Starry Eyed Inside

by Rochelle Allison

  I directed him through my neighborhood, dreading the potentially awkward moment of goodbyes. I hoped he didn’t ask me out; the last thing I wanted to do was hurt his feelings.

  "Nice, you live pretty near the beach," he commented, parking in my driveway.

  It was true. We weren't exactly rolling in the dough, but we lived in a well-kept neighborhood not too far from the Jensen Beach Causeway.

  “Yeah...I wouldn’t mind being closer. We have family up near Destin—they can hear the waves at night sometimes.”

  He nodded, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, looking sort of contemplative.

  I made moves to get out, not wanting to end up in Awkwardville.

  “I’m glad you stayed,” he said suddenly, glancing at me. “For the meet.”

  “I had fun.” I swallowed. "Thanks for giving me a ride home.”

  “No problem.”

  I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. "Kai," I began, taking a deep breath.

  “Yeah?"

  "Skyler talked to me the other night at the bonfire, about...you...and...me," I stammered.

  He nodded slowly. "He told me what you said.”

  "He did?”

  Kai chuckled. "It's all good if you just want to be friends, Rory.”

  Despite my relief, I felt my face grow warm. "Why didn't you just…ask me yourself?”

  "I didn't know he was gonna do that.” Now Kai was the one turning red. “We were goofing around, and I guess I said something, and he just…"

  “Oh."

  "He said you said you like someone else,” he said, turning his attention to the steering wheel.

  I nodded.

  "May I ask who?”

  If my face was warm before, it was in flames now. We were officially in Awkwardville, no turning back. “No way.”

  Kai coughed, obviously trying not to laugh. That made me laugh, which only made him laugh harder.

  "You're so red right now it's painful,” he said.

  "Shut up." I giggled, covering my face.

  "Do I know him?" he asked after a minute.

  I bit my lip and unbuckled my seat belt “Maybe."

  "All right, I'll leave it alone.”

  "Thanks," I said gratefully, opening the door. "And, thanks again for the ride.”

  “Any time.” He waved me off. "It's sort of on the way.”

  I doubted that, but it was nice of him to say.

  "See you tomorrow, Kai.”

  He smiled, honking once as he pulled away from the curb.

  That was how Kai became my ride…everywhere. He was one of the few sophomores actually old enough to drive, so after talking to my mother, I was allowed to ride with him to school in the mornings.

  "What are you doing tomorrow night?" I asked at lunch on Thursday.

  Kai stole one of my apple slices. “Probably going to Audrey Vega's to chill."

  "Oh, okay." I replied to a text from Leyla, who was right down the table. "She the one with the pool table?"

  "Yep." I could feel him looking at me. "Wanna come?"

  "Can I bring a friend?"

  "Bring whoever you want. I'll come around eight."

  "Sounds good," I said, a tingle of anticipation rippling through my midsection.

  Because Teigan was right. If Kai was going to Audrey Vega's, chances were, so was Skyler.

  Let Go

  On Friday night, Kai came right when he said he would. He always did; he was prompt and polite like that.

  He texted when he was a block away, so I kissed my mother goodbye in the kitchen and left with Teigan before the questions started up again. Mom had loosened the reins this year, but still, she was no slouch.

  “Is Niki still gonna try and get a ride with Javi?” Teigan asked, following me to the sidewalk.

  “Yeah. Hopefully he doesn't flake.” I made a mental note to ask Kai if we could pick up Niki later, just in case.

  Audrey Vega was a senior. She lived in one of those gated communities near the beach, not too far from Teigan's neighborhood. She was one of six—everyone had been in class with a Vega at some point or another—and her parents had a rep for being really chill as long as there was no craziness.

  When we pulled up, a few other cars were already there—including Skyler's. Kai cut the music. I tried to quiet my nervous stomach, but it just wasn't happening. I glanced at Teigan, who always looked so put together. I hoped I looked even half as cute as she did this second.

  Maybe Kai was a regular. He greeted everyone, and they greeted him right back as we walked toward the back of the house, where the rec room was. Brody Beck was there, rubbing blue chalk onto his pool cue. He raised an eyebrow in greeting.

  I could see why Audrey Vega's parents allowed this. There were a lot of people, but it was mellow. No one appeared to be partying or drinking, and this part of the house seemed separate from the rest. Teigan and I stood against the wall, watching the pool game. My phone beeped with a text from Niki. She and Javi were on their way.

  A few minutes later, Kai joined a game. Teigan and I wandered around, looking for the bathroom. Audrey Vega passed by, pointing one out and asking if we wanted anything to drink. She seemed really nice. No wonder everyone wanted to hang out at her house. Teigan chattered away while she peed, but my mind was elsewhere. I wondered where Skyler was, if he was here alone.

  I didn't have to wait long.

  When we returned to the rec room, he'd joined the game. My heart slammed in my chest, the result of seeing the one person I wanted to see right when I didn't think I'd be seeing him. Teigan and I went back to our spot on the wall, whispering comments to one another, checking our phones for messages—the art of looking occupied.

  Niki showed up eventually, trailing behind her brother and two of his friends. Her eyes lit up when she saw us, and she slid on over.

  "What are you guys doing? Did I miss anything?”

  "Not really," Teigan said quietly, her eyes flickering toward the pool table. "We're just…"

  "Watching," I whispered, my heart fluttering when Skyler leaned over the table. His shirt rode up with the movement, giving me a peek of his boxers.

  The game went on for a while, and bit by bit I felt myself relax. Sometimes Skyler would glance around, and once he looked at me for a second. I imagined being hooked up to one of those heart rate machines at the hospital, and how the neon green line would spike every time he moved.

  He'd look at me, and it would go off the freaking charts.

  Eventually he and Kai beat whomever they were up against and a different group moved in to play. Kai walked over to us, nodding toward another door on the opposite end of the room.

  "You gonna play next time?”

  I shook my head. "I'm horrible at pool.”

  "Speak for yourself," said Teigan.

  “I was speaking for myself.” I made a face. “We all know you're a pro.”

  "Doesn't matter, whatever," Kai said, smiling. "Wanna go outside then?”

  I shrugged. "Sure. What's out there?”

  "Pool and stuff. Path to the beach.”

  We had to walk right by the pool table to get to the door. Skyler was starting a new game, after all. He didn’t look up when we passed, and I didn't see him for the rest of the night.

  My fifteenth birthday fell on a Wednesday. It always kind of sucked when that happened, but such was life. My parents took me, Niki, and Teigan out to Olive Garden to celebrate, promising we’d do something on the weekend as well.

  "Heard you had a birthday recently," Kai said at school the next day, cornering me at my locker. "You should’ve told me. You suck.”

  "Shut up. It's not a big deal," I said, grabbing what I needed for my next class.

  ”How old are you now? Thirteen?" he teased.

  "See, this is why I didn't tell you."

  His dark eyes gleamed with mirth. “You know I’m just messing with you, Rory.”

  The bell rang. "Shouldn't you, like, be on the opposite end of campus rig
ht now?" I asked, shutting my locker.

  "Yeah, yeah. I see how it is.”

  "Bye, Kai.”

  "Bye, Rory." He tossed me a can of Coke. “Happy belated.”

  I smiled. “Thanks."

  Niki had saved me a seat in math. I pulled out my journal, jotting a few thoughts I’d had on the walk down. It had been with me all summer, pages bursting with song lyrics and daydreams, ticket stubs, stickers and photo strips. There were only a few pages left.

  "My mom wants to know what kind of cake you want for your birthday.”

  "Everything she makes is mouthwatering," I said, my stomach rumbling despite the sandwich I'd just wolfed down. "She's not like... making a big deal or anything, right?”

  "Yeah, she's planning your quinceanera, complete with formal wear and a triple-tiered cake."

  Niki rolled her eyes, popping an M&M into her mouth.

  I ignored the sarcasm and held my hand out for treats. "Tell her...chocolate on chocolate.”

  "Okay. Design?”

  “Uh..."

  "I'll just tell her to be creative," Niki offered, filling my palm with chocolate. "You know she lives for that. She loves it.”

  "I know I'll love it too," I said. "So when does dance start up again?”

  “Monday."

  Niki had been taking ballet since we were tiny, and had the tight, slender bod to show for it. I'd taken it until about third grade, when it became glaringly apparent that some of us were more naturally coordinated than others.

  "Cool. This is my last year of freedom.” I sighed, doodling cakes in my journal. "Dad says I have to get an after-school job next year. It’s the only way I can have a car.”

  Mr. Goldberg cleared his throat loudly and started to write on the board, putting an end to our conversation. Hidden in my lap, my phone vibrated. I glanced down at the screen.

  Audrey Vega's tmrw nite?

  Just thinking about it made me feel antsy and nervy. I looked at Niki, giving her a small nod.

  Kai looked like he'd died and gone to heaven.

  He'd come to pick us up from Niki's and had been dragged inside by Luz Peña, who insisted he have some of my birthday cake before leaving.

  "I have a friend waiting in the car, can I…?"

  "Go get him," Luz urged, all but shoving him out the door.

  She'd made me the most decadent chocolate cake ever, replete with pink curlicues looping across the top: Happy Birthday Aurora! We'd all eaten our fill, and though I was stuffed full of sugar, I couldn't stop swiping my finger through the icing on the border.

  Kai returned a minute later with a literal tall, dark and handsome. This guy had to be at least 6'3”, and had the nicest head of wavy, black hair I’d ever seen.

  "This is Rocco," Kai said, his eyes sliding over to me. “Nolan."

  Holy crap. Nolan? As in Skyler's brother? Their family had seriously superior genes. And also, why was Kai looking me like that? Had I been that obvious?

  Probably.

  "Hello, Rocco," Luz Peña gushed. "Please come in. I was telling the girls they should have invited you all earlier, when we were singing to Aurora.”

  I blushed, looking at the girls, but Niki was already in the kitchen getting extra plates and Teigan...well, Teigan was staring at Rocco.

  Audrey Vega's house was pretty much the same as it had been last time. I was feeling a little self-important, showing up this time with Kai Fox and Rocco Nolan. That faded as soon as we got to the rec room and were promptly deposited on the side of the wall again.

  "He's so hot," Teigan groaned, watching Rocco saunter across the room and out the back door.

  "Yeah, he is," I agreed, wondering where Skyler was. Maybe outside?

  "He looks old though.”

  "No he doesn't," I argued. "I mean, not a lot older. Maybe a little?”

  “Still."

  "Well, whatever. He was looking at you too, so…”

  She smirked. "He was, wasn't he?”

  I rolled my eyes. With her long, tan legs and perfect boobs, sun-kissed hair and blue-green eyes, Teigan was by far the prettiest girl I knew. “Vomit."

  Kai walked by on his way to the pool table. "You got chocolate on your lip.”

  "No way," I cried, wiping frantically at my mouth. "Do I, Teigan?”

  "Oh yeah, I meant to tell you," she said absently, scrolling through her phone. “Frosting, I think.”

  "Thanks a lot, wench,” I hissed, grabbing my own phone to use as a mirror. “On my birthday, too.”

  “Your birthday was Wednesday.”

  Skyler came in from outside, crossing the room to bump fists with Kai. A fairly wasted brunette hung onto his hoodie, hardly giving him room to move.

  "Ugh, where does he find these girls?" I muttered to Niki.

  He looked over at us then, before I had the chance to pretend I hadn't been watching him. Smiling a little, he ducked to whisper something in Kai's ear. Then he left, Wasted Girl trailing after him, tramp stamp and all.

  I wondered if he was leaving. If—shudder—they were leaving.

  "Sure you don't want to play?" Kai asked, suddenly right in front of me.

  I shook my head vehemently. "No. I'll lose. We'll lose."

  Teigan slid down off the counter she'd been sitting on. "I want to play." She approached the table without a backward glance. Girlfriend had cojones.

  Kai shrugged, leaning his cue in a corner. “What do you want to drink, birthday girl?”

  "It's not really my birthday anymore.”

  He cocked his head, waiting.

  “Wait, like alcohol?” I looked around. “Are there even drinks here?”

  He shook his head, laughing. "Simple question, Rory.”

  "Beer?”

  Kai nodded, turning his attention to Niki.

  “I’ll have one, too,” she said.

  He disappeared, and I took the opportunity to make Niki look closely at me. "Is there any chocolate on my face?”

  She frowned. “No."

  “Do I look okay?”

  “Yeah, girl.” She waggled her eyebrows, making a point to check me out. “Your ass looks incredible in those shorts.”

  We giggled. Teigan had the boobs, and Niki had the ballerina body, but I definitely had the curves in our group.

  Kai came back a second later with three ice-cold beers.

  "Elephant?" I read the label before taking sip. "Oh jeez, it's bitter.”

  “Yeah, and strong too. Drink it slow.”

  Niki and I stood around for a while, people-watching and talking. Teigan was kicking butt over at the pool table, and before we knew it, she'd been enlisted by a bunch of juniors to play another game. There were more people at Audrey’s this time, and I recognized a lot of them from school. We had to have been the youngest by far, but there was a pretty friendly vibe. I wondered if they remembered the awkwardness of being underclassmen at high school parties.

  Kai came to check on us every now and then, but for the most part, Niki and I were on our own. Two girls slipped out the back door, the same one I saw Rocco Nolan disappear from minutes before. “Do you want to walk around?” I asked, setting my empty bottle down.

  “Yeah.” Niki gave a definitive nod and drained her bottle. “Let’s.”

  We grinned at each other. If I looked as flushed as she did just then, fresh air would do us both a favor.

  Passing the pool table, I tapped Teigan on the back. "We're going to go for a walk outside, okay?" She nodded without looking up, positioning her cue.

  Niki and I made a beeline for the back door, stepping out into a screened-in patio with a pool. Wisps of smoke drifted from various pockets of people scattered around. The familiarly funky scent of weed mixed in with the cigarettes; maybe Audrey’s parents weren’t around this time.

  Not knowing anyone was kind of awkward, so we continued over to the screen door leading outside. A pebbled path led between hedges and down to the sand, where an old beach wall made of rocks, coral and concrete lined the V
ega's property. There were a lot more people floating around out there, and I had a feeling this was where the real partying was taking place.

  Rocco Nolan and a blond guy I recognized from Martin County's football team stumbled over the sand to us. Niki and I paused, leaning on the wall.

  Rocco held a bottle out. "Want some?”

  I wrinkled my nose. "What is it?”

  "Southern Comfort," he said casually, taking another swig.

  I looked at Niki, but she was watching the boys, smiling a little.

  "Uh, okay." I took the bottle and smelled it. Gross.

  "You're supposed to taste it, not smell it," Rocco's friend slurred.

  Taking a deep, fortifying breath, I chugged some. It was awful, and it burned going down. Trying valiantly not to cough, I handed the bottle to Niki, who eyed the label warily before taking a sip.

  "So?" Rocco asked.

  Now it felt sort of nice, making my belly all snug and toasty. "It goes down warm, I guess.”

  "That it does." He chuckled, taking the bottle back from Niki.

  "So what are your names?" the friend asked, swaying a little.

  "She's Aurora," Rocco answered, and I was surprised he actually remembered. “It’s her birthday.”

  "Yeah...Rory." I waved self-consciously.

  “And her mom, dude,” Rocco said, clapping his hand on Niki’s shoulder. “She made a cake and oh my God…”

  Niki hoisted herself up on to the beach wall, and I joined her, shivering as the wind kicked up. “I’m Niki.”

  Rocco and Sean (he finally introduced himself) stayed to talk. They were drunk and silly and really, really cute, talking about the waves and the awesomeness of surfing at night. I hoped they weren't planning on doing that any time soon; I wasn't trying to call 911.

  I was considering getting Teigan, so she could talk to Rocco too, when she came charging down the path, looking miffed.

  "I thought you were coming right back!”

  "Sorry," I said, trying to sound sincere. And I was, sort of. But the Southern Comfort Rocco kept sharing had me feeling super nice.

  "I want some of whatever you have," Teigan demanded, holding her hand out for the bottle.

  Snorting in amusement, Sean handed her his bottle. She took a long sip and grimaced.