Starry Eyed Inside

by Rochelle Allison

  "Whatcha want?" Aiden asked.

  "Cheeseburger, bro."

  Aiden handed him a cheeseburger, and we wandered over to a table bursting with chips and condiments.

  "I didn't know you had family down here," I said, squirting ketchup onto my patty.

  "I don't. Uncle Aiden's visiting from New York," Skyler said. "He's my dad's little brother. Hey, you want anything else? My mom made enough to feed Jensen Beach."

  "I'll start with this," I said, adding a few potato chips to my plate. "So, do you have a lot of family in New York?"

  "Yeah; my dad's side all live upstate. My Mom's from Boston, though."

  "How'd they end up here?"

  "They hate the cold," he said, smirking. "They still have a condo up there, though. We go there sometimes."

  "That's cool." We found a tree to sit under and sat in the grass. "I've never been to Boston. Or New York. Do you think you'll go to college up there?"

  "I don't know; maybe," he said, taking a huge bite of his burger. A glob of mustard ran down his chin. “Might be cool to live someplace different.”

  I couldn't imagine living anyplace else; I loved the beach too much. I tossed a napkin at Skyler, gesturing toward his mouth.

  "But I like being dirty," he said, waggling his eyebrows.

  "I'm sure you do," I said, taking a smaller bite. Maybe Skyler looked cute with food stuck to his face, but I sure as hell didn't.

  "So do you have family here?"

  "Yeah. My mom's side is scattered all over Florida. Pensacola, mostly.” I wiped my mouth. “My dad's from Nevada, right on Lake Tahoe."

  “Yeah?” Skyler said, surprised. "How'd he end up here?"

  "They both went to college in Jacksonville. Met their sophomore year and that was that." I'd always loved my parents’ story. They'd come from such different places and had ended up together anyway.

  We lingered awhile, finishing lunch. Kai showed up with a new girl; Molly must've been yesterday's news. We'd never been close, but in the end she'd been a sweetheart, and I hoped that Kai hadn't been a dick to her.

  "'Sup, man," Skyler said, giving Kai a half-hug. The new girl stood silently behind him, eyeing Skyler. She had wispy, light blonde hair and side bangs she kept flicking out of her face.

  I squashed the urge to roll my eyes and accepted a hug from Kai. "Hey, you."

  "Hey, Rory. This is Jade.”

  "Hi," I said, smiling despite my inner bitchy.

  "Hi.” She smiled too, but it was at Skyler. Naturally.

  He was on his phone, though, texting. "You brought your swimsuit, right, Rory?"

  I held up my bag. “Yep.”

  He nodded at Kai. "Wanna go swimming?"

  "Maybe in a while. We're gonna go eat," Kai said, reaching back for Jade's hand.

  "Help yourselves," Skyler said. He looked at me. "C'mon, we can go change in the pool room."

  "There's a pool room?"

  "More of an outdoor bathroom. My mom got sick of us tracking water inside, so they added this on a couple of years ago."

  Skyler's family wasn't, like, conspicuously rich, but they definitely had money. It was in the details, like the type of furniture they had in their house, the fact they employed a housekeeper, and yes, the "pool room." They seemed very down to earth though, and easy to be around. I liked that.

  We took turns changing—despite Skyler's suggestion we just do it together "to save time"—and got into the pool. Situated in the furthest corner of the backyard and surrounded by shrubbery, Skyler's pool felt surprisingly private. We could see some of the goings-on at the barbecue, but they couldn't really see us.

  The water was lukewarm, thanks to the heat of the day. We swam around, flirting and provoking each other: I tried to dunk him; he tried to give me wedgies. I finally managed to pants him in a moment of weakness on his part, but he just turned around slowly, grinning like the Cheshire cat.

  "Pull them up," I hissed, looking around to make sure no one was lurking in the bushes.

  "You pulled ‘em down."

  "Yeah. Now pull them up," I said, trying not to look at his dick, floating under the water.

  "If you wanted me to get naked, you should've just said so," he said, coming closer.

  "I swear to God, if your parents see us like this, I will die," I said, splashing at him.

  He cornered me as I tried half-heartedly to escape.

  "I can feel it on my thigh," I said, biting back a laugh.

  He gave me an innocent smile, water droplets clinging to his eyelashes. "Want to feel it somewhere else?"

  "You're gross."

  "You like it."

  I kissed him briefly on the mouth. "Please pull up your pants."

  "Fine," he huffed, yanking up his swim trunks. "Better?"

  "Much."

  He smirked, putting his hands on either side of the wall behind me. I didn't care if his parents and their friends were a few feet away; I wanted him to kiss me. And he did, tilting my face so we fit better. His tongue swept through my mouth and I pulsed deep inside, fluttering with curiosity and desires both innocent and not.

  I ran my hands up and down his back, and he pressed closer, pushing our stomachs and chests together so there was no space at all.

  "What is it with the two of you and swimming pools?" Kai asked, his voice stark against the softer din of the barbeque.

  We broke apart slowly and looked over, shading our eyes from the sun.

  "Bet you're glad you pulled your pants up now," I murmured.

  "I got no shame," he crowed, caressing my thigh before giving it a light underwater squeeze.

  "Apparently," I whispered, pushing him away.

  Meanwhile, Kai and Jade eased into in the shallow end. Whoa. Jade had perfect curves, and she definitely wasn't afraid to show them off. I turned before my face could give me away, not wanting to seem petty. Kai and Jade floated over to us, splashing playfully at each other. I wondered how they'd met, if she was the reason Molly was gone.

  I also wondered if Skyler noticed her big, perky boobs. I sure had.

  "So what's up for tonight?" Skyler asked.

  "Sean said there's a party in Stuart, down by Manny's," Kai said. “Some college kid.”

  "You going?"

  “Maybe.” Kai shrugged, glancing at his girl. Her breasts were mesmerizing, floating atop the water.

  Of course, Skyler was looking at them. I mean, we all were. A hot flare of jealousy shot through me, settling in my gut. Sinking completely underwater, I swam to the other side of the pool, wanting to see if I could do it without taking a breath. And then I did it again, and again, until my lungs burned.

  Skyler's eyes were on me as I swam lazily back. "You want to go to the party?"

  "Why not," I said, standing as I squeezed water from my hair. Now his eyes were on my chest.

  I smirked.

  His eyes shot back up to my face. Such a guy. Could I blame him for checking out Jade's ginorma-boobs and then...mine? Yes. Yes, I could.

  He cocked his head. "What?"

  Kai must have caught a vibe because he pulled Jade away, tickling her as he did. Her throaty giggles echoed back, making me feel irrationally irritable.

  "Nothing," I said to Skyler, not wanting to get into it.

  "I hate when girls say that shit," he said, floating on his back.

  I splashed his face and he smiled, spitting water as he backstroked away.

  Now I really wished Kai and his bimbo hadn't come along and ruined things. They were in the corner opposite now, sucking face. I could actually see Kai's thumb, like, lingering on the side of Jade's breast.

  Wrinkling my nose, I swam over to Skyler. "I'm gonna get something to drink. You want anything?"

  He frowned, straightening up so that he was standing. "You're getting out?"

  "For a second."

  "No, I don't want anything."

  "Okay." I grabbed a towel before heading to the pool house, figuring I'd pee first since I was out of the pool
anyway.

  I was washing my hands when there was a small tap-tap-tap at the door. “Can I come in?”

  “It's open.”

  Skyler pushed his way inside, dripping wet. "Why're you acting weird?"

  "I'm not," I protested, not liking where the conversation was going. He was so squeamish about titles and commitment; I didn't want him to feel boxed in because I was jealous. Not yet, anyway.

  "You are," he insisted, wiping water off his face.

  "Fine. She weirds me out," I whispered, jerking my thumb toward the door.

  "Who, Kai's friend?"

  "Yeah, his friend," I said, using air quotes.

  "She's whatever. Who cares?"

  "She..." I trailed off. "I think she likes you."

  He made a face. "I know she does. I told Kai to just let her go cuz she's shady, but he keeps bringing her around."

  Well, that made it even more awkward. "Wait...how long has he been seeing her?"

  "I don't know. A couple weeks? Why are we talking about her?"

  "I don't know." I sighed, reaching for the door. "They're gonna wonder what we're doing in here."

  But Kai and Jade were still making out. I hurried past them and returned to the barbeque, making a beeline for the coolers.

  "Rory! I was wondering where you crazy kids were!" cried Rocco, hugging me so hard he lifted me off the ground. “Wait, you're wet.” He looked down at his shirt. “Now I'm wet.”

  "Uh yeah, we're over in the pool—”

  "I can see that.” His smile returned. “Hey, did you bring Teigan?"

  "No." Retrieving a water bottle from the cooler, I gave him a questioning look. "Shouldn't you be the one bringing Teigan?"

  "Shit." He scrubbed a hand over his face. "I'll call her." He walked off, dialing his phone. Guess they were about to be "on" again.

  I made my way back to the pool, feeling a little silly wrapped in a towel when all of the Nolan's friends and associates were fully dressed.

  "Rocco's here," I said, tossing my towel aside so I could get into the water.

  "He's been in and out all day," Skyler said, sitting beside me on the pool steps. Stealing my water, he took a long gulp.

  "Thought you didn't want anything," I said.

  "Changed my mind. People do it all the time."

  I ignored him, snatching the bottle back.

  "Hey," he said, voice super low as he inched closer. "I'm not into her, okay?"

  My heart squeezed. He could always see right through me, no matter how good I thought I was at hiding my thoughts and feelings. I nodded, trapped by those stormy gray eyes.

  "I prefer real girls."

  I ran my hand over the surface of the water, nodding slowly.

  "And real tits."

  "Skyler!" I whispered, hoping to God neither Jade nor Kai had heard that.

  "Just sayin'."

  “Okay.” I set my water down, warmed from the inside out. It wasn't his words, really—it was that he'd said anything at all.

  “You're kinda cute when you get mad, though.”

  “I wasn't mad.”

  “You were something.”

  I felt his hands in my hair, fingers weaving through it as it floated. “Yeah, I was.”

  “Well, don't be. I prefer girls named Rory.”

  His silliness made me smile, and I closed my eyes, absorbing what he was saying to me. "You said once you liked to go with the flow..."

  "I am going with the flow."

  I glanced up at him, trying to decipher his expression. "This sounds kind of like defining things.”

  He came down a step so he was on the same one as me. "Rory."

  "What?"

  "I don't want to be with anybody else." He leaned closer and kissed me, his fingers tickling at my thighs.

  I didn't know why we even bothered going to the party later. It was fun, good music, and a chill atmosphere, but I was so into Skyler I could've been anywhere. There was this crackle between us that hadn't been there before, raw and tangible, so when we ended up at the beach, parked beneath a tree in the parking lot, it felt inevitable.

  We made out until we were desperate, and then I climbed on to his lap so we could kiss without the console between us. He moved his chair back, giving us more room to move, and I rocked against him, liking the way he felt beneath me. Skyler slid his hands up under my shirt and flattened them on my back, smiling into our kiss when he felt that I wasn't wearing a bra.

  Certain things you never forget...

  ...the sound of the ocean through cracks in the window, flashes of starlight when you open your eyes...

  ...how good he smells, his hair tickling your cheek, his voice when he comes.

  ...losing your breath when you finally come too; the tickle of getting there and the overwhelming swell when it hits you.

  Wondering if it's real, knowing it is, and hoping it lasts.

  I'd once worried that heartache would come in the form of Skyler-being-an-asshole, but when it actually happened, it was nothing like I'd expected.

  The end of school was so close we could taste it. May had been sticky-hot, a pre-cursor to what promised to be a scorcher of a summer, and we spent most Friday nights at Kai's, in the newly air-conditioned garage.

  Skyler was late, and he wouldn't answer his phone. I texted Kai, but he said he hadn't heard from Skyler, either. There wasn't really anything else I could do except wait. I could have called my girls, but it wasn't about just going out. It was about Skyler.

  On the surface, there was no reason to panic. Over the past couple of months, we'd slipped into an easy way, spending most of our free time together. Right then though, right that second, something felt off and that was hard to rationalize.

  "You still going out?" Mom asked after a while, poking her head into my room.

  "I think so?"

  She frowned, glancing at her watch. "Well, curfew still stands, I don't care what time you actually leave. Okay?"

  I nodded, picking up my phone to text Skyler again, but it rang first with an unknown number.

  "Hello?"

  "Rory...it's Rocco."

  Disappointed, I sank into my pillows. Maybe Skyler had gotten a flat or something. "Hey. Is everything okay?"

  "Not really. Skyler asked me to call you because, man, the shit's really hit the fan."

  My heart skipped, then started to pound. Hadn't I felt something was off? "What? Why?"

  Rocco sighed loudly. "Skyler's gonna have to give you the details but, basically he's royally screwed. My parents found a pound in his room... you know... and...yeah.”

  “A pound?” I scrambled off my bed and shut the door. “You can't be serious.”

  “He's already been on probation with them, so this is bad. Really bad."

  "Why? Why would he do that?" I cried.

  "He's an idiot. Said it's Sean's, which it probably is, but still."

  "So what happens now?" I asked, trying to think over the rushing in my ears.

  "I think they might send him up north, for real this time."

  My mind was spinning. "As in, like, northern Florida?"

  "Naw, Rory. As in New York. Military school."

  "Are you sure?"

  "Pretty sure. Listen, I gotta go. He'll probably be able to call or text you later, but right now he's in the hot seat."

  I closed my eyes, trying to calm the chaos inside. ”Okay.”

  "Okay.” He paused. “Try not to freak out."

  Too late. Way too late.

  Reinventing Your Exit

  When I got off the phone with Rocco, I texted Niki and Teigan. Teig knew, of course, but Niki hadn't heard.

  Do you want me to come over?

  I almost said no. My stomach was in knots, and I was trying not to cry and I'd be crappy company, but...I needed my friend. So Niki canceled her plans with Finn and came without another word, curling up in bed with me while we watched late night TV.

  Mom knew something was up, but she didn't ask any questions. And
thank God. I didn't know how I was going to explain this one. Niki passed out around 1:00 am, and I followed soon after, drifting off to the soundtrack of some movie. It wasn't fitful sleeping, laced with feverish dreams and all that dramatic bull you see in the movies. It was dreamless and deep and sound.

  But when I woke up? My stomach went right back to being in knots. All I could think about were Rocco's words the night before, how sure he'd sounded. Like all of this was inevitable.

  I was still sort of in shock, maybe even denial. There was no way Skyler was going to get sent away. Parents threatened crazy stuff like this all the time. Of course, he'd probably be grounded until college, but we'd find ways.

  But part of me knew that Skyler might have pushed things a little too far this time. Things had gotten a little tense at the Nolan's lately. It was never all out war or anything, because their family seemed to get along for the most part, but more of a simmer. Like things could erupt. I didn't understand it, really. Maybe it was because he was a boy and boys were apparently all jacked up on testosterone at that age.

  My parents got salty with me sometimes, but these days my house was chill in comparison to his.

  Niki had a ballet recital coming up, so she had Saturday rehearsals for the next month. Javi picked her up just before 9:00, leaving me to sulk on my own. Teigan called around noon. Rocco had given her the scoop earlier that morning, so she knew what was up. Not surprisingly she was pissed at Skyler for being so stupid.

  "... I mean, how many warnings did he need, you know? I know you're all in love with him or whatever but Skyler's dumb as hell. How hard would it be to like, hide your stash? Come on! And things were perfect between you two, I could just kill him...”

  Another called beeped through. My heart leapt into my throat; it was Skyler. Finally.

  "Teigan," I said, cutting her off in mid-rant. "Listen...that's him on the other line. Let me call you back."

  "Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Fingers crossed."

  I clicked over, nervous and clammy. "Hey... I was wondering when you'd call."

  "It's been... shitty over here," he said, sounding resigned.

  "Yeah, Rocco told me. Are you okay?" I tried to breathe easy, tried to squash the anxiety bubbling in my stomach.

  "I fucked up.”

  "Are you gonna have to go?"