Different Minds

by Joyce E. Rayess

  The same rhythm of that Italian song kept playing in my mind until it started driving me insane. I finally felt like I could play the keys of its notes on the piano. I even decided to ask Elionora about it once she was awake. The repeating rhythm and few words had transformed into a dream as I lost consciousness between what was real and what was not.

  Chapter 19

  robert

  the dust in the sky had fallen and the mist of freshness rose. Bits of green herbs pulled themselves from beneath the snow, and trees grew new leaves, light-green and yellow. The streets were filled with dogs pulling their leashes toward the greenery, people pulling back against the force. The sun was finally strong enough to warm through the clothing, and some people took their jackets off. I was fresh, energetic, and lively especially as I saw a complete rainbow. Elionora was jubilant about what she had accomplished during her stay in Rome. She remained calm though, giving lavish smiles at everything she contemplated through her window. The luminous sparks in her eyes were so contagious that her fiancé, who was driving, and I both felt as joyful too.

  “Are you hungry?” Patrick asked.

  Elionora paused, letting me decide on that, but we had eaten in the airport while waiting for him to arrive, and I wasn’t hungry yet. “No, Mr. Martin, thank you.”

  “Patrick,” he and Elionora both said at the same time. He smiled at her and held her hand for the rest of the drive. I sank in my seat waiting to reach home, thinking of almost everything, of the moment when I would meet with Eric, of Donna and Chester, of Luna.

  Upon my arrival Luna’s barking reached across the street.

  “Look who’s here.” Donna almost ran toward the car trying to catch up with the running dog. She invited Patrick and Elionora for some croissants and coffee and sat near me, hugging me during the whole breakfast time. She seemed so happy that we had arrived a day earlier but was a little disappointed because she didn’t have enough time to prepare my favorite dish, and I didn’t dare to ask what it was.

  When the couple left, and just before I went to sleep to recover from the missing hours, I asked Donna to be secretive about my arrival today as I planned to surprise Eric. When I woke up, five hours had passed like a minute. I was still tired but I wanted to get out of bed quickly in order to surprise Eric. I showered, put on a nice black dress, applied a little natural-looking makeup, and wore my favorite perfume. The stairs were squeaking too loudly as I took them, and at the bottom of the stairs stood Eric…waiting.

  Spontaneously I opened my mouth at the sight of him. “How is this possible?”

  He nodded with the usual charming smile. “Elionora.”

  “I…I should’ve…”

  “You’re hiding from me?” He pursed his lips.

  “Yes I am.” I laughed and walked toward him slowly as he leaned against the door. He pulled himself toward me and hugged me warmly. I kissed him as he took my hands into his.

  “I don’t think I missed you yet,” he said, staring at our entwined hands.

  “Yeah, me neither.” I pulled a strand of his hair. “You’re looking classical though.”

  “It’s because I’m taking you out for dinner.” He was wearing a suit without a tie. I realized how he filled his clothes perfectly. It was as if the things he bought were tailored to fit his muscles and angles perfectly.

  “The Christmas restaurant?” I laughed.

  “It’s a special restaurant, new in fact. It’s more like a karaoke place, but the singers and piano players are very talented; usually those that attend for dinner sing and play.”

  “You will sing to me?”

  “I wouldn’t ask me to if I were you, unless you want them to kick us out of there.” He laughed.

  “Well, what time are we going?”

  “Just now if you’re ready.”

  “All right, let me tell Donna that we’re leaving.” I started to walk away but he pulled me back.

  “Chester took her out to her friend’s house for…I think it’s a game night.”

  “I didn’t even see Chester!” What a weird family. “What kind of games?”

  “Cards…I think.” He frowned as he shook his head, still staring at our clasped hands. I thought it was a little strange because I didn’t know that Chester and Donna favored evenings as such. I was more concerned though with the way Eric was holding to me, and I wondered what he planned next. Instantly that brought the thought of Simmi. I wondered if she was around, peeking at us from behind the doors.

  “Okay.” I swallowed hard, our heads smoothly touching. “Just let me get my scarf.”

  He let me go, and the look in his eyes was absolutely dazzling. I wanted to stay close to him with every step I took away from him.

  As he drove, I wondered why Donna acted a little strange when Chester was around; she seemed nervous and unhappy. Also it wasn’t like her not to leave me a message that she was going out somewhere, especially if I was going to leave the house too.

  “Eric, did Donna leave any message for me?”

  “What message?”

  “Umm, never mind.” I went quiet for a little but then couldn’t resist asking, “Do you think she is happy?”

  “What do you mean?” He concentrated on the slow driving.

  “I don’t know, I thought you knew something. Sometimes she sounds nervous.”

  “I don’t think so. She looks happy to me.”

  “What was the message?” I speculated.

  “What?”

  “You know, you said you had a message for her when we first met in Paris?” “What reminded you of that?” He glanced at me before returning his eyes to the road.

  I realized I was acting like the worried Cassandra. Probably Julie would have been too happy to be around Eric to be concerned with anyone else. I exhaled with a little exaggeration.

  He looked at the road with less concentration now. “Listen, if you want we can spend tomorrow evening with her and Chester; we can try to figure things out with them. Oh no, I forgot, tomorrow I have to go with Amy to California for two days; we have the opening ceremonies of two new libraries.”

  “Oh, I didn’t know.”

  “Yeah, I didn’t want to go but Amy’s brother confirmed his attendance just today, and she wants me to be there. I was hoping to charm you into accompanying me.”

  “I have to catch up with my missed classes; I’m still very tired from the long trip also.”

  “Yeah, I thought of that too.” He smiled.

  “How come you never answer me when I ask you this particular question?” I kept my eyes on the road.

  “What question?” He shook his head, causing a strand of his hair to fall between his eyes.

  “What the message was…that you had for Donna.” I held the handle of the door now, even more troubled that he wasn’t looking at the route anymore.

  “Oh.” His face turned angry and maybe a little concerned as he contemplated the road with deep thoughts. “Donna and Chester were separated. Chester was very sad. He became really sick and depressed; so I traveled to Paris to look for Donna. After three weeks I found her. When I explained the situation to her, she decided to come back with me to Denver to look after him. She decided that because it’s what you wanted.”

  “Oh.” I looked across the window. Now I had thousands of questions to ask. I could see now why Donna was not so happy around Chester. Clearly she wasn’t in love with him. “Why were they separated?”

  He laughed with nervousness. “Umm…” He shook his head.

  “How come you decided to help Chester? He’s not your age, so why are you friends with him?”

  “I look up to him as a father. Really there’s a lot to speak about, but I’m not sure if this is the correct time.” He started scratching his head nervously. “Maybe we can talk about this some other day. Tonight, I want you to think only of me.”

  “All right, selfish.” I took his sunglasses from the console between us and put them on my face. He smiled at the irony of pu
tting sunglasses on in the darkness. I kept them on my face for the rest of the drive as it made it easier for me to stare at him without him noticing exactly where I was looking, and for how long I was staring.

  As we reached the restaurant Eric took the sunglasses off my face when he came around the car to open my door. He was laughing.

  A set of wide steps led up to the entrance of the restaurant, where a man waited for us by the door and opened it with warm greetings. It seemed as though he knew Eric. The maitre d’ didn’t ask him for the name of the reservation either; instead we were led quickly to our table.

  On the right side of the room facing the stage was a beautiful round table with white sheets. An old man was singing some jazz song, and a pianist accompanied him in the left corner. A flower and a candle sat in the center of the table. Eric pulled my seat back as I slid into it; we were sitting close to one another, side by side, facing the stage. The position we were seated in took away my nervousness at having him stare at me all the time. At least there was something else to look at.

  Through the dim yellow lighting I noticed there were purple ribbons on the back of every chair tied like a butterfly. Eric ordered two soups with a medley of vegetables while I scanned the one-page menu. It was basic: soup or snail for appetizer, chicken or fish as a main dish, and ice cream or apple pie for dessert. The few other things I didn’t understand and didn’t care to ask about since I was already satisfied with what I had found.

  By the time the old man finished the song, a younger man took his place. The new man also continued with the same style of jazz, although the song was a little livelier. Eric sat silently watching me as I poured water into my glass.

  “Thirsty?” He looked at me with smiling eyes.

  “It must be due to the long flight.” I returned the glass after only one small sip, fighting myself not to drink more while he was staring. “It’s a beautiful place.”

  “I’m happy you like it.” He smiled even more with his eyes. His hair was beautifully lit on the edges, reflecting the warm light. “Would you like to sing?”

  “Even if you convinced me to, I don’t think I would be able to reach the stage without fainting.”

  “The Julie I remember knew no fear,” he said while holding the glass of water with one hand, pausing before pulling it closer to his mouth.

  “The Julie you remember doesn’t remember herself.” I drank the rest of what remained in my second water glass.

  “Well.” He swallowed quickly. “When she does she will be very disappointed in you.”

  If only you knew how correct that is, I said to myself. “Why don’t you sing?” “It is possible that you don’t remember, but you made me promise never to sing again.”

  “It couldn’t be that bad.” I laughed with some exaggeration. “What do you mean ‘again’?”

  He burst into laughter. “I’m a man of my word.”

  “No, you are taking advantage of my situation.” I smiled wryly.

  “Maybe only a little,” he whispered into my ear then pulled away to watch the man singing.

  This Eric that I was once afraid of was no longer scary; he was playful and he was stunningly romantic and charming. I liked him way too much, and I wasn’t afraid anymore of how loud my thoughts were becoming. Julie was definitely aware of this if she was able to hear me back there in any other consciousness.

  The waiter brought our soups and asked if we had decided on the main dish. I chose the fish platter, Eric picked chicken. As the waiter left, I stared at the charming young man sitting beside me whose eyes were so beautifully taken by the soft music. I remembered that I wasn’t wearing those sunglasses anymore and couldn’t gaze too much at him. So instead I started looking around the restaurant, fixing my eyes on the stupid details of the room as if something really interesting was going on in my mind. Not one table was empty. People were dressed very formally; many old men wore ties and most women were in black dresses. I was just lucky to have had the same dress code as the rest of the women.

  “I thought you were going to think only of me tonight,” Eric said, smiling.

  “What makes you think I’m not?”

  “Umm…let’s see.” He stared around at the crowd.

  I bit my lips. “I didn’t think you were so possessive.”

  He laughed in a way that made his eyes crinkle, and the light inside them only appeared stronger. “Only with you.”

  The younger man on the stage had finished his song now. For a few minutes afterwards the pianist played a piece as none of the crowd wanted to sing. Before long another man from among the patrons took over the piano and played a beautiful piece. Finally a lady from the crowd decided to sing a beautiful French song that I knew very well.

  “You haven’t told me yet,” he said. “How much did you enjoy your endless trip?”

  “It was only for a few days.” I shook my head. “I didn’t remember much of my previous life after all.”

  “Oh.” Signs of relief came over his face. “It’s okay that part of your life wasn’t that interesting anyways.” He leaned down and kissed my hand.

  I laughed timidly. “Every part of my past was important. It did bring me to you eventually, no?”

  We stared into each other’s eyes for so long that I didn’t notice the end of the girl’s song onstage and the start of a new one. When suddenly I noticed the familiarity of the song being played by the pianist, I realized it was the same one that had been lingering in my mind for a few weeks now. My facial expression changed as I tried to capture memories of that song. It was the same Italian song with a beautiful male voice singing: “…fra milioni di persone lui ha scelto te, e non ti tradira.”

  I turned toward the stage where a tall man with black hair and dark eyebrows stood. I was able to recognize through the distance whose eyes were fixed on me. It was Robert singing that one song that had haunted me for weeks!

  “I…I know this song.” My thoughts spoke loudly.

  “This song?” Eric asked me as I stared at Robert, worried. His singing made me melancholy. I started feeling things that definitely didn’t belong to me. I sang along because I knew the song very well, and I was a little sad because the memory associated must have been sad.

  As I sang, Robert smiled widely—he continued singing while staring at me as if the lyrics came from me. I felt a strong urge to play that song on the piano, like some sort of gravity pulled me toward the instrument, one I couldn’t resist. As the song went on, I watched myself being dragged toward that piano without even thinking. The pianist was talented, but I knew that my sudden madness would make an even better piece of it.

  As I walked between the crowd, I knew that Eric stood behind me with a stunned face, but I shocked myself even more when I acted without thinking of the consequences; and the look on Robert’s face showed no threat. Rather it was safe, content, and encouraging.

  By the time I reached the piano, Robert had stopped singing. His face was sparkling with a generous smile, and suddenly the room became silent. I was extremely nervous until I convinced myself that it was Julie acting on my behalf. I had no idea where this nerve was coming from, or why I became so determined to play this song in such a public place. The pianist was an old man from the crowd. As he saw me coming toward him he quickly stood up and asked if I’d like to play this song.

  I nodded, whispering, “Just this song, please do not leave my side.”

  The man nodded respectfully and stood right beside me. I scanned the keys and closed my eyes; I even heard my final breath in the calm room just before I started playing enthusiastically. The sound of Robert’s singing just squeezed my heart.

  He stood under the warm yellow spotlight singing, and I felt a strong wave flowing between us as he gazed at me. His eyes glowed, his body movements looked confident, but I did see his hand shaking as he held the microphone. I raised my head and glanced at him; our eye contact made everything around us disappear. I diverted my eyes back to the keys but couldn’t re
sist another peek at him a second later. Even with all the dim lighting, his eyelashes featured long over his eyes. He spoke to me; he spoke to my trembling heart, to my soul, as he sang those words that I didn’t understand. How is it possible to understand so much in words of a language I don’t speak?

  At the end of his singing, as I played my final notes, I was awakened by a great fear of what I was going to do next, about even looking into Eric’s face and having to explain. I quickly remembered that it was probably safe because Eric didn’t know Robert, but my betrayal in how much I enjoyed these moments was suffocating me. It was easier at this moment to look at Robert, who stood silently facing me, breathing heavily, astonished.

  “Thank you, Julie,” he said while trying to catch his breath. His gaze at me could make any girl drop dead on the spot. I nodded, worried. I was scared to be exposed to those feelings again; I was scared of how much Robert knew; I was even more scared of Eric’s notice of the events.

  I turned toward Eric. He was standing near our table, clapping. His face was missing the usual smile. I walked in between the clapping to the empty seat near Eric without looking into his eyes. Robert had instantly disappeared from the stage. Eric stood silent, his cheeks flushed red.

  “I thought you didn’t remember how to play,” he said while putting great effort into controlling the tone of his voice.

  “One night I woke up feeling as crazy as I was a few minutes ago. I played crazily.” I inhaled with force.

  He nodded, still staring toward the stage. “One night?”

  “Donna woke up with me. She thought it was all coming back to me.”

  He nodded again, now with much exaggeration. “Why did you go to Paris?”

  “What?” I looked at him finally and recognized how angry he had become.

  Just then the waiter came back with the salads. “Well played, miss.”

  “Thank you.” I kept my eyes on Eric’s angry face.