Starry Eyed Inside

by Rochelle Allison

  He grinned lazily down at me, hands back in his pockets. “What's up?”

  “Nothing,” I said.

  “Really?” He cocked his head, eyes twinkling. “Nothing at all?”

  This was Skyler's way of letting me know he had me figured out. Maybe he did. The night was warm and close, trees outside across the field scarcely moving. Rivulets of condensation ran down my wrist as I sipped my beer, watching Skyler as he watched me back.

  Midnight came quickly. I was too keyed up by the beautiful boy's flirtations to even think about being in my bedroom, let alone trying to sleep. "I don't want to go home," I moaned. Teigan pouted, but her flushed cheeks and perma-grin told me she was in Rocco’s world and not coming back anytime soon.

  "So sneak out," slurred Kai.

  “I thought you were taking it easy on the alcohol tonight,” I said, tussling his hair. “Who’s gonna drive me and Niki back?”

  Finn got to his feet, glancing down at Kai. "I'm okay to drive.”

  Kai peered up at him, digging through his pockets for his keys.

  "Thanks, Finn." I looked at my phone again, as if checking the time neurotically would force it to slow down or stop.

  "You should just sneak back out," Kai said, belching. He was classy tonight. "It's tradition. Do it.”

  "I've sneaked out before."

  "Not from your house," he said.

  I looked to Niki. "You down?”

  "I'm down. As long as we don't get caught.”

  "Obviously." I smiled, elbowing her. “Well, let's go then.”

  Finn held out his hand for the keys, chuckling when Kai resisted. "You're not driving, man.”

  Kai stood, swaying as he stretched. "I'm just coming for the ride.”

  Skyler and Sean came back through the screen door, where they’d disappeared for a smoke. I joined them, touching Skyler’s arm. “Hey. I gotta go, but I’ll see you if I come back.”

  He looked up from his phone. “Where're you going?”

  "My curfew's like...now. So I have to go.”

  Kai hiccuped. “But they're sneaking out.”

  "I'll come,” Skyler said.

  I nodded casually, but I felt like cheering.

  “Aw, cute,” Kai teased, smiling. “You guys go on ahead. I'll chill here.”

  I squinted at him. "You sure?"

  “Yeah.” He waved me off. “Just hurry up.”

  I popped gum into my mouth and made Finn drive with the windows open to help us air out. Best-case scenario, my Dad was already asleep. Worst case? He was up, watching TV in the living room instead of the bedroom. We booked it through the mellow, midnight streets, green lights galore, Finn taking back roads and roundabouts per Skyler's directions.

  "Text me when you're ready," Skyler said as Finn pulled quietly onto my street. "We'll wait down here.”

  "Okay." I opened the door and paused. "I...don't have your number. To text you.”

  He dug his phone from his pocket. "What's yours?”

  I gave it to him, and he texted me, giving me his.

  “What's with Skyler?” Niki whispered as I unlocked the front door. “He's all over you!”

  "I don't know.” The door opened with a creak. “I can never tell with him.”

  Surprisingly, my house was dark and still as we tiptoed inside. I motioned for Niki to go on ahead to my room. Knocking softly on my parent's door, I eased it open just enough to see in.

  "We're home," I whispered loudly.

  Dad didn’t move, but Mom peered blearily at me, yawning. “Okay, honey. Night.”

  By the looks of things, I guessed we had fifteen, maybe twenty minutes before leaving again. My parents were probably already sleeping, but it was better to be safe than sorry. Turning off the kitchen light, which was always left on for me, I joined Niki in my room. We kicked it until the coast felt clear, and then I locked my door and pulled my phone from my purse.

  As a little kid, I’d fantasized about having a grand, two-story house. But as a teenager? I’d never been so grateful my bedroom window was close to the ground.

  Niki crawled out first and I followed, carefully closing the window with a soft click. We moved stealthily around the side of the house and half a block down to where Kai’s SUV sat idling. Skyler’s eyes met mine as I climbed into the back. He slid from his seat, edging in front of Niki. “You want to switch?”

  Obliging with a shy smile, she joined Finn up front. We sped back to Ft. Pierce, windows down and music soft, Skyler’s arm warm and pressed against mine. The party was still going strong when we pulled up. Red Solo cups and candy wrappers littered the front lawn.

  "Good timing,” said Rocco. They were still at the fire pit, where we'd left them. “We were just about to smoke.”

  Skyler dropped into a seat, pulling me into his lap. I twisted sideways, hoping I wasn't too heavy.

  "Don't pull too hard,” wheezed Sean, passing the blunt. “Makes you cough.”

  I was careful as I hit it, but the tickle and burn made me cough anyway. Inhaling deeply, I held the smoke and then released, feeling it float down and settle over me like gossamer. Everything softened: sight, sound, feeling. Warmth effloresced. I handed it back to Skyler, my body moving with the rise and fall of his as he inhaled and exhaled. The smoke smelled earthy and perfumed at once, like incense.

  Skyler pressed his hand to the small of my back. It wasn't the first time he'd done it, and I loved that he kept touching me there. I looked down at him, into his eyes, noticing how the flames from the nearby tiki torches reflected in them. I liked that.

  Come to think of it, I liked everything right now.

  "What?" he asked, his mouth curving into a sleepy smile.

  I licked my lips; cotton mouth was setting in. It was late now, and the music was lower. Everyone around us was talking quietly, so I hoped no one would hear me. I knew I was going to sound, well, high. “It'll sound dumb.”

  "Tell me," he said, squeezing my hip.

  I bent my head so my lips were at his ear. “There's fire dancing in your eyes. Literally.”

  He laughed, leaning his head on my arm.

  “See?” I rolled my eyes, laughing too. “Shut up—I told you it was silly. The torches…”

  He jerked his chin at me. “Your eyes are doing it too.”

  Kai appeared at my side, two bottles of juice in his hand. He looked like he'd sobered up some.

  “Apple or grape?”

  “Apple," I said. Parched, I downed it in one long gulp. “Thanks, Kai.”

  But he was already gone, chatting up some girl I hadn't noticed before. Skyler leaned back, sprawled in our seat. He looked angelic when he was relaxed, the tiniest hint of a smile teasing at his mouth. I wanted that mouth.

  I poked him. ”No falling asleep.”

  "I'm not.” His eyes drifted open.

  I wondered if he had any inkling of the way he made me feel. Any at all.

  "You wanna go somewhere?”

  My heart slammed in my chest. “Like where?”

  "Like...I don't know.” He pushed me gently off his lap and stood, checking his pockets for whatever. "Come on.”

  I caressed Niki's hair as we passed by. “I’ll be back, okay?”

  Skyler slid his arm around my waist and kept it there until we were in the field where he’d parked. He sat me on the trunk of his car and moved in between my legs, much as he'd done that night on the beach. Only, this time he was facing me. This time, I was wearing a dress, and this time...no one else was around. The denim from his jeans rubbed my inner thighs, and I realized I wanted him to touch me...but I was also afraid that he would. No one had ever touched me like that, but maybe one day, I'd let him.

  He swept my hair back and brought his lips to my ear. All the breath I had went out in a big whoosh, making me feel lightheaded. I turned my face, and then his mouth was on mine. I touched his jaw, tracing back to the nape of his neck, rubbing the softness of his hair between my fingers.

  He kissed me until t
he stars spun and my heart beat counter clockwise, and my lips felt sated, raw, and used in the most sacred of ways.

  We Own the Sky

  Back when Skyler was still a fantasy, I'd think "if he'd kiss me, just once, I'd be happy." But he kissed me ‘just once’ and all it did was it infect me with a need for more. I felt like a junkie for this boy’s attention, his touch, and most especially his kisses.

  I mean, I knew what he tasted like. Every time we hooked up, it just made the wanting worse.

  I couldn't even be cautious with myself anymore. I knew, acutely, that this could easily end in heartbreak-disaster for me, and that every time I allowed myself a dose of him, I added another layer to my future maybe-pain, but I didn't care. Well, I cared, but it paled in comparison to the rush that was Skyler-right-now.

  Because nothing felt like this, like him, and when he offered to drop us home at the end of the night, his fingers tickled along the underside of my thigh, unspoken whispery things of how good he could make it.

  He and Finn dropped Niki and me off at the end of my street again, staying parked in the shadows until we'd made it to my bedroom window. One second there was a glint of metal visible in the dark; the next there was nothing.

  We crawled back through my window at the earliest part of dawn, when the sky is black as pitch but beginning to soften around the edges. Fastening the lock as quietly as I could, I took off my shoes and dress, leaving them in a little pile by the window.

  Niki snored gently as I climbed in beside her. Yawning, I snuggled into my pillow. There would be glitter everywhere tomorrow, but that was okay.

  I knew the second I woke up that my dad had the day off: the house smelled mouthwateringly of coffee, sausage, and bacon. He didn’t get to spend many Sundays at home, so when he did, breakfast was epic.

  After eating with my parents, we changed into our swimsuits and rode our bikes down to the beach. The Peñas lived in an apartment building on the other side of US 1, so Niki had been keeping her bike in our garage for years. We lived in a neighborhood better suited for riding, with quiet cul-de-sacs and sidewalks.

  The sky yawned endlessly blue above us, scattered with wispy, white clouds. Niki and I had our old hideouts—parks and playgrounds, little inlets tucked along the Intracoastal—but now all we cared about was the scene down at Hutchinson Island’s beaches.

  And those were across the bridge.

  "Remind me again why we didn't catch a ride? Or get an Uber?" We were cycling uphill now, approaching the middle of the bridge. The view was gorgeous—when you weren't battling to breathe.

  "Because," said Niki, standing on her pedals. "It's a pretty day."

  We crossed over the midway point and started coasting down the other side. From there, it was about a five minute flat stretch to the beach.

  "Think anyone's here yet?" I asked, locking my bike.

  Niki shrugged. "If they're not they will be. Did Teigan ever text back?"

  "Yeah, she just woke up."

  Niki gave me knowing smile.

  "I bet she stayed out all night," I said, shaking a pebble from my flip flop.

  "I hope she doesn't sleep with him."

  "I don't..." I was about to say I didn't think she would do that, but I realized I wasn't sure. None of us had ever slept with anyone, but Teigan had always been advanced. "Yeah. I hope not."

  The beach was already in full Sunday bloom; bright with umbrellas, blankets and towels. We set up between the water and the lifeguard, covering ourselves in sun block. I was getting Niki’s shoulders when a text came through.

  “Who was that, Nik?”

  “Teigan. Her mom’s dropping her off in about a half hour.”

  “Cool.” I nodded, capping the sunblock.

  Finn messaged Niki seconds later, saying he and the boys were on their way.

  "So...what's up with you two?” I asked, giving her a sly smile. “You think he’s gonna ask you out?"

  "I don’t know,” she said. “We're just...talking."

  “But you like him.”

  “You know I do.”

  "And he likes you."

  Niki slipped her sunglasses down over her eyes and lay back, smiling. "I think so."

  "I'm glad." I sighed, lazy with the heat. A tribe of littles had congregated down by the shore, filling their buckets with water and wet sand.

  The boys got to the beach around the same time as Teigan. She sank down beside us, handing us popsicles she’d scored from the lady in the parking lot.

  "Hey, Rory,” called Kai.

  "Hi, Kai... hey, Rocco."

  "Hey, yourself." He sprayed us with a water gun before jogging down to the water.

  Skyler popped up last. I saw him way before he saw me, a skimboard tucked beneath his arm. He smiled when he saw me, dropping his stuff next to everyone else’s. It was always weird seeing someone you'd been thinking about, especially when you'd been thinking about kissing them.

  My stomach fluttered crazily. "Hey."

  "Hey. Everything went okay, right?” He peeled off his shirt, balling it up. “You didn't get caught going back in."

  I shook my head. "It was all good."

  "Cool." He nodded, picking up his board. "I'm going in."

  "Okay," I said, acutely aware of how sad my communication skills were. Still.

  He stared for a minute, long enough to make me squirm. "You coming in or you just gonna bake there all day?"

  I laughed a little, tucking my knees up. "I'm coming in soon."

  Rocco yelled something from the water. Skyler waved at him and took off, glancing back just once.

  Teigan snorted, watching Skyler go down to the water.

  I exhaled slowly, turning to her. "What?"

  “He wants you.”

  “Maybe.”

  "Maybe?" She made a face. "What happened to your self-esteem?"

  "Gone with the wind, if I ever had any, I guess..."

  "Oh, shut up," Niki said, poking me savagely with sticky, cold fingers. "You love pumping me for details on Finn, but as soon as we mention Skyler, it’s deflect and avoid.”

  My heart yo-yo-ed around. "Has Finn said anything?"

  "No. Do you want me to ask him?"

  "No way!"

  "Oh.” She gave me a look, like I was loca. “Well, anyway, I just think Skyler has his ways. He's not gonna break out the poetry."

  "I know." I laughed, poking her back. "Although didn’t Nathan quote Neruda to Leyla or something? On, like, their second date?”

  "Yeah, he would do that," Teigan said. I just knew she was rolling her eyes behind her huge sunglasses.

  "I think it's sweet," I said.

  "It is sweet," said Niki. "But it's not Skyler."

  Sweaty – and sticky from popsicles – we peeled ourselves from our towels and went for a dip.

  "I want to learn how to do that," I said, watching the boys whip up and down the slick sand on their boards.

  "Go ask him." Teigan gave me a small shove. "I bet he'd teach you."

  "Yeah, right."

  "Yeah, go ask him, Rory!"

  I spun around, coming face to face with Kai. "Ugh, shut up!"

  He splashed me. "Nah, I'm serious. He'd teach you."

  "I'd break my ass."

  "How exactly does one break one's ass?"

  "By falling on it. Repeatedly," I said, splashing back.

  "Wimp."

  I rolled my eyes. "Your reverse psychology isn't working."

  "Whatever." Straightening up, he dunked me on his way out of the water.

  I was following Teigan onto the sand when Skyler called my name. Squeezing water from my hair, I paused and looked up at him.

  He held out his board. "Do you want to try?"

  "Um, definitely not."

  "Why not?"

  "She'll break her ass," Rocco said, skimming by. I gave him the finger, and Kai too—for telling them what I'd said.

  "Whatever.” Skyler shoved the board at me. “Come on, get on."

&
nbsp; Awesome—there’s nothing like knowing for sure that pain is coming your way. Holding my breath, I stepped onto the skimboard.

  "So far, so good." Skyler grinned. Maybe it was his tan, but his teeth were really white. And straight.

  “You have nice teeth,” I said.

  He shrugged. “I had braces.”

  Rocco, who was still eavesdropping, guffawed. “Brace-face!”

  Skyler gave his brother a violent shove as he passed, sending him flying. I stared down at the board, wiggling my toes.

  “Now you just have to stay on while you’re moving,” Skyler said.

  "Easier said than done," I said, trying to focus on his words and not his face.

  "Maybe. Here..." He nodded for me to get off and then he backed up a little, board in hand. "Do exactly what I do." Waiting for a wave to wash up on shore, he tossed the board down and let it slide along the slick sand before running and jumping on. He rode it a few feet down shore and then turned on a dime, sending up a small spray of water.

  "I bet you rode a skateboard as a kid.”

  "I still do sometimes," he said. "Okay, your turn."

  I tried, about a million times. And fell, about a million times. I’d seen kids skim and surf most of my life, but watching and doing are two different things. By the time I managed to stay on for more than a few seconds, I had a bruise the size of Key West on my left thigh and sand burn on my knees.

  It felt great to finally do it, though. I decided to end my lesson on a high note.

  "Thanks for teaching me," I said, legs all rubbery as I walked the board back to Skyler. “And for letting me ride your precious board.”

  His smile was wicked and quick. "You can ride it any time, Rory."

  I rolled my eyes, laughing as I walked away, trying not to limp. I was going to be so sore. But it was worth it.

  Long, lazy beach days faded away as the weather finally caught up to the season. We still went at night sometimes, but it was to huddle in hoodies, and chill, and smoke, and make out.