Ashes of Life

by Erica Lucke Dean

  My eyebrows shot up. How did we end up discussing the sex lives of teens? “How do you know anything about coffee boy’s sex life?”

  “Oh my god, you can practically see the sexual tension rippling off him. It’s so bad it’s got me taking cold showers. Besides, I overheard him talking to a girl on the phone, and I got the distinct impression they haven’t made it to the boinking stage yet.”

  “You’re so gross.”

  Natalie shrugged. “You wish you were as gross as me.”

  “I wish you’d just serve coffee without the creamy commentary.”

  “You two sound like you’re having a good time. I can hear you giggling from the parking lot.” Ben grinned as he came through the front door.

  “Hi, Doc.” Natalie waved.

  “Good morning, Natalie… Alex.” He nodded to me.

  I managed a smile. “On your way to work?”

  “Yep.” Ben sat on the stool beside me, brushing against me to whisper, “Though I’d much rather spend another day in bed with you.”

  “Mmhm.” My face flamed, and I had nothing but hot coffee to douse it.

  “Okay, what are you two whispering about over here? And wait just a damn minute…” Natalie pointed at me. “Why aren’t you hiding in the storage closet?”

  My mouth fell open. “I, um… well, we…”

  Ben chuckled at my embarrassment. “Alex has decided to come out of the closet… at least where I’m concerned.”

  “Well, I’ll be damned.” She stared at Ben. “How’d you pull that off?”

  “It was my good looks and charm.”

  I choked on my coffee. “More like your superior stalking skills.”

  “Hey, I was looking for a book.” Ben laughed.

  “How could I forget?”

  “So basically, you worked everything out?” Natalie asked.

  “Something like that,” I mumbled, shifting my weight so I leaned away from him.

  Natalie’s head bobbed a few times. “Good. I approve.”

  Ben stiffened beside me. “Well, as long as you approve.”

  “So what does the doc think of your teenager dilemma?”

  “I think Maddie just lost both her parents.” I could feel his eyes on me. “She needs time to grieve and come to terms with life without them.”

  Natalie nudged my hand with hers. “Listen to the doc. He’s a smart guy.”

  I sat up straighter. “She’s not the only one grieving.”

  “Aww, sweetie, that’s not what I mean at all.” Natalie came around the counter to wrap an arm around my shoulder. “We haven’t forgotten what you’ve lost.”

  “Hey, I wasn’t trying to make light of it.” Ben leaned in but, thankfully, didn’t touch me. “I’m just saying, she’s a kid. She doesn’t have a handle on her emotions in the best of situations. This is going to be doubly difficult for her.”

  “I know. Of course, I know this, rationally. But dealing with her on a daily basis is testing my ability for rational thought.”

  The bell on the door jingled as someone came in. Natalie hurried back around the counter to play hostess again, and Ben sat upright on his stool, maintaining a careful distance from me. I was torn as to whether I wanted him to move away or come closer. Maybe I wasn’t so different from a teenage girl myself these days.

  “Listen, I’m sorry I said anything.” Ben leaned in again. “The absolute last thing I meant to do was to drag up painful memories.”

  “It’s fine.” I forced a smile, but his expression told me I’d failed to fool him. “No, really. I am. I’m fine.”

  “You’re sure?”

  I nodded.

  “Can I see you later?”

  “When?”

  “I get off at nine.”

  “I don’t know. It’s a school night, and I just grounded Maddie again.”

  “Maybe I could swing by? I’d really like to spend some time with you.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Maddie—”

  “Sure. Of course, I understand.” His smile was strained. “I need to run, or I’ll be late.” He bent down as if to kiss me but changed his mind when I flinched. “I’ll talk to you later?”

  I nodded.

  His eyebrows furrowed. “You’re not going to start hiding in the closet again, are you?”

  I hesitated for a minute. A minute too long. He stood to leave.

  “Ben.” I grabbed his hand, giving it a little squeeze. “I’ll text you later. Have a good day.”

  This time, his smile was genuine. “My day’s already looking up.”

  Chapter 21

  Maddie

  Alex grabbed her keys from the kitchen counter and searched the space in front of her as if she’d lost something. “Where did I put the grocery list?”

  I waved the folded paper like a flag. “You gave it to me ten seconds ago.”

  “Oh, right, too many things to remember these days.” She shook her head and snatched the list from me, tucking it into the pocket of her fancy, gray wool skirt. Her designer outfit didn’t belong in a Michigan winter. “Do you have your math homework?”

  I slung my backpack over my shoulder with a drawn-out sigh as we headed for the garage. “Yes, I have my math homework.”

  “And what about your English paper?” She unlocked the car. Why she felt the need to lock it while it was in the garage, I’d never know.

  “I can’t believe you called all of my teachers.”

  “I should have called them a long time ago,” she muttered and started the car as I put on my seatbelt. The temperature was still somewhere south of freezing, and I shivered as she backed out of the driveway.

  “One of these days, I’ll remember to start the car before we need to leave.”

  “Right, and then we’ll both be dead from the fumes. You know, Haleigh could give me a ride.” I almost said Grey could pick me up since he lived closer, but Alex refused to listen to me about him. Plus, he and I weren’t exactly on great terms. Well, I assumed so anyway, since he’d basically ignored me, refusing to respond to a single one of my texts.

  “Haleigh doesn’t need to go out of her way when I already drive right past your school on my way to the coffee shop. And you didn’t answer me about your English paper.”

  “Yes, I got it done a day early since it’s not due until tomorrow. I also studied for my history test today and finished my science worksheet. We just started a new section in my computer class, so I don’t have anything due yet, and if you really want to come watch me run around the track in P.E., you’re welcome to. Is that everything, or do you want bathroom updates too—because I can call you when I pee.” I waited for a reaction, any reaction, but got nothing.

  “No, that’s fine.” She rubbed her eyes while we sat at a red light.

  I stole a glance in her direction. “You’re going to rub your mascara off if you keep doing that.”

  “What? Oh.” She checked the mirror for a sec before the light turned green.

  “You’re awfully dressed up for a Tuesday. You got a hot date waiting for you at the coffee shop?” I hadn’t seen or heard her with the mystery guy in weeks. I had to wonder if she’d already kicked him to the curb.

  “No! I…” She shook her head then slowed to turn into the school parking lot. A long row of cars queued up by the entrance, stopping to let students out. “I have a meeting—on Skype.”

  I shrugged. “Whatever.”

  “Okay, I’ll pick you up at two-thirty.” She dug for something in her purse but seemed to give up after just a few seconds.

  “I can get a ride home.”

  “No!” she snapped. “I’ll pick you up and drive you to school every day until I can trust you.”

  “Fine.” I
got out and slammed the door behind me. She could be mad about that if she wanted. I didn’t care.

  I made my way through the halls and dumped my backpack off before heading to P.E. As much as I joked with Alex about watching me run a mile, I had to admit my time was slower, and I couldn’t seem to catch my breath.

  In second hour history, I managed to finish my test just in time for Mr. Wells to grade it. He handed it back to me with a smile before class was over. As soon as the bell rang, I hugged my exam to my chest and dragged myself to third hour. Grey hadn’t exactly spoken to me since Alex threw him out of my mom’s house last week, but he’d have to say something about my better-than-passing grade. I waited for him outside the door, eager to see him.

  “Here.” I shoved the paper at him before he could walk past me into the classroom. God, he looked good in jeans and a black turtleneck. I didn’t know many boys who could pull that off.

  “What’s this?” He twisted his pillowy lips into a scowl.

  “Just look at it, please?” I actually whined like a middle schooler. God, I was pathetic.

  He rolled his eyes then lowered them to my test. I knew as soon as he saw the grade, he was happy. He tried—hard—to hide his smile, but it tugged at his perfect lips anyway. “A hundred and four?”

  I bounced on my toes, a smile threatening to rip my face in two. “Yeah. I got every answer right, and I did the extra-credit question.”

  “Congratulations.” He handed the paper back to me and turned to go in.

  “Wait.” I reached out to grab his arm but stopped myself. “I wanted to tell you I finished my English paper a day early, too.”

  He stopped and stepped out of the way of the other students. Once they’d passed, he looked at me. “What do you want me to say, Maddie? I tried. You know I tried. But not only did you get wasted, you almost got me in trouble, and I didn’t do anything besides try to help you.”

  “Grey, I’m sorry. How many times do I have to apologize before you believe me? It was stupid of me, and I’d like to make it up to you. I’m bringing my grades up. I’ve told Alex at least a hundred times you were only there to stop me from doing something stupid. And if Brody even looks at me, I walk the other way.” I leaned against the brick wall, tired all of a sudden.

  The one-minute bell rang, and he glanced toward our class. “I’m happy you’re trying to turn things around for yourself. At least I hope it’s for yourself, because if you’re doing it for me…” He shrugged.

  I wiped at a bead of sweat on my forehead. It was as if someone had jacked the school’s furnace all the way up. “You don’t like me anymore, do you?”

  “I—hey, are you all right?” He put his hand under my chin and raised my face to his. “You’re really pale.”

  “I’m fine. We have to get to class.” I shook him off and pushed away from the wall, but the action made me dizzy, and I stumbled.

  “You are not fine. What did you take?” His eyes turned hard as he stared into mine.

  I gaped at him. I supposed I deserved that, but I’d really been trying to be better. “Nothing, jerk.” The tardy bell rang, and we were officially late. “Great.”

  “Maddie.” He grabbed my arm. “I think you should go to the nurse.”

  “You know what? As of right now, you’re not allowed to care about me,” I snapped and pulled away before he noticed the tears working their way to the surface.

  “But I do,” he murmured.

  Mrs. Shoeman stuck her head out in the hall. “Grey, Maddie, are you going to join us for class today?”

  “Maddie’s not feeling well,” he blurted before I could say anything.

  “Hmm.” Mrs. Shoeman looked at me. “Maddie, is that true?”

  I shook off her concern and reached for the bottom hem of my sweater. “I’m just warm. I can take this off.”

  She looked at me more closely then turned to Grey. “Why don’t you walk her to the nurse’s office? But don’t take all hour.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Grey nodded, putting his hand on my arm again and urging me down the hall.

  Our classroom door closed behind us, and I scooted away from him. “Don’t touch me.”

  “Sorry.” He pulled his hand away but kept his eyes trained on me in a way that made me warm for a completely different reason.

  I stopped walking. “You know, ten minutes ago, I wouldn’t have minded. Hell, I probably would have liked you showing me that kind of attention. But as of right now, if you don’t like me, then you are not allowed to worry about me, and you are not allowed to look at me like, like… that.” I waved my hand at him. “So stop it. Just stop all of it. Right now.”

  The smile that had almost been there when I showed him my history exam came to his lips, full force. “You must really not be feeling well. I think you’re delirious.”

  I let my shoulders slump and huffed out a breath. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  He took my hand, and I tried to pull away again, but he held it tighter and tugged me toward him. “I do like you, Maddie, a lot. I won’t stop worrying about you, and as far as looking at you… well, I have a hard enough time keeping my eyes off you, so I’m pretty sure that’s not going to stop either. I’m just disappointed. I was hoping we would have gone out by now, or at the very least hung out together. But you decided getting wasted was more important, and now your stepmom thinks it’s my fault.”

  “I… I stopped listening after you said you liked me.”

  He laughed then put both his hands on my cheeks. “Shit. You’re burning up.” He dropped his hands and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “Come on. Mrs. Shoeman won’t be happy if I don’t get back soon.”

  Once we’d reached the clinic, Grey wrapped his arms around me, giving me a too-quick hug. “I’d better get back, but I promise to text you later, okay?” As soon as I nodded, he turned to Mrs. Jones, the school nurse. “She’s all yours.”

  Apparently, I had a fever, and as much as I begged Mrs. Jones not to, she called Alex to come get me. Thirty minutes later, Alex stood in the clinic doorway looking more than a little disheveled with her coat half-zipped and her hair in a wild mess.

  I blinked at her a few times. “What’d you do, run here?”

  “Are you sure she’s sick?” Alex crossed her arms and scowled at me as she spoke to the nurse.

  “I’m sure.” The nurse nodded, handing me my backpack. “She should go home and get some rest.”

  Alex sighed. “Okay, let’s go.”

  We stopped at my locker so I could switch out my books and get my coat then trudged through the snowy parking lot to the car. “I told them I was fine.”

  “I’m sure you did.” She rolled her eyes as she climbed into the driver’s seat and cranked on the engine.

  I scanned her messy appearance again. “Did you miss your meeting?”

  She glanced at me. “What meeting?”

  I leaned toward her, tilting my head to the side to stare at her confused expression. “The Skype meeting?”

  “Oh! Uh, no, not really. I had to… cut it short though.”

  “What exactly do you do? I never see you go to an office, but you always seem to be working. And no one I know gets to work in their pajamas, so spill.” I flopped back into my seat, sinking into the warm leather.

  “Mostly, I write code.”

  “Code? Like secret messages and stuff?”

  She laughed. “No, computer code. I des—”

  “Stop right there.” I held up a hand between us. “I’ve heard enough. Dad already tried to explain that crap to me once.”

  Thankfully, she didn’t say another word, and we were quiet all the way home. When we got there, I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and went up to my room. After changing into my PJs, I sent a quick text to Haleigh
, so she wouldn’t be looking for me at lunch then crawled into bed. A minute after Haleigh texted me, I got a text from Grey.

  Grey: Since u stopped listening, I do worry. Especially 2day.

  My eyelids were so heavy, I had a hard time replying, but I eventually sent a message back to him.

  Me: Thank you. I just need some rest. TTYS

  Grey: Not soon enough.

  I hugged my phone then plugged it in and put it on my nightstand before drifting off to sleep.

  Chapter 22

  Alex

  Armed with a cereal bar and a cup of her favorite tea in a travel mug, I knocked on Maddie’s bedroom door for the third time that morning. “Once, Maddie, just once I’d like to get you to school on time. If you’re not out here in one minute, I’m coming in with a cold bucket of water and a whistle.” I almost laughed, remembering my mother threatening me with the same thing when I was a teenager.

  It wasn’t so much getting her to school on time I was worried about—though it would be a bonus—but after running out on Ben, yet again, the day before, I was kind of hoping to catch him before he had to go to work. I raised my hand to pound on the door one more time when a thought hit me like a wrecking ball. I lowered my arm, grasped the handle, and slowly cracked open her door. She was still in bed with the covers heaped over her, and it looked like she must have grabbed an extra blanket sometime in the night.

  “Maddie,” I whispered. “Are you still not feeling well?” I waited for her to respond, but when she didn’t, I crept closer. “Maddie, did you hear me?”

  Still no response.

  My breath hitched, and with trembling hands, I reached down to pull back the covers from her face. Ice flowed through my veins as I stared down at her still form and images of David, lying cold in his coffin, flooded my brain. I brushed her cheek with my fingers, realizing she felt warmer than Natalie’s hottest cup of coffee. And although she seemed to be shivering, a thin sheen of sweat coated her milky-white skin.