For All Time

by Angela Benson

  Josh nodded. “I signed the contract so I’m legally bound, but I don’t see why they’d want a disgruntled executive. I’ve offered to forgo all bonus compensation. That should be enough to satisfy them.”

  “Could they make you stay?”

  “Technically, but it’d take a court battle and I don’t think they’re up for that.”

  “If they are, would they win?”

  “Unfortunately. I’m trying not to think about that. I just want you to know that all our discussions are based on that assumption that I can get out of the contract. Is that okay with you?”

  Elliot nodded. “Of course, I’d like it better if everything were settled, but I can dangle for a while.”

  “I should know within the next month. How’s that?”

  “Hey, I want you with me and I’ll take you any way I can get you.”

  “Good then. Now that we’ve gotten all that out of the way, let’s talk shop. Where do things stand?”

  Josh spent the rest of the morning going over Elliot’s plans for his first production run. By lunchtime, he was excited about their prospects. He knew they would make a lot of money if they did everything right.

  “Do you want to stay for lunch?” Elliot asked. “Marilyn would love your company.”

  “Not today, maybe some other time. Has Gloria talked to Marilyn about our problems?”

  Elliot shook his head. “If she has, Marilyn hasn’t told me. Actually, we haven’t seen much of Gloria lately.”

  “Maybe it’s been too difficult for her, knowing that you two made it through your rough time and we didn’t.”

  Elliot nodded, but he knew the real reason Gloria hadn’t been around. It was him. He had overstepped his boundaries. He knew he had to come clean with Josh about it. “That’s not all of it.”

  Josh looked up at Elliot. “What more is there?”

  “I told Gloria how I felt about your commuter marriage arrangement.”

  “And she didn’t take it too well,” Josh finished for him. “What exactly did you say?”

  “I don’t remember exactly, but I know she took my comments to mean that I thought you and she had misplaced priorities.”

  Josh nodded. “Well, you were right.”

  “But that doesn’t help me with Gloria. We haven’t spoken since then.”

  Josh clapped Elliot on the back. “Don’t worry about it. You told Gloria the truth and she wasn’t ready to handle it. I wasn’t ready then either, but I am now.”

  “Do you think you and Gloria will work things out?”

  Josh only knew what he wanted. “I know we will,” he said and added a silent prayer that he was right.

  ***

  “Maybe he’s telling the truth,” Portia said, her gaze on the napping Paige in the stroller in front of their bench. “Maybe nothing happened.”

  Gloria lifted a brow in Portia’s direction. “You’ve got to be kidding. Josh was lying to save his ass.”

  Portia took her eyes off her baby and looked at Gloria. “Maybe not. Josh is an attractive man and women today will do anything to get an attractive man. Maybe it happened the way he said. She brought him home and he fell asleep. Everything else could have been her doing.”

  Portia had no idea how much Gloria wished she could believe that. Unfortunately, she didn’t have the luxury of wishful thinking. “It was more than that. You didn’t see her and you didn’t hear what she said. Something was going on between them. Even if he didn’t sleep with her that night, they were involved.”

  “I still can’t believe it. Not Josh.”

  “I guess you don’t want Dexter to be like him, now, do you?”

  Portia looked away from Gloria and toward the mime who was performing in the park. “Maybe the rub-off worked the wrong way and Josh is being like Dexter.”

  “What do you mean by that?”

  “Dexter has . . . ah . . . strayed in the past.”

  Gloria touched Portia’s arm and Portia looked at her with tears in her eyes. “Portia? When? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “It was the second year we were married. I think it only happened once. And I didn’t tell you because it was too painful and our friendship was too new.”

  “Oh, I’m so sorry, Portia. I can’t imagine going through something like this alone. I knew I had to talk to you. If I had known it would be painful for you, I—”

  Portia patted Gloria’s arm. “That’s all right. I’m just glad I can be here for you.”

  “How did you deal with it, Portia? You and Dexter seem to have recovered very well. I would never have guessed.”

  “It was very difficult. The most difficult thing I’ve ever done. My whole world crashed when I found out.”

  Gloria understood those feelings because they were hers exactly. How did you get past them? she wondered. “How did you find out?”

  “She called me. Can you believe the nerve of that bitch? She said that she was sleeping with my man, and if I didn’t believe it, I could find his car at her house at a certain time.”

  “Oh, no Portia. What did you do?”

  “I hung up on her, but I couldn’t forget the call. Though I told myself over and over that I would trust Dexter, I checked it out.

  Dexter said he was going to a basketball game with a few friends. An hour or so after he left, I drove by her house. His car was parked out front.”

  “God, Portia. You didn’t go in, did you?”

  “No. I couldn’t go in. I didn’t want to see them. Sometimes I think that’s why we could get past it. If I had seen them together, I don’t think I would have been able to erase the picture from my mind.”

  The picture of Darlene in the kitchen of the Raleigh townhouse flashed in Gloria’s mind. “That’s the way I feel. Even though I didn’t see them in bed together, I saw her standing in his kitchen in her panties and camisole. She was cooking breakfast like she lived there. I can’t get it out of my mind.”

  “You’re going to have to find a way to deal with it or you and Josh don’t stand a chance.”

  “I know that. I just don’t know how to do it. What did you do after you saw Dexter’s car?”

  “Somehow I drove myself back home. I don’t know how, because I cried all the way. I still couldn’t believe it. I told myself over and over that there was some other reason that he was there, but deep down, I knew there was no other reason.”

  “Did you confront Dexter about it?”

  She nodded. “When I got home, I sat on the living room couch and waited for him. I sat there for almost three hours waiting for him. You can imagine the thoughts that went through my mind. Those were the longest three hours of my life. Anyway, Dexter knew something was up as soon as he walked through the door.”

  Seeing her friend’s distress, Gloria became concerned that this conversation was too much for her. “Portia, you don’t have to do this. I’m sorry I brought it up. Let’s talk about something else.”

  “That’s all right, Gloria,” she said. “I want to talk about it.” Then she continued as if she was reciting facts about a project at work. “First, I told him about the call. I remember very clearly what he did next. He sat next to me and he took my hand. He looked into my eyes and told me that he loved me. At that moment, I hated him. How could he say that he loved me, when he had just been with another woman? I didn’t say anything, I just got up and went to bed. In the guest room.”

  “And that was it?”

  Portia shook her head. “Not by a long shot. That was just the beginning. The next day Dexter told me he had ended it with her and begged my forgiveness. But I had to put him through hell first. Betrayal like that does something to your insides. Your self-esteem goes straight to hell. I felt like I had to get back what he had taken. I thought I had to find that in another man’s arms.”

  Gloria had thought the same thing and tried it with Foster. “Did you?”

  “I tried, but I couldn’t do it.”
>
  “Because you still loved Dexter?” Gloria asked.

  Portia shook her head. “I couldn’t do it because I still loved myself. If I had done it, I may never have gotten my self-esteem back. No, what I did, or didn’t do, I did for myself. Not for Dexter.”

  “Is that when you decided to forgive him?”

  “I think so, but we still weren’t out of the woods. Even though I had forgiven him, I still didn’t trust him. The trust he had to earn. And only time brought that about.”

  Time. One thing Josh and Gloria didn’t have with their current living arrangements. “To look at you two now, you’d never know it.”

  Portia smiled a smile that lit up her whole face. “I’m not saying that we aren’t happy, but there are scars. The wounds heal, but the scars remain. We’re not the same people that we were then. Our marriage isn’t the same. Something like that changes you. You have to change to get past it.”

  “Did you ever think about walking away from the marriage?”

  “I did walk away in my mind. That’s how I endured the initial pain. In my mind, our marriage was over.”

  “But it wasn’t.”

  “No, it wasn’t. Dexter kept it together. He wouldn’t allow me to throw it away. And now I’m glad he didn’t. Are you thinking about walking away?”

  “Not really. I don’t know. I just know that every time I see Josh’s face, I remember all I saw that morning. Therefore, I don’t want to see him. The memories are too painful. I just want to forget.”

  Portia touched her friend’s hand. “That’s normal, Gloria. You have to take care of yourself. You aren’t responsible for Josh’s feelings right now. You have to do whatever it takes to make it through the day.”

  “So much for our perfect marriage and relationship, huh?” It seemed so long ago that she had thought she and Josh had a perfect marriage and relationship.

  “Not necessarily. You and Josh can still have a marriage if that’s what you want. There’s no reason you can’t.”

  “I don’t see how, Portia. I can’t even think about making love with Josh again. It turns my stomach to even think about that.”

  “That’s normal, too. You’re human, Gloria, and you’re having a human reaction to an awful situation. Take your time. You and Josh have plenty of time to make a decision about your marriage. I still believe that Josh loves you.”

  She wanted to believe that too. “How could he do it if he loves me?”

  “Who knows what was going on in his mind? But I do know that you two have to acknowledge what happened before you can move on. If Josh did it, he needs to fess up. If he didn’t, he needs to make you believe him.”

  Gloria didn’t think she’d ever believe Josh wasn’t guilty of something, but there was no need to go through that again with Portia. “I guess we’ll start on this tonight. I left home this morning before he got up. I just couldn’t bear to see him, but I know I can’t avoid him forever. We’ll talk tonight and he’ll leave tomorrow. Then, I’ll have some peace. But not until he’s out of my house and out of my sight.”

  ***

  Josh was there when she walked through the door. She made for the stairs to avoid talking to him, but he called to her. Knowing she couldn’t continue to avoid him, she walked into the living room where he was seated on the couch.

  “I missed you this morning,” he said.

  She was in no mood for chitchat. “What do you want, Josh? I don’t have all day.”

  He patted the couch next to him. “Sit down, Gloria. We need to talk.”

  She looked at the couch, then took a seat in the chair opposite him. “What do you want to talk about?”

  He began quickly, “For the record, I didn’t sleep with Darlene.” When she would have interrupted, he said, “Listen, I know what it looked like, but I didn’t sleep with her. I was drinking and she brought me home from the bar. Evidently, after I had fallen asleep she pulled off her clothes and got into bed with me. I swear I didn’t touch her.”

  “And I suppose you have some land in Florida that you want to sell me?”

  He ignored her question because he understood her pain. “The most I’m guilty of is flirting with her.”

  “Come off it, Josh.”

  “And leading her on. But I didn’t do it because I loved her. I did it because I missed you.”

  Gloria stood then. “Right. You flirted with her because you missed me. I’m not going to let you make this my fault, Josh. It was your fault, not mine.”

  “What about what I saw between you and Foster Dixon? I could accuse you of sleeping with him.”

  “You could.”

  “That’s all you’re going to say? You’re not going to deny it?”

  “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? If I slept with Foster that would somehow absolve you of what you’ve done. Well, I didn’t sleep with him. I went to dinner with him.”

  “And that’s all?”

  “No, that’s not all. I learned something last night. I learned that even if you don’t love me, Foster does. I don’t know how, since God knows I’ve never encouraged him, but he does. I never thought I’d need to hear those words from another man, but I needed to hear them that night.”

  Each word she spoke pierced his heart. He felt her pain and he felt his own. It was almost unbearable. “Did they make a difference?”

  “I don’t know, Josh, I just don’t know.” With that, she ran up the stairs and to the bedroom she was now using.

  Josh knew things looked pretty bleak for them now. Gloria still didn’t believe he hadn’t slept with Darlene. And he couldn’t much blame her. It was a flimsy story. Now this complication with Foster Dixon and his declaration of love. Well, Foster was in for a fight if he thought Josh would give Gloria up. No, Josh had just begun to fight.

  ***

  Josh prepared breakfast for both of them Sunday morning. He wanted one more chance to talk with his wife. When she didn’t come down, he took a tray upstairs. He was relieved when she granted him entry into her room after his knock.

  “What are you doing?” she asked.

  “Serving you breakfast in bed.”

  “Well, it seems guilt brings out the best in some people.” She looked at the food on the tray. French toast with maple syrup, scrambled eggs, bacon, hash browns, and orange juice. “And all my favorites, too. Why, Josh, you’ve outdone yourself.”

  Josh would have smiled, but her voice was laced with sarcasm. He ignored it. He had to if they were going to save their marriage. “I hope you enjoy it.”

  She grunted, but she picked up a fork and stabbed it into the French toast. She cut off a square and popped it into her mouth. He pulled a chair up to the bed. “I’m moving back to Atlanta.”

  “Whatever for?” was her flip response.

  He kept telling himself that she was hurt, so he tried to ignore her attitude. “I’m quitting Carolina and going into business with Elliot. What do you think about that?”

  Elliot. Boy, had he called it right, Gloria thought. If only she had listened to him instead of getting angry. “Why would you want to go into business with Elliot? I thought you were the big corporate mogul.”

  At least he had gotten her attention. “Some things are more important than work.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like us. Our marriage.”

  “It’s a little late for that, wouldn’t you say?”

  “I don’t think it’s too late. I love you, Gloria. I always have and I always will. I know you don’t believe me about Darlene, but it’s the truth. I swear it. And someday you’ll believe me.”

  His words touched her but she couldn’t let him continue. She wasn’t ready yet to soften toward him. “Nice speech. Do you want me to clap?”

  “No, I want a chance to prove myself to you. That’s all I ask. Will you give me that chance?”

  Twenty-One

  How could he even ask me that? she thought. “I can’t make an
y promises right now, Josh, and I’d advise you not to make any hasty decisions.”

  “What are you telling me?” Josh choked out the question.

  She pushed the breakfast tray away from her. “I need time and I don’t know how much time. All I know is that what I saw that morning hurt worse than anything I’ve ever felt. That pain is still with me. I have to learn how to handle it before I can begin to think about what’s next for us.”

  Josh didn’t like what he was hearing. He needed her to give him some hope. “We’ve shared too much to let this end what we have.” When she didn’t respond, he asked the question that he most feared the answer. “You do still love me, don’t you, Gloria?”

  She looked at him, knowing the tears in his eyes were matched by tears in her own. “Right now, all I feel is pain. I can’t feel anything else.”

  Josh got up and took the tray from the bed. He had to get out of the room while he still had his emotions under control. When he reached the door, he turned back to her. “I’m not giving up on us. I’ll give you the time you need, but I’m not giving up on us.” With that, he opened the door and left the room.

  Gloria lay back down on the bed and closed her eyes, not bothering to wipe at the tears that seeped through her eyelids. She knew Josh was hurting, but there was nothing she could do to ease his pain. He’d have to deal with it alone because she needed all the energy she had to keep herself from falling apart.

  ***

  Josh’s mind was made up. He was leaving Carolina Electronics and Carla would have to deal with. He walked into her office Monday morning to tell her that.

  She glanced up when he entered, then went back to what she was writing without saying a word.

  “Carla, I need to talk with you.”

  When she finally looked up at him, her smile and her relaxed manner took him off guard. He wondered what she was up to. “And what did you want to talk about?” she asked.

  “Our discussion last week. I’m sure we can work out something.”

  She put down her pencil. “I don’t know what more I can say. You have a contract. I’ve offered you time off. That’s all I can do.”

  “You could let me out of the contract.”