What God Has For Me

by Pat Simmons

  Who I set free is free indeed! God’s voice came as thunder. Study John 8.

  As if struck by lightning, Halcyon’s spiritual eyes opened, and it was as if she could see the devil laughing at her. Getting up, she walked back in the house and glanced at the clock. Nine-thirty. She hoped her sister hadn’t gone to bed already.

  Halcyon checked on the children and then returned downstairs where she sat in the recliner that Zachary had vacated hours earlier. When Desi answered the phone, Halcyon surprised herself by bursting into tears and the more she tried to stop, the more she cried. “I saw Scott today…” she was able to get out as her sister was trying to calm her down. No doubt Michael was probably in the background, concerned.

  “I thought Zachary took you out shopping for your birthday?” Desi asked.

  “He did. The children loved the outing and I finally felt comfortable enough to let go and tell Zach, I love him.”

  “About time.” Desi huffed. She imagined her sister probably folded her arms like she had a habit of doing when she made a point.

  “Would you let me finish,” Halcyon snapped, but once her emotions were in check, she apologized. “One moment I’m in utopia, the next I’m in outer space. When did you stop… how did you get over the hurt, the pain of you know what?” She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to bear the prick to her heart. “Even though you and Michael were married and I wasn’t, I still feel betrayed. He married a woman who resembles me in features. Why have a duplicate when he had the real thing? I just don’t understand my emotions right now.”

  “Hey, hey,” Desi’s voice was soft and soothing. “When God walked me through His forgiveness process, and we know how long that took, that was when I truly stopped hurting.”

  Forgiveness again. Halcyon sighed. The devil was right; it was easy to say; Halcyon knew she had to try and live it.

  “That’s why I kept most of the details of my drama to myself. To outsiders, the groundwork had been laid for me to file for a divorce. And as you know, I did that, but God’s Word kept coming back to me to forgive. And He helped me to do it.”

  Halcyon was half-listening. “I thought I was ready to move on with Zachary, but maybe I’m not if I’m going to have a meltdown every time I see Scott. I thought I was restored and over him…” She ranted until she ran out of steam.

  “Okay, here comes some tough love talk. Get your act together, Halcyon Bridget Holland. You’ve got more going for you than you ever had. Stop punishing yourself for past mistakes. Jesus isn’t, so get over it. Unless Scott relocates to Mars, and as long as you have Jonathan and Ashanti, you are bound to see him. God will numb those feelings and so will Zachary, if you let him,” Desi said, then she heard Michael mumble something before her sister handed the phone over to him.

  “Sister-in-law, I don’t know what went down or what you’ve told my wife, but I did hear my big brother’s name mentioned. Zachary is the real deal. As far as you’re concerned, he always will be,” Michael said.

  Now on speaker, Halcyon wasn’t surprised when her sister and Michael began to pray for her. Every poignant word and petition they put before God on her behalf kept tears parading down her cheeks.

  By the time they said, “Amen,” Halcyon was drained. After a chorus of ‘I love yous,’ they disconnected. Taking a deep breath, Halcyon got up and seemed to drag her body up the stairs to the bathroom where she blew her nose.

  Repenting had been the easy part, now it was the post-sin life that seemed challenging. Desi was right to call her out in the prayer. She needed to forgive Scott, whether he asked for it or not.

  That’s easier said than done, the devil was back.

  “Shut up in the name of Jesus,” she rebuked him and went to bed.

  Chapter 11

  Zachary was concerned when Halcyon skipped church and wouldn’t take his calls. He wanted to stop by and check on her, but decided against it. His mission would be to pray and fast, so that God would completely mend her heart and they could have a future together.

  Still, he was mad at the devil, causing Halcyon to miss out on a sermon she really needed to hear: Mark 4:5-17, the different types of ground where faith seeds could land. Satan had stolen the joy she had received. But Zachary was determined to stick it out with Halcyon until the Word of God was rooted so deep within her that whenever she encountered Scott, she wouldn’t be so shaken.

  Although Halcyon led people to believe she was okay, yesterday was proof that her wound was deep and needed a daily spiritual dressing until she was completely healed. He sent her a text with words of encouragement and included the Scriptures from the sermon. Hopefully, she would read his text message and be soothed by the Word. When she hadn’t responded to his text after a few hours, Zachary did what a man had to do. He used her daughter to get through to her mother. He called to speak with Ashanti.

  “Hi, Uncle Zach, Mommy didn’t feel like comin’ to church today, but I read my Bible. Do you know the story of Noah?” She switched subjects every few sentences so that he had to concentrate to stay with her. “Mommy says I have to get ready for bed now. I don’t want to go to bed.” He imagined she was pouting. He smiled—cute.

  “But you’re my princess, and all princesses have to get their beauty rest, so you do what your mother says, okay?” he coaxed her to comply.

  “Okay. I love you, Uncle Zach.”

  “I love you too.” He smiled.

  “I still want you to be my daddy. Bye.” She rushed off the call, disconnecting without Halcyon coming on the line.

  I want to be your daddy, too, he said to himself.

  The next morning, Zachary was relieved when Halcyon strutted through the showroom, wearing the blue top he had bought her. Zachary held back from approaching her as he normally would have. Watching her, he tried to read her body language.

  When Ashanti spotted him, his cover was blown and she made a beeline toward him. Squatting, he braced for impact. The hard kiss she landed on his cheek and death lock grip around his neck made him laugh as he stood and lifted her in the air.

  Halcyon was rooted in place, watching him as he headed her way. “Good morning.” He smiled and she gave him her own—weak—but still her lips curved upward. “Sleep well?”

  “I tried,” she answered and walked away.

  The black circles that her makeup couldn’t hide confirmed it, but there was no way he was going to say anything about it. Trailing her inside her office, Zachary closed the door. The children ran immediately to their play area. When Halcyon made a step toward her desk, Zachary wrapped an arm around her waist.

  Surprisingly, she didn’t protest as she collapsed against his chest. “Thank you for the Scripture yesterday. I read it and felt ashamed that I had let God down, and probably you too,” she looked up at him with soulful eyes.

  “Bridget, you’ve been through a lot. Forgiveness takes time.” He reluctantly released her.

  “That’s the same thing Desi said.” She set her purse on her desk, then took her seat. “But I need space to sort through this in my head and heart. I hope you understand.”

  Zachary nodded, but he didn’t understand. He loved her, wasn’t that enough? “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll give you time, but this doesn’t include the children. I want visitation rights.” Zachary flopped on the corner of her desk. He noted her relieved expression, then she smiled.

  “Ashanti and Jonathan aren’t part of my confusion. They need you.”

  And so do you, he wanted to say, but held his tongue. Leaning forward, he tested his boundary when he puckered his lips for a kiss and Halcyon met him halfway. Ah yeah, the kiss was proof that her sabbatical from him would be short-lived. But he had to play fair. Zachary wanted Halcyon to come to him with no mental baggage.

  Ashanti must have dropped whatever she was doing. “Daddy.” She raced to him and Jonathan followed. He turned back to look at Halcyon who gave him an amused expression.

  Zachary knelt to receive their hugs and kisses. Cupping her hands ov
er his ear, Ashanti whispered loudly, “You’re going to be my daddy, right?” Stepping back, she looked hopeful. The smile she gave him resembled Halcyon’s. Daddy’s little girl was going to be a heartbreaker.

  “I’m working on it.” He winked, then stood. When he turned around, Paisley was opening the door. “You need to see me?”

  “Ah, no, I just wanted to come and speak with Halcyon.” His employee stepped into the room and took a seat at Halcyon’s desk.

  “So when’s the wedding?” Zachary heard Paisley say before he disappeared down the hall. He grunted. Zachary wanted to know the same thing.

  ***

  “Excuse me?” Halcyon asked, lifting a brow to convey that it was none of her business. But she didn’t have an answer for that one herself. Hoping her nosy coworker would take the hint and leave or change the subject; Halcyon began to sign into her computer.

  Ever since Desi had reconciled with Michael, her sister preached, “Keep other women and men out of your personal life.” The couple was always suspicious of any woman or man that wanted to become too friendly as a possible threat to their marriage. Desi always quoted the silly woman Scripture in 2 Timothy 3:6.

  Maybe Halcyon needed to take heed. She didn’t know the woman well enough to be privy to her agenda.

  Waving one hand in the air and crossing one leg over her ankle, Paisley leaned back in the chair to get settled for the scoop that wasn’t forthcoming. Halcyon inwardly groaned. She didn’t need this this morning.

  “You know, when are you two lovebirds tying the knot?” Paisley smiled. “I’m just asking because my boyfriend of three years just asked me to marry him. It’s about time, since David and I have been living together six years… I thought he would never get around to making a decent woman out of me…”

  Halcyon didn’t need or want to hear this one-sided conversation. Either Paisley was fishing for details or the devil was back with a vengeance, possessing her coworker’s mouth to bring her down emotionally. Too bad, because Halcyon was stronger than these pity parties she had been subjecting herself to. The devil is a lie!

  “Congratulations, Paisley. I’m glad things have worked out between you and your boyfriend.” And Halcyon meant that. At least the woman wasn’t after Zachary, but then again…some people only wanted what other people had. She needed to stop listening to Desi’s relationship buster conspiracy theories.

  “I thought since the two of us will be getting married, maybe we can go wedding shopping together. You know, bounce ideas off of each other.”

  Now who said anything about getting married? At that very moment, Ashanti lost interest in her beloved coloring book. She skipped to Halcyon’s side and softly patted her arm. “Mommy.”

  Any other time, Halcyon would correct her daughter for interrupting, but in this instance, Ashanti had come to the rescue, bringing Paisley’s rambling to a halt. “I’m glad you had a great weekend, but I’ve really got to get going here. I’m in and out today because I have to take my baby school shopping, and I really need to review these accounts.” Halcyon capped it off with a dazzling smile.

  Hours later, Halcyon shut down the computer and packed up her children. Zachary still hadn’t returned by the time they made it to the parking lot. Strapped in his car seat, Jonathan fell asleep before she made it to the first red light, while Ashanti was staring out the window from her booster seat.

  Halcyon gnawed on her lips. When her daughter made a second request for Zachary to be her dad, Halcyon knew it was time to address it. Rolling to a stop at a red light, she glanced in the rearview mirror, then she cleared her throat. “Ashanti, you haven’t asked me any questions about seeing your daddy a few days ago.”

  “I want Uncle Zach to be my dad.”

  “But you already have a father,” Halcyon explained, hoping she wasn’t opening up a can of worms. But like Zachary had reminded her, she and Scott would cross paths again, even if Scott made no effort to see his children.

  “He’s that little boy’s daddy now, so I want Uncle Zach to be my daddy,” Ashanti said with finality in her tone. It was as if Ashanti wasn’t fazed by what she saw. It’s not like Scott spoiled her to be a Daddy’s girl.

  Halcyon’s heart ached for her daughter. At the tender age of four, Ashanti had reasoned that her biological father no longer belonged to her. God, what have I done by taking these detours in life?

  Your crooked paths I have made straight on the cross, the Lord whispered.

  Before she could quiz her daughter, Ashanti gave her the answers. “Uncle Zach loves me and gives me hugs. He plays with us and calls me his princess. I want him to be my daddy,” she said with defiance in her voice.

  More than once Halcyon had wished Zachary had been her children’s father. But her heart had to get over her children’s biological father once and for all, so that she could let another man into her heart to be their loving father.

  Lord, I need help with this. I want to move on, but for the right reason. Not for a father for my children or so I won’t be alone. I want my heart to be empty so that the love from Zachary can fill it ‘til it overflows, Halcyon prayed silently. She didn’t dare let Ashanti hear what she had petitioned God.

  Chapter 12

  Zachary couldn’t get Ashanti’s request off his mind. He smirked, leaving the location of his second Baer Electronics store across town. Zachary was touched that she had proposed to him to be her father. He loved that little girl and would say yes in a minute, if Halcyon wanted him like he wanted her. Hadn’t he waited long enough? Hadn’t patience had its perfect work, as instructed in James 1:4?

  Now Zachary was heading to Car Craze’s office, per Halcyon’s recommendation, to pull files from earlier in the year.

  The ringtone he set on his phone for Michael played right as he drove into the parking lot. He tapped his Bluetooth. “Hey, bro. I’ve got a question about this new procedure on the products coming from overseas.”

  “Yep.” After Zachary walked his brother through the steps and was about to end the call, Michael stopped him.

  “So how is everything going with Halcyon?”

  “I couldn’t have made a wiser choice for an office manager. She’s smart and the children are well mannered at the store, as I expected they would be. As a matter of fact, I’m heading over to the car business to get files for her to insert into a new program she suggested I use.”

  “Efficient. That’s a Holland trait, but I wasn’t talking about in a professional capacity. She was pretty upset last night when she called Desi. She was hurting bad, man.”

  “I know.” Releasing a heavy sigh, Zachary squeezed his lips in frustration. “She had a setback after seeing Scott. Just like the devil to show up when we were finally getting somewhere as a couple. Ashanti was affected too, seeing her father with someone else. She didn’t cry out for him, but asked me to be her daddy.” He smiled again.

  “Halcyon really does have some good children. So what are you going to do about being her daddy?”

  “I know what I want to do.”

  “Which is?” Michael prompted.

  “Ask her to marry me and let me adopt Ashanti and Jonathan. That’s what I would like to do. My feelings for her deepened when I was her coach during Lamaze classes. I shamefully imagined what it would be like for us to have a child. That Scott is really a piece of work…” Zachary stopped himself from saying more, because whether he admitted it or not, he was affected too—just in a different way.

  “Then step up to the plate, man. No matter what, she needs you,” Michael kept harping on what he should do until they ended the call. The tables were turned. Zachary had sat him down and had given him the third degree after delivering an upper cut for lending his certain body part to another woman. That had been worth repenting for because Michael was giving the Bishops a bad name.

  Now Zachary had to watch himself, because his flesh wanted to lash out with a major assault on Scott. But then God wouldn’t get the victory, and neither would he. Plus, lan
ding in jail with a police record would definitely smear his good name. He had to pray from afar, because this was something Halcyon had to figure out for herself.

  Chapter 13

  “I know you don’t want to hear this,” Desi stated while she and Halcyon hid in their mother’s kitchen, nibbling on peanut butter cookies they had baked for their children.

  “But it looks like you’re going to tell me anyway,” Halcyon said, resting her treat on the napkin. Lifting a brow, she folded her arms and waited.

  “Of course, I am. You need closure, sis.”

  Closure? Halcyon shook her head. “I had it when I moved out of the apartment more than a year ago.”

  Desi placed her hand on top of hers. “Then why are you still hurting?” When Halcyon shrugged, her sister pressed on. “Believe me, I know about hurting—you know I do, but our closure came during that snowstorm when Michael spent the night. We both laid it on the table that we had to own up to the choices we made in life, and accept the consequences. The truth really did make us free just as John 8:32 says.”

  Halcyon gnawed on her lips. “This isn’t the same thing, Desi. You and Michael didn’t have any children to complicate the situation.” She frowned. “I guess what really hurts is we were together for years. Scott never mentioned marriage—not once—yet he didn’t seem to have commitment issues after I left. Why do men do that?” Maybe she should seek a degree in psychology to understand human behavior instead of finishing her accounting degree. “That made me feel like something was wrong with me.”

  “Sounds like there was something wrong with Scott!” Desi squeezed her lips shut, seemingly wanting to say more, but thinking better of it. It was no secret her sisters didn’t care for Scott because he seldom came around the family and when he did, he was detached from activities and conversations. Taking a deep breath, Desi smiled. “However, you have a man who loves you unconditionally.”