Loving Bad

by Regan Ure

  "You look at me the same way they did," I murmured as I took a step back. I knew this would happen when people started to discover my secret past. It had been the main reason I'd tried to keep it from coming out.

  "That's not how I see you," he argued as he took a step closer.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Taylor

  I wanted to believe him, but I didn't.

  "How do you see me?" I asked, wanting him to convince me that he didn't see me like everyone else did when they found out about my past.

  He took another step closer and I held my breath. Being so close to him was enough to have a physical effect on my body and I looked up at him.

  "When I look at you, I see someone who is strong and fearless," he whispered to me as his intense gaze held mine. "There aren't many girls who see what they want and go for it."

  He smiled at me and I felt my heart flutter.

  "No one has ever asked me to take advantage of them like you did," he revealed with his smile widening. I let my gaze drop from his as I took a deep breath. His fingers lifted my chin so I'd look at him.

  "I see a beautiful girl who is just as beautiful on the inside," he added, all smiles gone. "Finding out about your past has made me understand you better, but it hasn't changed the fact that I wanted you then and I still want you now."

  That was the moment that I fell head over heels for my tattooed bad-boy. There was no going back; he had my heart and there was nothing I could do to change that.

  His eyes flickered down to my lips and back to my eyes.

  "Show me," I whispered as I ran my tongue along my bottom lip.

  He'd hurt me badly when he'd brushed me off, but despite that and the fact that he was probably going to break my heart, I needed this. There would be no forever with him, but I wanted every little moment I could still have with him. I needed him to look at me like I was the beautiful girl he wanted so badly, not the crazy chick who had landed in the loony bin after witnessing the horror of her parents’ murder.

  He leaned closer and I felt his breath against my cheek. I closed my eyes for a moment and savored the way it made me feel.

  When I opened my eyes, he was staring at me with an intensity I'd never seen before and for the first time since he'd found out about my past, he didn't look at me the way that reminded me about my parents’ murder and my time when I'd been battling against my own mind. His hands settled on my hips and I held my breath in anticipation.

  "You are so beautiful," he whispered just before his lips touched mine. The touch was so gentle, but it still made my stomach flip and I gripped his arms.

  The fact that Matthew was waiting downstairs should have pulled me away, but it didn't. His lips moved against mine gently as my hands ran along his arms and wrapped around his neck.

  I felt the light touch of his tongue against my bottom lip and I groaned. My lips opened slightly and it was enough of an invitation for his tongue to slip inside my mouth and tangle with mine. His arms wrapped around my waist and he held me closer and deepened the kiss. I felt my toes curl as he assaulted my senses and his tongue caressed mine.

  Slowly, he walked me back until I felt his bed against the back of my knees. Gently, like I was a precious package that he didn't want to break, he laid me down on his bed. For a few moments, he stood letting his gaze caress me. The look of want was unmistakable in his eyes.

  I reached for him as he knelt down on the bed and then covered my body with his. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he settled between my open legs. He kissed me hard and he ground his hips against mine. His need for me was evident. I kissed him back as he continued to rock against me. The ache between my legs grew as I breathed hard. He kissed me hard one last time before he pulled free and, for a moment, I felt disappointed that he was putting a stop to it. But with relief I realized he was pulling his shirt over his head.

  My eyes feasted over his perfectly defined body and he knelt on a knee beside me. I sat up and he reached for the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head. The discarded piece of clothing hit the floor as he stood and began to unbutton his jeans, his gaze promising me what I wanted and needed. His jeans dropped and he kicked them off. I lay back as he unzipped my jeans and I lifted my hips to help him pull them off me. Only our underwear was left as a barrier between us while the warmth of his body covered mine. I cupped his face as he pressed his body against mine.

  For a moment his eyes held mine, and in that moment it was just about the two of us, and what we were sharing. Slowly I lifted my lips to his and gently kissed him. Our soft and tender kiss became more heated as our bodies ground together. He pulled away and he gripped my panties and pulled them off. I lifted up just slightly so his fingers could work the clasp of my bra. He pulled it off me and I lay back.

  His eyes drifted over my nakedness and I didn't want to cover up. I didn't feel shy. He made me feel beautiful. He kissed me hard and then trailed his lips along my jaw, nipping and licking gently. I gasped as he drove me to the edge, keeping me there. My nipples pebbled as I waited in anticipation. He didn't keep me waiting. His mouth closed over one nipple as his fingers gently tweaked the other. Feeling more confident, I pushed him down onto his back and he smiled at me. I trailed kisses down his body. I'd never given a guy a blow job and I was curious.

  Sin lay back and put his hands under his head. I started with gentle touches of my tongue and Sin tensed beneath me. I took him into my mouth and I felt his hand thread through my hair. It took me a few tries and the tensing of his body beneath me told me when I was doing it right.

  "I can't take much more," he told me hoarsely as he pushed me back onto my back.

  He reached for a foil packet and tore it with his teeth. Once the protection was on, he kissed me as he settled in between my legs. His hand trailed down my thigh as my leg wrapped around his waist again. He kissed me as he pushed into me. I held onto his shoulder as he began to move inside of me. The tempo was slow and deliberate.

  I gasped as the tempo increased and he covered my mouth with his. He pushed against my body, trying to bury as much as he could inside of me. The ache inside me built up until he thrust inside of me and I exploded. The waves of the orgasm were still convulsing through me when I felt him push into me and stiffen.

  For me it hadn't been just gratifying sex, it had been more than that. It had been sharing something special with the guy I'd fallen in love with. Afterward, he leaned his forehead against mine, both of us still breathing hard. He kissed me before he got up and went into the bathroom. When he came back into the room, he lay down on the bed and I snuggled up beside him.

  He held me in his arms and pressed a kiss to my forehead. I lay my head against his chest and I wrapped my arm around his waist. There had been a few times in the past few days that I thought I'd never feel the warmth of his body against mine again and I was content to just enjoy it even though I knew it wasn't going to last. I ignored the pain in my heart when I thought I was losing him.

  "What are you thinking about?" he asked softly.

  There was no way I could tell him what I was thinking. Sin didn't want to hear that I'd just fallen in love with him and that I wanted more than he was ever going to be able to give me.

  "Not much." I let the little white lie roll off my tongue.

  Sin squeezed me closer for a moment before he moved so he could lay on his side, facing me.

  "Thank you for telling me your story," he whispered as he trailed his fingers along my cheek.

  "I needed you to understand why I didn't want anyone to find out about it," I explained. "It was bad enough going through what I did but doing it under the watchful eye of the press was traumatic. It didn't just affect me. I put Connor through hell. Not only did he lose both of our parents, he lost me for a while and he fought hard to get me back."

  It was the reason why I let him get away with so much when it came to meddling in my life, but I'd drawn the line when it had come to Sin.

  "My parents had left us
some money, but my brother worked hard to make sure he had the money to send me to the best shrinks and get me the best help money could buy."

  It was still hard to talk about that time in my life. Sometimes I wished I could wipe it from my memory, but life didn't work that way.

  "When most people had given up, my brother refused to. And then one day about a year after it happened, I started to improve a little. It took a long time, but I recovered."

  "Now I understand why your brother is so protective of you."

  A few minutes of silence settled between us.

  "But at least they caught the guys who murdered your parents," he murmured to me.

  It should be a consolation, but it wasn't. Nothing would bring my parents back, although I was glad that I wouldn't have to constantly wonder about the identity of the two guys that had murdered my parents in cold blood.

  "Yeah, they both got life sentences without the chance of parole even though they'd argued they'd been high on drugs," I said. He'd probably read about it on the web.

  Sometimes I wondered whether if circumstances had been different and if they hadn't been high on drugs my parents would still be alive. I got a physical pain in my chest when I thought about the loss that I would carry for the rest of my life. The pain of the loss eased a little as time went by, but it would never go away.

  There would still be so many important days in my life that the loss of my parents would be harder to bear. I squeezed my eyes closed when I thought about my father and the fact that he wouldn't be able to walk me down the aisle when I got married one day. It was difficult to think about the day when I had children of my own. Two young criminals who'd been high had taken so much from me. Their mistake had cost me, and I'd be paying every day for the rest of my life.

  Sin pressed a kiss to my forehead and hugged me tighter.

  I allowed myself to lay for a few more moments before I pulled away. I was confused. Before, we'd had an arrangement with clear rules, but now I wasn't sure what this was between us. I could have asked him to clarify what we were now, but I didn't want to be one of those girls trying to put a label on everything. Maybe another reason I didn't ask was because I was too scared of what the answer would be.

  "Where are you going?" Sin asked me as he watched me gather up my clothes and start getting ready.

  "I have to go," I told him as I pulled my panties on. "Matthew is still waiting downstairs."

  "Ah, Matthew. I forgot about him," mumbled Sin as he sat up. I smiled at him as I pulled my shirt over my head.

  I wanted to ask him when I would see him again. I so desperately wanted the surety that this wasn't just a one-night thing but I couldn't bring myself to ask the question. Instead I smiled at him as I slipped into my jeans and zipped them up. I didn't want him to think I was desperate so I plastered the fake smile to my face and acted like this was normal. He slipped out of the bed and pulled his jeans on as I shoved my feet into my shoes.

  "I'll walk you out," he told me as he opened the door to his bedroom for me.

  I felt my heart squeeze at his casual words. This was going to be it. What we'd shared didn't make us anything more than what we'd been before. I couldn't help the hurt I felt as I walked down the stairs with Sin following behind me.

  Matthew was sitting watching something on TV when he turned to see me. He switched the TV off as he stood up and walked over to us. Sin was shirtless and I felt myself blush at the realization that it looked like we'd been doing more than talking in his room. Even though Sin knew that Matthew was my bodyguard, he seemed to size him up for a minute. Matthew kept his cool under Sin's intense gaze. Sin broke his gaze away from Matthew and fixed it on me.

  "At least I know you'll be safe," he said as he walked me to the door. Matthew opened the door and left us alone as he walked to the car.

  "Yes, he is the best my brother could find," I assured him. It was nice to know that Sin cared.

  "He’d better be."

  I wasn't sure what he meant by that. Did it make Sin worry about me less, knowing that I had one of the best bodyguards money could buy? While standing there nervously and with my insecurities flitting like questions through my mind, he leaned forward and kissed my cheek.

  My thoughts disappeared as I touched my cheek where he'd kissed me. A noise outside made me look back to see Matthew leaning against the car, watching us.

  "I need to go," I said as I turned to leave.

  "Bye, Tay," he said as he watched me walk to the car. Matthew opened the door and I got into the passenger side. He was still watching from the doorway as Matthew got into the driver's side and started the engine. I watched Sin as Matthew reversed the car. My body was still humming from my tumble with Sin, but the sinking feeling in my stomach grew stronger as Matthew pulled away and I lost sight of him.

  Did this mean that despite everything we'd shared we were going to go back to being strangers?

  Matthew was quiet for the drive back to the apartment, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I should have been happy and smiling after what had happened between Sin and I, but I wasn't. Convinced that because he hadn't said anything about seeing each other again meant that he wasn't interested in taking things further with me made my chest hurt.

  It wasn't like he'd made any promises. I'd known the score and I'd known the rules. The fact that I'd still fallen hopelessly in love with him lay squarely on my shoulders.

  The apartment was dark and quiet when we returned. I checked on Jordan. She was fast asleep in her bed. When I walked back into the living room, Matthew was leaning against the wall, watching me.

  "So you and lover-boy all made up?" he asked.

  I shrugged, not wanting to admit anything out loud before I had the time to process it.

  "Have you read his file yet?" he asked. I knew exactly where this was going and I wasn't going to stand for it. I was tired of everyone telling me how to live my life. I got that they loved and cared for me, but enough was enough.

  "No, I haven't. Actually, the next time I get a chance, I'm going to toss it out," I snapped, feeling my temper rise. "Or burn it."

  He held up his hands.

  "I just wanted to make sure you know what you're getting yourself into."

  Little did he know I wasn't getting into anything and it sucked.

  "You're nearly as bad as my brother," I said, getting annoyed. It was bad enough to having one overprotective brother. Matthew pressed his lips together as he studied me for a moment.

  "Okay, no more lectures from me. You're a big girl and you can make up your own mind," he said.

  "Thanks."

  I appreciated the fact that he was going to back off on the subject of Sin and whether he was good enough for me, because to me he was.

  It was really late when I finally got dressed for bed and crawled under the covers, but the heaviness in my heart made it difficult for me to relax and go to sleep. I was staring up to the ceiling, waiting for sleep to claim me when I heard my phone receive a text message. Who would be texting me so late? I reached for my phone and looked at the screen. It was a text message from Sin.

  Sweet dreams Tay.

  Three little words that instantly lifted my heart and I smiled. He was thinking of me.

  Night Sin, I texted him.

  Did this mean we were going to be more than just strangers passing each other in the hallways? I couldn't help but take it as a sign for something more. There was that nagging in the background of my mind that I could be setting myself up for more heartbreak.

  After that, I drifted off to sleep and woke up feeling refreshed the next day. Jordan tried to appear happy, but I could see past it to the real hurt she still felt over Slater.

  We all had breakfast and coffee quickly before leaving for class. Matthew opened the door and noticed a note pinned to the front of it. His face was stone-like as he read the message.

  "What is it?" I asked as I stepped forward to reach for the message.

  "Don't touch it," he instru
cted, stopping me by taking hold of my wrist. "It's a note from your stalker."

  Oh. My. God. The stalker knew where I was living?

  I needed to see the note for myself. I stepped around Matthew and looked at the note.

  I know where you live, whore. You can't hide from me. You're my whore not his.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  Sin

  I smiled when I spotted Taylor walking to class with Matthew following closely beside her. I'd just seen her last night, but it had felt longer.

  She'd surprised me when she'd finally opened up and told me about her past. It didn't matter that I'd already read all of it off the web. Hearing it in her own words had made it more real and more heart-breaking. She'd forgiven me for finding out about her past, but I still felt a pang of guilt when I thought about it.

  It had been my concern for her safety that had pushed me to search her name on the Internet. Just thinking about what happened to her made me sad and angry at the same time. It was different having parents who couldn't give a shit. I couldn't miss something I'd never had. I couldn't imagine losing the unconditional love from a parent after experiencing it.

  Something was off. Matthew was watching his surroundings like a hawk. It wasn't like he was being obvious, I think the only reason I picked up on it was because I knew he was a bodyguard. Taylor seemed a little jumpy and nervous. It wasn't like her. I frowned as I reached her. Matthew swung his gaze at me and his features seemed to relax when he recognized me. Taylor gave me a weak smile.

  "You okay?" I asked, letting my gaze move between the two of them.

  "Everything's fine," she tried to reassure me with a weak smile but I could see past the front she was trying to put on.

  I gave Matthew a questioning look.

  "The stalker left a note on the door of the apartment," he told me. Taylor glared at him for revealing the information.

  "What did it say?"

  My question was directed at Taylor, but she hesitated. My unease grew.