Up for Forever

by Heather Young-Nichols

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Jared cheated and knocked the chic up? What a moron.”

  “Right?” We fell silent then, me waiting for whatever wisdom Sam dealt Flannery that told her how to get Cain back. I don’t know how Sam, the one who slept around the most and never had relationships, became the one we all turned to in our moments of need.

  “Ok, Kendra. I’m going to say the same thing to you that I said to Flannery. Do you love him?”

  My stomach dropped as an acid taste burned my mouth. I didn’t want to say it. Didn’t want to admit it. “Yes.” It barely came out as a whisper.

  “Then fucking fix it.”

  “He won’t talk to me. How am I supposed to do anything?”

  “Figure it out,” he said before we hung up.

  That phone call was less helpful than I thought it would be but so much more helpful in a lot of other ways. Fixing it was exactly what I intended to do. I just had to figure it out.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Figure it out then fix it. That was my mission. We were into June; it’d been too long since I’d spoken to Adam despite seeing him on those awkward occasions. I had to step up my game. Because that was the first thing on the checklist. Get him to speak to me. Especially since this would be the first time I saw him since my breakthrough (breakdown?) in the bridal salon.

  After New York, Flannery and I talked a lot about how she came up with her “win Cain back” plan. She’d said that she humiliated him so the first thing for her to do was humiliate herself. Which, unbeknownst to him, she did several times. That wouldn’t work for me so I decided to just push forward. My good luck meant that we had lots of wedding stuff to do, some of which Adam would have to be present for, so there’d be plenty of opportunities.

  Next up on the wedding list was picking out the guys attire. They didn’t want formal so the guys were going to be in spectacular suits. But we still needed to find the right ones. Linda wasn’t going to join us on this trip and neither was Adele. It’d be the first time it was just the four of us and I had to act. This was my opportunity to break the ice. Or crack it. I’d settle for a tiny little crack in the ice.

  Flannery researched this place in Grand Rapids that she wanted to check out and figured if necessary we could go to the back up in Chicago because it’d only be a couple of more hours’ drive. I suspected that if things were different between us, we’d meet at Adam’s, shop, go out to eat, the whole thing. As far as I knew, it would just be meeting at the shop then going home. Because I’d fucked it all up.

  We sat in this upscale men’s shop waiting for Adam to arrive. Cain was already thumbing through and pulling out different styles that Flannery and I either did thumbs up or down to. My legs bounced like an addict waiting for her next hit as I chewed away on my thumbnail. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until Flannery snorted.

  “What?” I asked quietly.

  “You’re nervous.” She took far too much pleasure in telling me that.

  “Like that’s a surprise. I feel sick.” I wrapped my arms around my stomach, being completely serious. “Oh shit.” I caught sight of him getting out of his car in the parking lot. He looked taller. I’m sure he wasn’t but he looked it. His legs went on forever in the dark jeans he had on, a black t-shirt strained against his hard chest that I hadn’t seen in forever. And somehow he made those aviator type sunglasses look spectacular. Oh man, I had it bad. I wanted to crawl inside him and stay there forever. And I had no idea where that fucking thought came from. Maybe I was reading too much.

  “Hey guys.” He smiled at Flannery then gave Cain that guy hug thing. “Sam said it’s most important for him to look good. So, that’s our mission.”

  “When did he say that?” I laughed because that was so Sam.

  “Uh, on my way here,” he answered quickly. But. He. Answered. Me.

  That was a huge moment. So huge, in fact, that I couldn’t speak. I’d lost my ability because he said a few words. Suddenly everyone was looking at me and I could only imagine what they saw.

  I felt like a slack-jawed hillbilly with my mouth dry and hanging open and my eyes had to be the size of dinner plates. It couldn’t be pretty. After staring at me for longer than I was comfortable with, Adam and Cain turned away from us to look over some options.

  “Well that was smooth,” Flannery snickered to my right.

  “Shut up.” Looking at her would have been a colossal mistake. I would burst out into a nervous donkey laugh that would’ve been creepy and out of place. Instead, I kept watching the way the muscles in Adam’s body moved with every reach or turn.

  “What was that about?” She nudged closer.

  “He talked to me,” I whispered so the guys wouldn’t hear. “I know it’s stupid but … ”

  “But in New York you realized that you actually are in love with him, want to be with him forever, and have a hundred babies. I understand. That would freak me out, too.” Turning to my best friend, I found her biting the inside of her cheek the way she did when she was trying not to smile.

  “Knock it off. I swear to God, Flannery, if he hears you, I’ll—”

  “What about this one?” Adam’s voice interrupted us. Both of our faces froze and turned to face him in slow motion. Had he overheard? No idea. This could be bad.

  “I think that’s great,” she said with a smile.

  I expected to see him holding yet another oddly colored jacket the way Cain had been before he arrived. Teasing the both of us with one outrageous choice after another. Instead, I found him standing there in the suit. It was classic cut, hugging him in all the right places, dark but not black and I wanted to jump on him, wrestle him to the ground, and have my way with him. Holy hotness.

  “Kendra?”

  I struggled for an answer while he smirked, knowing exactly what was running through my head and enjoying every minute of my discomfort.

  “Yup. Great,” I finally eeked out, making Flannery giggle. But at least she tried to hold it in as Cain came out of the dressing room with his normal swagger heading right for us.

  “What’s so funny?” he asked, looking at Flan who was almost losing her shit right there. My face felt like it was on fire. Seriously, they could’ve roasted marshmallows over the thing.

  “Nothing,” she responded with completely fake innocence. “Nothing at all.”

  He didn’t believe her. Of course, a blind, deaf mute wouldn’t have believed that face. As soon as he was gone, I turned on her. “What the hell are you doing?”

  “What?” She smiled. “That was some funny shit.”

  “No. It’s really not.”

  “Hey,” she lightened her tone as she finally recognized the oncoming full-on meltdown. “What’s going on? This isn’t like you.”

  “This is so much harder than I thought it’d be,” I whispered. She gave me a look like she didn’t understand what I was talking about. “After New York.”

  “Oh, you mean after you finally figured out you love him and want to have a bunch of Burger babies.”

  “Stop saying that,” I snapped, not wanting Adam to hear us.

  After the guys got measured and the orders were placed, Sam was going to email his info in, I was about to leave. This was the reason I brought my own car. Flannery insisted she was hungry. No big deal. I could still go home. But somehow I got roped/guilted/strong-armed into going and Adam had already agreed. So it’d be a great study in torture. I didn’t want to try to have a serious talk with the happy little couple sitting nearby.

  On the way to the restaurant, Flannery called me from Cain’s car just to make sure I was “ok.” Was I? Not really. Because I was going to be sitting at a table with a man I’d recently come to realize I was in love with. Not only that but I wanted the things that I’d made sure to never want. A future with him. A forever. Who the hell was this person and what happened to the real me? I told her that the late lunch would be fine. Actually, it’d be better than fine because over the next two months Adam and I would
be in the same room and this way we could get all the awkwardness out of our systems before we had an even larger audience.

  That’s what I wanted to believe. Besides, getting him to talk to me, which he did back at the shop sort of, is the first step of the “Get Him Back” plan. If he wasn’t talking to me then nothing would ever happen.

  Adam led us to a little restaurant not far from the shop. He’d been getting out and knew his way around quite well, obviously. At least everyone was thinking that when we pulled chairs out to arrange ourselves at the table. Flannery yanked me in next to her with Cain directly across from her. Adam dropped next to him. I was worried for a minute. Thought Cain would automatically sit next to Flannery leaving me to deal with a whole new level of awkward.

  Clearly a mom and pop restaurant, everything on the menu looked delicious but I wasn’t so sure I’d be able to keep anything down given the way my stomach was somersaulting over itself.

  “So, what’s next on the wedding front?” Adam asked after we’d ordered and received our drinks.

  “My mom wants us to have a small engagement party. It’s next weekend, which we told her was not enough notice and not necessary but she’s her own force of nature. So she combed it with the regular Fourth of July party. And Sam’s coming in for it.”

  “Ava, too,” Flannery interjected.

  “Jared?” he asked with a tone that a stranger would’ve known he didn’t like the guy. Realizing he’d been out of the loop, Flannery gave him the low down of Jared’s indiscretion. “What a douche,” he said once she finished the entire story.

  “Funny thing that not a one of us seems that surprised.” I took a bite of the burger I ordered.

  “Still, no fun having your heart broken. Poor Ava.” Adam shook his head without looking at me. I wasn’t sure if that was a not so gentle poke at me or not. I chose to believe not. We ate in silence for a little while before he spoke again. I didn’t say anything because really, what kind of reply could I have to his talk of a broken heart. “So this engagement party … do I get a plus one?”

  The mouthful of water I’d just sucked in ninja kicked my throat and I choked. Full on ugly hacking at the table that drew the attention of every other patron in the restaurant. Flannery slapped my back trying to help me overcome the assault. It didn’t help. I had to suffer through until it subsided on its own. The waitress came to check on me all concerned like she was afraid she’d have to perform CPR.

  “What are you asking, Adam?” Flannery gave him that fiery glare. She should’ve known it wouldn’t work on him.

  “A date, Flannery. Can I bring one?” Still she looked at him like he was the most heinous being on the planet while my eyes remained on her because I couldn’t trust my face not to betray me. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  “Why do you think?” she spat back.

  “Flannery … ” Cain’s attempt to calm his woman down was in vain. This is where he should’ve known it wouldn’t work on her. Flannery was far too strong minded to be quieted.

  “Did you know about this?” She turned on Cain.

  “He may have mentioned something.” The angry heat between them was growing. We could all feel it. It wouldn’t be long before they were in a full blown argument. Over me and my feelings or as Cain would think, lack of feelings. And I was beginning to resent that they were talking about me like I wasn’t even there. If Flannery wanted to live harmoniously until her wedding, she really needed to let me fight my own battles. It’d be hard because we were so used to helping each other fight every battle.

  “Hey, Flannery.” Adam snapped his fingers across the table in her face earning him another disgusted look. “This is what she wanted. Right, Kendra? To be friends?”

  He was throwing my words back in my face. I had said it and at the time I’d meant it. At the time I did only want him back as my friend. But he’d said he hadn’t gotten over loving me. So if he was starting to date did that mean he had gotten over it? So many questions. I swallowed hard.

  “Right,” I finally croaked out while making a plan to escape to the restroom. I felt like a crazy person looking for the quickest exit.

  “Was this before or after New York?” Flannery asked, eyeing me with everything she had. Cain and Adam just watched us not knowing what the hell was going on.

  “Before.”

  “What happened in New York?” Adam asked a little too loudly, his jaw tight, his gaze too intense.

  Knowing what he was thinking, I still couldn’t answer him. Not right there in the middle of a crowded restaurant, so instead I jumped up and made my way to a place I knew he couldn’t follow. The ladies room. I’m not a delusional person so I knew I wouldn’t be in there alone. That Flan would be hot on my heels.

  “Why didn’t you tell him?” Flannery burst through the door not two seconds after I did.

  “He’s moving on. Dating apparently.”

  “You know he thinks you hooked up with someone in New York, right?” I nodded because that was exactly what I thought was going through his head. “March out there and set him straight. Don’t be stupid on this one, Kendra.”

  “I will. But Flannery, I did say those things to him. That I wanted to be friends.”

  “That was before. Put on your big girl panties and let’s do this.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  As was usually my luck, Adam wasn’t at the table when we returned. Cain mumbled something about him having stuff to do but we all knew he left because of me. Once again, I was ever grateful that I’d driven myself because being alone was just what the doctor ordered. Instead of going directly home, I pulled off into a park about two miles from the apartment. I had a whole room to myself back there but there was something calming about being in an even more secluded area.

  The park was empty, eerily so by the way the swing swayed slightly without riders. I had half a mind to go out there and swing as high as I could. But I didn’t.

  Pulling my phone out, I stared at it for a good five minutes while my brain wrestled with what to do. Call Adam and set him straight, let it go, send a text or homing pigeon. All my options were open. In the end, I went with a text because that way I wouldn’t chance making a complete fool of myself while actually speaking to him.

  Kendra: Are you really bringing a date to the engagement party?

  That very well may not have been the best way to start a dialogue between Adam and me. But I was new to this shit and didn’t know what to do. He left me hanging so long I considered leaving. The complete silence of my car was shattered when my phone beeped.

  Adam: Thinking about it. That a problem?

  “Yes!” I screamed into my empty car but not to him because that would’ve been selfish. I knew he’d been pretty miserable since we stopped hanging out, even more than I had because I didn’t understand how he felt. Now I did. And it sucked giant sized monkey balls.

  Kendra: No. Not if it’s what you want. Flan and I will be good. Promise.

  Once again, I thought he was done but then my phone rang and his picture came up. It was a good picture too. I’d taken it one day not long before graduation when the four of us went for a nature walk. They were into it, I was appalled. Living in New York City, the most nature I’d been exposed to came in the form of the dirt on homeless people in the subway. But it had been a good day. We’d laughed and had fun. It was hard to believe that it had only been a couple of months since then.

  “Hello.” I tried to keep the surprise out of my voice because dear lord was I surprised. He hadn’t called me or texted for that matter since before the day of our argument.

  “I’m not sure you and Flannery know how to be good.” I could hear the smile in his voice. It sounded warm. Once again like home.

  “You sound chipper.”

  He sighed the way he did when he resigned to something and ran his hand through his hair. I don’t know if he did that right then but I chose to believe he did. Because he was the same person as before. “I’m a lo
t less angry. I don’t know that I’d jump to chipper.”

  “So … ” A pregnant pause stretched from there. I knew what I wanted to ask and there’s not a time in my life other than this that I would have hesitated. But I didn’t want to come off as the weirdo ex-girlfriend. Because that’s what I was. Flannery helped me come to that realization. “What’s she like?”

  The line went completely dead. He was still there because I could hear him breathing but he made no sign of answering.

  “Friends, right?” I asked with no idea what the hell I was doing or why I was asking. Maybe it was self-punishment. My own personal version of cutting but I wasn’t about to mar my awesome body so it had to be marring my soul, my spirit, perhaps my heart.

  “Um, just a girl I met. Her name is Ashley.” I snorted before I could stop myself. “Ashley is a perfectly normal name.”

  “I know,” I answered with a giggle even though I’m pretty sure there was a tiny ninja inside my body swinging his newly sharpened samurai sword all around my stomach and heart. “What’s she like?”

  “She’s nice. Look, I really don’t want to talk to you about this.” Nice. I’m pretty sure that word had never been used to describe me. Well, maybe Flannery would’ve said that but I was suddenly taken over with wanting to know how he’d described me to his parents before I met them.

  My head was nodding because I understood but he couldn’t see that. “I didn’t sleep with anybody in New York. That’s not what Flannery was talking about.” The words just fell out of my mouth. So fast, in fact, that I wondered if he understood them.

  “Good,” his voice dropped, “you’re better than that. But what was that all about then?”

  This time I sighed and sunk deeper into my seat. “Just some realizations I made about my life.”

  “Care to share?”

  “Not over the phone.” The things I needed, wanted to say to him wouldn’t have the same impact if he couldn’t see my face. See that I was completely serious. If I told him I loved him right then over the phone he was likely to think I was just trying to keep him from dating this other girl. And that was absolutely not what was happening.