Wanting (PAVAD)

by Calle J. Brookes

  “He cares about me, that’s all.”

  “He coddles and smothers you. Don’t you ever want to tell him to stop?” She had to know how others saw her. What had he heard other agents call her? Affirmative Action Agent and Hellbrook’s little pet. Those were some of the kinder terms. He understood it was the Aspergers that made her different, but Hellbrook went overboard in shielding Carrie from the true aspects of their job, at times. And in Sebastian’s opinion, Hellbrook shouldn’t. He wasn’t doing Carrie any favors by setting her out as different.

  “He feels he has a right to.”

  “Because you’ve let him do it.” He wanted to bite back the words the instant they left his mouth, but knew it was too late. “Carrie...I...”

  “I know.” She stood and paced around his small living room. Her hands touched everything. Nerves. Sebastian could have hit himself; why had he upset her so much? What had he hoped to accomplish? “I know what they’ve said about me.”

  “Who?”

  “Who? How about most of the agents on the fourth floor? Most wonder why I am even with PAVAD. Especially after Stephenson. You thought the same thing that day Stephenson kidnapped Georgia. You wanted to know why I just didn’t ‘blurt it out’ that Stephenson was the one who attacked me.”

  “And that’s when I learned you have Aspergers.”

  “And that suddenly made my behavior acceptable. In your eyes.” Frank whiskey eyes met his.

  “No. It was always acceptable—as long as your supervisor and the Bureau was fine with it. I just didn’t understand at that point.”

  “But the spectrum makes it ok? You want to know something about me, Agent Lorcan? I don’t forget anything that’s happened to me. Ever. I remember the first time you touched me. After the Albert Warren case, when our teams were auxiliary to Dr. Brockman’s. You acted like it disgusted you to touch me. Like something was wrong with me.”

  ***

  Sebastian remembered it well. It had been raining the first case they’d worked together. The CCU had its own jet and he’d been one of the last ones off the plane. Only Carrie and Zeke Norton, her teammate, had remained. Carrie was still on crutches from the injuries she’d sustained when she’d gone over the cliff a few weeks earlier. Norton had stopped her at the top of the stairs. The metal steps were slick, and dangerous, and Carrie would not have been able to maneuver. Norton scooped her up and handed her down the steps to the man at the bottom. It had been him, and he’d taken her as carefully as he could. But it hadn’t been disgust in his mind when his hands had settled on her.

  “I wasn’t disgusted, Carrie. I was afraid.” Honesty. Sebastian would always be honest with her. He made a vow to himself in that moment.

  “Afraid of me? Why?”

  “Afraid that you’d sense that I wanted to touch you again.” He stepped up behind her, put his hands on her shoulders. Turned her to face him. “Baby, there is nothing wrong with you. Anyone who ever tells you differently is lying. And will have to deal with me. And dammit! I want to touch you in all sorts of ways that aren’t the least bit acceptable between coworkers. Hell, I’m not even sure some of the things I want to do with you are legal in half the states. Do you understand me?”

  He didn’t give her a chance to answer. He lowered his head and brushed his lips against hers. When she didn’t pull away, he deepened the kiss.

  Made it hotter, deeper than the kiss Hellbrook had witnessed and objected to.

  Her hands fisted in the material of his shirt and she hmmed. Pulled him closer.

  Holy hell, she wasn’t pushing him away!

  This time it was Sebastian who pulled away. “Carrie...we need to stop...”

  Whiskey eyes opened and stared up into his. Direct. Honest. Beautiful eyes. “But why?”

  Why? Why the hell should they stop? He yanked her against him, this time no space separated him from her. His arms slid around her waist. Hers slid around his neck. Sebastian pressed his lips against hers.

  Her fingers slipped into his hair. She sighed and kissed him back.

  He wanted to be gentle with her, but she wouldn’t let him. Her lips and hands were just as insistent and hungry as his.

  Shocked the hell out of him; so much so that when the knock sounded on his door he almost thought it was the sound of his own heart beating out of his chest.

  Only her pulling away told him the sound was real and not something he’d imagined.

  Chapter 28

  *****

  Sebastian pulled back. The expression in Carrie’s eyes almost had him saying fuck the door and hauling her even closer. Her lips were swollen from his and that red hair was in a tangle around her face. Because of him.

  “You probably want to answer that.” Her hand pushed against his chest, but the winded quality of her voice told him that she was just as affected by the kiss as he.

  Who knew? Who knew that kissing Carrie Sparks would make him hotter than he’d been in a long, long time? Had he half expected that and that was why he’d been so reserved with her through the past several weeks since they’d first met?

  He wiped a hand over his face and straightened his shirt a bit. Her hands had fisted in the black cotton and popped two buttons open. He fastened them quickly. The knocker would be able to take one look at him and Carrie and know what they’d been doing. That couldn’t be helped, or denied. Not that he would deny it. Ever.

  He swung open the door.

  “Hey, boss man. Heard you’ve got my sister here.” Paige Daviess stood with one hand on a narrow hip and an air of nonchalance. Until you looked at her eyes and saw the concern in the dark brown depths.

  “She’s on the couch.” Sebastian turned his head. Carrie was sitting on his couch, running one hand down the spine of her cat. She looked completely unfazed by what they’d been doing. He had to admire her control. He wished he had it right then.

  Paige pushed past him, stopping just inside his small entryway.

  “Hey, Care. You ok?”

  “I’m fine. But somebody ruined my apartment.” The hurt returned to Carrie’s voice. Sebastian resisted the urge to curse.

  “That’s what Danny said.” Paige dropped to the couch beside Carrie. Their shoulders bumped, but Carrie didn’t pull away from the touch. Sebastian had known they were close, but had he ever seen just how close? He had never seen Carrie that comfortable sitting beside someone. They’d obviously become one another’s family.

  He hadn’t seen his two brothers or his sister Sarah in three years. Not since their mother’s funeral. Email was the only way they’d communicated since then.

  “Any ideas why?” Paige was watching him, Sebastian realized. Watching and assessing his reaction to Carrie? Would that prove a problem? He was Paige’s Unit Chief—she was one of his best, despite being barely older than Carrie. He’d hate to jeopardize that, for all of their sakes.

  “Not that I’ve heard. I think Hellbrook is wanting Malachi Brockman’s team to take over from the locals. If the locals will play ball.” Sebastian thought back to the locals he’d seen at Carrie’s apartment. They hadn’t inspired much confidence. He’d make a point to speak with Hellbrook first thing in the morning for an update.

  “They tie it in to that rash of break-ins on Connecticut Street? Do they think it’s related?”

  “You’ll have to ask Hellbrook or Brockman. We’ve been told very little so far.” Sebastian sat in his armchair, and faced the two women.

  They were two opposites in many nuances of the word. Both were close to the same age. Paige was taller—close to six feet if not a bit over. Carrie had more glorious curves, but she wasn’t overweight. Just curved in a way Sebastian couldn’t help but appreciate. Paige was probably the skinniest woman he’d ever seen, but she carried it in a way that was entirely feminine. Hard to believe she’d been mistaken for a boy on the streets. Carrie was quieter, Paige was more likely to get noticed. Carrie’s clothing was understated, simple, and comfortable. Her friend wore nothing but black leather when n
ot on company time—and black cotton when on. Paige’s ears were pierced from lobe to top and Sebastian suspected she had at least one nose piercing. Carrie was... wholesome...in appearance. Paige was definitely not.

  “This sucks. How much damage do you estimate?” Paige stroked the cat once before the animal stalked away.

  Carrie’s face showed her uncertainty.

  “Some furniture will need repaired or replaced. The coffee table. The rest just needs cleaned up and put back to where it belongs.” Sebastian answered for Carrie. He understood that it would be hard for her to articulate how the attack on her home had hit her. Sebastian wanted the bastards responsible for putting that look in her eyes, wanted them bad.

  “How much was taken?” Paige focused on him, suspicion in her dark eyes.

  “Not much. I don’t understand it. My guitars, my stereo. My keyboard, my amps. All was left. My paintings.”

  “That doesn’t make sense. Unless someone was looking for something.” Paige looked straight at him. “Hellbrook isn’t thinking this is somehow case related, is he? Why did you two take off anyway? Do you think it’s because of whatever you were working on?”

  Sebastian was the one who answered. “No. Carrie has been helping me find a friend’s daughter. She ran away a week ago.”

  “And you are just now getting involved? Why didn’t you call me or Al to help you? Why did you involve Carrie?”

  “Because Carrie was available and had the computer skills to get me what I needed quickly. And this doesn’t fit the parameters for our team. When did you get back in town?”

  “We finished up quicker than expected. I took an early flight to get back here.”

  Sebastian frowned. “Why? Did you leave the team? Did Hellbrook or Reynolds call you about the break in?”

  “No. Nothing like that. I found a dog.”

  Sebastian shook his head. Paige’s conversation skills often left room to be desired. “Explain?”

  “I found a dog. Some kind of mastiff, I think. I couldn’t leave him to be put down, and the animal control guys were insistent that he either be re-homed tonight or they take him to doggie jail. So I brought him home with me. His name is Cletus.”

  “Like the dog we had in Chicago?” Carrie rubbed her cat’s stomach, which the animal tolerated for a few moments. “That wasn’t a mastiff.”

  Paige’s eyes flew toward Sebastian. Questions were in her big dark eyes. “Yeah. Did you tell him, Care?”

  “Yes. About me, about meeting you. But not why you were out there. That’s not my story to tell.”

  “I see.” Paige looked away, wrapped skinny arms around her middle.

  “Everyone has a story, Paige. And yours and Carrie’s remains between us unless the two of you say differently.” He hated seeing women he cared about—and he cared about both Paige and Carrie—hurting. And Paige still hurt about her past, he had no difficulty seeing that. She hurt, but did Carrie? Carrie had always spoken frankly about her time on the streets. Had seemed accepting of it. Was that just a front? “But you brought home a mastiff? Why didn’t you just wait and bring the dog home on the Bureau jet? I wouldn’t have cared, and I doubt Ed Dennis would have, either.”

  Paige eyed him for a long moment, as if weighing his words on her history. Then she smiled an uncertain smile. “Well, I was going to, but Al told me basically ‘If that beast so much as breathes in my direction again, I’m making a stew out of him!’ Of course, Cletus did eat that yellow purse of hers. The one she carries on every flight. But he was just nervous, and Al made it worse.”

  Sebastian winced. That would not have been a good thing to see, by any means. He could easily imagine the scene. Paige’s partner, Alessandra Brockman, loved that purse, and was one of the most feminine women he had ever met. She was a direct contrast to Paige, light where Paige was dark. “Ouch. So is Al talking to you again yet?”

  “No. I figured it might be a good idea to give her some space. I called Dan from the airport to come get me and Cletus. He told me about the break in at Carrie’s place. And that she was here.”

  “So where’s the dog now?” Carrie asked.

  “In the parking garage, in my car. I figured you and Linny could come stay with me tonight.”

  Carrie shook her head, sending red hair shifting in both directions. “I can’t. I promised Sebastian I’d stay here, so we could go look for Ashleigh first thing tomorrow. And Hell thought I should stay here where I would be safe.”

  Paige studied Sebastian for a minute, gaze lingering on his shirt. Sebastian looked down. Dammit, he’d missed a button. Carrie had popped three, not two. “Safe? Somehow I wonder if Hellbrook was wrong about that.”

  “You sure this dog isn’t eating your car right now?” Sebastian asked, pointedly, knowing Paige would get the hint. If she took it, that was an entirely different matter. “Shouldn’t you go check on him?”

  “Shouldn’t you be working on finding that kid instead of...” Paige’s words trailed off meaningfully.

  “Paige. Stop. You know I make my own decisions. And I chose to stay here. We are looking for that little girl. She arrived back here in St. Louis this evening. We were going to go out looking for her tonight, but had to deal with the police at my apartment.”

  “Why don’t we go now?” Paige asked, an almost daring tone in her words. “The sooner we find this kid, the better, right? So let’s get to it. Go change into jeans and let’s roll. I brought you a bag of stuff you’d left at my place. It’s old jeans and such, but no creepy dude’s been pawing at them.”

  It thrilled Sebastian when Carrie looked at him for approval. “If Sebastian thinks we should.”

  He thought it over for a moment. What could it hurt? They just might find her. “On the off chance we can find her tonight, I think we should. If you feel like searching after everything that’s happened to you.”

  She nodded, then sat the cat on the floor. “I’ll go change.” She grabbed the bag Paige had sat by the chair and scurried off toward his bedroom.

  Leaving him to face the closest thing to a relative she had. Paige slumped in his arm chair and watched him, her dark eyes cataloging his every move.

  This was one of his favorite people in St. Louis, but the power behind her gaze actually disconcerted him for a moment. Then Paige straightened in the chair. Checked the bedroom door to make sure Carrie had closed it all the way. Sebastian tensed, knowing the conversation that they were about to have could drastically change their working relationship. “Say what you want to say, Paige. Get it out there.”

  “Ok. Listen, boss man, I get it. You have the hots for my little sister, and she kind of has the hots for you. But she’s special. And all I got. Don’t hurt her, or I’ll chop you up and feed you to my dog, ok?”

  “Threat noted, but I don’t ever plan on hurting Carrie. So take note of that, yourself. And whatever happens between us, will be because she’s made the decision for it to happen. I will not pressure her, in any way. Got me?” On that he was absolute. Whatever happened between them from that point on was just as much Carrie’s decision as his.

  “Got you. And I’ll hold you to it.” Paige jumped from the chair, in a movement that was typical of the woman he knew. She never sat still for long, a characteristic he was long accustomed to from this youngest member of his team. How much older than Carrie was she? A few months? A year? Not much.

  They’d been just children when they’d faced insurmountable odds. And they’d both triumphed. His admiration for both strengthened. He glanced at the bedroom door, waiting for it to open and Carrie to join them.

  “Hey, boss man?”

  He looked back at Paige. The tone of her words had changed from challenging to hesitant. Almost scared. “Yes?”

  “The whole streets thing? Nobody else knows, ya know? Just Carrie. Al knows some, that I was in ‘the custody of social services’ for a while. But nobody else, and not the street specifics. Ok? I especially don’t want Al’s family to learn.”

  A
lessandra’s family. Sebastian had met and worked with the other woman’s brother, Malachi Brockman several times. Mal headed the third team in the CCU, just like Sebastian and Hellbrook each led a team. From his impressions, the Brockman family was the wholesome Ward and June Cleaver type. He could understand Paige’s hesitancy in sharing her history. “Ok. Though I don’t think it would matter to them any more than it matters to me.”

  “Still...I don’t want Al’s parents to find out. Or Mal, ok? Especially Mal.” Paige’s vulnerability was suddenly so clear for him to see. Why hadn’t he noticed it before? Was she in love with Malachi Brockman?

  His mind flashed back to the way Carrie had matter-of-factly told him of her experiences on the streets. Compared it to the shamed way Paige was acting. It had him wondering—who was actually the stronger of the two, Paige or the younger woman she so actively tried to protect? He was starting to suspect that Carrie had fared better out there than Paige. Luck, circumstance, or Paige deliberately protecting her? Sebastian doubted he’d ever really know. “Our secret. I promise.”

  Carrie joined them before he and Paige could discuss things even further. She’d thrown a pair of jeans on, but still wore the skimpy white tank. She carried her hoodie. “Are you both ready? Paige, what are we going to do with your dog? He can’t stay in your car the whole time.”

  Sebastian thought quickly. “Bring him up. We can lock him in the spare bedroom. I’ve been using it as an office. There’s nothing in there he can destroy. But I want to get going.”

  Chapter 29

  *****

  Sebastian kept one eye on their surroundings and another on the two women as they walked the midtown area. Paige was on alert, her demeanor vastly different from the young woman he’d seen belting out a number on Smokey’s stage a dozen times before. The woman with him now had an air of wariness and do-not-touch. One the people living on these streets would recognize and not challenge.