Without Joy

by Calista Brace

  Nate walked outside to scan the area. We were getting the horses ready when I saw Nate’s satchel across his horse. He always kept it close to him like it was a prized possession. I opened it up and saw only a mirror and a necklace.

  The necklace drew my attention; it was beautiful and had a large oval shaped pendant on it with a bright glowing green heart in the middle. I looked around to make sure Nate was still gone and slipped the beautiful necklace around my neck.

  I took in a deep breath, I didn't feel happy anymore, and the overwhelming sense of loss that was always there was gone. I felt nothing. It felt overwhelming, but in the right way. I gave a small emotionless smile. I didn't even feel good, or bad. It was strange.

  I got on my horse Zinnia not wanting to take the necklace off. The pendant felt warm against my skin. I took it off and set it in the small hidden pouch in my cloak. I felt an instant amount of feeling. I leaned against Zinnia for support and let out a sigh of relief after they were gone.

  The Fantome foxes had disappeared after the morning like they knew we were traveling on the sea and they didn't belong.

  We traveled for a long time; we passed the famous volcano but didn't get close enough to see it, because it was still active.

  Another day had passed, and it was harder to travel when the mountains got larger. We started walking along the edge of a small stream. Finally, I saw a large river. It was nowhere near as massive as Heming’s river, which is the biggest river in Grarien.

  I knew every place in Grarien; it was something a princess needed to learn. This was Tidbit River, the smallest river in Grarien. That's where it got its name tidbit from.

  A large shipping boat sat by a dock. We watched as Rangers put their items on the ships. Rangers were people who delivered things that couldn't be carried by bird. They usually were orphans and lived wherever they go. They always had fun and knew Grarien better than the back of their hand.

  Their large cargo wagons fascinated me. I liked watching the birds deliver small packages and letters more, though.

  Lady Pandie held out her hand to say wait. She walked up to the Rangers. I could see her gesturing and her mouth moving but couldn't hear the words that came out of it.

  The man nodded and my ears strained to hear. They shook hands and said more words. Finally, Lady Pandie walked back towards us. I couldn't tell by her expression what the man said. I wasn't good at reading people.

  “Well, what did he say,” I asked urgently.

  She shrugged “don't remember much, my mind is old. But we can travel on his ship to Ozeana's mainland.” She smiled and turned around and walked back towards the ship. We followed her quietly.

  Sometimes Lady Pandie confuses me. She didn't seem to be that forgetful until now. Lady Pandie walked past the man she just talked to without even taking notice of him.

  He set a hand on my arm. I looked up at them man. He had a long beard and was missing a few teeth.

  “So you're the girl who is important for this entire world's existence.” I shook my head, and he let out a small chuckle.

  “No, Nate is the one who has really been doing all the work; I'm just trying to escape my death. Plus this is a journey that I feel like I need to join. It feels personal.” I said. The man laughed so hard. Like he took it all as a big joke.

  I just shook my head in confusion and walked onto the boat. We helped load the boxes on.

  A Ranger was going to stay behind and take our horses to the dock closest to the kingdom of Structane. I would miss Zinnia.

  I listened as the captain explained to Lady Pandie what was going to happen with the entire luggage.

  “Well once we get it to the main docks a bunch of small boats will load their amount of luggage and take them to the right place. Then we take the rest to the main island. There we drop off the rest, and all the new supplies are given to us so we can take back to hear and load them onto the wagons and bring them to the right kingdom. It's a lot of manual work, but we are one of the most famous boating Rangers for the territories on this side.” I was surprised how much work they had to do and wondered why they chose to do this their entire lives.

  Sometimes the normal jobs aren't for everyone so they opted to be a Ranger. Rangers were mostly friendly but then you have a few that have gotten so stuck in their cycle that it's too late to leave or don't trust anyone to hand it over. Those ones are usually grumpy and won't help you even if you're stranded in the middle of nowhere.

  “Here let me take you to the passenger rooms, they are small but manageable enough. Plus the sway of the waves is a beautiful thing when you want to go to sleep,” he said.

  He took us to a small room that only fit a twin sized bed each room and a small dresser. He shrugged “Like I said it's not much but it's good enough when you're a Ranger.” He said. He left the hallway leaving us to choose our tiny rooms.

  I picked one quickly. I set my cloak down and shut my door. I heard the whistle alerting that we would be leaving the small dock soon.

  Night soon came quickly. It was comfortable to rest with the gentle sway of the rolling sea as the man had said.

  . . . . .

  I sat in my room alone. I watched as the very early morning rays of light touched the sky. I was 6 years old. It had been so long since my sister got captured. Yet it still felt like only yesterday.

  The maid entered my room. “Oh my I didn't see you there princess, I'll come back to clean another time,” She said getting ready to turn around.

  “Wait,” I said. I recognized her as maid Pamela, the one who taught Maggie how to carve wood. “Keep cleaning, I like your presence,” I said. She nodded and kept cleaning.

  “Have a good day Princess of Beral” She said with a small bow once she finished.

  “Wait,” I said. She turned around. She looked a little confused and also a little bit scared. “Just a second. Don't move” I told her. I ran into my sleeping chambers and grabbed a large wood log.

  I set the wood in front of her. “Teach me how to carve,” I said. Tears welled up in her eyes and she shook her head in defiance. I bowed my head down in sadness then thought of something. “You are my maid now so you must follow my orders, and that's an order. I will even have my father pay you for your extra time.” I said. Her eyes widened.

  “Princess I recommend not to, you are so young, and it is a dangerous thing to be learning at your young age.” She said. Worry lined her eyes.

  “You taught my sister,” I said. I stared at her without a smile to show her that I was dead serious.

  “You don't have a sister.” She said. She started to fidget.

  “I have a sister, I know so, you can't tell me that she didn’t exist, because I watched her get taken,” I said. I ground my teeth. She opened her mouth. “You lost one of your 3 daughters last year too, same age as my sister. If someone told you to forget her would you?” I asked tilting my head to the side. I know I hit a soft spot.

  She finally shook her head “I would never forget my daughter, she was so joyful, and that’s why her name fits so perfectly. She was always so happy and couldn't help but play in the forest. Don't go in there girl, that where they always take them” I nodded.

  “I know, but that won't stop me from going in the forest,” I said. “You taught my sister and your daughters to carve, now I want to learn,” I said nudging the wood towards her. She nodded but didn't say anything.

  Finally, she spoke. “Alright but first you need to make a desk, you can't always work on the floor,” She said with a quick shake of her head. “I will be back with more wood as long as you speak no more of your Sister and my daughter.” She said. I nodded understanding the loss in her eyes.

  I felt it too. Plus Maid Pamela’s daughter and Maggie were friends so it was strange to watch them both disappear in the same year.

  They were almost the same in ways with their love for the forest and carving. Maid Pamela’s daughter seemed euphoric all the time, she was full of joy. Because of my sister's respo
nsibilities, she wasn't as cheerful and much more of a serious six-year-old.

  When the maid came back we spent the entire day carving the desk, it took us a whole week to finish it.

  . . . . .

  A man pounded on my small door, and I opened my door to hear him speaking a weird tongue, he looked madly worried.

  He was talking gibberish that sounded nothing like all the languages I knew, and I knew most languages of the entire continent of Grarien. He was talking fast, and his tongue didn't sound right.

  Lady Pandie was instantly at my side. “He said Lumine Leben, they are on the boat. You don't speak BE?” She questioned

  “Lumine on the ship!” I exclaimed. The man nodded. I was only wearing a nightgown, but that didn't matter.

  I grabbed my swords and strapped my knives onto my body in every secret place.

  I ran out to the dock of the boat and saw five Lumine, each one held a crew mate captive.

  “Let them go before I have to slaughter you all,” I said with a threat. They shared glances then laughed.

  My glare deepened towards them, “I could prove that I'm not lying” their faces fell back to their usual emotionless faces. I saw the five of Lady Pandie’s snakes slither towards them quietly. I let out a small sigh of relief.

  “Drop your weapons now, or else,” I said. The men chuckled more. I smiled an evil smile, “I warned you” I said as I watched all five snakes sink their teeth into their victim.

  One man fell dead instantly. The others looked surprised but soon followed. One man stood, he wobbled back and forth. He stabbed the snake. Then fell dead. The snake squirmed around as it bled. I pulled the knife out of the snake, but it's squirming had already stopped. It was dead.

  I heard something hit the ground hard. I turned around to see Lady Pandie laying on the deck of the ship. I ran up to her and felt her pulse. Her heart was still beating, but she was unconscious.

  Bad things happen when one of the animals you're bonded with dies. It kills some people.

  “Get this woman a doctor now!” I yelled. Many people looked confused while others consulted those who almost lost their lives. The snakes had slithered away, and I watched as the captain raided the Lumine’s body for money or other valuable items.

  A man rushed over to me, he was wearing blue overalls and plastic gloves. “I'm the doctor, what is the problem here,” He said. I picked up the dead snake and showed it to him.

  “She was bonded to the snake,” I said. The doctor nodded and put his head to her chest. He felt her pulse and wrote notes on a small piece of paper. He inspected the dead snake.

  Finally, he spoke, “get this woman to her room, there is nothing we can do for her until she wakes up. I think this is her primary bonding snake.” He said. “I can tell because how the snakes are following you now because of your relation to her.” He said. He gave a small nod. Then lifted up Lady Pandie and took her to her room.

  I sat on a little chair and watched her sleep quietly. It was weird seeing her like this, she always seemed alert and ready for everything. Her strangeness was typical, and even her creepiness was.

  The doctor stood in the corner. “Do you think she is going to be okay?” I asked with hope in my voice, I heard how bad bonding deaths can be.

  He let out a small sigh and stared into my eyes. His were dark brown, but I could see the truth in it already. “When someone loses their first bonding animal usually their depression drives them into illness, and they pass away. Sometimes the body goes missing, some say their body is with their spirit. I just think it's a bunch of bull feces and they could be alive” He said.

  I nodded and stared down at the calm Lady Pandie, I could see the lines of worry etched on her face.

  I looked back up to the doctor, “I'll call you when she wakes up” I said. He nodded and turned to walk out of the room. He stopped and before he left I heard him whisper, “Bad things happen at the heart of the sea.”

  XIX The Plan

  Petunia

  I watched from a distance, the fog was thickening so the people in the Cargo boat didn't see my boat following. I had sent off five Lumine as a distraction so I could have enough time for the real plan. The storm was coming soon, but we would be well out of the way before it came.

  Sadly Amaryllis and her little traitor Lumine would never know. Well not sadly, that was my plan all along, and if the storm didn't kill them than I would.

  A small smile lit my face as I sat in the small boat. We had to use a small boat so not to be seen and to escape faster when the storm came.

  I knew the captain was too busy dealing with the Lumine even if they were already dead. And if they weren't, he was trying to kill them, before they killed any more crewmates.

  I walked out to the dock of the boat. I put my fingers in the water of the side of the vessel. I closed my eyes watching the memories flash by in painful waves.

  . . . . .

  I stayed in the dark room for two more days after I had escaped. I thought the man would leave me there forever and just lie about everything he said when I had escaped.

  Until they finally opened the door. A strong woman stood there. She looked me up and down. “The King was right, you are covered in your own filth,” She said. She motioned for me to come. I followed her.

  She led me to a room; in it was a large mirror and a big tub filled with water. “Go crazy,” she said leaving the room. I stared at myself in the mirror. I had Pale blue eyes that were full of darkness that it scared me.

  I remembered my hair was blond the last time I looked at it. But I realized it had been turning brown for quite a while and only now it got through my entire head of hair. I was so skinny that I could see every bone. My skin was as white as paper from not seeing the light of day for so long. I think I'm still fifteen, but my face had aged rapidly to look more like a haunted adult. I could barely recognize myself anymore. I was so different. I was covered in dirt, grime, my blood, and my own vomit.

  I dipped my fingers in the water and watched how the dirt floated away in the tub, almost disappearing. I quickly got out of my dirty clothes and got into the cold bath. Soon the water was entirely brown. I scraped at my scalp and got rid of all the dirt from all the crevices. I dipped the clothes in the dirty water. I soaked them until they were mostly clean. I got out of the tub and put on the wet clothes. I stood there for a while shivering until the clothes dried to my skin. I opened the door looking like a drowned rat. It was the most enjoyable time I have had in a while.

  The King was waiting for me. “Much better,” he said. I nodded but secretly hated him. “I'm your father now,” He said. I nodded still agreeing to anything he said. “You were always my daughter, so now you can be Queen.” I nodded still. Even though I knew, he told a lie.

  “Don't agree with everything I say, if you do that how are you going to take charge and be a leader?!” He said. I put my head down but didn't tell him I didn't want to be a leader I just wanted to escape the dark room.

  “You need to take control, say what's on your mind Petunia,” he said. He made my new innocent name sound like I was a horrible person.

  I glared at him, “I will never listen to you” I said. I waited, my back stiff for his punishment but instead I heard him clapping. I looked up to see an evil smile on his face.

  “Good. You won't have to listen to anyone soon, when I go off my throne I will have you be Queen, and you will be in charge of this kingdom!” He said.

  I nodded feeling a little better about how much power he gave me but mostly felt better to know I wouldn't be punished for thinking what I thought and instead I would soon be the punisher. I felt power fill my chest.

  Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all.

  . . . . .

  I woke up realizing I fell asleep by the edge of the boat. Someone had taken my hand out of the water and sat me down on a chair.

  I closed my eyes to try and shut out the memories that I had tried to forget. I could still remember how it felt
to wash off all the dirtiness on my body. I would never have to be dirty again.

  I saw the clouds start to swell in the sky, though they were still white I knew a storm was coming. A woman who saw into the future had told me. I walked up to the captain and told him “stick to the plan and get us to shore as quickly as possible.”

  Because my plan was great indeed.

  XX Paperwhite Skin

  Amaryllis

  After we had lost Maggie, Elm was the only one there for me. When I had turned ten years old, I had gotten really well at carving. I stayed away from everyone so not to hurt them. I had even stayed away from Elm. This was because I blamed myself.

  I was ten years old. I wandered around the castle gates. I kicked up dirt and dragged my feet and was wearing my favorite color, green. I sulked a little but being alone put a smile on my face. People always told me to forget the past, but it wasn't as easy as they thought.

  When you lose a sister and know it was your fault, it wasn't easy to forget what I had done.

  Elm ran up to me, “Amary!” He yelled. “I have a big surprise for you,” he said shuffling his feet.

  I wanted to laugh at Elms eagerness. “Okay, what is it,” I said. He grabbed my arm with a big smile on his ten-year-old face.

  He dragged me down to the horse stables, I loved horses they were my favorite animal, a smile lot my face just by going inside. He dragged me to a large stall. There I saw a newborn foal. A smile lit my face as the filly tried to walk. Its mother let out a small huff as it sought to balance on its long skinny legs. Its coat was pure black, and it looked like its legs were longer than its body.

  I laughed when the horse fell down and looked at its mother for help. Its mother let out another huff like she was trying to say ‘do it yourself’. I laughed harder. The small skinny horse walked with shaky legs.

  Elm finally spoke, “She's yours now Amary, I asked the stablemen, and they said you could keep her.” He said with a big smile.