Up for Forever

by Heather Young-Nichols

  “I said I was sorry.” Too much of the embarrassment came out with that statement but it sounded a hell of a lot like anger.

  “I knew staying here was a mistake.” The t-shirt went over his head and his feet jammed into his shoes. Without another word, he was out the door.

  “Is everything ok?” Cain made me jump. He must’ve heard us or the door.

  Stomping back down the hall I said, “Everything’s fucking perfect.”

  ***

  I spent the next week texting Adam and Kevin. Kev made the first move so I felt it was my job to keep things going. We still didn’t talk about when we were kids but did start to get to know each other now, as adults. Adam only answered me sporadically. Flannery and I discussed it at length and came to the conclusion that I wasn’t making Adam feel loved. I made him feel like a sex object. Thank you, Cain, for that little insight. Who the hell even knew guys didn’t like to feel like a sex object? Cain said it was fine in context, whatever the hell that meant. He then went on to explain, like I was a five year old by the way, that even guys didn’t want to feel like sex was the only thing they were good for when it came to the girl they loved.

  Yet another area I went wrong.

  Luckily, Flannery and I got to hit up New York again that week. At least it was a distraction. And we got to hang out with Ava again. Who would’ve thought that would ever be something I’d look forward to? She and I had come a long way since freshman year and I knew that we both had each other’s backs. It wasn’t like me and Flannery but it was still something nice.

  “Holy shit, Flannery.” Ava stared just like I did when my best friend came out from the dressing room for the final fitting of her wedding dress. The seamstress was a voodoo witch. That was the only way to explain how she made this dress look like it had been made for Flannery and Flannery only.

  “Hair down, yes?” I asked.

  “Absolutely. I was thinking play up the waves since we’re going to be outside.”

  “Definitely.”

  She really did look beautiful. So different from the jeans, t-shirt, and chucks that she always wore. Over the last two years, she’d amassed those damn shoes in every color. Every time something happened, Cain got her a new pair. It was the only way she’d accept them.

  Then it was time for me and Ava to do the same. As far as bridesmaid dresses went, we picked the top prospect. They were beautiful, sexy, and fun. My hair would also be down, I was thinking ringlets, but Ava kept her hair in a short bob so I assumed that’s how it would look.

  After we were done, we grabbed lunch. Ava had to get back to work but not before we got her to fess up about the new man in her life. The one she’d likely be bringing to the wedding. His name was Rob and he was a marine. Which, according to her, meant that he was off the “holy-shit-hot” meter. Couldn’t wait to meet him.

  Chapter Twenty

  “So, I’ve got a surprise for you,” I said as we left the restaurant. Flannery’s entire face lit up so I knew I’d have to dash those hopes. “Well … it’s less of a surprise than a thing.”

  “A thing?”

  “Yeah. Kevin is at home packing some of his stuff and he wants me to come by.” I’d said no immediately but he’d talked me into it in the interest of being siblings again.

  “Ok … ” She was waiting for the other shoe to drop, I could tell.

  “Well, I thought we’d drop by, but that means … you might meet my parents. Which means a huge insight into my very damaged psyche. It might not be pretty.” Although I prayed with everything I had that they wouldn’t be home.

  “Wow. That’s … huge.”

  “I know. But I’m doing everything wrong with Adam and I don’t want anything to come between us.” I waved a finger between us so she’d know I meant our friendship.

  “Oh, Kendra. It won’t. It’s not the same thing.” She looped her arm through mine as we stepped to the curb to hail a cab.

  My parents owned three floors in a very prestigious building. It was impressive so Flannery was very impressed. I wished she could see it as the cold prison that held my adolescence. But whatever. Marble could wow a girl.

  “Holy shit, you grew up here?” Flannery spun in a circle taking in the cathedral ceilings that meant everything you said had a slight echo. I watched as her eyes tried to take in every single piece of expensive furniture and artwork. The stairs even seemed to hold her interest.

  “Yup.” We found Kev pretty quickly even when Flannery said not to get too far ahead because she’d forgotten to drop bread crumbs and wouldn’t be able to find her way out. “Hey, is Mom or Dad here?”

  “They were here earlier. But I wanted to warn—” Nothing good could come from that but he didn’t get the chance to finish. Mom’s voice carried loudly down the hall and she wasn’t alone. A deep chuckle followed her.

  “Kendra.” Mom stopped before she came in the room.

  “Hey, Mom. This is Flannery.”

  Mom didn’t bother with pleasantries for me or my friend. My eyes went over her shoulder and I could not believe my fucking eyes. Max Martin stood behind her. Max Martin who I went to prom with. Max Martin who got pissed and overly aggressive when I didn’t put out on prom night.

  “Are you kidding me?” This was too far even for her. And for him … just gross. She was literally old enough to be his mother.

  “Sorry, Kendra. When I asked you to stop by they weren’t here.” Kevin looked beside himself but he closed the last box so we could get out of there.

  “Don’t be a bitch, Kendra.” Mom swayed obviously drunk. Her eyes went back to Flannery. “Wait,” she laughed, “is this your girlfriend. Are you a lesbian now?” Max snickered behind her drawing my attention to the fact that he was almost naked. I wanted to throw up.

  “No, this is my best friend.” Max leaned in and said something in her ear that made Mom laugh loudly and suggestively. I could guess he said something gross about me and Flannery. Things had obviously gone downhill since I’d been home four years ago. And this is why I’d never come back. Not for them, not for Kevin. I didn’t need this.

  “I’m set. Let’s go, Kendra.” Kevin nodded toward the door.

  We had to pass right by them to get out of there. Max grabbed my ass on the way out. It was better to ignore it and get out of there than defend myself. Story of my life. Kevin told me on the way that he’d only invited me in case there was anything I wanted to pack up. That way he’d be there to deflect anything or protect me. That was new. And there was nothing in that hellhole I wanted to take with me.

  “So that was weird,” Flannery said once we were safely ensconced in a cab.

  “You’re telling me. Of all the things I thought you might see in that place, my mom with my prom date wasn’t even on the radar.”

  “What?” Her hand slapped my thigh leaving a pint sized handprint and intense tingling in its place. “You’re joking.”

  “Nope. That’s the thing, Flannery, it doesn’t even surprise me much anymore.”

  I started on the way back to our hotel and finished after we got inside our room. My parents were … kind of absent. And I know that things could’ve been so much worse, but there was a time when I was convinced they didn’t remember my name. They seemed completely absorbed with each other and I once told Kevin, when I was around ten, that at least we knew they had loved each other. He told me that wasn’t necessarily true. Turned out they were only like that because that was what people expected.

  “In high school, they came to a thing at school with dates. Who weren’t each other.”

  “Is that why you think things don’t work out?” she asked, slipping into her pajamas.

  “Part of it. It’s everything, Flannery. When I was pretty little things were fine, at least how I remember it. My parents had to have been in love when they got married right?” I looked to my best friend but she didn’t have the answer any more than I did. “Maybe not. But one day when I was twelve my dad dropped a bomb on us. He had this woman
on the side and they were having a kid. He’d hidden it and it destroyed my mom. Not that she was ever warm and loving but after that, Kevin and I may as well have never existed. It was every man for himself. We hardly spoke to one another after that because we were busy trying to survive and trying to play our own parts in ‘The Happy Family’ production. My mom kept falling apart and became what you saw today. I can’t become her. I won’t.”

  “That sucks.”

  “Yeah, it does. I swear to you that until I met you, I’d never … had a real friend outside of the people I was supposed to be friends with. I had people I hung with, guys I hooked up with, but I couldn’t get close to anyone for fear they’d see how fucked up everything was.” I took a deep breath. This opening up thing was easier than I’d first thought. “I was alone all the time. I never knew when someone was coming home or if they were at all. I’m so surprised that I didn’t create multiple personalities to keep me company.”

  She snorted. “So you learned you couldn’t trust anyone.”

  “Pretty much. And now I hate it.”

  Flannery came across the room to drop down beside me, an arm around my shoulders. “How come you never told me? Even after you found out about my parental situation?” I love that Flannery held no judgment in her voice. It wasn’t until we knew each other three years that she told me her mom was an “easy” teenager and had no idea who Flannery’s father was even though she got pregnant at seventeen.

  “It didn’t fit in with who I wanted to be. Who I wanted you to think I was. I don’t even know why they’re still married at this point.”

  She squeezed me again. “You have to tell Adam this stuff. You guys can work through it.”

  “Yeah, except now he thinks I just want him for sex which, don’t get me wrong, would be great but … I love him.”

  “Tell him that.”

  Except everything got busy and I didn’t get to see him. He still only answered my calls sporadically. Good news came in late July when my new landlord said I could get into the apartment two weeks early. After promising Flannery that I’d still live with them as planned, she and Cain helped me move everything in. Then I could take almost six weeks to unpack and get everything in place. It was perfect even if the idea of starting another new school where I didn’t know anyone terrified me.

  The closer to August we got the more time we spent with Cain’s mother and sister. As far as I could tell, everything was coming along nicely. The more details were cemented, the weirder I started to feel on the inside. Like I was missing out on something. I was and I just didn’t know it.

  I spent a day at my place unpacking the kitchen and arranging furniture. I loved almost every damn thing about this apartment but I’d have to do some shopping because I had a pitiful amount to fill it with. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I locked everything up and started the drive back. It had never seemed so long. I yawned again not because I was tired enough to fall asleep while driving, far from it, but I’d be happy to slide into my comfy jammies and burrow down on the couch to watch some TV. Just to veg out. A full day of putting my apartment in Lansing together was more than enough physical labor for the year in my opinion.

  One of the things you have to watch out for in Michigan at night was deer. Those pesky little bastards would jump out in front of you if you weren’t careful. Luckily, I saw the buck leisurely crossing the road in enough time to hit my brake. Since I wasn’t very close, I just needed to slow down enough to let him pass and scan the fields for his friends because God forbid they travel alone. Unfortunately, the car coming my way wasn’t as lucky. The driver must not have seen it because he didn’t slow down at all. The truck hit the deer, which sent them spinning toward me without enough time for me to get out of the way.

  A stomach turning crunch of metal and shattering of glass hit my ears just before a puff of white slammed into my face with enough force to take my breath away. It was like a scene from a movie where everything, every background noise, faded away. Obnoxious silence with a slight ringing and the sound of my own heartbeat in my ears were the only things I could hear. Breathe in, breathe out. That was my focus. Mentally I took inventory. My legs felt ok, if not a little weak, my arms worked. The only pain came from my head along with something warm and wet running down my cheek and chin.

  “Hey, are you ok in there?” A man’s voice was suddenly right beside me.

  “I think so.” I tried to sound strong.

  “I already called nine-one-one. They should be here in a minute.” I started to get out of my car. “I don’t think you should move.”

  “No, I’m ok.” It felt weird to be standing. Kind of like when you go roller-skating and after a while you take the skates off. Just weird. Finally, I looked up at the guy … kid who hadn’t been paying enough attention when he was driving. “How old are you?”

  “Seventeen. My dad’s gonna kill me.”

  “I’m sure he won’t.” I thought about the warm wetness that I’d felt right after the accident. “Hey, am I bleeding?” Trying to look at myself in the side mirror proved useless because there was no glass left on the driver’s side of my beautiful graduation gift. I guess this is why I had full coverage insurance.

  “Yeah, it looks like you have a cut on your cheek and maybe your lip. Are you sure you’re ok? I don’t know what happened. That deer came out of nowhere.”

  “Calm down. It happens.” Taking in the scene, I noticed the curve in the road from where he came from. It wasn’t that he hadn’t been watching but he probably hadn’t been able to see the damn thing as he came around that curve. Not with the cornfields all around.

  Right then the police arrived as well as an ambulance. A female cop took my statement while an EMT checked over my injuries. Stitches would be needed and that meant a trip to the hospital. Which was just a great way to spend the evening.

  In the ER, I had more tests run on me than I’d taken in college. But apparently, they were just being thorough, checking for head and neck injuries. None were found and a nice woman about my age cleaned my wounds and the doctor stitched me up. The one on my lip wasn’t bad, it’d just be swollen for a few days, she said. But the cheek, that needed four stitches. Could’ve been so much worse. All I wanted then was to get out of my bloody clothes and wait for the pain that was sure to set in tomorrow. It already hurt to move.

  “All right.” A forty-something year old attending doctor came through the curtain. “You’re all set to be discharged, but do you have someone to stay the night with you?” I shook my head. “I’d feel better if there was someone who could check on you. Or we could keep you overnight for observation. There weren’t any indication of a head injury but I’d like to be safe.”

  I told him I’d make a few phone calls but that really was just to appease him. I tried Flannery and Cain but knew one of the things they planned to do on their weekend in the city was see a movie. So their phones were probably off. I left them both a message about the accident and that I was fine. The only other person I could think of was Adam, so I tried him with no luck. I guessed that I’d be taking a cab home.

  I’m not sure what I was thinking calling Adam anyway since he was like an hour away but it had been my only other option. The ambulance had taken me back toward Lansing because it had been closer. After tossing my phone from one hand to another for several minutes thinking about what I was going to do, I knew there was one other person I could call.

  “Hello?” Sam’s voice sounded upbeat, the same as always when he answered on the second ring.

  “If I asked you to call me every two hours tonight would you do it?”

  “Sure,” he said automatically. “Wait. What?” His confusion made me laugh quietly.

  I explained everything that happened. That I didn’t have a car to drive myself home, which could be easily fixed with a taxi, but that the doctor would feel better if I had someone checking on me. It was all just a precaution.

  “Where are Cain and Flannery?”

>   “In the city for a couple of nights. Something to do with a work function thing. Their phones are probably off.”

  “What about Adam?”

  I sighed. “Tried him. No answer.”

  “Son of a bitch.” He growled. “Listen. Yes, I’ll call you. Hell, I’ll hop on the next plane out of here if I have to. But let me call you back in two minutes, ok?”

  I didn’t want him to fly in just to drive me home but it felt good to know he would in a moment I didn’t think anyone else would. That’s what friends did. To be fair, Cain and Flannery didn’t know what was going on to try and help. It was almost exactly five minutes later that my phone rang.

  “He’ll be there within the hour.”

  “Who will what?”

  “Adam. He’s in Grand Rapids so it’ll take him about an hour but he’ll take you home.” I wish I could’ve heard that conversation given the edge to Sam’s voice.

  “Sam, I can take a cab.” Even if the thought of sitting in a cab for almost an hour was unappealing, it really was my only choice. The ambulance had taken me back toward Lansing instead of Ann Arbor. There was nothing anyone could do about it.

  “No. It’s the least the prick can do after ignoring your call.”

  My heart fell a little. “He ignored it?” This shouldn’t have surprised me since we hadn’t really talked since the night I almost molested him on the couch.

  “Fuck if I know. But he didn’t answer.” Laughing at the way he said it, I thanked him then let the doctor know I had someone so we could get this show on the road.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  With all my instructions in hand, I was ushered to a hard plastic chair in the waiting room until my ride arrived. There was nothing comforting about the waiting room. Someone to my left coughed so hard I thought there might be a lung coming up but I was too sore and tired to look. The nurses at the desk spoke quietly and laughed every few seconds. I just wanted to lean against the wall for a little rest but my eyes shut and I fell right to sleep.