If We Dare to Dream

by Collette Scott

  Knowing that his persistent grandmother would keep pressing if he did not respond, he finally caved. “Yes, I do.”

  “I was thinking of having her over for dinner Monday evening.”

  His hands froze over the trash bin. “Why?”

  “Your brother called me back while you were out on your ride. He’s flying in tomorrow afternoon. You can collect him at the airport, right?”

  The true reason for Andrew’s cranky morning, he thought in irritation. For once, Adam was keeping his word and was coming home. Andrew felt the familiar tightening in his chest, though he could not fathom the source. It could have been his reaction to Jamie or the idea of finally confronting his younger brother. Maybe a combination of both, he thought sourly.

  “So he is?”

  She nodded. “He’s flying on Southwest. I think he lands at 5:20 pm.”

  “I’ll meet him,” Andrew said.

  “Thank you.”

  One dark brow rose in question. “Did you think for a minute I would say no?”

  “Of course not, but after what happened you never know… So what do you think about having Jamie over for dinner?”

  He swallowed hard. After what had transpired that morning, he was not sure she would ever come back out. “I’m not sure. She sometimes meets with clients in the evenings.”

  “Clients?” Her surprise was evident.

  “She’s a financial advisor, Grandma,” he responded quickly.

  “Oh, I didn’t mean anything... I just wondered why she would have to go out after hours.”

  “People work.”

  “Well I’m going to ask her anyway.”

  “If you want.”

  “Good. I haven’t seen your brother in a long time, Andrew. I wonder how he’s been.”

  “You and me both,” Andrew muttered.

  He reached for the kitchen sponge and wiped out the cooler before setting it back on the counter to dry out. As he did so, he heard his grandmother push away from the table and approach him. Her hand was cool against his dusty arm.

  “I know he wasn’t there when you needed him, Andrew. It hurt me to see him take off like that and leave you alone after everything you went through for him, so I can only guess how you felt. But you know that he’s never been the strong one. That was always you.”

  “I know.”

  “You’re just like your grandfather. You accept everything life throws at you with open arms. Adam, on the other hand, is like your poor mother. He can’t handle difficulties. He runs away – like she did.”

  “Grandma,” he said. “Not now.”

  Her hand fell away from his arm reluctantly. “You’re right. You’ve had a busy morning. What are your plans for the rest of the afternoon?”

  “I’m going to clean up then I’ll fill in those cracks on your ramp so you don’t get hung up. I don’t want to do it when the sun is high.”

  “I heard you last night,” she commented softly. “You should sleep the whole day away. The ramp can wait.”

  Though he wanted nothing more than to be alone, he knew that if he hid in his room he would only think. He had done enough thinking over the last five years that what he needed was a mindless activity to distract him. The ramp was right up that alley.

  “I’ll see how I feel.”

  “Good. I’ll tell Linda to stop blasting the rap music.”

  Seeing the humor dancing in Grandma’s eyes, Andrew shook his head in mock reprimand. “You two ladies are trouble.”

  She giggled lightly like a young girl. “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet, boy.”

  He snorted and tossed the sponge back on the rim of the sink. Shaking his head, he headed down the hall to his bedroom wagging his finger as he went. “I’ll be watching you just to make sure you don’t get yourself into any trouble, young lady.”

  “I was kind of hoping you would,” she replied. “I feel safer already, soldier.”

  Closing the bathroom door against the sound of her laughter, Andrew ran the shower. The cool water felt heavenly against his heated skin. He took his time washing away the dust and the sweat, knowing that he was also washing away the scent of Jamie. Her sweet, fruity scent was almost as potent as the smell of horse, and he was reluctant to see it go. Damn, it had been too long since he had been near a woman.

  As he showered, he again replayed the events of the morning in his mind. Attacking Jamie had never crossed his mind, not for lack of wanting to but due to the deep-seated respect he had for her. She and her family were like a television sitcom show. Humorous, loving, intelligent and classy, they were a group that he could never hope to compete with. He had nothing to offer Jamie, and she deserved so much.

  Granted, lustful thoughts of her were not new to him; he was only human, after all. However, today his tenuous grip on his control had slipped. While he never intended on taking advantage of her in any way, today he had, and now he felt like the lowest form of life.

  Roughly toweling himself dry, he shoved his legs into his shorts and returned to his bedroom where he threw himself across the bed with a remorseful groan. The soft bed felt like heaven to him, and the cool duvet felt good against his cheek. Even if he wanted to lament his mistake over and over, sheer exhaustion took control. His eyes closed before he could pull back the covers, and he drifted into the dreamland he resented so much. However, this time his dreams were of Jamie, with her silky soft skin and eager moans. Her heavy lidded eyes called him, and her gentle hands soothed him. Relaxing completely, for the first time in a long while he enjoyed his dream.

  ***

  Monday continued the surprise heat wave from the weekend. Jamie groaned when her alarm went off, having spent another night of tossing and turning with worry. It still bothered her the way she had left Andrew’s after their ride. She knew she should have said something to break the tension, but she had been so stunned by what had occurred and embarrassed by her own shameless behavior that she had fled like a coward. Still shocked by her wantonness, she found it little surprise that he pushed her away.

  When the phone rang Sunday morning revealing Grandma’s home number, she had answered eagerly only to bite back disappointment when she heard Grandma’s voice inviting her over for dinner after work. Too afraid to commit, she had put the elderly woman off under the guise of having to check her schedule. In truth, she hoped Andrew would have contacted her by now to at least let her know that he did not think she was too easy.

  He never called.

  As quickly as it rose, her anger with herself eased, and she tossed aside her duvet to begin her morning ritual. Determined to have a productive morning, she arrived fifteen minutes early at her office and was already hard at work when Melissa entered.

  “Good morning,” Melissa offered cheerfully.

  Jamie looked up from filling the coffee pot and forced a happy smile. “How was your weekend, Mel?”

  “My weekend? Are you kidding? I’m dying to hear about yours. Did you take that ride you were so excited about?”

  Jamie had thought about the inevitable questions she would face that day and planned her response carefully. Her one hope was that her young employee would not catch the uncustomary lie. She turned on the coffee pot to start it brewing and crossed the room to place her lunch in the small fridge. “I did.”

  “Well… how did it go?”

  “It was long and hot, but it was fun.”

  “Where did you ride? Was it a trail?”

  Jamie shrugged. “Part of it was. We had to plow our own, too.”

  Melissa fell silent and watched Jamie carefully while she spread jelly on half a wheat bagel with her head down. Unfortunately, she had swept her hair into a messy bun that morning, so she was finding it difficult to hide from the watchful gaze. After what seemed an eternity, the young woman pushed away from the counter and put her lunch pack in the fridge before spinning on her heel and placing her hands on her hips.

  “All right, what happened?”

  Jamie feigned innocenc
e. “What do you mean?”

  “For someone who was so excited, you seem… let down today.”

  “It was fine. Both horses behaved magnificently.”

  “Did he?”

  “Who?”

  “Your friend.”

  The color in her cheeks belied her answer. “Of course he did.”

  “Then what happened? Did you have a fight?”

  “No, not a fight, just a…miscommunication.”

  Melissa’s face fell. “Oh no. Have you spoken to him since?”

  “No, he hasn’t called.”

  “Why haven’t you called him?”

  Melissa had started a relationship in the spring with a nice boy she met at school. He was studying to be a firefighter and found the time to help Melissa and Zoe get by. Initially Jamie had felt a motherly overprotectiveness when Melissa first mentioned her infatuation with Kip, but it eased right after she met the man in the flesh. He was as ambitious and caring as Melissa, and Jamie hoped their relationship would grow even deeper. In her opinion Zoe needed a father figure, and Kip had the patience to deliver. However, Melissa’s idealism clashed with Jamie’s bitterness. She had already worked her way through one failed relationship, and her obvious loneliness may have just cost her another one.

  She shrugged. “I just haven’t.”

  “Why not?” Melissa pressed. “You know how important it is to communicate in a relationship.”

  Fortunately the coffee had finished brewing, so Jamie steered Melissa away from the awkward conversation. “Do you want some?”

  “Please. Black.”

  As she prepared their coffee, Jamie carefully considered Melissa’s wise words. For just barely being over drinking age, Melissa had a level of maturity beyond her young years. “You’re absolutely right, Mel, but it’s complicated.”

  Melissa raised her chin and huffed. “Nothing is more complicated than losing a potentially fulfilling relationship.”

  With that she turned on her heel and carried her mug over to her desk, placing it down on the blotter and then pulling her chair out to get to work. Jamie shook her head in amazement. The girl was absolutely right.

  By the time she had returned her voice mails and emails, she had her hand on the phone and was dialing Andrew’s mobile. To her dismay and increasing insecurity, it went straight to voice mail. Fearing he was busy, she hastily hung up with the hopes that he would see the missed call and ring her back. By lunch, she still had not heard anything. She dialed again, aware that she had to respond to his grandmother’s invitation soon or risk being seen as rude.

  The second time it went straight to voice mail, Jamie got nervous. This time she left a message, but she also grew worried. Her next call was to Arlene, who cheerfully answered on the first ring. “Hi Jamie.”

  “Hello Arlene,” she replied.

  “We were just talking about you. Did you have a chance to take a look at your schedule?”

  Hearing Linda’s cheerful voice in the background asking Arlene to find out if she liked pot roast made Jamie feel a twinge of guilt for her well-planned answer. “Actually, I have. I have a meeting at six this evening. It would run an hour or two, so I’m afraid I can’t make it to dinner.”

  “Oh no.” Her disappointment was evident in the tone of her voice, perhaps overly so. “Linda already has the roast in the oven. We felt sure you’d be able to come.”

  Jamie cringed. She had really done it now. “I’m sorry. Is it a problem to take a rain check?”

  Arlene continued on as though Jamie had not spoken. “Andrew told me that you sometimes work in the evenings, but I felt certain that you’d be able to clear your schedule this one time. We had a surprise and wanted to share it with you.”

  Jamie’s head dropped to her desk, though she still cradled the phone next to her ear. Feeling like a recalcitrant child, she struggled to find a way to redeem herself. Think, think, think, she told herself, and then she sighed in resignation.

  “I’ll see if my receptionist can get a hold of my client and reschedule. Can I give you a call back?”

  “You sure can, honey.”

  The satisfied tone to Arlene’s voice sounded suspiciously like manipulation to Jamie, but she accepted it reluctantly. “I’ll let you know.”

  “Wonderful. We’re all so excited to see you tonight.”

  Jamie replaced the phone on the handset and rubbed her temples absentmindedly. She was trapped and she knew it. Melissa appeared at her desk though Jamie did not look up.

  “Did you call him?”

  “Left him a message.”

  “So you’re not going to be a coward and avoid him are you?”

  Raising her head, Jamie pursed her lips and considered Melissa’s question. Whether she wanted to or not, she was going to have to see him at dinner. Would she be a coward and avoid him? No, she was not a coward.

  “Of course not.”

  Melissa smiled. “Good.”

  The ringing phone drew their attention. Melissa returned to her desk and sat down, answering with a chipper greeting. Though not exactly feeling chipper herself, Jamie managed to make it through the remainder of the day with focused attention on her work. Even when she called Arlene back and replied in the affirmative, she kept her voice light and even. However, as she was walking out to her car she did check her mobile phone again to see if Andrew had answered.

  Still no response.

  His truck was in the driveway when she pulled in. Shutting down the car, Jamie sat for a minute and wondered what her next move should be. It could go one of two ways. Either she could stride up to the front door and enter as a guest, or she could act as though she and Andrew had not broken a string in their tenuous friendship. In her opinion, nothing had been done that could not be undone. It was not his fault, and she needed to be a little more sympathetic to his moods. After all, the man had been through a lot. Growing uncomfortably warm in the car, Jamie came to a quick conclusion. She would go to the door as Andrew’s friend and put the whole kiss behind her, and hopefully he could do the same.

  Luckily, when she opened her car door another option was presented. The unmistakable sound of activity was coming from the barn like the lids being removed from the feed tins. She paused and glanced that way… Or she could make amends with him now before joining his family in the house.

  Pushing away from the car, she picked her way across the gravel. Her sandals were not ideal for parading around the barn, but she could manage. Though the barn was dim after the bright sunlight of the Arizona afternoon, Jamie caught sight of Andrew leaning over a feed tin in the tack room. But Andrew was not filling their pails; it appeared as though he was reaching for something behind the bins. She wondered if he had dropped something and stepped in to offer some help.

  “Need some help?”

  There was no indication that he heard her, so she stepped further inside. Aware that her sandals were getting dirty, she picked a path in the semi-darkness as carefully as she could. He still had not moved when she came up behind him.

  “I left you a message earlier. Did you get it?”

  Still no response. She frowned, but as her eyes adjusted to the dim interior she realized that there was a cord dangling by Andrew’s ear. When did he get an iPod?

  Taking another step forward, she reached out and placed her hand on his shoulder. “Andrew?”

  What followed was completely unexpected.

  With the speed of a rattlesnake, his arm whipped out and grabbed her by the throat, pushing her back against the wall of the tack room with his elbow holding her shoulders tightly against the wall. Thrown back painfully, a strangled cry escaped her lips, and her hands came up immediately to claw at the force squeezing her tightly and cutting off her air supply. The clip holding her hair in place dug into her skull, but it was nothing compared to the sharp rise in panic she felt that someone so strong held her completely immobile. She could not move.

  Then a sharp voice rose from the doorway.

  “A
dam!”

  As quickly as she was seized, she was released and collapsed in a fit of coughing. Sagging against the wall, eyes wide and stunned while she struggled to stand on her wobbly legs, Jamie realized with a mixture of fear and relief that the man standing before her was not Andrew. He was actually a much younger version of him, perhaps an inch or two shorter and slightly smaller in build. There were similarities though. He had the same short, dark brown hair and classic features that had initially made Jamie’s breath catch. Jamie realized that this had to be the brother that had abandoned Andrew for his career in the military.

  At the moment she was granted a view of his profile while he watched Andrew advance from the doorway. Heart racing in surprise and fear, Jamie resisted the urge to run to him. She had not seen Andrew dressed formally since his trial, and though she thought he appeared incredibly handsome his jaw was clenched so tight that his face was white. He was so furious that she felt slightly intimidated, despite the classy black slacks and button down blue shirt.

  “Are you crazy?” Andrew asked Adam in a tight voice. “What in the hell were you thinking?”

  Adam took another step away from Jamie and held his hands up soothingly. “Sorry about that,” he said when he finally looked at her. “You startled me.”

  “You shouldn’t have your headphones in. Not in the barn with the horses,” Andrew snapped.

  He was concerned about the headphones? What about her? But as he spoke, he came to stand in front of her defensively. Though he seemed to do it unconsciously, the protective positioning was not lost on Adam. She watched him flush in embarrassment and then glance between the two of them with interest. Assuming it would be up to her to calm the tense situation she laid a hand on Andrew’s arm and stepped out from behind him.

  “I’m sorry I caught you off guard,” she said in a strangled voice, which Andrew noticed. She felt the muscles of his arm go rigid under her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. Though her throat was sore, she knew that she would be fine.