Starry Eyed Inside

by Rochelle Allison

  Yawning, I wondered what was going on back home. Mom had said last night on the phone that she planned to spend her break in the garden. Niki and Teigan would be en route to Panama City by now; the last I'd heard, Leyla and a couple of other girls were meeting them there. There was a tiny pang of wistfulness, knowing they were all going without me. Not that I would have chosen Panama City over a trip with Skyler, but still. We'd always said we'd go together, but when the time actually came to plan, things had changed.

  Teigan was especially hellbent on going, wanting to have a wild time and party hard. She was stressed out over school and college and Rocco. Especially Rocco. They'd been talking a lot for the past few weeks, but were still funky in terms of actual reconciliation. When Rocco announced he was going to South Padre Island with a bunch of his frat brothers, Teigan had practically spit flames.

  I giggled into my pillow. Those two were full-on crazy, both about each other and in general.

  "What're you laughing about?" asked Skyler, quietly shutting my door as he came in.

  I rolled over to face him as he crept beneath the comforter. "Rocco and Teigan. And the battle of who'll have the most depraved Spring Break."

  He screwed up his face. "They'll probably both come back with sunburns and tattoos."

  "And alcohol poisoning."

  "We'd be right there with them if we hadn't come up here," Skyler reminded me, copping a feel. "You're wearing pants."

  "Sweatpants," I amended. "Obviously. I'm in your uncle's home. Anyway, I almost always wear sweatpants to bed."

  He started tugging them down.

  "If we were back home, would you be going to Panama City or South Padre?" I asked, shifting my hips to help him out.

  "I wasn't invited to either one,” he teased. “Isn't Panama City some girl thing?"

  I nodded, smiling.

  "And Rocco's with his brothers."

  "Are you going to be in a frat next year?" I asked, throwing my now-naked leg over him.

  "Can you see me in a frat? That's Rocco's thing." The next thing I knew, he was naked and yanking my shirt up over my head.

  "Where are Aiden and—"

  "At work. They left about an hour ago." He went for my neck, tonguing it the way he knew would make me wet.

  "In that case..." I moved away from his mouth and disappeared under the covers.

  "Oh...holy shit, Rory."

  We took it easy for the first couple of days, walking around town, sightseeing and hitting up Skyler's favorite restaurants. The more time I spent in the village of Cornwall-on-Hudson, the more I could see why he'd been able to call it home; it was cozy and beautiful and full of history. I loved the trees, how they often formed canopies over the roads.

  One afternoon Skyler brought me to the military academy he'd attended, where he showed me the paths he used to walk to get from one class to another, as well as the building where he used to live. He shared little historical tidbits as we wandered the campus, and a couple of times we even ran in to faculty members he knew.

  "It's so weird to be here," I said, gazing up the building we were standing in front of. "Like, after seeing it in your pictures, you know?"

  "Yeah." He nodded, looking around. "It's a little weird being here, especially since I can leave when I want. Come on, let's grab lunch.”

  We went to a local pizzeria in town and had just slid into a booth when his phone rang. I could tell by how he was talking it was someone local. Not wanting to totally listen in, I scanned the menu and answered a couple of texts from the girls. Niki and Teigan had been keeping me up to date on their Spring Break adventures, including Teigan's drunken make out fest with some guy from North Carolina.

  I shook my head, sighing. Hopefully Rocco was being just as shady; otherwise the shaky truce they'd forged might dissolve for good. They'd said they could see other people for the time being, but neither of them really had—until now.

  "What's up?" Skyler asked.

  I looked up from my phone. "Teigan, acting up. What else is new?"

  “Acting up how?” he asked, picking up the menu.

  Debating on whether or not I should say anything, I hesitated. Smirking, Skyler fished his phone from his pocket and poked around. "You mean like this?"

  There, on someone's Instagram, was a picture of a wasted, gleeful Rocco...in his swim trunks... with a girl on his lap. She was facing him, and his face, what we could see of it, was buried in her boobs.

  "This one's called body shots," Skyler said. "But I saved a bunch of his Snaps if you want to see those, too.”

  I kinda did, but..."Maybe later."

  Our server stopped by to take our orders, and then I turned back to Skyler. "So, who called?"

  "That kid, Ricky. He's a senior this year. Anyway, there's a party in the city tonight and he wanted to know if we were interested."

  "Oh yeah?"

  Our eyes met. "Should be a pretty good turn out."

  Despite my misgivings about running into exes, I couldn't deny that a party in New York City was too good to pass up. "Where is it?"

  "Somewhere on the Upper East Side. House party. You wanna go?"

  "Yeah."

  "Cool." He grinned, typing quickly on his phone. "We can get a hotel for the night; that way we won't have to deal with trains or whatever."

  "We can't just drive?" I asked.

  "I mean, we could but it would be a pain in the ass. And we'll probably be drinking. It's all good; we can find someplace decent."

  "Your uncle won't mind, right?"

  "Nope. We'll just take the train in."

  Aiden and Kara dropped us at the nearest train station around 5:00 pm. It took us about an hour and a half to get to Grand Central, where I promptly went into tourist mode. I had to fight the urge to take pictures of the station, and then once we were above ground, to take pictures of everything else. I'd brought my journal, too; ticket stubs, photo strips, menus...Skyler teased I was becoming a hoarder.

  He was a good sport about it, though, grabbing my hand and leading me through the crowds like he was experienced. I finally saw why there was so much hype surrounding Manhattan. It really was larger than life.

  "Are we far from where the party's gonna be?" I asked.

  "It's not too far, but Ricky said he'd pick us up,” Skyler said. “I'm calling him now.”

  I bought myself a bottle of water from a nearby newsstand, fascinated by the frenetic pace of the city.

  "Okay, he'll be here in about twenty minutes," he said. "Let's go drop our stuff off at the hotel."

  "Where are we staying?"

  "The Marriott."

  "Marriott?" I frowned. Sometimes I forgot how differently Skyler and I saw money. "You said cheap."

  “I got it, Rory, okay? It's close to the train. Come on."

  Maybe he'd let me throw a little money his way later. We walked a couple of blocks and checked into our room, which was way classier than what I was used to. I dropped my backpack on the bed and walked over to the window, looking out. "I wish we could stay longer."

  "I know, me too."

  "I mean right here."

  "We can stay the weekend if you want."

  "You think your uncle will let us?” I asked, but Skyler just nodded.

  I slipped into the bathroom and put on a different shirt before fixing my hair. Our plans might've been super casual, but vibes here were different and I didn't want to look like a slob around Skyler's friends. I was brushing on mascara when he knocked on the door.

  "Ricky's downstairs...want me to have him come up, or are you ready?"

  "I'm ready," I said, coming out of the bathroom.

  Skyler smiled at my cleavage. "Hi."

  "Hi." I shrugged into a cropped jacket and nodded toward the door. "Lead the way."

  Ricky seemed effortlessly cool, with his leather jacket and boots, his fresh undercut pulled back into a topknot. Mellow and friendly, he reminded me of Finn, who seemed stoned even when he wasn't. It was easy to see why he and S
kyler were friends.

  "So this is your first time up here, Rory?" he asked, glancing at me in the rear view as we drove.

  I nodded. "Yeah."

  "What do you think?"

  "It's crazy; I love it."

  "It is that," he said, grinning. "Pretty much the opposite of old Cornwall."

  "I like it there, too," I said, gazing at the scenery as it whizzed by. He was right, though.

  The kid having the party, Mack, lived with his parents in a condo on the Upper East Side, a place I'd only seen on TV or in movies. Once the doorman let us in, we took an elevator to the fifth floor.

  Mack, an impossibly tall guy with bright red hair, met us at the door. We were introduced; Skyler got a clap on the back, I got a once-over. Twice. Skyler linked his fingers through mine and didn't let go after that.

  Skyler seemed to know everyone, and they seemed psyched to see him. I lost count of how many shots we were offered. I tried to get used to the gushing girls and their enthusiastic hugging; Skyler looked amaziiiing! I was fucking gorgeous! Everybody was so damned trendy; thank God I'd changed in to something cute. Mack walked over and offered us “proper refreshment,” saying there was plenty of stuff in the kitchen if we wanted.

  By the time night fell, I'd loosened up a lot—thanks to a steady supply of vodka and cranberry juice. And honestly, most of Skyler's friends were really cool, even the girls. The music was loud, but it was good. Conversation was superficial, but it was fun.

  "I have to pee," I whispered to Skyler, grasping his arm.

  "Oh, uh...I don't even know where the bathroom is," he said, looking around.

  "It's cool; I'll find it.” I stood up, wobbly—Skyler had been right to get us a hotel for after—and touched the girl I'd been chatting with. “Hey, Lana?"

  "'Sup?"

  "Do you know where the bathroom is?"

  "Yeah, come on. I have to go, too."

  She stood up, adjusting her tiny skirt, and led me through the crowded room to a hallway. There were several closed doors; she knocked on one, got no response, and pushed it open. "There you go."

  "Thanks." I ducked inside and went quickly, checking my appearance as I washed my hands. My eyes were a little glassy, and my cheeks were flushed, but I looked okay.

  Lana went in when I came out. I leaned against the wall, applying a fresh coat of lip gloss as I waited. The door across from me opened, giving me a glimpse of what was going on inside. Several kids were doing lines of coke off a desk; Mack was one of them. Catching me looking, he winked before shutting the door again.

  And I thought we partied hard down south. Had Skyler done all that while living up here? It wouldn't be surprising.

  He stood from the couch when Lana and I returned to the living room, planting a wet, sloppy kiss behind my ear. “My turn.”

  "They're doing coke back there, in one of the bedrooms," I said.

  "Probably not all they're doing," he said, nodding. "Where's the bathroom?"

  I pointed to where we'd gone before and he took off, weaving through the throng of people. Lana and her friend were asking me about Christmas in Florida when I spotted Margaux with a group of girls by the door. Damn, she was even prettier in real life. Her auburn hair was shorter than it had been in the pictures I'd seen, cut and styled in wavy, shoulder length layers.

  My stomach coiled. I was probably being dumb, but whatever—it was an automatic reaction to seeing this girl. And as welcome and relaxed as things had been so far, I couldn't help but feel out of place, suddenly. These people all knew each other. I sipped my drink and glanced toward the hallway, mentally willing Skyler to hurry up.

  He emerged eventually, reading his phone as he walked back. Pulling me up off the couch, he sat in my place and patted his lap—he tended to get goofy and affectionate when we drank a lot. I tended to like it.

  "Having fun?" asked Skyler, his breath tickling my ear.

  I twisted around so I was sitting sideways, careful not to kick anyone. "Yep...you?"

  "Yeah. It's really good to see everyone."

  "I'm glad." Leaning down, I kissed his nose.

  The guy next to us got up and Ricky sat down, talking to Skyler. I let my gaze travel the room, wondering if Margaux was still around.

  She was. We made eye contact. I knew who she was, and I had a feeling she knew who I was.

  I looked away first, biting my lip. Maybe if I ignored her, she'd go away.

  Nope. Minutes later she appeared in front of us, her head cocked as she smiled down at Skyler.

  "Hey, you."

  "Oh, hey, Margaux." The music had gotten louder; he practically had to yell. “What's up?”

  "Not a damn thing. Hi,” she said, extending her hand to me. “I'm Margaux.” She had a pretty smile. I wondered if it was sincere.

  I shook her hand, smiling back. "Hi. Aurora."

  She nodded, brushing her bangs from her eyes. Two of her friends stood nearby, making no secret of their curiosity. Awkward. Even Lana, who'd squeezed in next to Ricky, had stopped fidgeting.

  "Well, I just wanted to stop by," Margaux said. "I'll see you guys later."

  “Good to see you, Mar,” said Skyler.

  She walked away, glancing back just once. I relaxed; that could have gone worse. Margaux was gorgeous, and could probably have anyone she wanted, but I could tell she wasn't over Skyler...probably the same way I hadn't been over him when he'd left me.

  I downed the rest of my drink and set the cup on a table. "No more for me," I said to no one but myself. Skyler was chatting with Ricky again. I wished I could see into his mind. But then his fingers, which had been absently stroking my knee, inched higher. He squeezed my thigh. Reminding me.

  He knew.

  It warmed me, warmed me so that I was melty with desire. The low lights and music and intoxication didn't help, either. Settling back, I rested my hand on his shoulder, letting my fingertips graze his neck. He glanced at me, his eyes flickering between mine.

  Maybe I looked as aroused as I felt, because his gaze darkened, and he shifted, his fingers high on my thigh.

  "Ready to go?"

  We took our clothes off and fell in to bed, not even bothering to get under the covers. I was wound up and almost anxious, wanting him so bad I wanted to be inside him as much as I wanted him to be inside me.

  He let me mess with him for a minute before pushing me onto my back. We made out—messy, wet kisses fueled by alcohol and need—until he made his way inside, hard and fast, stopping only to turn me over.

  We didn't talk, couldn't. He touched me until I got to where I was going, gasping into the blankets, and then he followed, his heart racing against my back. After a moment, he eased out, kissing my shoulder blades and along my neck.

  I rolled over. We kissed. I didn't want to let him go, so I didn't. "Come take a shower with me," he murmured, biting my ear.

  I let him haul me out of bed so we could rush through a shower and fall back in to bed. It was, maybe, the best sleep ever.

  Memories

  We returned to Cornwall-on-Hudson late the next day. Aiden met us at the train station and drove us back to the house, stopping on the way home to grab takeout from an Italian place they liked.

  Exploring the city for two days with Skyler was one of the best experiences of my life. Seeing things I'd only ever seen in movies was awesome, but having Skyler as a tour guide made it perfect.

  We spent our last days in New York hiking and camping out in the backyard. I'd been a little apprehensive about spending an entire night outside, but ultimately it was an adventure I couldn't pass up—not that Skyler would've let me. We made s'mores around the fire we built and fooled around in the tent until we passed out.

  Leaving was bittersweet. At the airport, Aiden and Kara helped us with our bags and then lingered tearfully at the curb until a traffic cop ran them off. I glanced at Skyler as we stepped through the automatic doors, not all that surprised to see tears in his eyes.

  “You okay?” I asked
, dropping my hand to hold his.

  He nodded. We got in line, waiting to check our bags.

  “You miss them,” I said, thinking of Aiden and Kara, of the friends I'd met, all the people who loved Skyler. It really was as if he had another home here.

  “Yeah, I do.” He wiped his face. “But I wasn't expecting to feel so much closure.”

  We landed in Florida around 10:30 at night. After New York's brisk spring weather, the humidity at home was so heavy; it felt like a wet blanket. Fog covered the highways and streets, giving everything a dreamy finish. We spoke little, but it was a comfortable, sleepy quiet, our linked fingers saying everything that needed to be said.

  "You sure you don't want any more?" Luz Peña asked, serving spoon in hand.

  Niki and I were celebrating our college acceptance letters—USF was now a reality for me—and as usual, I'd overdone it on her mom's rice and beans. "No, thanks. It was so good, though."

  She smiled, placing a cover on top of the pot. "I'll send you home with some."

  "That would be great." I got up and pushed my chair back, rubbing my belly. "Actually...are there any plantains left?"

  She popped one into my mouth as I gave her a hug from behind. Everything these days made me sentimental, even Luz's cooking. People talked about gaining the freshman fifteen at college, but honestly, if I was going to put on weight anywhere it would've been right here in this kitchen.

  Niki smacked my butt on her way to the bedroom. "Come on."

  I followed her inside, shutting the door with my foot. She'd been accepted to two schools in Georgia, both of which had great dance programs and one of which was near Finn. It didn't take a genius to figure out which one she was leaning toward. They were so steady, and so in love it was disgusting. And beautiful.

  "So, I called Finn today and told him," she said, sitting criss-cross applesauce.

  "What'd he say?" I asked.

  "He's, like, stupid-excited," she gushed, grinning. "I mean, so am I. He wanted me to get a single because, you know." Her cheeks went pink. "I don't think I will, though. I want to meet people, and all that jazz."

  A lump rose in my throat. I was so attached to Niki, to our friendship and our way of life. As happy as I was we were all following our dreams, I ached with the knowledge we'd be separated by the end of summer.