Starry Eyed Inside

by Rochelle Allison

  My phone's alarm woke me at 5:00 in the morning. Mom usually got up at 6:00, so I figured I had about an hour to get home and climb through the window. She hadn't tried calling or anything, so hopefully she didn't realize I'd stayed out all night.

  Skyler shifted beside me. I stared at his sleeping face for a minute, remembering how he'd felt last night. By the pool. In this bed. “Hey,” I whispered. "I have to go."

  He grunted, snuggling deeper in to the comforter. I envied him. Getting up was the last thing I wanted to do, but I didn't have a choice. Moving quickly, I got dressed, leaving my panties hanging on his bathroom door. He'd get a kick out of that.

  Leaning down, I kissed his nose and cheeks. “Bye.”

  His hand shot out, and he grabbed my thigh. "Let's do this again tonight."

  "Yeah, right.” I snorted, ruffling his hair. “We'll see."

  It had rained during the night. Water dripped from the plants and shrubs, and the Explorer's door handle left my hand wet. Slightly apprehensive, I drove home. It was nearly dawn, tranquil and dark and not quite awake. I hoped the same could be said about my house. Parking in my usual spot behind Mom's old Camry, I cut the engine and closed the door as silently as possible before sneaking to my window.

  Of course, it was locked—I hadn't planned on staying out all night. Shit. I jogged to the front door before I could psyche myself out anymore and let myself in. The coast seemed clear. Holding my breath, I tiptoed to my room, stripped, and dove beneath the covers. Mission accomplished. Sighing in relief, I rolled over to get comfortable.

  My pillow crinkled. Actually, the note on top of my pillow crinkled. Squinting in the half-light, I could just barely make out Mom's handwriting.

  You might be 18, but you still live at home. Call the next time you decide to stay out all night.

  “If I had some company paying me a zillion dollars to travel and 'live my dreams', I'd do it too,” I griped, watching in envy as some hot, blond Instagram star leaped from a cliff into jewel-toned waters.

  Niki sighed. She was standing beside her bed, one leg extended to the mattress as she did "barre work." I ate Doritos and played on my phone to relax; she did ballet. “Did you see Teig's Snaps from last night?”

  I had. It wasn't the first time our girl had taken to social media to broadcast her disgust with boys. She had tons of followers and 'friends', too, either egging her on or asking her out. "To be honest, I can't believe she and Rocco are still bickering."

  "I know." It'd been about a month; we'd never expected the fight to go on this long. Granted, Teigan was pretty stubborn.

  I continued scrolling, pausing to read one of those passive-aggressive posts everyone knows is about someone. "Would you believe Janelle is still talking shit about Leyla?"

  "Janelle gets worse as the years go by," Niki remarked, switching legs. "Remember how tight they used to be?"

  “Yeah.” I wasn't as close to Leyla or Janelle as I'd once been, but at least we were still friends. Then again, I'd never crushed on the same guy as Janelle. "I get why she's annoyed, but it's so tacky to bitch publicly like this.”

  "Instagram needs a mute button."

  "Seriously." I scrolled mindlessly for a while, finally clicking on Skyler's profile. He still wasn't the most prolific poster, but there were a few pictures of us at the beach. I smiled, zeroing in on the most recent: a screenshot of our flight itinerary to New York.

  "Oh, hell no."

  Niki plopped down next to me. "What, what?"

  I pointed to a comment from Margaux, Skyler's ex.

  Heeeey! Heard you were coming back! Gotta hit up Pacha while you're here :)

  Niki made a barfing noise. "Shameless."

  “She does realize he has a girlfriend, right?"

  "Kinda hard to miss,” said Niki, tapping on a picture of Skyler and me. "And it'll be obvious when you guys show up together.”

  "I'm hoping we don't run in to her, actually."

  "What if she's not that bad? Go to her profile. Maybe she's in a relationship, too." Niki reached over me and clicked on Margaux's picture.

  Thankfully, her profile was public. Other than finding out that Margaux was a native New Yorker and a Gemini whose religion was "love and happiness," there was nothing very telling. Most of her photos were selfies—her makeup and hair were flawless—or OOTD. I felt like a backwoods hick in comparison. “I don't see any male suitors, here, Nik.”

  Niki closed out the app. “Either way, Skyler came back here, didn't he?”

  I stopped by Skyler's on my way home. We hung out in the apartment for a while, watching TV and fooling around. There was less than week to go before Spring Break, and half the time it was all I could talk about.

  "So, I was on Instagram earlier," I began, stretching out on the bed.

  "You're kidding," Skyler said, plumping a pillow before lying beside me. He liked to tease me about my commitment to keeping in touch, otherwise known as nosiness.

  "And apparently, there's lots of excitement that you're going back."

  Eyeing me, he slid his phone from his pocket and opened up the app. I saw the second he noticed Margaux's comment.

  "Let her know I can't wait to go to Pacha!" I said, brimming over with false enthusiasm.

  Skyler frowned, reading through the rest of the comments. "Ricky must've said something."

  "They're all friends?"

  "Not really." He shrugged, setting the phone aside. "Ricky knows her brother—they're all from the city. Everyone else is spread out, though. The guys I hung with the most were from all over."

  "Do you think we'll see her?" I asked.

  "Probably not. We're going to hang out with family and see the old stomping grounds, not go clubbing in the city."

  "Well...I want to go to the city, though." I'd never been, and knowing I'd be in such close proximity was really freaking exciting.

  "We can do whatever you want to."

  I kissed him, a frisson of giddiness shivering through me. "I can't wait to go."

  "Maybe we can even go camping," he continued. “Uncle Aiden's property is really woodsy."

  S'mores. Campfires. Tents. Every episode of Goosebumps I'd watched growing up flashed through my head. "As long as there are no ax murderers," I said. "Or bears."

  "Nah." He smirked, tucking his hand down the back of my jeans. "Only thing you'll have to run from is me."

  Butterfly

  Dad insisted on driving me over to the Nolan's the morning of our flight. He wanted to have one last chat with the both of us despite the fact we'd gone over safety and rules to the point of exhaustion.

  Sigh. Was he getting on my nerves? Yes. Was I going to be out from under his wing by the end of summer? Oh, yes. I could humor him a little longer.

  Olivia was still home, getting ready to go to work. She met us at the door with a smile, motioning for my Dad to leave my suitcase next to Skyler's. Sometimes, it was hard to believe she was the same woman who'd had such drama with her son that she'd sent him away. It was hard to believe Skyler had been that son. But he'd matured in the ways that mattered, and while a little piece of me ached with the time we'd lost, most of me was just grateful to be with him now.

  "Skyler should be right down...sorry I have to leave like this, but I have to get to the office early today." She quickly capped a travel mug and grabbed her briefcase from the counter. “Have a great flight, sweetheart. I've already asked Skyler to call when you guys get in."

  "We've asked Aurora to do the same," said Dad, giving me a swift pat on the back.

  I stifled an eye roll at his gruffness. "Sounds good. See you, Olivia."

  “Bye, Rory.” She poked her head out into the hallway, near the staircase. “I have to go, Sky!”

  He appeared seconds later, hugging his mother before she disappeared out the front door. "Hey you," he said, giving me a light hug. He knew better than to try and kiss me in front of my dad. "Morning, Mr. Shepherd."

  "Good morning, Skyler. Listen, I won't keep y
ou, but please, please be careful. Take good care of my daughter."

  "I will.” Skyler nodded. “Absolutely.”

  “I'm serious.”

  “Dad...”

  “So am I,” said Skyler. He slid his fingers through mine. “I love Rory.”

  I squeezed his hand. Was he for real right now?

  My father's mouth twitched. He looked at me, and then back at Skyler. "All right. Well. Drive safely and...uh...have a safe flight."

  "I'm sure the whole trip will be very safe, Dad," I teased, dropping Skyler's hand to give my father a tight hug. "Love you."

  "Love you, too," he said, and his beard tickle-scratched my cheek the way it had since I was little.

  We walked him to the door, waving goodbye as he reversed out of the driveway.

  “I can't believe you told him that,” I whispered, finding Skyler's hand again.

  "Me neither. I wasn't sure if he was gonna kill me or welcome me to the family.”

  We switched planes in Atlanta, continuing on to La Guardia. Skyler dozed for most of that flight, waking up only when the flight attendant came around to pick up trash.

  "Is it weird to be coming back?" I asked, finally turning away from the window.

  He shrugged, and then shook his head. "Not really. It's different now, I guess."

  "Have you spoken to anybody else?"

  "Mainly Ricky. A couple of the guys, who are graduating this year, will probably want to chill. That's about it."

  "Does Margaux still go to boarding school, or did she graduate when you did?"

  Skyler leaned over me so he could look out the window. "She graduated."

  "Hm." I rooted around my bag, looking for gum. We were beginning our descent, and the cabin pressure was messing with my ears.

  "You're funny." He chuckled, settling back in his seat.

  "What?" I asked, but I knew.

  "Checking up on things..."

  "Nope. I'm just curious."

  "Girls are never just curious."

  "Maybe I'm not like other girls."

  "Maybe not in other ways, but in this way, you are." He squeezed my thigh. "I like it."

  "Like what?"

  "Your jealousy. It's hot.”

  "Ugh, shut up." I groaned, flicking his ear.

  He caught my hand and pulled me close, trapping me in an obnoxious half-bear-hug. "It's okay. I get it."

  "Skyler." I pinched him, trying to get free.

  "The first time I saw you with Tristan I wanted to put my fist through his face."

  I stopped struggling.

  "Didn't matter that we hadn't been together for years. It pissed me off," he continued, loosening his grip on me. "If I wasn't sure about my feelings for you before then, it was pretty clear at that point."

  “Were you surprised? That you still had feelings?”

  “Not really. Were you?”

  “A little.” My ears popped. I chewed furiously, alternating between yawning and plugging my nose to relieve the pressure.

  "You got under my skin," he said. "Drove me crazy."

  “Same.” I kissed his cheek.

  "You got any more gum?"

  Aiden met us at baggage claim, looking just as I remembered. My heart squeezed; this was who Skyler had gone to when he'd left home, left me.

  "Diamond earring girl." He winked at me as he released Skyler from a long hug.

  I laughed, shaking my head. "Hi, Aiden."

  "Hi, Rory,” he said, giving me a hug, too. He smelled like cigarettes, mint, and leather...an oddly appealing combination. "How much stuff did you guys bring?"

  "Her suitcase is huge," Skyler said. He'd been teasing me about it since we'd left Florida. "In fact... that's it right there." He jogged off toward the carousel.

  "So how've you been?" asked Aiden.

  "Pretty good. Excited to be graduating soon," I said, sliding my hands into the pouch of my hoodie.

  "Yeah, I remember those days. Goes by like that." He snapped his fingers. "You know where you're going to college yet?"

  "Probably USF, in Tampa. I don't know yet for sure; I'm still waiting to hear back from them."

  "Most schools send out acceptance letters in the beginning of April," Skyler said, reappearing with my suitcase. He plopped it at my feet. "Maybe it'll be waiting for you when you get back."

  The thought of it made me anxious. I was pretty sure I'd gotten in—my grades were solid and USF wasn't too overly competitive—but not knowing for sure was annoying. Skyler had deferred enrollment to the University of Tampa, so he had nothing to worry about.

  "I hope so," I said.

  Aiden lived in Cornwall-on-Hudson, a good hour and a half from the airport. Other than what Skyler had told me about his school, and his uncle's estate, I didn't know what to expect. Idyllic and lovely, hilly and lush with foliage, it was completely different from the palm trees and ocean I'd grown up with. The trees here were bursting with bright, new leaves for spring, and the air still had quite a bite to it.

  Winding roads led to hidden driveways. Aiden's house was set back a bit from other homes, and like Skyler had said, near a lightly wooded area in the back.

  "You made it sound like there were serious forests back here,” I said, glancing back at Skyler. He'd insisted I take the front seat so I could see better. "Where are we going to camp? The back yard?"

  "You're taking her camping?" Aiden asked, sounding amused. I watched as his gaze met Skyler's in the rear view mirror.

  "I've got plans," Skyler said cryptically. He tugged my hair. "And there are places to camp back there, smart ass."

  We pulled up to the driveway and got out, stretching. Even the air smelled different.

  "Welcome back, Skyler. Everything's as you left it, for the most part. Kara went a little nuts painting last fall.” Kara was his girlfriend.

  "Where is she, anyway?"

  "Working. She'll be home by 6:00. Rory, let me show you to your room."

  "She doesn't need one, Uncle Aiden," Skyler called as we climbed the stairs.

  Ignoring him, Aiden ushered me to a room down the hall, although he probably knew as well as I did that Skyler would be sneaking in at night. He set my suitcase down with a smile. “Kara left towels for you over there. Let me know if there's anything you need.”

  Skyler joined me seconds later. "You know you're not sleeping in here, right?"

  "I don't know; this bed's amazing,” I said, luxuriating in a cushy cloud of down comforters.

  "Come see mine." Hauling me to my feet, he dragged me next door to his room, which was on the corner of the house. Two of the four walls had large windows overlooking trees as far as I could see. There was definitely evidence of his stay from before; things felt a little more personal than they did in my room.

  "How come you left stuff here?" I asked softly, running my fingers along the polished wood of his desk. Several pictures were stuck to the wall, photos of him with his friends. A couple of trophies for cross country sat atop the shelf alongside a row of books.

  "It's like my second home." Skyler shrugged. "At one point I thought I might go to college up here."

  "What changed your mind?" I asked. My heart skipped a beat. Maybe that was a loaded question.

  "Too cold for one thing," he said, standing behind me. He slipped his chilly fingers up under my hoodie, and I shrank away from them, pressing back against his body. "I had to go home. I had to see."

  I felt oddly vulnerable, out of my league in this new place. "See me?"

  "See everything. But...especially you. Even when this place began to feel real to me, like it was a possibility, I always felt like I was missing out on what was going on back home. I needed to know if Jensen Beach was still what I remembered. You know?” He curved around me, resting his chin on my shoulder. “It's easy to make things perfect in your memories; I wanted to see for real."

  "I wasn't sure I wanted to see you," I whispered, reaching up to touch his face. I loved that face. "I wanted to be over you.”
/>
  "I didn't know if I was over you," he admitted. "I figured seeing you would either prove that it was really over or that it wasn't over at all."

  I turned around, wrapping my arms around his neck. "I'm really glad you came back."

  I loved kisses like this, the ones that made me love and feel loved, that made me want to collapse in relief, the ones that made me want to get naked so that I could feel him not just in me but all over me, too. There was neediness there, but also a sense of wholeness.

  Aiden was in his office, on the phone, so Skyler gave me the tour. The house had been a fixer-upper, and he was proud to show me all the things he'd had a hand in.

  "So this is why you do construction nowadays," I commented.

  "Basically. I mean, Uncle Aiden taught me a lot, so it wasn't that much of a leap.”

  "You like it?"

  He shrugged. "It's okay. I couldn't do it forever, if that's what you're asking, but being outside's nice."

  "Speaking of which, I want to look around outside. You said there were trails?"

  Skyler led the way to the backyard, an uneven expanse of grass leading to a wide grove of tall, mature trees. "We'll have plenty of time to explore later," he said, walking slowly beside me.

  "This is amazing," I said, closing my eyes against the waning afternoon sun. The air was crisp and cool, no humidity.

  "It is. I used to spend hours outside, just walking around."

  "I bet you smoked back here." I snickered, imagining.

  "Hell yeah; all the time. Aiden knew it, too. He was just letting me get it out of my system because he knew military school would kick my ass." He laughed quietly, squinting toward the trees.

  "I can see how this place could change a person," I said after a moment. Calm, and serene, it was ideal for soul-searching. We had chill, pretty places back home too, like the beach, but this was different.

  "You guys hungry?" Aiden's voice called across the yard. "Kara's meeting us down at Painter's."

  Any fantasies we'd entertained of late night fooling around were squashed the minute I hit the sheets. Traveling always tired me out, and the oversize sleigh bed in my room was a total dream. When I woke up the next morning, it was already past 9:00.