Falling to Pieces

by Michelle Louise

  I raised the volume of the radio and heard a song I had never heard before. The lyrics to most love songs make me gag, but this one made me feel something weird. Giddy almost. It was a foreign feeling to me, but it wasn’t scaring me this time. It was a welcoming sensation that I was ready to experience.

  Sunday afternoon arrived and it was time for me to head back to Avalon. I said goodbye to daddy and promised to come down soon to help him pack up some of her stuff and buy some new furniture to change things up a bit, to help keep his mind free of her and not be tempted to let her sneak back in with her wicked ways. He was smarter than that, but we all know how men can be tempted.

  I was an hour away from Avalon as a loud beeping came over my Bluetooth through the radio and nearly caused me to swerve off the road. So I guess even the “hands-free” radio isn’t so safe after all. I looked at my phone and saw the alert to contact Aaron. I spoke to the voice control and instructed it to call Aaron.

  “Hello?” he answered, sounding to be in good spirits.

  “Hey buddy, what’s going on?” I replied.

  “Same ole’ shit. Homework on Sunday, class on Monday.”

  “Yeah, well at least it’s an afternoon class. What do you say we meet up for coffee and catch up? I feel like I haven’t talked you in forever.” I was hoping to get more about Martha during our catch up. But we will see if he takes the bait.

  “Uhh, yeah I guess that would be cool. I could definitely use a coffee if I want to finish this paper.”

  “Sweet! I’ll be there in an hour. I’ll swing by to pick you up.”

  “Alright. See you then.”

  “K. Later!”

  The phone disconnected as soon as he hung up and my radio faded back into the speakers. My playlist continued playing my favorite drive songs and the next hour went by in a flash.

  We found a quiet table in the back corner and settled in with coffees in hand.

  “So. How was your week?” I ask politely.

  “Give me a break. Just ask me what you really want to know.” His face was soft and a small smirk let me know he wasn’t being mean. “Like what happened with Martha? Though, I am surprised you don’t already know, seeing as how her big sister is your best friend.”

  “Well, I’m not sure she even knows. Plus, I want to hear your side of the story.” I said proudly.

  “Well, the guy in the car was one of her professors, Jacob Howard. Apparently, she had volunteered to work on a research project he was conducting with a few other students. After a few meetings, it was apparent she was the smartest one in the group so he had asked her to stay late a few times to review.”

  “Review, huh? I see where this is going.”

  Open mouth, insert foot.

  His brow tightened and I sensed a slight irritability in his demeanor so I quickly rebound, “Sorry, please continue.”

  “Anyways, he asked her to dinner one night and she said yes. She says she doesn’t know why she agreed, but she did. That was the night I came to surprise her. She had been at dinner with him, but when he as her to come home with him she realized what she was doing and had him bring her back to the store to get her car. Martha kept apologizing and said she was sorry. I believe her and know that she cares about me.” He paused and looked into his coffee as if she was going to suddenly appear in the froth.

  “Sooo, everything is okay now? She saw the green grass but decided not to jump the fence.”

  “Well, as far as I’m concerned, she shouldn’t have been looking at the other side of the fence. I was good to her, you know.” He looked up from his cup and shrugged his shoulders. “So, I broke it off. The distance is too much for us. I feel like we really could have had something, but the trust will never there now. It’s only been a few months and she already felt the need to grasp another man’s attention.”

  “Aw man. I’m sorry. You know I love Martha, but she is a little vixen. Sometimes girls like her just need to date around for a long time before they can really settle and make someone else happy. You deserve to be happy and should also date around until someone just stops you in your tracks. Someone who will love you and never look over the fence. Damn son, you’re only 18, live a little! It’s college! Join a frat, get drunk, date the whole cheerleading team! Who cares?! You will never regret the things you did in college, only the things you didn’t do.”

  “True. But it still doesn’t make me feel any better.”

  “Nope, that is something that will just take time. But tonight, I can speed up the process. Let me take you to Penny’s. I can get you in and sneak you a few drinks; it will be fun!”

  “Eh, I don’t know. I still have to finish my paper and have class tomorrow.”

  “Not seeing a point here, pal. You have class in the afternoon, which gives you all morning to finish that paper. You need this! It will help take your mind off Martha and onto some other hot fox that walks by. C’mon, what do you say?” I wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

  “Alright. But you have to promise to behave. And no dancing! You know I hate dancing.”

  “Ummm, that’s a tough stipulation. But you got yourself a deal!” I knew after a few drinks he would be dancing and forget he told me not to.

  We finished our coffees and headed back to his apartment so he could change. I didn’t need to go home since I still had my stuff from the weekend. I freshened up my face and we were out the door.

  It was a regular Sunday crowd, just a few locals and random students trying to extend the weekend as long as possible. We found a couple seats at the bar and made our way over to sit. Thankfully Lilly was working and was able to “accidently” forget to ID Aaron. I introduced him as my brother, knowing that she would catch on.

  With such a small crowd, Lilly let us pick a few songs for free on the jukebox, so I let Aaron have his choice for the majority. I only needed to hear one song. It would play last on the list of course; after he was already a few drinks in and feeling lose.

  We sipped our beer and I filled him in on my run in with the witch this weekend. He was about just as shocked as me to hear that my dad kicked her out. Aaron nearly fell off his stool laughing when I imitated her facial expression as he told her to leave. It was nice to see him smiling and having fun. I’m glad he is not letting Martha take hold of his feelings. Those damn feelings that I try desperately not to let take over, so that I don’t have to sit around at a bar with someone trying to make me laugh and smile to forget my heartache.

  “Lilly, can we get a shot please?” I asked while thinking of what I might want to drink, that I think Aaron would like.

  “How about an Irish Breakfast?” she must have read my mind. This would be perfect for Aaron.

  “Prefect!”

  Lilly brings over the two shot glass and two small ramekins.

  “Irish breakfast?” Aaron asks, looking at the two glasses in front of him.

  “Don’t worry, the second one is just orange juice. Once you take the shot, you will chase it with that. By the time you finish, your mouth will taste like you just ate maple pancakes and bacon and washed it down with a little OJ.” I explain.

  “Sounds good to me. Thanks Cheyenne. I’m already starting to feel better.”

  “I bet you are.” I laugh, knowing he must be pretty buzzed by now. “Here’s to college life my friend. Enjoy it while it lasts cause soon enough you will be graduating and on to being adult. Yikes!” I lift my glass and he brings his to meet it. “Cheers, bro.”

  “Cheers.” He says, and we both tap our glass on the counter and pour them down our throats, quickly following up with the shot of orange juice.

  “Wow! That was fucking good.”

  “I know, right.” We high five and he starts nodding his head to one of his song choices. He would be dancing soon, even without my help.

  We enjoyed another drink and discussed school stuff and college life. I wanted him to know that he still needs to be responsible about taking it easy and keeping up with schoolwork. I
also told him the importance of drinking plenty of water in between drinks. Hydration was key in avoiding a hangover and for pacing yourself. No one likes a sloppy friend. He wouldn’t technically be allowed in a bar for a few years, and I didn’t plan to make this an everyday thing. I could get in a lot of trouble and so could the staff here. He could wait his turn, just like everyone else.

  It was getting late and I knew I should get him home soon. I asked Lilly to close out my tab and just as we were finishing up our drinks to leave, my song came on. Perfect timing.

  “You didn’t.” Aaron looks over to me with a smile on his face as he looks around to see who all is still in there.

  “Oh, but I did! It’s your jam, remember?”

  “I was like ten, give me a break. Every kid loved dancing to this.”

  “Yeah, but you really loved it.” I threw my head back laughing and began to sing the words knowing he wouldn’t be able to resist. “If you see a faded sign at the side of the road that says fifteen miles to the loooovvveeeee shack!”

  I was right. He joined in on the lyrics and was dancing like a kid. Priceless. I can still remember when Bill and Mom would play their music on Sunday mornings while making breakfast. Bill would wake us up and we would all dance like crazies in the living room while mom cooked. For whatever reason, this song made Aaron lose it. He loved it and had his own moves he made up to go along with the words. It was fantastic to see him doing it at this age.

  The song ended and we laughed the whole way out the door, waving goodbye to Lilly. I walked Aaron back to his apartment and headed home.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  My week was going by nice and easy but couldn’t possibly go any slower. Sam should hopefully be coming home this weekend and I couldn’t wait to see him. He has been busy taking care of arrangements with his father and hasn’t had much time to talk. As I am walking in my door from my morning classes, my phone buzzes in my back pocket and a smile reaches my face.

  Hmph.

  I didn’t know I could be so sad not seeing his name on my screen. Not that this one made me sad. I actually hadn’t talked to Dave in a while and could actually use some lunch.

  Dave: Hey there, how’s your week going?

  So far, so good. You?

  Dave: Just getting ready for our show this weekend?

  Sounds fun! You hungry? Want to meet for lunch?

  Dave: Yeah, Las Locos at 1pm?

  Perfect. See you soon.

  Dave and I had an easy friendship. No strings, no expectations, just someone to be there for you when you needed them. It was great. There was really only one other person in my life that I felt I could just be completely open with and that is Sawyer. For whatever reason, Dave and I are two of a kind. Though, not quite made for a relationship together and I think we both knew that from day one.

  He is undoubtedly one of the sexiest men I’ve ever met, however just like all the other guys, he just wouldn’t be able to hold my interest. I’m now realizing there may only be one person that can actually do that and he was the one person I hide my self from the most. Probably because I know he is the one person who could wreck me completely and break my heart into a million pieces.

  Sitting down on the couch, I turn on the TV to kill a few minutes before heading to lunch. Nothing good is ever on at this time of day, so I rest my head back on the cushion and close my eyes.

  My front door makes a low creaking noise and my eyes snap open to watch it slowly open.

  “Sam?” I whisper as I adjust my eyes to the bright sunlight shining in from behind his tall figure.

  “Hi Cheyenne, I want you to meet someone.” Sam says as he makes his way into the apartment and my eyes follow his arm down to his hand, which is holding onto someone else’s. He pulls a tall blonde through the door and I recognize the face. “This is Emma. My fiancé.”

  “You’re what?” I choke out, disgusted by what I am seeing.

  “We came to see me in California and we just sort of hit it off again. I realized I didn’t want to wait around for you any longer and just wanted to be with someone who loved me. Emma asked me to marry her and I said yes.” His smile was as big as a teenager who just got laid for the first time. Like he had just won the lottery.

  “Wait, I’m still not sure I understand. You went to help your dad and you came back with her? What the hell is going on?” My mind cannot process what is happening.

  “Sorry Sawyer, you should have just told me what I wanted to hear. But we got to go, it was nice to see you.” He waves his hand and she smiles and waves as well. They turn back out the door and the room goes dark.

  KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

  What the hell!

  I open my eyes and realize I must have dozed off. I jumped off the couch still in a fog at my recent dream, well nightmare really, and open the door. I was so thankful to see Dave and not Sam with the blonde on his arm.

  “Dave!” I reached out and hugged him.

  “Um, you okay?” he asked.

  “Sorry, what time is it? Shit! I’m so sorry, I must have fallen asleep.” I looked at my phone and saw 1:20 displayed on the screen. “Still have time to eat?” I ask, reaching for my purse.

  “You’re too much. It’s fine. I sent you a text and you didn’t respond, so I figured I would come check on you. C’mon sleepy, let’s go.”

  On the walk to the restaurant I told him about the dream I just had. He laughed, but I was thoroughly freaked out. We finally got seated at a booth and I still couldn’t shake it.

  “Seriously though, how crazy? Was that supposed to be some hidden message? That I am supposed to just figure all this out now or he will be gone?” My heart was racing at the thought of him leaving and even more so at the thought of him with her. I hated this crap. He wasn’t even mine to lose and yet I was freaking out.

  “Relax, killer. It’s probably been on your mind a lot lately and naturally our brains like to play mean tricks on us and have super deep dreams to make us feel a little more crazy than usual. But remember, it was just a dream. Take what you want from the message, but at the end of the day, you know what you want and how you feel. Don’t feel rushed into making a decision, but allow yourself to trust your heart every now and then. It’s scary, but it’s worth it. Trust me.”

  “I don’t know. It’s just weird. I get so jealous, yet when he stands in front of me and tells me he wants to be with me, I can’t commit. I clam up and think of all the bad things that might come out of it.” I let out a heavy sigh and take a sip of my water.

  “What humors me the most, is that you know exactly what the problem is and yet you still refuse to fix it. You seem like the type to always fight for what you want and what is good, but in this situation, you would have to fight yourself. Your heart should be strong and fight for the good thing. The right thing that is clearly right in front of you.”

  “Don’t flatter yourself.” I say with a wink.

  “You know what I mean.” He takes a sip of his water and the server makes her way over. We place our orders and I decide I am done with this conversation for today.

  “Okay, I get it. I understand what you are saying, it just sounds easier than it really is. So, let’s change the subject for now.”

  “I hear you. Alright, so when does he get back into town.” He asks with a smile, knowing that I don’t want to talk about Sam anymore.

  “None-yah.” I stick out my tongue and he laughs. “ Let’s turn this spotlight around. Why don’t you tell me about her?”

  “About who?” his eyes show me that he definitely has a story to tell.

  “The girl who has the same effect on you. You obviously know and understand what I am going through, so there must be a story.”

  “Touché, my friend.” He takes a deep breath and begins to fill me in. “Her name is Annabelle and we met in high school, she was a couple years younger than me, but you would never know by looking at her. You couldn’t keep us apart, yet I was never able to fully commit to a relationship. I ha
ted the idea of it. But I also didn’t want her to be with anyone else. We would constantly fight over it, which then made it harder to commit. After she graduated, she went off to college and I was still here playing my guitar and working on my music career. The next year she came home for the summer and we had fling for a bit, but still nothing serious. It ended in a fight as usual and we didn’t speak for a long time. A year later, she came back again, except this time, she had a 3 month old daughter.” His eyes met mine, which must have grown three sizes bigger at the last words he said. He took a sip of his water and continued. “Her name is Fiona and she is almost 5 years old.” He had his phone in his hands and turned it around to show me a picture of them.

  “Wow. Didn’t see that one coming. They are beautiful! Both of them. Ohh, she is so cute.”

  “Yeah, crazy, huh. So, needless to say I wanted in. It was terrible that it took something so huge to make me realize what I really wanted, but it did. And I would not stop fighting for what I wanted. Annabelle wasn’t going to make it easy, and she told me I was too late. I couldn’t understand how she could do that to me, but in reality I had been doing it to her all along.”

  “So now what? You guys are just friends? ” They were such a beautiful little family and it made me sad to think of how he must feel.

  “Well, we are working on things and have been for quite some time. That same summer was when Knucks Road got our first album recorded and we needed to get on the road to promote it. I was gone all the time just like I still am. Annabelle isn’t seeing anyone and hasn’t for a long time. She focuses her time on our daughter and I am thankful for that. Not because I don’t want her to be with anyone and be happy, but because it’s hard enough not being there for my daughter one hundred percent of the time and it’s nice to know that she has all her Mommy’s attention.”