Choose Me

by Heidi McLaughlin

  When we pull up outside the house, Special Agent Blaine is sitting in his car. He nods but stays there, giving Evan a chance to get some answers. Evan stops at the bottom of the steps leading to the house and looks around.

  “This is some seriously fucked up shit.”

  “I know,” I say as I pat him on the back, encouraging him to continue. When he gets to the door he knocks and when the door swings open, I place my hand on his shoulder to hold him in place. River is not the enemy.

  Evan and I walk in, both taking a seat on the couch, the folder resting in my lap. Evan takes a deep breath and turns his gaze to River who is seated in the chair next to him.

  “Where’s Frannie?”

  River shrugs, knowing that his first instinct is to protect his wife. “She left last night. Said that with us being apart for so long, she grew accustomed to a lifestyle and now that I’m back, she can’t deal with it.”

  I hand Evan the folder and he places it on the coffee table with a thud. I pull out my cell phone and text Cara, letting her know that Frannie isn’t here, hoping she’ll get the message to Blaine. There isn’t a single piece of me of that feels sorry for River right now.

  Evan clears his throat and says, “Frannie knew we were alive. She’s the one who was sending the care pack –”

  “How dare –”

  Evan stands, towering over a seated River. I stand, as well, in solidarity with my brother. “No! You listen to me! Your wife knew that we were alive and chose to help her sick, twisted, fucking excuse for a brother. Weeks ago I found a cell phone in the bathroom and turned it over to NCIS. Each email they found is printed out, detailing every aspect of what went down. Registered in your name is a black SUV currently in Mexico for auto body work, the same SUV that tried to kill Ryley and Carole.” Evan starts to pace and I put myself between him and River. From everything I’ve read, River didn’t have any clue about any of this and was just the unlucky man who married into this dishonorable family.

  “Six years we stayed in that jungle to protect that piece of shit Senator, who, as it happens, is your brother-in-law. We were there because he was having an affair with Christina Charlotte and when it ended, he kidnapped her daughter, raping her repeatedly before sending her to Cuba as a sex slave. Charlotte called her father-in-law, Brigadier General Chesley, and from there, favors were called in and we were sent to get the girl – which we did – but we stumbled onto something huge. When I shot Renato, it sent off a chain reaction.”

  “Evan, I didn’t know.”

  “How could you not know who your wife’s father is?” Evan roars. “He decides when we take a god damn piss.”

  River looks shaken and confused. He rubs his hands through his hair. “Frannie told me she was adopted. I never asked if she knew her family. I didn’t…”

  “Your fucking wife kept me from my son,” Evan says, adding salt to an already wounded man. “Rask doesn’t have a family because of her and who the fuck knows where McCoy’s wife and daughter are.”

  Evan sits back down and holds his head in his hands. “She tried to kill Ryley,” he says defeated. “She watched Ryley go through hell, pretending to be her friend and yet she knew everything. She took Ryley’s pain and wrote me letters. She wrote you, Rask and McCoy, telling us how we were their heroes and they couldn’t wait for us to come home. School pictures, art work and pages from coloring books, all sent by her and for what?”

  River shakes his head. “I don’t know,” he says, as his voice breaks and tears fall down his face. “I thought she was sick. I talked to her about getting help because I had a hard time understanding why everything was exactly how I’d left it, why there was cold beer waiting for me. I’m sorry, Evan.”

  “You were our leader and she was supposed to be the leader at home, but instead she’s destroyed all of us because her brother is a fucking pervert.”

  “I didn’t know,” is all he says over and over again. I put my hand on Evan’s shoulder, signaling that there’s nothing left here for us and that we need to go.

  “You were my friend, my brother, but no more. I can’t trust you.” With those words Evan walks out of the house. I take one look at River before picking up the folder. He never once asked for proof, choosing to believe his fellow SEAL over his wife.

  Walking out, I find Cara with her arms wrapped around Evan. There’s no jealousy coming from me and I’m thankful she’s there to comfort him. When she sees me, she lets him go and greets me with a kiss, making me believe we’ll be okay.

  “I arrested Lawson this morning and there’s an APB out for Frannie right now. The San Diego field team is with Ingram. I know it doesn’t make up for what you lost, Evan, but it’s a little closure nonetheless.”

  “Thank you, Cara.”

  She nods. “The body that was discovered is, in fact, O’Keefe’s. We searched his house and found letters that he had written, detailing his part in all of this. He’s also the one who wrote the sole article that appeared in the paper. From what we’ve gathered, he was trying to be the whistleblower but just didn’t have the chance to really get it done.”

  “There will be a trial. You’ll get your day in court. I’ll make sure of it.”

  Cara kisses me again before climbing into her car. We have family plans later at Evan and Ryley’s. Our mom and Livvie will be there, as well as Jensen and Carole. It’ll be nice for us all to be together again. We haven’t had that in a long time.

  Evan and I get in the car, both letting out a sigh of relief. “Where to?” I ask as I pull away from the curb.

  “Magoo’s,” he says without hesitation and I agree with him that we could use a beer right about now. I careen to a stop when a loud boom shakes my car. A quick look in the rearview mirror confirms my worst fears as a fireball projects toward the sky. We get out and run toward River’s, but we’re too late. The house is fully engulfed in flames and before I can call for help, sirens wail in the background.

  FOR A LONG TIME I hated coming to the beach because it reminded me of Evan. When he came back to me, he didn’t hesitate to bring me out here. At first I was uncomfortable but those uneasy feelings quickly subsided because he was here with me.

  Tonight marks six months since everything came to light, since a bomb leveled River’s house and Frannie went on the run. My life could be so different right now, but by the grace of God, I’m whole. I hate thinking about what could’ve been but when I close my eyes or hear the screech of tires, I know that I’m lucky that Evan and Nate walked out of River’s house when they did. If they hadn’t, EJ and I would be alone right now.

  I’ve had enough alone to last me a lifetime.

  Evan and I have both been going to therapy and, for the most part, it helps. I have so much anger that I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to curb it. Not until Frannie is behind bars. I don’t know if that will ever happen, but I hope for my sanity it does. I don’t want to always be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life and, as long as she’s out there running around, that’s what I’m going to be doing.

  The ocean is calm tonight with only the occasional crashing wave. My toes are buried in the sand and my arms are covered with a sweater. I can’t decide if I’m hot or cold right now. Evan sits down behind me, surrounding me with his hulking form. Leaning into him, he wraps his arms around my shoulders.

  “Are you sad that this is our last night here?”

  I shake my head. After everything happened, we decided to sell our house and move back to Washington. Our new place is about a block from the beach, but it’s different there. When the Department of Defense got involved, we knew it’d take years before anyone went to trial and we didn’t want to wait. The Navy also offered Evan a very nice “please retire and don’t sue us” package that was too good to pass up. Besides, he said he’s never leaving me again so he really can’t be an active member of the military.

  It’s odd to think that he’s retired, though, at such a young age and I don’t know how I’m going to deal
with him at home all the time but we’ll manage… I hope. Evan asked Nate to go into the private security business with him, but Nate hasn’t given him an answer. He wants to provide security detail for Washington’s finest, or anyone who needs him. He also wants to have the resources to help McCoy search for his wife and daughter.

  I have a feeling Nate is planning on asking Cara to marry him, which means he’ll be moving to the East Coast once his enlistment is done. He’s leaving the Navy too. Nate tells me things, we gossip like high school girls, but it’s mostly for advice. We’re still best friends, and Evan knows that will never change.

  My SEALs, my warriors, have chosen home as their battlefield.

  “I’m going to miss my parents, though.”

  “They won’t be far behind us,” he says, as he kisses my shoulder. “We can stay until your mom retires, if you want.”

  “No, I want to be settled before EJ starts school. We’ll fly down. Besides, it’ll be awhile. She’s not ready to quit, not now.”

  Evan and I sit in a peaceful calm, watching the sunset over the ocean. I am going to miss this, but I think getting far away from Coronado is for the best. I want to put all the bad memories behind us and start over back where Evan and I began.

  I shift in his arms, dropping the folded piece of paper I’ve been holding.

  “What’s that?” he asks, picking it up from the sand before I can. I place my hand over his and shake my head. “What’s wrong?”

  “I was going to bury it out here tonight.” I adjust so my legs are wrapped around him, so I can look him in the eyes and tell him how I feel. “Before you left for basic, you wrote me a goodbye letter and gave it to Nate. After you came home, he found it and gave it to me. I never read it. I didn’t want to because the words wouldn’t have any meaning since you were home.”

  Evan holds the folded square between his fingertips as if he’s trying to read the words. Part of me is curious to know what he wrote. Did he tell me to move on? Avenge his death? Did he promise to come home and never leave me?

  “Do you want to read it?” he asks.

  “No, I don’t. I have you so that letter is meaningless and you’re never leaving me, so I don’t need it anymore.”

  Evan slants his head and kisses me softly as if he’s trying to memorize my lips. When he pulls away, he rests his forehead against mine. “I have an idea,” he says as he uses his strength to pull us up. He carries me to the fire he started earlier and once we get there, he taps my bottom and I unlock my legs so I can get down.

  “The night I wrote this letter you tried to break-up with me, that’s about all I remember. I’m tempted to read it, but that would be morbid and probably bad luck and with us driving to Washington tomorrow, we don’t need anything bad happening. So I’m proposing that we burn this so we never have to see it again.”

  My heart skips when he says propose. I thought for sure he would’ve asked me to marry him again by now, but he hasn’t. He could consider us already engaged and might be waiting for me to throw a date out there. I’m too much of a chicken shit to bring it up because it’s possible he’s suffering from PTSD and getting married is the last thing on his mind.

  I cup my hand over his and smile. “Let’s burn it,” I say as we toss it into the flame. The paper is old and takes no time to ignite and turn to ash. I like knowing that I’ll never know the words that he wrote and I love that he’ll never have to say them again.

  “Hey,” Evan says as I stretch in the passenger seat. I smile and look out the window. We’ve driven through most of the major cities and almost out of California. As soon as we were off our block I closed my eyes. I couldn’t say goodbye to the home we shared, the place where we blossomed as a couple. Even with all the bad, Coronado kept us together.

  “I’m sorry, I just couldn’t watch as we left. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

  “It’s okay, babe, but would you mind driving for a while?” he says as a yawn takes over. I nod and he signals, taking the next exit.

  Evan pulls over at a convenience store which is perfect because I’m hungry and need to use the restroom. I rush in, praying for no line and am ridiculously pleased when there isn’t one. It’s the small things in life when you’re traveling that mean the most.

  When I come out, Evan has his arms full of snacks; candy, chips, cookies and nachos. “I thought you were tired?” I ask as I steal one of his cheese covered nachos.

  “I am, but I’m also hungry and you have to be starving.”

  “Ah you love me,” I say, reaching up for a kiss.

  “I do,” he says with a smoldering look that promises to deliver later. I wink at him as I walk away, heading for the coffee counter. I’m not sure where we are, but the coffee will help keep me alert if he’s sleeping.

  After everything is paid for and the car is full of gas, we’re back on the road. Evan is talking about anything and everything he can think of, mostly about EJ starting school soon and our new house that we’ve only seen through pictures. When we decided to move, it was a mutual decision and one we didn’t think twice about. As much as I love the warm weather of San Diego, it’s hard to accept all of the pity from everyone again.

  With everything that has happened, the publicity became too much. We couldn’t leave our house without someone taking our picture or sticking a microphone in our faces. The media disgusts me really. They were nowhere to be found when Evan and the guys came home, but once Lawson and Ingram were arrested, we were primetime news. After a few interviews, I had enough. We needed this attention when four SEALs returned from the dead, not after the perpetrators were arrested.

  It doesn’t take long for Evan to fall asleep, leaving me with my thoughts. They’re scattered all over the place ranging from: Should I find a job? Is Evan’s business plan going to work? Does EJ miss us and is he taking care of Deefur? Is EJ driving them crazy, yet? Does Evan want another child, or maybe two? Before Evan was taken away from me he planned to knock me up every chance he could so he could make his own football team, but with the age gap we’d have with EJ, that’s not possible. Not that I’d let him anyway, but another child would be nice.

  I know that Evan wants to help Tucker McCoy as well as my mom’s contact at NCIS. I know that Evan helping means he might have to leave, but I keep telling myself that it’s not a deployment and Evan has free will. He no longer belongs to the military, but to himself. Helping McCoy is the right thing to do especially since Evan has found his happiness. Now it’s McCoy’s turn.

  The city skyline gives way to vast open land and I try to read each passing billboard to pass my time, but one catches my attention. I look for the exit and take it immediately. There are signs guiding me to our destination. One that Evan will be pleased with, I’m sure.

  The dirt lot gives way to bright lights and lots of laughter. I pay the parking attendant and follow the guy with the red flashing light to where I need to park. As soon as I shut off the car it dawns on me that it’s dusk and this is perfect.

  This will be our moment.

  “Evan,” I whisper as my lips press against his skin.

  “Hmm,” he mumbles, leaning into me. There are no words to describe how it feels to have him back in my life and to feel him respond to me the way he does.

  “I have a surprise for you, open your eyes.”

  “Babe, unless you’re naked, I don’t want to see anything.”

  “I’m totally naked and in a deserted parking lot ready to get it on.” I try not to laugh as he opens one eye and attempts to glare at me. He rubs his hands over his face and yawns.

  “How long was I out for?”

  “Couple of hours,” I tell him. “Look around. I thought we could have some fun. You know, break up the trip.”

  Evan leans forward and looks out the window. By the rise of his cheeks I know he’s grinning from ear to ear. “Damn, EJ would love this.”

  “I know, but we’re here now and there will be plenty of carnivals to take him to when we get
to Washington,” I tell him as I open the car door and get out. I know he’ll follow, just as he knows I’ll follow him anywhere. I hold out my hand and wait for him to come around. Our fingers link and it’s like I’m transported back to being a teenager, giddy and in love.

  I know where I want to go first, and after we pay and purchase our ride tickets I’m dragging him to the death trap, as I like to call it. I hate this ride, but he loves it and there’s something that I need to do. And it has to be done on this ride.

  “Are you sure about this?” he asks as we get in line. His hand is already holding a bag of cotton candy. I roll my eyes and pray that he doesn’t hurl.

  “I am. It’s a part of us, right?”

  “Yes, but we could go to the photo booth and make out, we did that last time too.”

  “It’s not always about making out,” I say, shaking my head.

  Evan looks completely dumbfounded that I just said that. His head shakes slowly as he says, “I must not be a very good kisser because I think it’s all about making out. Do I need to practice more?”

  “Oh my goodness, will you stop?” I hand the carnie our tickets and take a deep breath. The rickety metal and put-together-in-one-day-Ferris-wheel turns my stomach. Maybe I’m not as brave as I thought, but Evan isn’t hearing it.

  He stands behind with his hands on my hips and his lips to my ear. “I’ve got you. I’ll always keep you safe,” he says as he pushes us forward step by step, never letting me go until the bar locks us in.

  “You know I’d be happy walking around. We didn’t have to do this.”

  I nod and bury my face in his chest as we start to move. “I needed to do this,” I tell him as he rubs my back. The wheel goes around twice, maybe three times. I don’t know because I’m not counting and I’m definitely not looking. But when we stop and his words tell me to look, I know we’re at the top.