Wanting (PAVAD)

by Calle J. Brookes

  “Ok.” He kept one hand on her back as he escorted her out of her apartment.

  ***

  Sebastian didn’t miss the other man’s silent warning, and he suddenly felt like a green school punk facing his first date’s father. Sebastian didn’t like that feeling, and he lifted a challenging look to Hellbrook. Hellbrook’s eyebrow rose in acknowledgement.

  It faded with his first look of Carrie and what she held in her hands. It told him a lot of how she was feeling.

  She hadn’t even grabbed herself any more clothing.

  Of course she had a day’s worth stuffed into her ready-bag, and they could buy her more, but that she’d not grabbed even a single change of jeans bothered him. He knew instinctively that she’d felt violated looking at the clothes that had been pulled from the drawers of her dresser and yanked from the closet.

  And it bothered him, too, to think of some unknown bastard pawing through her things so intimately. Fingering her blouses, her underwear. He wanted to release that fury on someone. Hellbrook made a large and available target but Sebastian controlled himself. “Hellbrook, you finished? Carrie, are you ready?”

  “Yes.” She smiled at him softly, though her bottom lip trembled. “Let’s go. I want to take Linux to the vet now.”

  “Ok. Hellbrook, call me if you find out anything.” Sebastian had no doubt the man would sit on this case, ride the locals’ asses until they found out exactly who had done this.

  Sebastian had no doubts that Hellbrook felt the same rage he felt. On that one point, they were in agreement.

  Sebastian just wished the other man would stop looking at him like he was some sort of sick pervert for lusting after Carrie. She wasn’t a child, they all needed to stop treating her like one, and, dammit, he could lust after her if he wanted to.

  He hadn’t decided if he’d be doing anything about that lust. But if he did—it was no one’s business but his and Carrie’s.

  ***

  His apartment was clean, and only about half the size of her loft. It smelled like him, warm mint and man. Carrie had to admit she liked it. She was starting to like Sebastian Lorcan more than she’d ever thought she would.

  Rich leather similar to her now ruined black couch dominated his space. Chocolate was his color, sleek and sophisticated but still highly masculine. “Where can I put Linux’s things?”

  “I only have the one bedroom set up. You can take that. The couch in my office pulls out into a bed; I’ll camp there.”

  “I don’t want to push you out of your own bed. I can take the pull-out.” Carrie wasn’t sure she wanted to sleep in his bed, surrounded by the scent of him. That would be too weird. She would already have a tough time getting the smell of him out of her mind.

  “My mother raised me better than that. Guests get the best and it’s a damned fine bed.” He took the bag from her that contained the clothes she’d taken with them and started toward the back of his apartment. Carrie followed.

  The room was dim and smelled just as strongly of Sebastian Lorcan as she knew it would. She almost stepped back into the hallway. “I could have stayed with a member of the team, you know.”

  “But then it would take valuable time away from finding Ashleigh, remember?”

  “True.” And she wouldn’t want to appear needy or weak in front of a member of her team. She hated being the youngest, the most inexperienced, the one with the most differences. The weak link. And she knew half the team saw her that way, including Hell. He and Dan—and to some extent Josh and Zeke—were obsessive about protecting her. Part of her liked it, liked that it was what people did for the people they cared about just like Paige had always protected her when they were teens. The other half of her hated that they saw her as the one to coddle. As the one who needed protected.

  They knew nothing of her background, although she was certain Hell knew a bit from the personnel records. It listed her as a ward of the state of Texas from the age of nine, but she hadn’t put anything in her application about being a former runaway.

  The only one she had told besides Paige was Sebastian.

  Did he realize that? Was that why he seemed to understand how she felt about her team? He had told Hellbrook she was going with him, hadn’t given Hell a second thought after that. And why should he? Hell did not control what she did outside of the CCU, and never would.

  Sebastian had treated her like an adult in more ways than Hell and the rest of the team ever did. They didn’t condescend to her, by any means, but they did try to coddle her at times.

  She’d never said anything about how it bothered her—why upset them when they hadn’t meant any harm? But she knew Georgia, at least, had suspected how Carrie truly felt.

  But Sebastian hadn’t treated her like that even once and in the past few times they’d worked together, he’d actually expected different from her than the rest of her team.

  She liked it. He treated her like a completely functioning adult, a federal agent with the skills he expected from someone in the most elite unit in the country. Which was exactly what she was.

  That respect was highly attractive. And it made her ok with him kissing her. Made her want to kiss him again. She would have to think about how she felt on that idea.

  Carrie studied the room once he flipped the light on. The bed was soft and large—big enough for a man his size to stretch out comfortably. Navy silk covered it and she had to resist the urge to stroke the comforter like she would Linux. She loved touching soft things. It was a good thing she’d recently had the caps put on the cat’s claws—it would be way too easy for Linux to ruin the obviously expensive blanket.

  Seven cardboard boxes were shoved in one corner, marring the otherwise perfect order of the room. Pictures were stacked on top and Carrie’s fingers itched to study them. To learn about him. There were three photographs arranged on his end table. She put her bag on the bed and turned to her host. “I don’t know what to do next.”

  His brows rose. “We find Ashleigh while Hellbrook finds out who trashed your place. You stay here until we’re sure it’s safe for you to return to your home. Tomorrow we’ll talk with Sherry again and maybe Ashleigh’s teachers and friends. Start all over again and see if we can find out what made her run. In the meantime, why don’t you and Linux get settled? I’m going to take a shower then find something to eat. You can join me if you want.”

  Carrie nodded, then watched as he grabbed some clothes from the dresser. Within a minute he was gone and she was left alone to study his room much more closely.

  The first picture was one of three boys, each with big grins and black hair. They were completely identical and looked like the man Sebastian had become. Which one was he? Did anyone else know he was a triplet, and an identical one at that?

  The second photo was of a young woman who had the same dark hair and green eyes. A sister? The resemblance was there.

  It made her more and more curious about the man. She’d never pictured him having siblings, being a part of a family. Did anyone she know besides Paige’s partner Alessandra and Georgia from her own team actually have a family? Josh didn’t—his mother had been a single mother and she’d died a few years ago. The same for Hell. Dan’s daughters were missing and had been for fifteen years. Zeke and K.D. never even spoke about their families. Carrie had never thought about that before.

  Did their career choice draw people who were loners and without families? Sebastian obviously had a family he cared about.

  The final photo was of a younger Sebastian—at least she thought it was Sebastian, it might have been a brother—with his arm around a dark-haired woman with the brightest blue eyes Carrie had ever seen. The woman was beautiful, even though she was only dressed in ripped jeans and a jersey.

  Sebastian looked young and relaxed and happy to be with the woman.

  Carrie looked closer; the couple wore matching wedding rings. So most likely a brother. Sebastian didn’t even have a tan line where a ring had been.

  Chapter
25

  *****

  He was dressed in jeans and a black shirt when she—and Linux, who walked at her heels—joined him. His hair was dark and wet from his shower; he looked nothing like the dangerous and confidant special agent she was familiar with.

  He was stirring a pot on the stove, the sight so not what Carrie was used to seeing. He smiled directly at her, making the green of his eyes seem more prominent. His expression was welcoming and interested, and Carrie felt the power of that expression clear down to her toes. “It’s about ready; have a seat.”

  “Thank you. You don’t have to do this, you know.”

  “Carrie—I want to. Besides, this is the fastest way for us to find Ashleigh. And did you really want to stay at your place the way it was?”

  Her apartment, her space, destroyed. Tears threatened again, but Carrie pushed them back. It wasn’t the first time her space had been violated, although it was the first at this particular address. She’d get through it, and would survive. What she wouldn’t do was break down. Not until she was completely alone, anyway. “No, I don’t. Let’s talk about something else. I didn’t know you had brothers.”

  “Saw the pictures?”

  Carrie nodded. Why deny it? She had snooped. Anyone would. “Yes.”

  “I have two brothers and a sister. Seth, Sinclair, and Sarah. Sarah’s four years younger. She’s a, uh, social worker in Indiana.”

  “What do your brothers do? And your brother’s wife?” It was the blue-eyed woman who had captured Carrie’s attention. Sebastian and his siblings were a family, that was evident. But what had made his brother choose that woman? Attraction had always fascinated Carrie. The bits and pieces of what drew people together. It fascinated her because she so rarely understood it.

  “My brother’s...oh.” He sat the spoon down. “She wasn’t my brother’s wife. She was mine. I was married for five years.”

  “Why?” Wow. He hadn’t seemed like the type to have been married. Carrie suddenly felt wrong for having been attracted to him. “I’m sorry. That was intrusive, wasn’t it? Sometimes I don’t think before I say something.”

  “Neither do I. It’s fine. Cody and I were friends for years. Her dad and mine were close friends. When mine died, Chet, Cody’s father, sort of stepped in for us. His own wife died of cancer when Cody was seventeen. Chet made a mistake, and remarried too quickly. His new wife wasn’t very tolerant of a grieving teenage girl. Chet died a few years later, unexpectedly. His wife left Cody out of everything, virtually in the cold. Even cut off her financial aid for college. We married so that she could continue with her education. It was only supposed to be for a few years, but we stayed together nearly six.”

  “Then you divorced?”

  “Yes. She decided it wasn’t fair to me to be with her. That I should be free to find the person I was—in her words—supposed to be with. We were too good of friends, apparently, to be lovers.”

  Carrie didn’t understand it at all. “Were you?”

  “In hindsight, yes. For both of us. And between you and me—I strongly suspect she may have been a better fit for one of my brothers.”

  “You think she was with your brother?”

  “No. She wouldn’t do that. I think she would have been better off being with someone like Seth.”

  “So why didn’t she marry him in the first place?”

  “Because I won the coin toss. Sit down, this is ready.” He pulled the pan from the stove and motioned toward the table.

  Carrie sat. “You flipped a coin for your wife? That’s weird.”

  “Well, I was only twenty-five at the time, just out of the navy, as was Seth. Cody was barely twenty—and she didn’t know about the coin toss. But we knew something had to be done to help her. So we flipped a coin, and I proposed the next day. Then entered Quantico the day after that. We were married a week later.”

  “So did you love her at all?” Carrie would never marry someone unless she loved him completely. That’s what marriage was about, and what her mother had told her to do. She’d told Carrie when she was a small girl to only marry the man she loved. Otherwise, you were asking for heartache.

  He was silent for a moment as he dished out pasta. “Yes. I did. Still do. And I won’t lie, we had a healthy married life—when we were together. I was almost always away on some case or another, and she was busy with first classes, then her own work with the Bureau. She went through the Academy, but has since joined forensics. She’s one hell of a mechanic. Anything with an engine from mopeds to helicopters, she can handle. But when we were together we were happy. Apparently, she thought we both deserved more. She was right. We still keep in close touch, emails and phone calls. I visit when I’m in Indy. I see her more now than I did when we were married, or more than I see my own sister.”

  “And she didn’t get with your brother?”

  “Seth is more nomadic than I am.”

  “What do your brothers do?”

  “Agency. Both of them. Sin is located at Quantico, has a team of his own. Seth...Seth is a ghost.”

  “He’s dead?”

  “No. But no one is entirely certain which agency Seth works for. And he’s never said. Eat. Once we’re done, we can make a game plan of who we need to speak to tomorrow. I want to speak with Sherry, her boyfriend, Ashleigh’s friends, and teachers.”

  It took Carrie a minute to switch her focus, when she did, she placed her fork on her plate. “Someone, somewhere, knows why this little girl ran away.”

  “We just have to find that someone.”

  Chapter 26

  *****

  She’d never be warm again. The rain had soaked her to the skin, but that didn’t matter. She was already so cold.

  She hiked her bag up over her shoulder, her grip tight. She couldn’t lose it—it held the only thing that she had to use as a bargaining chip if he caught her again.

  What was on it and why did he want it so badly?

  She shivered again. He’d kill to get it; she knew he would. And here in St. Louis she was back on his turf.

  But she’d had no other choice. Not when she’d seen him watching her dad’s house yesterday afternoon. She knew he’d seen her—that’s why she had run as fast as she could. She’d seen the bus station and had darted inside. She’d been lucky, and she knew it.

  Now she needed to find someplace to sleep for the night. She wanted a bed. And food. And blankets that were warm and soft and clean. A shelter, perhaps. Was there any in St. Louis? Ashleigh didn’t know, but if she could find a phone book she might find a listing. It’s what she’d done in Louisville, although she’d been careful not to stay there for too long. If he started checking shelters he would find her.

  But not tonight. She’d risk it tonight.

  She just wanted a warm safe place to sleep again…

  Chapter 27

  *****

  Sebastian spread the files out over the coffee table, while Carrie took the cat into the bedroom to feed him. The privacy gave him a moment to reflect on their dinner conversation. Sebastian missed being married. He wouldn’t deny that. He and Cody had had a strong relationship built entirely on friendship. They’d slept together—he wasn’t the type of man for extramarital affairs, but he was a man. And Cody was a very beautiful woman.

  Sebastian did miss being married, even though five years had passed. Why had he never realized that before?

  Carrie returned, wearing loose knit pants and a white tank top. Probably what she intended to sleep in. In his bed. Red hair loose over his pillow, his silk sheets around her. Maybe she’d get too hot, and the clothes would come off...maybe if he turned the air conditioner up a few degrees higher...

  “You ready for me?”

  “Excuse me? Oh. Here. Have a seat.” He wasn’t embarrassed for his thoughts. They were perfectly normal thoughts; when an attractive woman was near, a man had thoughts of her naked. Usually. Thoughts of Carrie Sparks naked would probably haunt him all night.

  He could smell t
he vanilla of her shampoo, mingling with the scent of her skin. A lock of the red mass brushed his shoulder and he reached up before he thought. His fingers touched the silk. It was as soft as it looked. He released her hair, and closed his eyes for a brief moment. He needed to get control of himself. Fast.

  She’d had several tumultuous hours since they’d gotten started that morning, she didn’t need him pawing at her like an animal.

  “What? What did I do? I can pull my hair back if it bothers you.” Her words were worried, and had his eyes opening quickly.

  “No. It doesn’t bother me.” It turned him on. Was she really that oblivious to how he felt about her? Was he that good at hiding it? Somehow he didn’t think so. Why else would Hellbrook and Reynolds have given him the so obvious evil eye?

  “Than what does? I can go stay in a hotel if you want.”

  “Carrie, stop. I’m not upset with you...” She wouldn’t believe him, unless he told her the truth. Would he always have to be so direct with her? He didn’t know if he could handle that. At least...not at the moment. “I’m upset with myself.”

  She frowned then stared at him a moment. It was clear in her whiskey eyes that she had no clue why he was so tense around her. “Why?”

  Honesty. The woman demanded total honesty. “Because I am sitting here thinking about the smell of your hair, and skin. And wondering what you taste like, if you taste like vanilla, too. I’m sitting here thinking of those things instead of what we are supposed to be doing. That’s what’s wrong with me, Carrie.”

  Her mouth dropped open. She shut it, then opened it again. “Oh. Wow. I didn’t expect that. Hellbrook said the kiss you gave me wasn’t a friendly kiss, at all. I guess he was right.”

  “Hellbrook said that? When? While he was cautioning you to stay away from me?” Hellbrook again. Sebastian appreciated that the other man cared about Carrie, but Hellbrook needed to back off a bit where Carrie’s personal life was concerned. If need be, Sebastian would be happy to explain that to the other team leader. “He always try to control what you do and with whom?”