Different Minds

by Joyce E. Rayess

  The next morning Elionora called Dad and informed him that she was in Paris with the company of a student. He was thrilled and asked her to visit. We used the first hours of the day to do some shopping, while in the late afternoon we were finally meeting with Dad.

  I don’t think I ever suffered in my life as much as I did when I saw him from a close distance. He had lost weight and resembled a newborn bird, featherless and cold. Sadness had changed his features that in short time; it made him look older. As I sat near Dad, the importance of love and those other things that we think about when we are in a well state of mind just disappeared. My family was not okay. Suddenly I had forgotten all about Eric. In fact I felt stupid to have had my mind so busy with love issues while my father suffered, thinking he’d lost me. I was a few seconds away from sitting at his feet and telling him the truth, but I was afraid that the truth was going to hurt him even more. He had passed through too many traumas; how much was his mind able to handle?

  I sat silently in my seat and shook my head at Elionora, in my mind begging her to keep her promise. What bothered me most was that Dad thought I committed suicide. This was the source of most of his pain, the reason he felt guilt. His reaction to that bruised me, and I couldn’t let it happen any further. The house had become too sad, and it was missing too many people.

  “Lucas.” I came and sat by him on the long sofa. “Do you know why I came with Elionora?”

  He looked at me, his eyes red with grief and weariness. “No, I don’t know.”

  “Well…umm…when I received a part of Cassandra’s brain…”

  “You mean brain tissue.” He nodded, following up with the story.

  “Well, I thought so too, but later I knew that I had received a part of her brain…also.”

  “What do you mean?” He looked at Elionora with a frown, anticipating answers.

  “It transferred along…” I tried stalling my words in order to find something to say without exposing the truth.

  “What she is trying to say,” interrupted Elionora, “is that the memories of Cassandra transferred along to Julie during the…during the process.”

  “What?” He looked into my eyes with doubt. “Do you know me?”

  “It’s more like I remember you,” I explained.

  “Is there a difference?” He turned toward Elionora.

  “Yes, a little. Julie doesn’t know you, but she remembers you like a dream. She doesn’t feel that you are her father, although her dreams tell her so.”

  He turned toward me and spoke warmly. “Well, what do you remember?”

  I smiled, thinking that the best way to bring happiness into his heart was to give him the happy memories. “Lucas, Cassandra loved the breakfast you prepared every morning. It always had a perfect smell, the fried eggs with butter.”

  “Ah,” he expressed with an open mouth.

  “I remember her playing with Sam on the sand beach of Cannes. You built something with the sand, but I can’t remember what it was,” I lied.

  “A mermaid.” He started laughing and crying at once.

  “Lucas, she loved you so much. I have dozens of memories of how much she thought you were a perfect father.”

  “No…” He wiped his tears away, holding himself from crying any further.

  “Most importantly,” I continued, “she never committed suicide.”

  “What?” He turned back to me fully attentive. “What did you say?”

  “The moment she fell from that cliff, she was just checking how beautiful the view was from above. At that moment she didn’t think of suicide; she wasn’t even feeling sadness or bad about anything.”

  He burst into tears. “You’re not just saying this?”

  “No, Lucas, I am not lying.” I held his hands.

  “I don’t know…do you think she is happy now?”

  “I’m sure she is happy!” replied Elionora as I nodded, fighting not to drop the tears in my eyes.

  “Do you think she is happy now?” He looked at me and asked again.

  “Yes, Lucas, she is happy now,” I replied.

  “I want her to be happy.”

  “You too, Lucas, she wants that for you too,” I repeated after him like I used to, saying everything back at him.

  He looked at me smiling. “You sound like her.”

  “Then you should believe me.”

  The doorbell suddenly rang and Lucas jumped out of his seat. It was Sam, coming back from a football game with his friends. I felt very happy as I saw him speak loudly about the amazing game he had with his friends. He suddenly became silent as he saw that there were visitors in the house.

  “Sam, come, I want to introduce you to some friends.” Dad walked him toward us.

  I was doing well in holding back my tears until Sam looked at me with his green childish eyes so full of questions and wonder. I had missed him so much.

  “Sam.” I walked toward him and kneeled down. My tears failed me and started falling uncontrollably. “I know you don’t remember me; I used to be Cassandra’s friend.”

  “Hi, Cassandra never told me about you.” He blinked a few times. “Why are you crying?”

  His question made Elionora cry and laugh at the same time. Dad was no longer crying; instead he was smiling and laughing. I could easily see how Sam brought so much happiness to his heart.

  “What should I…” I looked at Dad, who mumbled a little.

  “Sam, Cassandra told Julie so much about you, and Julie loves you so much for that. At summer we will visit Cassandra in Colorado,” he explained.

  “Oh, well Cassandra was transferred to another country because she was so smart she had to study something very hard. I came to tell Lucas this.”

  “She never told me.” He dropped the football between his feet then kneeled down and picked it up again.

  “It was much of a surprise to her too.” I wiped his hair away from his eyes.

  “That’s strange.” He looked at Dad.

  “Yes, but it is important,” answered Dad.

  The rest of the evening had less of tears and more of smiles and laughter. We ate dinner together. Dad cooked one of my favorite dishes, chicken with lemon white sauce and boiled vegetables. I noticed the relief on his face. It was as if some huge worry was taken off his shoulders. Elionora seemed very happy as well. Even I myself felt calmer.

  Around eleven in the evening we thanked Lucas for accommodating us and headed toward the door. I felt a kind of sadness while leaving my house. The place reminded me of Mom; the corners where I used to sit by myself made me remember how I would think silently of Robert.

  “Lucas.” I stopped before the door. “Why don’t you sell this house and buy another?”

  “I can’t, this is our home.” He shook his head.

  “I understand, but why not have a new start. Every day people change their lives.” I smiled at him as he stood silently thinking of what I just told him. I turned toward Sam and asked him, “What do you think of a house near the sea, Sam?”

  “I like the sea.” He placed his elbows on the table and rested his face in his hands.

  “Do we have a green apple?” I only realized after I finished my sentence that I referred to us as being one family. Although Dad missed what I said, Elionora and Sam happened to notice.

  “Yes, do you want one?” Sam jumped out of his seat and ran to the kitchen.

  “It will do you good, Lucas. There is one thing that I’m really sure about; Cassandra wants you to be happy…really.”

  “This is the only thing I have remaining from my family. It’s the only thing that will give Sam the opportunity to learn about his mother and Cassy.”

  “Bad memories?” Elionora placed her hand over my father’s shoulder. “Maybe getting away and starting new is best.”

  “How is it working for you?” He smiled.

  “It was the best decision I’ve ever made.” She kissed his cheek.

  “I will think about it.” He nodded.

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nbsp; Sam came back with a green apple. I thanked him and looked at it as if it were a living creature in my hand, breathing maybe. I took a bite of it then placed it in my purse. I kissed him and Dad.

  “Let me know if you need anything,” I said to Dad as Elionora hugged Sam and walked after me.

  The next two days we met with Dad and Sam a few times. My father was happier than I had ever seen him. Even when I used to live at home I never saw him as energetic as those last days. He had a particular sense of humor that was accompanied by lots of laughter. We took Sam to the park; one night we went to the theater, and another time we had dinner together. On the fourth day Dad informed us that he had decided to move to another house after Sam was finished with elementary school. I was thrilled; suddenly it felt like I became a mature person, and for the first time my help to my family was concrete. It was just beautiful.

  It was new to me, to feel like a grownup. I never made a decision before in my life; I’d always relied on my father’s opinion. I really never lived for myself because I had nothing to live for. I never thought of what I wanted to study for university; Dad must have thought about it and decided for me. I never cared about what I was going to wear or eat or even watch on TV because I was too depressed to put any efforts into such thoughts. I preferred to live with what was available. I walked around the scattered pieces of my life instead of picking them up. I didn’t make a difference by existing; in that, I never really changed anything. I was trapped inside my suffering, watching time pass as I froze in doing nothing more than acknowledging the amount of sadness I was feeling.

  On the fifth day Elionora went out for some additional shopping as I packed both my things and hers and waited for her in the lobby until she was back. When she came back it was only four hours till our flight to Italy. I informed her of the new plan, but she refused to believe that I actually packed her stuff too and made all the arrangements already.

  “I’m not joking, our luggage is really with the concierge.”

  “I really don’t believe you.” She pulled up a chair and sat calmly facing me.

  “The driver will be here in an hour. I suggest we have a nice soup before we head to Italy.” I smiled. “Excuse me!” I called to the concierge. “Can you please tell me what time the driver will be here?”

  “Oh, I thought you said in one hour, Miss Johnson, did I mis­understand you?”

  “That’s good, thank you.” I turned toward Elionora. “Anything else?”

  “Are you serious, to Rome?” Now she sounded like she truly believed me.

  “I told you we were going to have fun. It’s about time to make your ex-fiancé pay for the terrible mistake he made.” I smiled.

  “I really don’t want to waste my energy on him.” She pulled the water bottle out of her purse and started sipping from it.

  “You can say whatever you want here, but it’s time I give you a hand in some evil work. You have to stop being too decent.”

  “This is crazy, I don’t agree,” she said with a perfect Italian accent.

  “What did you do when you learned that he was cheating on you?” I leaned toward her holding my chin.

  “I walked away.” She trembled as she spoke.

  “You walked away!” I laughed. “We have a lot of work to do.”

  “What could I have done?” She said this like she was out of options.

  “Well, it depends. What did he do after you walked away?”

  “Nothing.” She concentrated on finishing what was left in the bottle.

  “Nothing! He didn’t try to explain or follow you?” I almost screamed in a whisper.

  “No, the same day of my brother’s death I learned from a girl that he was cheating on me.”

  “She came to you?”

  “To the hospital where I spent every night with my brother. She showed me her phone, his messages to her. I thought it couldn’t be him, but it was his number.” Her eyes became moist.

  “Did you tell him?”

  “I was too confused. He used the same words with her that he used with me.” A tear fell to her chin and she wiped it quickly. “I didn’t tell him. I acted normally for one week. I told only your mother.”

  “My mother?” I leaned closer to her. “Then what?”

  “Then on a moonless night, as he pretended to sleep at his father’s, I packed the most necessary things and bought a ticket to Denver. Your mother was having some second thoughts about marrying Lucas, so she traveled with me. That day I changed my mobile number, and I never opened my email afterwards. I didn’t even ask about him or contact any of our common friends. I simply disappeared.”

  I lay back on my seat contemplating the scenarios of her story. “You have me convinced. I’m sure he suffered.”

  “Our wedding was in two months.” “What?” I leaned toward her once again.

  “Do you even know what happened? Had you sent the invitations already?”

  “Me? No, I was busy with my brother. He did.”

  “You did a fine job in getting back at him.” I smiled. “I wouldn’t have done any better. What did Mom say?”

  She looked inside the bottle to see if any water remained. “She thought it was better if I faced him.”

  “She is so decent, so pure; I would have thought the same.” I tried to imagine what Mom would have looked like and why she had looked into the situation in this manner. “However, I’m happy with what you did.”

  “What do you know about attitude?” She referred to Cassandra’s character.

  “I know from Julie.” I sat back silently.

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “Remember what you said today to my dad? It’s a hundred percent correct, but the case is related to Julie.” I awaited further questions from her side.

  “What exactly did I say? I said so many things,” she said.

  “That I can remember the life of Cassandra but not feel it as she does. Like I remember Lucas but don’t feel that he is familiar.”

  “That was only to cover who you are.” She picked up the empty water bottle and started looking into it once again.

  “Yeah, never mind. You know about what you told me about your ex-fiance I think now that he was hurt way more than you were, Elionora. He was put in a very awkward situation as you disappeared.” My grandiose plan to end the earlier subject worked well.

  “No, Cassy, nobody was told what he had done. Everyone must have believed his side of the story now, perhaps that I traveled with a lover.”

  “Yeah, you are right. Here’s why we will go back and explain the situation to your common friends. Three days are enough to get in contact with everyone before we go back to Denver.”

  “Why should I explain to anyone?” She opened her eyes wide and blinked.

  “Because it will make you feel better,” I said loudly.

  “I can’t believe I’m listening to you.” She resumed her blinking.

  “I need to ask you something. It just crossed my mind.”

  “Yeah.”

  “When you look at me, who do you see? Cassandra or Julie?”

  She laughed. “Really? I’m not actually sure. I think I see Juliette, but I’m no longer sad for Cassandra.”

  “Perfect.”

  The trip to Rome was short and beautiful. Elionora talked in Italian to the concierge, to everyone we encountered. Strangely, I understood every word she said, although I didn’t feel as if I was capable of speaking Italian. It was hard not to notice how happy she was to finally be at home. The hotel was one of the closest to the Spanish Steps, with a beautiful view of the city. Elionora and I shared a lovely room; as we opened the window an old church appeared before us.

  “Elionora, did you know Julie before she went into a coma?”

  “I used to recognize her just as a student; I didn’t really know her as a person.” She opened her luggage and started taking out a few pieces.

  “Do you know if she spoke anything other than English?” I needed to dou
ble check.

  “I think she spoke French too. You know she used to live in Paris.”

  “In Paris? I knew she lived in France but I didn’t know she lived in Paris.” I was shocked.

  “Small world, huh?”

  “Tell me about it.”

  The plan was to get together with Elionora’s old friends; however suddenly she got overwhelmed with her family members on the first day as she had to make a lot of explanations. She was gregarious and so much loved by everyone. Elionora might be an ordinary woman in Denver, but she was a lot more than ordinary in Italy. Everyone recognized her even with her long disappearance abroad. Her indignation at her ex-fiancé’s betrayal enraged the family against him. It was too obvious the signs of relief that occupied her face as the truth was revealed and all her family took her side.

  At night we had coffee together on the rooftop of the hotel, and we discussed the next steps of the plan in order to be efficient during our stay. Elionora had doubts about whether she should expose the truth to everyone. She explained that she really didn’t care about what everyone was thinking and it was enough for her to regain her family’s love. However, a few hours before we went to bed her friends started calling her as one of her cousins spread the news. It became impossible to sleep as she spent the night making explanations on the phone. The next day the news had reached her ex-fiancé and he called her, but she refused to reply. We were going to travel back to Denver on the third day, but Elionora suggested we pack and leave the same night of the second day. The only flight we found available at that time had a three-hour stop in New York, but we took it anyways.

  It was two hours after her ex-fiancé’s call that we checked out of the hotel and took a taxi to the airport. When we were finally in the plane, Elionora burst into laughter and tears. It was strange and hard to tell if she was actually happy or sad. I think maybe she was both at once. An hour after she fell asleep I sat contemplating the previous days spent with Dad and Sam. I felt that strange sadness mixed with fear that usually comes at the end of a trip, or when you see a beautiful sunset and feel grateful for its existence, but sad at the same time because you know it will last just a few minutes. My life wasn’t a nightmare in Denver, but it felt so while leaving paradise—the heaven of feeling safe around family.