Up for Forever

by Heather Young-Nichols

  I’m not proud of the size of my freak out right there. I was alone, in the ever increasing darkness, on a hard slab of cement letting my imagination get away from me. But the question remained. If he was in fact on a date and decided to bring her home for … whatever … did I want to be sitting there waiting like a loser? No. No I did not. This had been a colossally bad idea.

  Getting up, I dusted off my butt, grabbed my cell, and started back to my car.

  “What are you doing here?” His deep voice stopped me in my tracks turning every muscle in my body into Jell-O.

  Swiveling on my heel, I found him still in his sexy grown-up work clothes with a paper grocery bag in his arm. I’d missed him. Missed seeing his face, hearing his voice. All of it.

  “I wanted to talk to you?” I had no idea why that came out as a question. He shook his head then stepped around me. “Adam … please.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about, Kendra. Go home,” he called over his shoulder.

  “What if I told you I’m pregnant?” He stopped dead. The muscles across his shoulders tightened significantly before he turned some very angry dark eyes on me. I’d never seen his blue eyes so stormy.

  “That’s not fucking funny, Kendra.” He set the bag down on the top step before coming back in front of me with his hands on those narrow hips. Man, did my imagination run wild. I didn’t really need to use my imagination because I’d already seen everything he had to offer. And it was the worst possible moment to imagine him naked, and yet …

  “I’m sorry. I had to say something to get you to talk to me.” I sighed. “Adam,” I swear he flinched at the sound of his name, “we used to be friends. Can’t we find a way to still be? I know I’m the horrible person in this scenario but I’m practically begging here. Is that what you want? Begging?” This is that moment that you look back on and are so not proud.

  “Friends?” He took another step forward. “Is that what you want?” I nodded fervently. “So, we’re friends then.” I didn’t like the tone in his voice. It pushed me back two steps all on its own. “We have some wedding events coming up. As my friend you won’t mind if I bring a date to those events, right?”

  “Adam … ”

  “You’ll treat said date with the same common courtesy as everyone else, right? No snarky comments … no bitchy Kendra attitude?” With every word he said the skin on his face got tighter and tighter with anger. Shit, this was a bad idea. I’ve had a lot of them but this might take the cake.

  “Exactly. If that would make you happy, then yes. I’ll be the chipperest fucking girl you’ve ever met. If it means we get to go back to the way it used to be.” Chipperest? Apparently Adam made me forget how to use actual words.

  “Fuck, Kendra. When are you going to get it through that blond head of yours? We can’t go back to the way it was before. It’s impossible.” He started to walk away, back to his grocery bag. Away from me.

  “Why not?” I pressed, making myself sound so much bolder than I felt. “Why can’t we go back?”

  Adam turned to me with a sexy smirk that made me want to lick every inch of him. Shaking my head, I had to stop thinking of him that way. I’d gotten too comfortable, damn it.

  “Because you might be able to watch me with someone else but I can’t watch you. I’m in love with you, Kendra, and I’m trying to get past it. But I’m not. Not yet.” With that, he stormed away, grabbing the bag with one hand then disappearing inside the building.

  Why couldn’t Adam be like every other guy in the world and just want to have a good time? To have amazing sex?

  The drive home took a lot longer. I made sure of it. I wasn’t even expecting Cain or Flannery to still be up when I got back. Not that they went to bed at farmer time or anything but they spent a lot of their evenings in their bedroom. But not tonight. Not on the one night that I would have preferred to avoid the both of them. Taking a couple of deep breaths, I plastered my normal face on hoping that all traces of my run in with Adam had been erased.

  I walked through the door to find them both on the couch. Flannery in just one of Cain’s t-shirts, sitting with her back against the arm of it and her legs across his, feeding him a spoonful of ice cream before taking a bite for herself. He was only in a pair of shorts. Something I’d become used to seeing, and Cain was hot. Not my type obviously, but I did have eyes to notice his hotness. The TV was on but I doubted they even knew what show was playing in their post-coital bliss.

  “What up?” I asked as playfully as I could muster. Flannery eyed me like a detective trying to solve a case. Her careful eyes took in every detail from the look on my face, the state of my hair (lots of running my hands through it), and my posture. I knew she’d see what I didn’t want her to no matter how hard I tried to hide it.

  “What’d you do?” she asked, licking the spoon absently.

  “Stop doing that.” Cain grabbed it away from her to dig out a bite for himself. The tongue action was turning him on and, if I had to guess, I’d say it’d be a little while before he stood up. I snickered on the inside.

  “I … ” While I considered lying about my night out alone, I knew I’d never get away with it. “I begged. I fucking begged and he still said no.” I flopped into the chair roughly, throwing a leg over the arm to find two very surprised faces staring back at me.

  “You begged Adam to take you back?” Cain finally choked out. Of course, that’s what they’d think.

  “No. I begged him to be my friend and he said no. Some shit about not seeing me with another guy. Look, whatever, I’m a one friend loser and you get to monopolize most of her time.” My head fell back against the top cushion, leaving me to stare at the ceiling. I wouldn’t cry, I told myself. I wouldn’t.

  “I don’t know what to say to that,” Flannery said quietly. “Did you really think he’d be all ‘sure, let’s play X-box?’”

  “Sort of.” I sighed. “I hate X-box but I thought he couldn’t be mad at me forever.”

  “He’s not mad. He’s hurt. Heartbroken, really, and it hasn’t been forever,” Cain said, shoving in another large hunk of the cold stuff. “Look, I’m breaking about fifty guy codes by telling you that. I know him. If you showed up somewhere with a guy, Adam would end up in jail. I’m fucking serious right now.”

  “Ok. Fine. I. Get. It.” I couldn’t stay there anymore and just wanted the comfort of my own bed. I was sick of feeling like the bad guy even if I was. “I should’ve known better anyway. It’s Sam’s fault. He shouldn’t have had that party in the first place.”

  “Kendra … ” Flannery tried getting me back but I was already at my bedroom door and didn’t intend to stop now.

  What a stupid thing for me to say. Even with how everything turned out, I’d never regret a single moment of the time Adam and I spent together. At all. But now I learned my lesson. Lost a friend but gained a life lesson. Never stay with someone long enough for them to get attached. I used to only make sure I didn’t get attached; now I had to worry about them. Not that I wasn’t attached to Adam because if I weren’t this whole thing would’ve been easier.

  I slept hard that night.

  When I heard my phone beep in the distance, I ignored it, wanting just a few more minutes. Then it rang but I sent it to voice mail, which beeped right after. Holy mother of God, who was trying to get a hold of me at such an ungodly hour on Saturday morning?

  The weird thing was that my heart jumped then raced when I saw five missed calls from my brother, Kevin. We weren’t close. We didn’t chat on the phone. We didn’t hang out. He was nine when I was born so by the time I would’ve been old enough to actually play, he was a teenager who couldn’t be bothered. Then he was out of the house, and in my family once you got out of the house, you didn’t go back. He visited one time in my four years of college and, after the fact, I assumed it was so he and his best friend could try the “escort” service they’d heard about. The one I then told Flannery about. The one where Melody, who procured a buyer for Flan’s vir
ginity, worked.

  I didn’t understand that because my brother was a good looking guy. Blond like me, blue eyed, in decent shape. He didn’t really need to pay for sex. But he and his best friend Spiro were always doing crazy shit like that just because they could.

  My only thought in that moment was that something happened to one of my parents. That could be the only reason he was calling as far as I could tell. So I dialed him back quickly. Fortunately/unfortunately everything was fine with them. He was in Detroit for a six hour layover and didn’t know anyone else in the area and wanted to come over. I gave him the address and got dressed.

  It was awkward at first. Then he asked about Adam and I folded like a stick house in my kitchen. There really was no reason for me to spill everything about my relationship or lack thereof. Not to Kevin. I barely knew the guy, he didn’t know me. Maybe that was why. He couldn’t really judge me harshly.

  “Still seeing that guy?” He was very specific in knowing the details of my life but I didn’t know why. It was weird. I shook my head at him.

  “Adam? No.”

  “What happened? Last we talked you’d been with him a while.” Kev took a large drink of his coffee. Last we talked was a year ago. When he scrutinized me with eyes so similar to my own I felt like I was judging myself. It was weird.

  “He got attached.” I shrugged. “Why do you think we’re so fucked up?”

  “That’s easy. Mom and Dad. Those two never should’ve been parents.” He shook his head. “It would’ve been easier if they just beat us.”

  “How come we let them do that to us?”

  “Fuck, I don’t know, Ken. It’s not like we had a choice. I’ve been trying to get my head on straight for a long fucking time and I’m still not there yet.”

  “Shut up.” He had to be lying. Him trying to go straight didn’t seem like a real possibility. There was no way my “new girl every night” brother wanted anything that remotely resembled settling down. Seriously, if he’d said that he’d been with two hundred woman, my response would’ve been to ask, “Is that all?”

  “I didn’t say I’m looking for the white picket fence or anything.” He took inventory over me again. “I guess I thought you figured it out a lot earlier than me with that Adam guy.”

  “I think it would’ve been easier if we grew up together. You know, closer in age. At least then we would’ve had someone.”

  “Yeah. But that’s why I did a layover here. I’m headed back to New York and part of thinking with the head on my shoulders was to touch base with you. I thought maybe if we had each other we’d be better off.”

  “Maybe you’re right.” This was so weird. Hand to God, this was the longest conversation I’d ever had with Kevin that didn’t involve something gross.

  I couldn’t deal with all of it in one day. The theory of getting to know my brother, the only person that knew just how insane our childhoods had been, was an intriguing one. But I was skeptical as to whether it would last or not. I’d go with it for now.

  As I stood making Kevin breakfast, I heard Flannery and Cain before I saw them. But when she burst through the door and stopped short, Cain ran into her back. This was becoming a habit. He snaked his arm around her waist to keep her on her feet. She stood there, all shocked, in the same t-shirt from the night before. I knew without looking that Kevin was checking Flannery out. Because he was a guy and a horn dog and for whatever reason girls in guy’s clothing is a huge turn on.

  On tiny Flannery, the shirt was like a dress.

  “Hey,” Kevin said in that voice that got girls out of their clothes pretty often.

  “Yeah, I think it’s time you avert your eyes,” Cain said with deadly coolness as he shifted in front of his fiancée.

  “Sorry, dude,” Kevin threw his hands in the air, “no harm in looking.”

  “Keep looking and find out.”

  “Ok.” I put my best smile on. “This is my brother Kevin. He flew in this morning. Surprise.”

  “Nice to meet you,” Flannery squeaked out from behind her very large and in charge man. They hadn’t met when he visited me in college. I did my best to keep that part of my life separate from the one I was trying to create.

  He only stayed another hour before heading back to the airport but said he’d call and text. I’d have to see about that. My mom might have raised a snarky, sometimes bitchy, commitment-phobe but she didn’t raise no fool.

  Chapter Eleven

  Once Flannery and I had moved in together after our second year of college, I hadn’t been back home. Not even for the summer. Actually, I barely went home before that. Instead, I spent my time in a hotel either somewhere in Michigan or in New York rather than face my parents. So the fact that June came in packing moderate heat and bouts of high humidity didn’t surprise me. I’d been through Michigan summer before. As the temperature rose, less clothing was worn until Flannery and I could barely be bothered to put shoes on. Tank tops and shorts or skirts became the mainstay of each of our wardrobes. Cain forced us to go shopping, both for something to do and for some variety. He told me privately that Flannery’s wardrobe could use some updating. Our girl kept everything until it just couldn’t be worn anymore and she rarely added new pieces.

  Ok, to me it was just a suggestion but I was all over it. He told Flannery if she didn’t go buy some new clothes, he’d buy them for her and that meant one of two things. Either she’d end up with a closet full of body burkas so that no one could see how hot she was or it would all be lace, see-through, and from Victoria’s Secret. Then she could never leave the house. Through all of our giggling at his completely serious face, she agreed because truthfully, it had been over a year since I’d seen that girl buy anything for herself just because she wanted it. Plus, we had the New York trip. We needed things. It took hours but I declared mission complete when we returned.

  ***

  Cain promised to drive us to the airport to catch the company plane even though he’d be late for work. I guess there were benefits to being the boss’s son. Someone came out to load our bags just as Adele called from the top of the stairway on the private plane that Linda was already inside and they were just waiting for us.

  “I’ll miss you,” Flannery said softly.

  “Me too,” Cain said back, kissing her gently.

  “Oh my God, we will be back Sunday night. You two are pathetic,” I said as I went by, my words had an edge that I didn’t mean to put there. Sure, I was growing tired of seeing their lovey-dovey crap but that was due to my issues not anything they were doing wrong.

  “Hey, Kendra, fuck off,” Cain called out with a smile.

  Finally, after more kissing, that looked about to get out of hand, Flannery jogged up the steps without looking back. I’d hung around to talk to him after she was gone which was why I had to witness the intimate good-bye between the two.

  “Is everything set?”

  “Yeah,” he said not taking his eyes of his girl’s ass as she climbed the steps. “Jennifer should be there already. She’s going to meet you in the lobby of the hotel. Mom rented the giant suit on the top floor so that you could all stay together but still have your own rooms. Ava can even stay if two of you want to double up.”

  “Sweet.” I turned to go but had to stay something more. “You’re a good guy, Cain.”

  One corner of his mouth quirked up. I shouldn’t have said anything to him that might resemble a compliment. If I knew anything about Cain, I knew he’d jump on any opportunity. “And you’re not as cold hearted as you pretend to be.”

  Believe it or not, that might be the nicest thing he ever said to me. I know we liked to pretend to get on each other’s nerves, sometimes it wasn’t pretend, but I loved that guy like a brother. Actually more than my brother because Kevin and I didn’t really know each other that well. We only saw one another every few years.

  Cain wasn’t playing around when he talked about our hotel. We were staying at the Plaza which, holy shit, was beautiful and obvi
ously expensive. I’d seen it from the outside of course, but never had a reason to check in. Flannery looked so uncomfortable walking through the door, like she didn’t really think she belonged.

  Linda went to get us all checked in and was back in a flash. My eyes wouldn’t stop searching for Jennifer until they found her off to the side, a small smile on her lips as she watched the tornado (us) take over the hotel.

  “So, what’s the plan for today?” Jennifer stood to the side of us with a full smile.

  “Mom!” Flannery threw herself into her mom’s waiting arms. “What’re you doing here? I thought you couldn’t come.”

  “Yeah, well, apparently you picked a good one,” she said, squeezing Flannery so hard I could see where Flan learned her death grip.

  “What? Cain did this?” Her mom nodded.

  We made our way up to the room with the rest of the day to do whatever we wanted in the city. The minute we got in the suite, Flannery grabbed her cell and went to another room for privacy. She wasn’t gone but a few minutes before she slammed right into me squeezing so tightly I couldn’t breathe.

  “You’re killing me, Flannery. I’m literally dying right now.”

  “I’m not sorry,” she said but loosened her grip. “Cain said this was your idea. That he just took care of logistics.”

  “I may have mentioned something.” She would’ve done it for me if I had anyone in the world that meant that much to me besides her.

  “I love you, Kendra. I know you’re too fucked up to say it back most of the time, but I do. You’re better than any sister I could imagine.”

  Her words made my heart squeeze because that’s how I felt about her. But I’m me and I can’t let myself get sucked in by pretty words, even from her. “You’re not turning lesbian, are you? Because I’m a hundred percent sure that I don’t go that way.”

  She laughed. “A hundred percent? How can you be a hundred percent?”