I Don't Belong to You

by Samantha Restrew

  Why does he hurt me like that? I know that he’s just grooming me. He only wants to vent his lower instincts on me, but he’s not able to cope with the crazy love I feel for him. Yet what’s wrong if let myself cuddling by his words and pretend that they are turned to me and not to Tracy? After all this wouldn’t be the first time I deceive I’m special to someone. Fred docet.

  So I take off the jumper and let him imprint the seal of his passion on my breast. I help him to undress and cling to his chest, trying to inhale every inch of his smell.

  When he takes off his pants and black under pants, I see his desire standing ready for me and I already fear that the effort could reopen his wound.

  «Open your legs, Khyla» he orders with raspy voice.

  «No, this time I want to be the leader. You stay down, I’ll think about everything» I say confidently.

  Matthew opens his eyes for amazement, but stay silent. I take the blankets off and go across him being careful not to touch the wounded leg. I slowly slide on his penis helped by my fluid that goes on the surface of his hardened member and I feel right away as if being in another dimension.

  «Slow down, Khyla. I want to feel you vibrating sensual and sweet. I want to feel your chills on my skin.»

  As if it was easy! Because the more I join him, the more it looks impossible to satisfy his request. The rhythm is more and more faster, the assaults more and more white hot. Our laments, lower at the beginning, are multiplying in emissions and strength. At the edge of the precipice, I stand still, and kiss him sensually, then I move again, but slowly, holding back.

  At least, I’m trying to slow down, even though I’m so lost that I live it as an agony, and the same is for Matthew, because he murmurs between his teeth: «You’re making me crazy...»

  I go down very slowly on his penis, with circular movements. He contorts, oppressed by the imminent sense of pleasure.

  «Go on, Khyla, don’t stop.»

  I hold him to his words and resume my sensual assaults. Matthew moves his head in an unevenly way, moans his extreme pleasure and finally explodes, together with me, leaving me happy, but exhausted.

  When breath resume to be regular, I turn my back to him, and he embraces me. His arms around my breasts are the most beautiful chain that shackled me in my life.

  Heartened, I fall asleep, while he watches over me.

  MATTHEW

  I can’t sleep. Not now that I finally feel life flowing again within me. Not now that I’m here, in this bed, embraced to Khyla. My head is leaning against the back of her head and I’m smelling the delicate fragrances of her perfume within the long threads of the brown hair.

  Embracing her like this, without the turmoil of the passion, makes me feel good. I’m feeling as if my mind is projecting the film of a far past, now lost forever. Yes, because to feel the same sensations I have to go a long way back in the time. Before Tracy’s puberty arrived, we experienced these short moments of ecstasy. She came to sleep in my bed each time there was a storm and I embraced and comforted her, as a devoted brother. Then, beginning to kiss and caressing boldly, everything changed. To stay with her was not the reassuring warmth of a fireplace, but an indomitable fire, a fever, a constant uneasiness. I just wanted to feel her mine, beyond everything and everyone. There was no more space for friendship and tenderness.

  As I tighten Khyla in my arms, I think of what she has done for me. Since I met her, I only got pain to her. I exploited, tortured and oppressed her, just to allow myself to embrace someone else. I forced her to let me escape to give me another opportunity. She has accepted everything, she defended and protected me. She has proven to be able to transform her fragility into strength. And how did I repay so far? In exchange for her everything, I just gave her some hot intercourses and my mind split in half. Maybe I should resume with her. But is this what I actually want? Even if I’m feeling good, with Khyla, even if to have her beside me makes me feel in a state of well-being, somewhere there’s a part in me that can’t forget Tracy.

  As I’m submerged in my thoughts, Khyla turns in the bed and put her face against mine. She blinks her eyelids and gives me a bright smile.

  «Why don’t you sleep?»

  I whisper that I’m not tired. This simple but intimate contact is enough to trigger off in me a strange desire. No, I don’t mean to have her body, again. At least not now. I limit to kiss her. At first I give her a simple kiss on the lips, to make her understand that I just want to be “friendly”. Then I taste the soft taste of her lips, amazed by it. After a few seconds in which I inebriate of her delicate taste, I begin the deep exploration of her mouth. She moans with pleasure to each assault, but I absolutely don’t want these effusions to turn into something more. I want to know my feelings and, to do this, I must live this time with Khyla without sex complications. So we kiss, contented with the pleasure of it. And it’s just when our tongues stop searching, that I fall asleep satisfied.

  CHAPTER 38

  KHYLA

  It’s an unexpected noise at the door to wake me up. At first, half-asleep, I convinced myself that the noise is the wind that is blowing against the door. That’s why I prick my ears and try to check the origin of it. So I understand that it’s not a noise made from nature. It’s a regular and continuous knock.

  Trembling with fear, I shake Matthew’s shoulder waking him up: «Someone is knocking on the door.»

  «Damn! Is it possible that they have found us even with this bad weather?»

  I quickly get up and dress, throw to him his clothes and run to spy the window.

  When I see who it is, I feel serene right away. I run to open the door and smile to our guest.

  «Hello Alan! What a nice surprise! Come in.»

  He moves uncertain in the room, reinvigorated only by the promptness with which I help him taking off the jacket, the hat and the gloves. Now that I’m standing up, I realize that the air has faded. Actually in the fireplace remained just some embers. I go right away to put some wood in it to resume the flames.

  As I’m turned, I exclaim: «Have you seen how kind, John? Alan came to see how are you!»

  I turn to look at Matthew and notice that he’s still lying down with the first buttons of his shirt unbuttoned, his hands crossed under the head and his gaze to the ceiling. There’s a choking silence in the room. I don’t like the arrogant way with which he treats Alan. Probably Alan has got the same sensation, because with a tone of voice anything but easy, he says: «Of course! I’m here just to look at your wounded leg.»

  He approach the bed with the utmost kindness, but Matthew turns his head right away and throws a spiteful look to Alan, one of those look that block any attempt to make friends.

  «There’s no need to disturb yourself. Laura has already proven to be a good nurse, and she’ll care about my leg, isn’t it true sister?»

  How boorish! It is clear that he doesn’t like Alan, but I don’t understand why he is insisting treating Alan in such a disgusting way. Alan responds with a smile and try to convince Matthew to be helped by him, but Matthew doesn’t give way. How does he not understand? He’s making the ugly figure of the typical jealous brother who wants to intrude into her sister’s life.

  «What’s in that little bag?» asks hardly Matthew.

  Alan ignores him and gives the bag to me. In the meantime I managed to resume the fire that is now crackling vigorously and warms the room, making it more comfortable.

  «I brought you the necessary to make a good American breakfast. Yesterday, while I was looking for something to cook, I noticed that there’s no fresh food.»

  I open and pull out everything from the bag he brought us.

  «Flour, oranges, bacon, milk» I say putting them on the table, thinking to what I can cook with all those delicacies. «And there are also eggs. Where did you find them?» I ask with a smile full of wonder.

  «They are fresh of day, you know? My hens made them.»

  «Have you got hens? Why? Are they wounded? I didn’t kno
w that still exist wild hens» I laugh amused.

  «No! They’re not my patients! I bought them and brought them to the clinic to have fresh eggs every day. If I don’t have breakfast with scrambled eggs, the day is bad for me.»

  «And where did you get the milk?» asks Matthew with the clear intent of scoffing at him. «Have you also got a cow at the clinic?»

  «No, I’m sorry. This is just long-keeping milk.»

  «John, don’t be so irritating» I tell him severely. He, offended, turns his head toward the wall and stays silent and very sulky.

  «Let’s leave him alone. He can be very unpleasant. Have you had breakfast?» I ask Alan to lighten the gloomy atmosphere that has been created.

  «No, not yet. I’m going now and...» he says, suddenly getting up from the chair where he settled.

  I stop him and make him sit down again: «Nonsense. You’re going to have breakfast with us.»

  I go to the stove and start squeezing the oranges, breaking eggs, scrambling and cooking. Wonderful! With all these goodies is going to be a very tasty breakfast!

  In a few minutes I bring on the table orange juice, pancakes, scrambled eggs with bacon and cups of hot coffee.

  «I hope you like Italian coffee. I love it. Fortunately I found a coffee machine in the cupboard.»

  «No wonder. Victoria is Italian.» he answers. «I’ve known her for a couple of years. She and her husband Ted have taken the habit of inviting me to dinner sometimes every summer. Every time she offers Mediterranean dishes and, at the end of the dinner, she gives me Italian coffee. She thinks that American coffee is just a black dishwater.»

  «Oh! Is she Italian? I didn’t know it» I comment disadvantaged. Why is Alan always so kind and cheerful? Why to me he seems so trustworthy? Because of this, I’m feeling even more sorry to tell him lies. «I actually don’t know her so well. Ted has given us the house because he and John are colleagues.»

  «Are you a financial broker, John? Very interesting... I have a couple of investments to make. You could give me some advices.» he says to be friendly, but that ill-mannered doesn’t even answer to him. I feel obliged to answer.

  «He’ll do it more than willingly as soon as we return home, isn’t it brother? He told me that on these vacation days, he just wanted to get away from it all.»

  «It seems understandable... About work... Thank you for the great breakfast, but now I have to go back to the clinic. If you ever want to come and see me, Laura, you’ll be welcome. This is a lucky time. You could know a wolf and a brown bear.»

  «Very good! As soon as the storm is over, I’ll come for sure.»

  So he gets up and goes toward the door. And, before going out into the storm, gives me an intense look, full of feeling. I’d like to repay, but actually I can only give him a mild smile. Alan is very nice to me, but no one can take Matthew’s place in my heart.

  MATTHEW

  I look at Khyla as she locks the door and spies out of the window the clumsy movement of Alan that is going away, becoming soon one with the candor of the snow. As soon as he is far away, I see her coming to me with long strides. She puts her hands on the hips and gives me a look full of spite.

  At first I pretend to be asleep, turned to the wall, then, because of her silence, I look at her and ask the inevitable question.

  «What’s the matter with you, Khyla?»

  These few words are enough to open the dam of her bad mood.

  «Are you asking what’s the matter with me? Try to figure out... You’ve been ill-mannered and irritating with Alan. A true asshole. I just don’t understand you. He was kind to bring us something to have breakfast, and you paid him back with your hoity-toity indifference.»

  She’s blethering about like a roaring river and I, after a few seconds, can’t stand it anymore. I decide that maybe the best strategy is to remain silent, but it doesn’t work. In fact she seems even more angry.

  «Are you not going to say anything to justify yourself? Don’t you even try? You’re just a boor...»

  With a big effort I sit on the bed, leaning my back on the headboard, then I begin to say what I think about Alan with an angry voice.

  «I don’t trust him!»

  «What do you mean?»

  «You are so ingenue. You can’t see over your nose, but I have no intention to be mocked. I understood that he’s concealing something. Maybe he understood who we are and is trying to keep us quite because of the snowstorm. As soon as the good weather and, with it, the radio link comes back, he’ll call the police.»

  That’s it. I finally told her the truth about that asshole!

  «What bullshit are talking about? You don’t trust the man who saved your life?»

  I pretend for a moment to be indifferent, then I look at her with the hard gaze that I use in the worst events.

  «He saved my life because you asked him to do so. He doesn’t care about me. Don’t you understand?»

  Strange but true, now that I talked, I feel better. I can’t stand the way he looks at Khyla. If it wasn’t for the wounded leg, I would have been up to remove with punches that horny stupid expression from his face. He didn’t understand, yet, who he has to duel with. If he’ll try to bring Khyla in his bed, he’ll have to duel with me. She is mine! This assumption continues to echo in my head and I see that it makes me feel good. I’m still dueling with my emotions, but now I know that Khyla is the only one able to calm down my pain. She can calm down my worries and makes me smile again. I can’t allow that big guy that use to talk with wolves, to take her away from me. I’m so angry that I look astonished when she says, with a grinning smile: «So what? You can think that he likes me, but anyway you don’t have the right to treat him like that.»

  These words make me lose my patience completely. I’m invaded by a mixture of anger and jealousy, impossible to handle with serenity.

  «Well! Now it’s all clear to me! You are defending him, because you like him!» I say very angrily. «Are we at this point? As soon as I feel better, I’m leaving. You can keep your pretty vet. I wish you a great future and a lot of children.»

  Instead of sending me to fuck off as she should to, she looks happy. Is she happy to see me so furious? Happy to see me so little diplomatic. Who can understand women? Her eyes glitter and all of a sudden she kneels and embraces me.

  I’m astonished by her behavior.

  «What’s the matter with you, now?»

  «I’m happy.»

  «Happy? What for? Having fled across California, having risked life more than once, being in the middle of a storm? Are you happy to have felt cold, hungry and pain because of an asshole like me?»

  «Yes, I repeat it. I’m happy.»

  «Why?»

  «Because that asshole is you.»

  I laugh at the way Khyla says this joke and she too, but when I mirror in her eyes, I realize that her hilarity hides a shiver that comes straight into my head like a bolt. From there it radiates into all the cells of my body. I want her, I want to hold onto her, breathe once again the scent of her skin. She’s trying to get away from me to deal with some useless thing, but I can’t let her go. While she’s turned back, I hold her tight, maybe too much. I’m probably leaving bruises on her delicate skin, but it doesn’t matter. At least it’ll remain a tangible trace on her of the great passion provoked in me by her presence. I start to kiss her on the neck and Khyla is delighted by the sensual touch of my lips skimming over her vertebrae. So I insist, putting my hands under her knit to play with her turgid nipples. She gets rid of my grip, turns and kisses my mouth with passion, leaving me out of breathe. Now that we are blinded by this desperate desire, we both undress and fall on the bed together. The trembling light of the fire project huge shadows of our embraced bodies.

  CHAPTER 39

  KHYLA

  Naked under the covers, Matthew and I are intended to breathe each other after spending the all night making love. We are so much lost one in another that don’t realize how much time passed by. I should
get up to resume the fire now nearly extinguished, but in this moment I don’t fear cold. I don’t want to lose a second of what we are living together. Enveloped by Matthew’s strong arms, I’m feeling as if nothing could hurt me. This happens because, when I’m near him, it is as if his only presence was enough to undo any need, any pain.

  He doesn’t speak, but takes aside a haircut from my forehead and looks at me with a tenderness which I didn’t even think he could express. After a few seconds of intense communion looking in each other eyes, he kisses me lightly on the lips and then whispers: «You look so sweet and defenseless in this moment, Khyla.»

  I give him an inquiring look, curious to understand the meaning of his statement.

  «Yes, there are moments like this in which you look fragile and in need of care, instead you are as strong as steel.»

  «I don’t think so» I respond. If I really was so strong as he says, I would never have allowed the love I feel for him, to win upon my reason.

  «You are, I can say it for sure. I realized it since the first time I saw you, that you are thick-skinned. That’s why I chose you for my plan.»

  «Just for this?» I ask disappointed. I brought a lump to my throat. In spite of all the events experienced together, I’m just a perfect accomplice, to him. I get the momentum to get out of bed, but he blocks me before I can slide out of the blankets.

  «What are you doing? Are you escaping? Don’t go away, Khyla. Don’t use your self-confidence to leave me here alone. Use it to trust me, to give me a dream.»

  «Don’t you think you’ve made enough use of me?» I respond agitated, trying to get rid of his grip.

  «It was not my intention. I just wanted to explain that I chose you because I knew that you were the right person.»

  Wow! It would be the perfect declaration, if he was referring to the feelings he has toward me. Instead he is only prizing my ability to deal with obstacles during our crazy escape.