familiar logo had come from—Nike being the goddess of victory.

  “I’ll never look at a pair of sneakers the same,” I said as I gazed up in awe at the massive stone columns.

  Even more amazing was the Parthenon that stood before us down the main way, greater than all the other ruins. As we drew closer, Ethan pointed at a perfect location to get our picture, the backdrop looking much like the post cards small children were selling to the tourists as they passed. Ethan posed us in front of a mammoth Doric column, and I held out my hand as if mimicking a tour guide as he snapped a selfie. I checked the pic and gave him the thumbs up and a satisfied grin before moving on and sharing my perspective on the ruins.

  “The Parthenon is considered by many to be one of man’s greatest structural achievements.” I pointed out the flawless proportions, which featured a gentle upward slope, so the form appeared to be a perfect rectangle. “If you look closely,” I pointed out, “the columns are slightly widened on one end to create a linear illusion.”

  “So cool. How did you know that?” Ethan snapped another shot of me with the Theater of Dionysus at the foot of the hill in the distance.

  “I told you before, I like architecture. It bl
ows me away to think how they accomplished such amazing feats of engineering over two thousand years ago without any modern equipment. They had to do everything with animals and slaves.”

  “I can only imagine what it must have been like,” Ethan said, looking out over the ruins of the once majestic city, his brows furrowed in contemplation.

  “In this heat? It must have sucked.” I sat down on a large piece of limestone and wiped my brow, adjusting my hat so the visor sat back and I could see Ethan clearly. His skin glistened—golden in the sun—and in the afternoon light, streaks of red and bronze ran through his hair. My heart thumped harder as it always did when I took a moment to realize how cute he was. The idea that Ethan Kaswell could really be mine sent waves of warmth to my chest and filled me with a new contentment I wanted to trust and breathe in.

  There was a part of me that knew how fleeting and fragile life could be, and I wanted to hold every minute tight to my heart. It was either that or choose not to love at all. I smiled as Ethan offered to take a picture of a young couple in front of one of the Corinthian pillars. The fullness in my heart told me whatever happened, Ethan was now a part of me—a part of the history that would make up the rest of my life and shape the person I would become. A new realization hit me and came with an instantaneous sense of freedom. I now knew that loving someone didn’t mean holding onto them. It meant accepting the pain of letting them go and choosing to love them anyway, knowing they would always be part of who I was.

  ∞∞∞

  By the time we got back to the ship, my skin felt tight with a slight sunburn, and I was starving and exhausted. Ethan and I agreed to change and meet for dinner for the last formal night of the cruise. I still had one dress Maddie had insisted on buying for me for the occasion. When I stood in front of the mirror, I had to admit she’d made an awesome choice.

  The clingy, navy blue dress hugged my body and landed several inches above my knees. With a V neck, lace bodice, and wide shoulder straps, the dress looked both chic and elegant. Despite the sunburn, my skin looked more a deep gold than red and it had a healthy glow. I paired my outfit with strappy sandals, and donned the beautiful abalone Paua dolphin jewelry Maddie had given me, adjusting Amanda’s heavy charm bracelet on my other wrist.

  Another inkling of worry settled in when I thought about Maddie in a hospital room without me nearby. Ethan reassured me his dad would call if there were any problems, but I still felt badly about leaving her in the care of strangers. Her voice echoed in my ear. When I’d asked her before leaving the hospital if she regretted taking the cruise, she’d said, no, she wouldn’t change a thing.

  Life, death, near-death; it’s all part of the journey, she’d said. I considered her words, determined to enjoy my last night on board. A sigh escaped as I fluffed my short hair—prompting it to curl—and swiped on pink lip gloss.

  On the way to dinner, I knocked on Ethan’s door. He swung it open and his eyes grew wide. “Holy—wow! You look amazing.”

  A blush flooded my cheeks. “So do you,” I replied.

  His hair was neatly gelled, the short spikes in order and sideburns trimmed to perfection. I leaned in and kissed his cheek, drawn to see if his clean-shaven face felt as soft as it looked. I was rewarded not only with the smooth warmth of his skin against my cheek, but an intoxicating spicy scent that made my knees weak. I drew back and met the happy grin that took over and the sparkle of warmth in his eyes. He wore a collared light blue dress shirt with a thin striped tie, a black blazer, and a pair of nicely fitted navy pants. He reached out, and I offered him my hand as we headed for the forward elevators. Happiness filled my heart and spilled over, bringing a genuine smile to my lips.

  Dinner was outstanding and more than I could eat. As usual, a veritable feast. Both of us anxious to enjoy our time alone and avoid the onslaught of questions about Maddie and our experience in Ephesus, we sat at a table for two rather than joining the crowd we usually sat with. I admired the ice sculpture of a swan, and we talked instead about our day in Athens, reflecting on all we’d seen and how as spectacular as it was, it wasn’t the same without Maddie.

  The meal began with an appetizer of double-baked cheese soufflé, followed by apple, pear, and cucumber salad. By the time my main course of oven-baked eggplant parm was placed in front of me, I was slowing down.

  “We have to get dessert,” Ethan said, eyeing the menu. The overhead chandeliers glowed dimly and the moon shining on the sea outside the window made me feel as if I was Cinderella at the ball, waiting for the stroke of midnight to come and turn the ship into a pumpkin and me back into the girl I was when I first stepped on board only a few weeks before. My head spun, still trying to process all that had happened.

  We ended up sharing a dessert of Belgian chocolate mousse with raspberry liqueur, and whether it was the sleepless night and anxiety of the day before, the sun, or the small amount of alcohol saturating our dessert, I felt a little buzzed.

  “Do you want to take in a show? They have some famous opera singer tonight. Or we could go catch a movie,” Ethan suggested.

  “I’m pretty done in. I think what I need is a few laps around the deck to walk off that meal before I head off to bed,” I said as we strolled through the doors and out onto the deck. The moonlight cast a beacon across the sea, lighting the night and turning the sky a pale blue against the dark waters below. I shivered in the breeze that rolled in from the coast in the distance. Tiny lights let me know we were far from shore and headed out to sea. Ethan took off his jacket and wrapped it around my shoulders, leaving his arm in place around me and pulling me close. We walked hip to hip in silence for some time until I stopped and turned toward him.

  “I know we promised to stay out of trouble and to be responsible, but do you think—maybe—could you stay with me tonight?”

  Ethan’s brows drew together. “In your room?”

  “Um—no. Out on one of these deck chairs,” I teased. “Of course, in my room. It’s not like we have to take our clothes off.” I chewed the inside of my cheek, hoping not to die of embarrassment if he said no.

  “Do pajamas count?” he clarified. A small grin edged his lips and caused his super cute dimples to appear.

  My stomach pitched. “Technically, we’d still be dressed. C’mon, we can both behave, can’t we?” The truth was, I wasn’t sure that lying snuggled together in one bed all night was the wisest decision I could make, but I knew I didn’t want to be all alone in my room. I would undoubtedly lie awake thinking about Maddie all night without something to distract me. Ethan, clad in boxers and no shirt would definitely prove distraction enough, but the thought of him holding me through the night chased every bad thought from my head in a way I knew nothing else could. I laid my hands on his chest and played with his tie. “Please?” My lower lip slid under my top teeth, and I held my breath waiting for his answer.

  Ethan forced out a slow breath and pulled me into a hug, laying a soft kiss on my forehead. “Is it always going to be this impossible to say no to you?”

  Chapter 38

  When I came out of the bathroom dressed in gym shorts and a tee shirt adorned with a picture of Avril Lavigne with her dark eye makeup and messy blonde locks, Ethan’s lips curved into a smile. He was lying on top of the covers, his dress pants had changed to UCONN basketball shorts, and he was indeed, shirtless. I swallowed through a dry throat.

  “Avril Lavigne? Really?”

  “Her last concert was awesome.”

  Ethan held the covers up for me, his cheeks flushing red as he studied me from the wispy mop on my head to my pink toenails. I slid under the covers on my side of the bed, flopped onto my back, and tried to pretend my heart wasn’t beating like a bass drum in my chest. Keeping the conversation casual, I said, “She puts on an excellent show. And I like her music. The style of her voice—the way she plays guitar. She even writes her own music.”

  Ethan rolled toward me and propped onto his elbow, leaning his head into his hand and tucking pillows bet
ween us. “I bet you can play as well as she can.”

  I laughed. “Yeah, right. In my dreams. It doesn’t matter, anyway. There’s no point in pursuing music as a career. Most musicians never make it big, and I wouldn’t really want that kind of life anyway. Making music is fun, but I don’t think performing is for me.”

  “You were awesome the other night.” Ethan wrapped his arm around the pillow and rested his hand on my shoulder, the warmth sending an instant flutter to my insides. “You have a beautiful voice. And I could tell you were holding back with your playing. You should go for it. If you love it, pursue it. Go to music school. Maddie would be telling you right now to ‘follow your dream—but make sure you get an education too.’” He pretended to be Maddie, tipping his head back and dramatically bringing the back of his hand to his forehead.

  I giggled. “Nice.”

  We cracked each other up for the next ten minutes, the two of us out-doing the other with silly impersonations of movie actors and famous people. Ethan did an outstanding impression of George Clooney and I gave him my best Angelina Jolie, puckering my lips up and trying to look exotic. Our teasing turned to pillow fights and tickling, Ethan allowing me the upper hand. He laughed out loud—a wonderful sound that filled my heart and brought rolling laughter of my own to the surface—a sound I hadn’t made in eons.

  The realization stopped me and I sat back on my heels, waiting for my breath to return. I brushed my bangs out of my eyes and leveled a gaze at Ethan. “Thank you,” I said.

  Ethan’s laugh slowed and a curious expression came over his face. “For what?”

  “I owe you so much. I hardly know where to begin. You have been amazing on this trip. You’ve helped me see so many things in such a short amount of time. I hardly feel like the same person I was three weeks ago.” I pursed my lips. “What did you even see in me?”