Songs Unfinished

by Holly Stratimore

  She lightly dug her heels into Scout’s sides and brought her to a slow trot around the perimeter of the field. She forced her thoughts to what she had learned with LaKeisha. Shawn had questioned why she was suddenly recalling details of Brinkman’s attack and having nightmares. LaKeisha had helped her to understand that she felt safe in Jaymi’s presence, which in turn allowed her subconscious to flow freely. This would allow Shawn to face the memories and thus deal with them, ultimately empowering her to overcome her trauma. She would need practice tapping into her inner strength to conquer the fears, so that eventually she wouldn’t be crippled by the horrible experience. She needed to remind herself that not only had she fought back, but she had survived. Her focus now had to be on the present and her goals for the future.

  Shawn knew she could also apply these ideas to her family. It wasn’t her fault her mother had died. It wasn’t her fault that in his grief, her father had chosen to blame Shawn for her death. She wasn’t perfect and that meant she would still make mistakes. And that was okay. She was okay.

  She had also had enough. Enough of wasting time dancing around her insecurities. Enough of letting her past control her present. I don’t want to waste another day without her knowing how I feel.

  *

  Jaymi pried her shoes off by the heels, dropped her keys on the bar, and hung up her coat. She couldn’t believe the strength it had taken to leave Shawn alone. But she knew Shawn was right; she had to face her demons and deal with this thing on her own. No one could do it for her.

  She wondered what exactly had happened between Shawn and Randi before she had shown up. Whatever it was, Randi would be discouraged from ever coming on to Shawn again. God, I hope so.

  She changed out of her work clothes and into a T-shirt and jeans. Lacking an appetite, she poured a glass of wine. In the living room, she briefly perused her CD stand and selected a Mozart piano concerto. She turned the volume down to a soothing level and curled up on the end of the couch. She nursed her wine, and by the end of the first movement of the concerto, she realized its usual calming effect was failing her tonight.

  Something wasn’t right. She should be pissed at Randi, but it was Nikki who was on Jaymi’s mind. She knew Nikki was behind Randi coming on to Shawn. Randi’s evasiveness to Jaymi’s question had all but confirmed it. But why? Despite being a player, everybody knew Randi only made moves on single women. Then again, no one really knew that she and Shawn were together. Well, sort of together. Working on it, anyway.

  Why do I care what Nikki thinks? Why does Nikki distrust Shawn so much? Jaymi hadn’t shared much about Shawn with anyone. But she knew that Nikki would see red flags waving all over the place: Shawn’s bad choices in California, her job working for a crazed fan who nearly became a stalker, her decision to bring Mel to Devin’s party. The drugs in her car.

  How far had Randi’s pass gone? Was Shawn about to cheat on me? Wait a minute. We’ve never discussed whether or not we’re exclusive. Are we even really a couple?

  She got up and looked outside. She was surprised to see someone riding one of the horses. She looked more closely and saw that it was Shawn, heading in from the pasture toward the fence. God, she’s a natural. Just like on guitar. She’s so damn cute. I don’t know how I’m going to do this. How am I supposed to live with her day after day and not tell her how I feel? She sensed Shawn’s feelings for her were just as strong. Her desire was increasing by the day. Every time they touched. Every time they kissed. Every time they talked and felt close. And after what just happened in the barn, in that instant that their eyes had met, Jaymi knew her eyes had given her away. Your eyes tell no lies, her mother had told her when she was a child. Anyone who had ever become close to her confirmed it. And the two people who could always call her on it were Peach and Nikki. Every time.

  Twenty minutes passed before she heard Shawn ascending the stairs. Fearing her eyes would betray her once again, Jaymi retreated to her room and closed the door. She said she needed to be alone, she told herself, using her respect for Shawn as an excuse. She heard Shawn sigh as she came down the hall. Was that relief? Exhaustion?

  Jaymi sat rigidly on the edge of her bed, her chest tight. She heard the bathroom door close and the shower running. She emptied her drink and set it on her nightstand. She was about to get ready for bed when she saw the doorknob turning. When Shawn came in, she recognized the look in her eyes and knew it matched her own.

  Shawn’s determined gaze was glued to Jaymi’s. She stepped deliberately toward her. “She kissed me. It all happened so fast. She just showed up out of nowhere and was talking all this nonsense—flirting with me, and next thing I know, she’s got me pinned against the wall and—”

  “Shawn, it’s okay, you don’t have to explain—”

  “Yes, I do. I don’t want you thinking I cheated on you like Peach did.”

  “But, Shawn, we’ve never talked about—”

  “Let me finish, please, I need to say this before I lose my nerve.” Shawn slowly walked to the window and stared out for a moment before taking a deep breath. As she exhaled, the glass fogged and her voice cracked. “The only reason it got as far as it did was because my hormones were going nuts because all I could think about all day long was how badly I’ve wanted to make love to you.” She dared not move. She raised her eyes and could see Jaymi’s reflection, her face backlit from the glare of her bedside lamp, but Shawn could make out the hint of a smile. Jaymi’s hands were shoved into the front pockets of her jeans, and her weight was shifting back and forth on her bare feet.

  Shawn finally turned around. Jaymi’s cheeks were slightly flushed and she remained silent. Suddenly, the butterflies were back. She briefly squeezed her eyes shut and inwardly shook off the insecure thoughts, knowing she couldn’t turn back now with the words she had just spoken still hanging in the air. She moved toward Jaymi. “I know you feel it, too. I know you’ve been holding back because you’re afraid—but I don’t blame you. You’ve been burned before, and I understand why you have doubts about being with me.” Shawn’s eyes began to water.

  “Shawn—”

  “I don’t want to mess up your career plans—I know this is all bad timing, so we don’t have to…I mean, I can back off, or move out—”

  Jaymi gently rested an index finger against Shawn’s lips. Her other hand came around Shawn’s hips and pulled their bodies together. “Don’t you know by now that my plans include you?” She caressed Shawn’s cheek.

  Shawn surrendered to Jaymi’s arms as their lips came together. They had kissed before, but this time it was different. The physical connection intensified as the exposed feelings flowed between them. Shawn found Jaymi’s soft tongue with her own. Instinctively, her hands found their way under Jaymi’s shirt and she savored the smoothness of her back. Jaymi took a step back and slowly sat on the bed. Their lips remained locked as Shawn straddled her lap. The kiss lingered a few more minutes until Shawn withdrew and raised her face to the ceiling in an attempt to slow down, when she wanted to do anything but. Jaymi kissed her neck as their breasts pressed together. Shawn slowly pulled Jaymi’s shirt over her head and caressed her shoulders as she unhooked Jaymi’s bra and slipped it off. She peppered the hollow of Jaymi’s throat with light kisses as she worked downward to her supple breasts. Jaymi’s chest heaved as Shawn took a nipple into her mouth, massaging it with her tongue and teasing just long enough to make it taut before she did the same with the other.

  Shawn raised her arms so Jaymi could remove her shirt. She was braless, her small breasts already flushed as she leaned into Jaymi so she could enjoy them. Together they slipped onto the bed. Shawn unbuttoned Jaymi’s jeans and expertly unzipped them, moaning in pleasure as Jaymi continued to attend to her breasts. Soon after, in a blur of motion, the light was shut off and they wrestled with their remaining clothes and the bedding. Their naked bodies came together in a welcomed warmth and softness.

  Jaymi ran her fingertips along the length of Shawn’s torso so lightly t
hat it brought goose bumps to every surface of her flesh. She felt Jaymi tremble. Their lips met again in a passionate embrace. Shawn slid her hand down Jaymi’s stomach. Jaymi’s breath caught as it came to rest on the trimmed triangle of hair below her navel.

  Their lips parted and Shawn looked into Jaymi’s eyes. Even in the dark, she could see the clear crystal blue of her irises, her pupils wide with arousal and anticipation.

  “Make love to me, Shawn,” Jaymi whispered.

  Shawn tenderly brushed her lips against Jaymi’s. She could feel the heat rising in their bodies as she deepened their kiss. She knew Jaymi’s long period of celibacy might make her climax almost immediately, and she wanted to make sure that didn’t happen. She wanted time to show Jaymi how much she was feeling, how much she cared for her, and how much this meant to her.

  She lightly pressed her fingertip to Jaymi’s clit and began a gentle circular motion. Jaymi’s breathing hitched and she made an ever so slight upward movement with her hips. But Shawn refused to take the bait and teasingly whispered, “Not so fast. I’m going to make this worth your wait.” Jaymi moaned her approval and reclaimed Shawn’s lips, placing her own hands on Shawn’s ass. Shawn withdrew her finger and traced a line to Jaymi’s breast. She circled the nipple several times, then lightly began a massaging pinch between her thumb and index finger. She did the same to her other breast, and then replaced her fingers with her mouth. As she sucked and licked, she was surprised by the arrival of Jaymi’s hand between her legs, and she raised herself to give her better access.

  Jaymi, too, was touching her in a maddeningly light manner, and it only excited her more. They kissed again but couldn’t hold it long because their breathing was growing more and more rapid.

  “God, Shawn, you’re so wet and feel so good,” Jaymi whispered. “Please, I need you to touch me like I’m touching you.” Shawn complied and again found Jaymi’s soft wetness. They mimicked each other’s strokes, their rhythms as perfectly synchronized as when they played music together. “Oh, Shawn, that’s it…Oh, baby, I could make love to you like this all night.”

  “I will, all night and every night.”

  “Together,” Jaymi moaned. “Oh God, Shawn, take me, come for me. We’ll come together.”

  They cried out in pleasure simultaneously. They wrapped their arms around each other as their bodies convulsed for several minutes and then, finally, relaxed into deep satisfaction.

  Shawn pulled the sheet over them and cuddled into Jaymi’s body, savoring the soft smoothness of her skin and the pounding of her heartbeat. Shawn whispered hoarsely, “God, that was amazing.” She shimmied downward under the covers. “I want you again. This time, I want to taste you.” She settled herself between Jaymi’s legs and placed a light kiss on each knee. She continued a deliberate series of kisses, alternating between legs, gradually working her way up each thigh. Jaymi quivered in anticipation and gasped at the first touch of Shawn’s mouth to her sex. Shawn stroked her gently with her thumbs, opening her, and then released a hot breath into her.

  “Oh God, Shawn, you’re making me crazy.”

  “Mmm, crazy…” Shawn briefly touched her with the tip of her tongue.

  “Ooh, yeah, baby. Tease me. I want you so bad, but I want it to last.” A quick flick. “Mmm…” A short stroke.

  “Oh, Jaymi.” Another stroke. “God, you are so wet for me.” Another smoldering exhalation. A slightly longer stroke. “So sweet, you taste so sweet.”

  “Kiss me there…”

  Shawn’s lips pressed softly, and then her tongue began a steady stroke. And as Jaymi’s breaths quickened, Shawn’s pace followed, and she tasted every inch of her. And then she slipped her tongue inside her, and that was all it took. Jaymi screamed as her hips lifted and her hands grasped Shawn by the hair and pulled her away. Shawn collapsed on top of her, in awe of Jaymi’s beauty as she rode out the orgasm.

  For several minutes, they lay motionless, listening to each other’s heartbeats.

  “I have never felt more wanted in all my life.” Jaymi’s voice broke the silence.

  “Maybe nobody’s ever wanted you as much as I do. You are so beautiful.” Shawn propped up on one elbow and tenderly brushed back a lock of Jaymi’s hair.

  “I never thought I could feel this way again. Not after what she did to me—”

  “No, don’t do this. Don’t think about her. I know I’m not as smart, and I’m probably not as pretty, but—”

  “You’re better, Shawn. In every possible way. This is better. What we have. Don’t compare yourself to her, because there is no comparison. Not a one. She has nothing on you, and I don’t just mean what we just shared. I’m talking about everything we share. The way we connect. The way we balance each other out. The way we can make each other laugh. The way we relate to each other. The way we meet each other’s needs. The way we’re there for each other, not because we’re obligated as lovers. With us, it just happens naturally.”

  “So maybe I’m not so bad at this relationship stuff after all?”

  “You’re very good at it. And you know why? Because you follow your heart.”

  “It’s the only way I know.”

  “With you, I can just be me. All the time. I love that about you.”

  “Why the hell would I want you to be anything else? The way I see it, that’s why you fall for someone—because of who they are. Not because you want them to be someone else. What the hell’s the point of that? If you want to change them, then you’re obviously with the wrong person, right? My God, Jaymi, to me you’re the most perfect creation. Not that I’m saying you’re perfect—no one is—and I wouldn’t want you to be. Why would I want to change anything?”

  Jaymi smiled widely. “I wouldn’t change a thing about you, either.”

  Shawn leaned down and kissed her. “If that’s the way you feel now, then I’ve made progress, because I needed to make some changes. But you make it easy. When I first got here, I was so ashamed of how I’d been living, I thought no way would I ever have a shot with you. Not that I was thinking in those terms.” Shawn dipped her head, suddenly bashful. “I mean, I had a crush from before, but I thought you were so out of my league—”

  “Oh, come on, it’s not like I’m some head-turner like Nikki.”

  “Jaymi, if you could see yourself the way other people do, you’d know that Nikki is not the only head-turner in the band.”

  “Yeah, Kay and Brian are pretty gorgeous, too.”

  “Would you stop it. Anyway, what I was trying to get at is that, with anyone else, I would’ve been scared shitless to talk about some of the stuff I’ve done. But with you, I’m not afraid. I can tell you anything. And you’ve never judged me or made me feel bad about myself.”

  Jaymi drew her hand to Shawn’s cheek. “So I guess you can say we both see beyond what other people see in us.”

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  Jaymi rolled over on top of her and placed a lingering kiss on her lips.

  Shawn kissed her back, then smiled. “Does this mean I don’t have to find my own apartment?”

  “Don’t you dare.”

  She cradled Jaymi’s face and kissed her firmly, claiming her tongue as she pressed her thigh upward. She broke the kiss and breathlessly challenged, “I dare you to find out what makes me scream.”

  “Baby, I can’t wait to discover every way I can make you scream.”

  Jaymi reclaimed Shawn’s tongue for several minutes and then planted kisses on every inch of her neck and throat. Shawn began to squirm, but Jaymi took her time, her lips traveling across her shoulders, down each arm, and then she softly sucked each finger. Shawn’s moans grew louder and more desperate with each touch. She then placed light kisses on the flesh of her breasts, maddeningly avoiding her taut nipples. When Shawn’s moans turned to begs, she relented and sucked one into her mouth, as her fingers caressed the other. After she had had her fill, her lips and hand traded places.

  “Jaymi…Oh God, Jaymi, if you don’t lic
k me soon I’m going to come without you.”

  “Mmm-mmm, oh, no you don’t.” Jaymi delicately touched a finger to Shawn’s clit and Shawn jerked upward. Jaymi’s kisses proceeded down her stomach, and Shawn spread her legs apart, agonized sounds groaning involuntarily from deep within her throat.

  “Please, I’m going to explode. I need your mouth on me.”

  Just when Shawn believed she couldn’t wait a second longer, Jaymi took her into her mouth. Her tongue kneaded her gently at first, then slowly stroked in and out, in and out, in and out. Shawn’s hips rocked in rhythm. Jaymi flattened her tongue and drew one long taste. Then another. And another. Faster. A little harder. Jaymi exhaled a long, fiery breath and then plunged her lips onto her, sucking and licking hungrily, the vibrations of her own moans tantalizing Shawn into a frenzy. Shawn was so close, and then, without warning, Jaymi slipped a finger into her drenched core and Shawn came. And came again. And came again. When her body finally finished, Jaymi was quieting her screams with a possessive kiss that lasted for half an hour.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Rain pelted the windshield of Shawn’s car as she navigated her way to work. She was going to be late. She didn’t care. Karla could write her up a thousand times today. She didn’t care. They could fire her. She didn’t care. Karla should be grateful I’m even coming in today. If it hadn’t been for Jaymi urging her to be responsible and shoving her out of bed after their amazing night of lovemaking and only three hours of sleep, she would have called in sick.

  Shawn’s focus wasn’t on packing coffee orders. She wanted desperately for the workday to be over so that she could get home to Jaymi and pick up where they had left off this morning—exploring each other’s bodies, talking softly between satisfying each other, holding each other close and savoring the absence of clothing. Shawn barely contained her smile all day.

  Karla paged her to the office just as she was punching out. Here comes the write-up for being late, she thought as she marched her way down the hall, expecting the usual seated pose with crossed arms, downward stare, and scowl.