Blind Faith

by Kimberley Reeves

  Serena was curled into a tight ball in the middle of the bed, cocooned in the sheet which had somehow remained on the bed while the blanket, comforter, and extra pillow had been shoved onto the floor. Rufus was beside the bed with his head resting over the edge, obviously distraught by the sounds Serena was making as well as his inability to protect his mistress from whatever demons were haunting her. Two big brown eyes rolled his way when Will approached the bed, but Rufus refused to give up his spot even after Will patted his head in an effort to assure the dog that Serena was okay.

  He wanted to wake her up, to yank her out of the nightmare so it couldn’t torture her for even one more second, but thought better of it. Finding a man hovering over her would undoubtedly be more traumatic than what was happening to Serena in her dreams. Will eased himself down onto the edge of the bed and leaned over, crooning in a soft voice as he gently stroked the hand that was clutching at her pillow. Gradually, the death grip she had on the material began to loosen and after a few stilted breaths, she slowly opened her eyes.

  It took Serena several minutes to realize the voices in her head were merely remnants of a nightmare, and another couple of minutes before she was conscious of Will’s fingertips lightly caressing the top of her hand. Strange that something so simple could chase away the fear gnawing at her insides, but it was doing just that. As much as she wanted to lay here allowing him to comfort her, Serena knew he had classes early in the morning and needed his sleep.

  “I’m fine now,” she said, reluctantly slipping her hand from beneath his so she could sit up. “I’m sorry if I woke you.”

  “I wasn’t asleep yet, but I wouldn’t have minded anyway. Does this happen every night?”

  “Not…every night,” she shrugged.

  “But almost, right?”

  “I’ve gotten used to it, and Rufus usually tries to wake me up.”

  At the mention of his name, Rufus lifted his head and eyed her for a moment before curling up on the floor beside her bed.

  Will reached out to wipe away a stray tear that was slowly making its way down the side of her cheek. “Would it help to talk about it?”

  The kindness in his voice made a lump form in her throat. “Thanks but I really don’t think it would do any good.”

  “Have you ever talked about them to anyone? I didn’t think so,” he said when she shook her head. “Listen, Serena, I realize we hardly know each other but maybe that’s what you need; someone to act as a sounding board so you don’t have to hold it all inside.”

  Oh, how she longed to let it all out, but how could she tell Will, of all people? “It’s very sweet of you to offer but it’s late and you need your sleep.”

  Will snorted. “Believe me, I have functioned quite well on much less sleep than I’ll get tonight, and thanks to the peace and quiet I got this evening, I packed in a lot of studying. Serena…I want to help.”

  “Just knowing you want to help makes me feel better,” she admitted with a shy smile.

  It was amazing what one little smile from Serena could do to his heart. He remembered that same timid tilt to her lips whenever he passed her in the hallways at school and said hi. Will grimaced because he also remembered the twinge of guilt that always followed when his buddies ribbed him about having the hots for Serena Cross. He’d laughed along with them, as if it was a joke to even consider the possibility he found her attractive.

  “Why would I be interested in the kid when I could have McKinley anytime I wanted?”

  God, how many times had he countered their jibes with that comment? Not that it wasn’t true, at least the part about having McKinley if he wanted to. Serena’s older sister had made it so blatantly obvious she was willing to hop in the sack with him, it actually turned him off and he made a point of avoiding her whenever possible. It wasn’t easy though. As a cheerleader, she was at most of the football practices and all of the games, and somehow always managed to be home on those occasions when he was hanging out with Anthony and Sawyer at their house.

  Will reined his thoughts in and focused on what was important right now; Serena. “We could take turns,” he offered. “I’ll tell you one of my nightmares then you can tell me yours, and it can be as much or as little as you want.”

  Serena’s eyebrows arched skeptically. “You have nightmares?”

  “Sure I do.”

  Seizing the opportunity to get Serena to open up, Will settled himself more comfortably on the bed, noting with a sense of triumph that she didn’t seem to be intimidated by it. With his back resting against the headboard and his legs stretched out in front of him, he started with a recurring nightmare he’d had as a young boy.

  “It always started out with me and Melinda Sue Rutledge…”

  “Melinda Rutledge? The girl who used to ask all the boys if they wanted French kissing lessons?”

  “Yes, that’s the one,” he replied dryly. “Thanks for reminding me she offered her services to every boy in the eighth grade before getting to me. I’d almost forgotten.”

  “I’m sorry,” Serena giggled. “I remember Anthony and Sawyer having this huge knockdown, drag out fight about which one of them had taken more lessons.”

  “It seems to me there was quite a competition over who could kiss the most girls after that too,” Will told her. “As I was saying before you so rudely reminded me I was the last boy on her kiss list, Melinda Sue is leading me down this alley and yammering on and on about how girls don’t like boys who kiss like amateurs and that I should feel honored she chose me…”

  “Is this before or after you actually kissed her in real life?”

  “Before. The reality wasn’t nearly as good as the dream. Anyway, she starts dragging me into this dark woodshed but once we’re inside, someone flips on the light and I can see it’s not a shed at all but the school gymnasium. Every teacher I ever had from kindergarten on up is sitting in the bleachers just staring at us. I’m beginning to get a real bad feeling about it when Melinda Sue throws her arms around my neck and says, ‘Oh, don’t pay any attention to them, they’re just here to grade you. It’s pass or fail time, Will Duncan.’ That’s usually when I woke up, shivering from the cold sweats and hyperventilating.”

  A small giggle escaped from between Serena’s lips, followed by another and then another until she was laughing so hard her sides hurt. She managed to pull herself together but it didn’t last long. After admonishing her for laughing at him, Will informed her that the nightmare terrified him so bad he avoided Melinda Sue for weeks, which only made her pursue him even harder. When she finally did corner him, Will was so afraid they would get caught by a teacher that he didn’t wait for the lesson. Gripping Melinda Sue by the shoulders, he kissed her first, sticking his tongue halfway down her throat and twirling it around a few times before bolting out of there like a cat with its tail on fire. Apparently, Melinda Sue liked it. So much, in fact, that she went around telling everyone that Will Duncan was the best kisser in the entire school.

  Serena couldn’t help herself. “So you’re saying that your reputation as a fantastic kisser began with kiss-and-tell-Mel?”

  “Laugh it up,” Will attempted to sound hurt, “but that nightmare had me so uptight it took almost two years before I could kiss a girl without checking to make sure no teachers were lurking around first.”

  Serena had to bite her lip to keep from laughing again. “I’m sorry. I’m sure it was very…traumatic.”

  “I still carry the scars,” he replied in such a serious tone it set Serena off again.

  “Enough already! My ribs are so sore now, it hurts to breath.”

  “I’m done anyway. There’s just so much a man’s pride can take, you know. And now, Miss Cross, it’s your turn.”

  Serena’s mood instantly sobered. “I’m afraid my nightmares don’t have quite the entertainment value yours do.”

  “Nevertheless, we had a deal.”

  “I know. I’m just not sure I can explain. There aren’t any images…only dark
ness and voices and…mingled scents.”

  “This is probably a stupid question, but does being blind effect seeing images in your dreams?”

  “No, I can still see things, just not in this particular nightmare. I don’t consciously remember…that night, but I think maybe this nightmare is a memory.”

  Serena wavered, the decision to tell him or not ping-ponging back and forth in her mind for several minutes. Maybe it was because Will didn’t try to rush her, or because he was so easy to talk to, but the timing felt right. Being here with him now felt right; just two friends opening up to each other, sharing secrets, sharing a part of themselves no one else knew. With a determined lift of her chin, Serena plunged in.

  “It’s cold and dark, but I’m glad it’s dark because I don’t want to see them and I don’t…” she closed her eyes, squeezing the tears back, “I don’t want them to see me.”

  Will leaned forward and gave her hand a quick, reassuring squeeze. “Take your time, Serena.”

  She opened her eyes and managed a thin smile. “You were always so nice to me. It’s good to know some things never change.”

  “And you were always such a sweet girl. I’m glad to see that hasn’t changed either.”

  “Sweet,” she repeated with a bitter laugh. “No, I haven’t been that sweet girl since I was fifteen years old when that pack of jackals took everything inside me that was sweet and innocent and crushed it. I spent three weeks in the hospital recuperating from the physical injuries and being subjected to medical and mental treatment because the doctors couldn’t figure out what was causing my blindness. While I was lying there, struggling to survive and wondering if I even wanted to, the boys who did that to me went on with their lives as if nothing happened.”

  Will didn’t say anything, but if she had been able to see his face, Serena would have known just how shaken he was by what she’d told him. That familiar ache he always felt when he thought of what she went through that night was mingled with rage and guilt and an infuriating sense of helplessness. He didn’t think about what he was doing or how she would react; he simply responded by wrapping his arm Serena’s waist and pulling her back so that she was sitting alongside him. Tucked in the protective curve of his arm with her head resting on his shoulder, she let out a soft sigh before continuing in a subdued tone.

  “I can hear them laughing and making jokes while they try to…hold me down. Their words are slurred because they’ve been drinking and the smell of beer is so overpowering I start to gag. I’m crying and trying to scream but something is covering my mouth, a hand maybe, and all I can think of is how mad McKinley is going to be when she finds out the dress I borrowed is ruined.”

  Serena closed her eyes. It felt nice to be curled up next to Will, to feel so safe and warm. If only she could hold on to it, draw strength from it, she wouldn’t have to be such a frightened little coward anymore.

  “Is that where the nightmare ends?”

  “Sometimes. It usually ends when I’m suddenly all alone in that…place, but I don’t really mind because the pain has stopped. It’s pitch black, but I don’t mind that either. I like it in the dark because I can’t see their faces. As long as I stay in the dark, I never have to see the way other people look at me when they find out what I’ve done.”

  “What you’ve done?” Will pulled her more firmly against his side. “My God, is that what you think, that it was somehow your fault?”

  “Wasn’t it?” Her voice grew hard, cold, accusatory. “I knew all the kids from school partied at the caves so they could sneak off and make out. I knew there would be alcohol and that sometimes things got out of hand. I wore one of McKinley’s dresses, put on make-up, and even curled my hair because I wanted the boys to notice me. I was tired of McKinley getting all the attention, and just once I wanted someone to look at me and think I was pretty.”

  Will’s throat constricted and his eyes stung, the pain inside his chest so acute it took him a moment to push past it. “Serena…you were always pretty; maybe not in the same flashy way as McKinley, but you were very pretty. At fifteen, it’s normal to want boys to see you as a young woman instead of a little girl.”

  “Yes, but I…”

  “Serena, every female at that party probably spent hours picking out the right outfit and doing her hair and nails, and I can promise you most of them wore clothes that were a hell of a lot more revealing than what you had on. What I’m trying to say is that it doesn’t matter if you knew some of the kids would be drinking or that you dressed up so the boys would notice you. They had no right to violate you that way, and you damn well didn’t ask for it or deserve what happened.”

  She considered what he’d said but wasn’t convinced he was right. “You honestly think any of those boys would have given me a second glance if I had worn blue jeans and a t-shirt like I normally did?”

  “What I think is that they were a bunch of vultures who were just waiting for someone they knew was young and naïve enough to go into that cave with them. How could you possibly know they were capable of doing something like that? You went to school with them, passed them every day in the halls, and to you they weren’t strangers so there wasn’t any reason not to trust them.”

  The guilt that she had steeped on her own shoulders over the years shifted as the truth of what he’d said began to sink in, but she didn’t want to analyze it right now. She didn’t want to analyze the other questions swirling around in her mind just yet either; like why the heaviness in her heart seemed a little lighter or why she hadn’t felt the desperate need to physically separate herself from him when Will had drawn her up close his side. Serena wondered how her parents would feel if she told them Will had done more for her in the past hour than all the brilliant therapists they’d sent her to.

  “I think you missed your calling,” she finally said. “You should have studied to be a psychiatrist.”

  “I’m not sure I would have been so astute seven years ago, but I guess life has taught me a thing or two along the way.”

  Serena smiled. “Like being a good listener and learning how to coax secrets out of people they haven’t shared with anyone else before?”

  “Yep, I’ve become quite an amazing man,” he quipped.

  Will was jesting, but her response was sincere. “Yes, you really are quite amazing.”

  Will’s heart tripped, and the urge to kiss her was too overpowering at that moment for him to resist much longer. “I better get back to my room. Morning is going to come entirely too soon. Are you going to be okay if I leave you now?”

  “There won’t be any more bad dreams tonight.”

  On impulse, he pressed his lips to her forehead before slipping his arm out from around her and climbing off the bed. He leaned down and patted the dog’s head then said good-night to Serena and headed for the door. Turning to take one last look at her, Will was filled with a lightheaded giddiness to see a soft smile playing on her lips.

  “Don’t forget to turn off the light,” she said, then laughed because she knew he was baffled as to why a blind woman cared if the light was off or on. “It bothers Rufus. He’ll flop around, deliberately making little grunting noises until I get up to turn it off.”

  “Sure thing. Good-night, Serena.”

  “Will? Thanks for being my sounding board.”

  “No problem, that’s what friends are for.”

  “Oh, and Will? If it makes you feel any better, you weren’t at the end of Melinda Sue’s list of boys to kiss. I overheard Sawyer and Anthony joking about someone named Nathanial Torrance who never even got an invite to take lessons.”

  “That’s just great,” he snorted. “I beat out Nate the nose picker. Thanks for the ego booster, friend.”

  Will could still hear Serena’s muffled giggles half way up the stairs to the second floor. He paused for a few minutes at the top of the landing, letting the sound of it chase away his own doubts and fears. He’d finally broken through that cement barrier she protected herself with
and gotten her to divulge something she had kept locked inside for God knows how many years. And she hadn’t drawn away from him, physically or mentally, which was a major triumph all its own. Oh, Will wasn’t kidding himself. He still had a long row to hoe, but it was a start. Now all he had to do was keep chipping away until the wall around her heart came tumbling down, and when it did…

  He stopped himself cold. There could be no future for them without facing the past first. It was going to be rough, and maybe in the end it would tear them apart instead of binding them to one another, but they had both hidden from it long enough. Tonight he’d caught a glimpse of the torment Serena suffered from every day of her life. It was only going to get worse before it got better, but they had taken that first step together and it gave him hope.