The Meaning of Purple Tulips

by Bláithín O' Reilly Murphy

  ‘Hello, is this Gerry?’ my own voice barely audible.

  ‘It is. Who is this?’

  ‘Granddad its Faye.’

  ‘Faye...’ the voice was shocked, ‘You... you called me granddad.’

  ‘Is that ok?’

  ' Of, of course... it’s just, well I’ve never been called that before.’ I could hear the lump forming in his throat.

  I realised then he had no other children, he didn’t have any other grandchildren. I was his only family, of course he had said as much in his letter. Suddenly I felt very close to this man I had no memory off.

  ‘I got your letter, when can you come? Sorry I mean I would love for you to come and visit.’ I paused a little, ‘I would, well I would come to you, except, well I’m pregnant.’

  ‘Pregnant? You’re going to have a child?’

  ‘Yes in six and a half months.’

  Sobbing, all I could hear was sobbing.

  ‘Are you ok?’

  ‘Yes Faye, I’m, I’m just happy... a great grandchild, more than I could have hoped to live to see.’

  For an instant I felt what it must be like to lose your child. Mine wasn’t even born but I knew that if anything happened to it, I would be devastated; what it must be like to see yours born, grow, marry and have their own, only to lose their life was just unimaginable to me. He had lost out on so much already.

  ‘Please come as soon as you can and of course stay here with me, for as long as you like. We’ve so much to catch up on and I don’t want to miss another moment now that we have found each other.’

  ‘Thank you, thank you so much. I’ll head straight to the Travel Agents and see what arrangements I can make. I’ll telephone you this time tomorrow, if that suits you?’

  ‘Perfect, I can’t wait!’

  ‘Me neither Faye!’

  We chatted a little while longer and then hung up. I couldn’t believe it, my grandfather; my father’s father could be here within days! I rang my mother and told her all about it, she was thrilled; delighted that he had finally made contact with me. She thought it was a great idea that he came to stay. Once I had finished all my calls and gotten over the excitement of speaking to my grandfather, I realised I hadn’t seen Brandon. His car was in the drive so he must be here. I looked around downstairs nothing, as I mounted the stairs again I could see a light coming from under the office door. There he was eyes fixed on the laptop.

  ‘Hey there, I have some news!’

  ‘Oh Faye, hi.’ He closed down what he was working on, ‘Faye, I need to talk to you, can you sit down?’

  ‘First can I tell you my news, I’m just so excited?’

  ‘Sure, go ahead.’

  ‘I had a letter from my granddad, my father’s father. He would like to come and visit! I called him, just now; he is so nice, he’s gone straight to the Travel Agents to book some flights.’

  Brandon’s eyes widened, ‘Wow, are you sure that is wise? Don’t you want to build up a relationship with him before you invite him to stay? Especially now, you’re pregnant, you need to look after yourself.’

  ‘I’ll be fine! The baby is not due for months yet. Besides I would like to get to know him before the baby comes, while I have the time. I’ve a whole lifetime to catch up with him.’

  ‘When is he coming?’

  ‘I don’t know yet, but it could be by the end of the week; I told him to book flights as soon as he could!’

  ‘Right and how long is he staying?’

  ‘I don’t know that either, I told him as long as he wants!’

  ‘Do you think that was wise? You know what old people are like; he could stay months and be very dependant!’

  ‘You don’t sound very happy about this? I thought you would like to meet him?’

  ‘Of course I want to meet him, I just think you should have put some limitations on the visit. That’s all.’

  ‘He’s my grandfather Brandon, who I’ve never met; he can stay as long as he likes!’

  My happy mood somewhat deflated, I turned on my heels and went downstairs to make some dinner. Whatever had Brandon in such fowl form lately, had better pass soon!

  Chapter 37 – A beating heart.

  Granddad Gerry arrived the morning of my second scan, the morning we would hear the heartbeat. I collected him from the airport myself. I realised standing there in the arrivals hall that I didn’t know what he looked like, but as soon as the sliding doors parted and he walked through, I instinctively knew it was him. He looked just like the picture of my father that my mum had given me. Tall, with broad shoulders, a wide smile and what was once, I am sure, sandy hair now a silvery white.

  ‘My god Faye let me look at you, the image of your mother. ‘The spit’ isn’t that what the Irish say?’ His American drawl smothered me as he hugged me close. ‘I can hardly believe I’m here.’

  ‘Come, this way. Are you tired?’

  ‘No, not a bit. Full of energy.’

  ‘Great, I was hoping you would say that. I have a bit of a surprise. Well, I hope it’s a surprise. I’m having an ultrasound today, to hear the baby’s heartbeat. Would you like to come?’

  ‘Would I what?! I would love to come?!’ Are you sure?’

  ‘Of course I am sure!’

  Within about 10 minutes, we chatted like old friends and I felt so comfortable in his presence that I didn’t want him to ever leave. We pulled into the clinic car park and Brandon was there waiting to meet us.

  ‘Mr. Marshall lovely to finally meet you, sorry I didn’t make it to the Airport, work.’ His apology was as weak as it sounded.

  Brandon and I still didn’t agree on Gerry’s visit. When he had called me back the following day to say that he would arrive in 10 days for 2 weeks, if that was ok, all I had told Brandon was that he was welcome as long as he liked. I know it was childish but he was getting right on my wick lately. All he did was lock himself in the office upstairs when he was home and he barely had a civil word for me from one day to the next.

  ‘Gerry please, call me Gerry. So you are the strapping man who has married my granddaughter. Do I detect an American accent?’

  ‘Yes, my mother’s from a place called Burns Harbor in Indiana, I spent a good deal of my childhood there. We moved here permanently when I was about 14.’

  ‘Lovely, small place if I remember correctly?’

  ' You’ve been?’

  ‘I think myself and Joyce past through it on our travels at some point. Joyce was my wife, lord rest her soul, died just before Faye was born, almost 27 years ago now.’

  ‘Sorry to hear that.’ It was weird, I had a paternal grandmother who never knew I existed.

  ‘Thanks pet, but it was a very long time now.’

  ‘Shall we head in?’ Brandon broke the moment as Gerry patted my hand.

  I pushed my way through the doors and into the waiting room. Dr. Frasier was there waiting on us.’

  ‘Faye, Brandon lovely to see you again.’

  ‘Doctor, this is my grandfather, Gerry, flew all the way from Utah to be here for this, do you mind if he comes in too?’

  ‘Not at all, lovely to meet you Gerry.’

  Dr. Frasier led the way into the small room. I hopped up on the table and settled myself, reality only hitting at that point. I was going to hear my baby’s heartbeat. The monitor pinged to life and I held my breath. The room filled with the sound, the sound I had longed to hear for so long, my baby’s heartbeat, strong and steady. Tears of joy streamed down my face, it was a moment I would never forget. Brandon had a smile as broad as his face, his first I realised in some time and Granddad Gerry beside him, tears, just like mine, rolling down his cheeks. The doctor printed out pictures and handed them to me. I carefully tore one off and handed it to Gerry.

  ‘Something for you to carry around with you.’

  ‘Oh Faye, thank you, I’ll cherish it always.’

  He took the small ultra sound picture from my hand as though it was gold, looked at and placed it careful
ly in his wallet beside other pictures, all of which I realised were of me. He looked up a little bashfully.

  ‘I like to show the others, at the day centre I go to. They’re all terribly excited to hear about my trip.’

  I smiled and kissed him on the cheek.

  ‘Can I take you both to lunch? As a celebration of my arrival and hearing the little ones heart beat?’

  ‘That would be great, you can come to lunch, can’t you Brandon?’

  ‘I can, unfortunately I have to head back after that though.’

  We had a lovely lunch; Gerry told us all about the small town of Glendale where he lives in Utah and his wife Joyce who had died of breast cancer. He and Brandon exchanged brief memories of Burns Harbor and I was surprised to learn that Maple had made the decision to move to Ireland so that Brandon could have a relationship with his father; something he still vowed never to do. On the journey back to the house, Gerry yawned a little.

  ‘I expect you are tired now?’

  ‘Yes, the travelling is catching up on me.’

  ‘Why don’t you take a rest and freshen up. I’ve invited mum and dad for dinner; they’ve been dying to see you again.’

  ‘That will be really nice, really nice indeed. I’ve missed them too.’

  As Gerry rested, I put the finishing touches to the dinner, I had half prepared the previous night, all the while wondering what was up with Brandon. He was very distracted during lunch. He laughed and joked and reminisced with Gerry but he wasn’t himself. In fact, he really hadn’t been himself for some weeks now. I was beginning to get paranoid. At first, I had thought it was the baby; that perhaps he had changed his mind again but he said that he couldn’t have been happier that we were going to be a family, that he would have his own son or daughter. Then, I feared that it was because I had asked Gerry to stay without really talking it through with Brandon first; but again he said he was looking forward to getting to know him and that it was a good idea for him to come early on in the pregnancy so that I had the time to get to know him before the baby arrived. I wanted to ask him about it but something told me that whatever it was, he wasn’t going to say while Gerry was here.

  Then I remembered; the night I had told him Gerry was coming for a visit, he had wanted to tell me something. I had cut it off and he had never brought it up again. It was something I had totally forgotten, until now.

  Chapter 38 Crumbling Walls

  ‘Gerry, really is lovely Faye, I’m glad you asked him to stay.’

  ‘Me too.’

  I looked at Brandon sideways. He looked a little more relaxed then he had done in a while.

  ‘Brandon, do you remember the night that I told you he was coming to stay, you were about to tell me something, only I asked to go first, you never did tell me what it was.’

  Brandon paled a little and looked at me. He thought for a moment.

  ‘Yes... look, well the thing is...’

  My phone vibrated against the kitchen counter top.

  Brandon picked it up. ‘It’s Dr. Fraiser Faye, you better answer it.’

  As I reached for the phone I wondered what it could be.

  ‘Hello Dr. Frasier.’

  ‘Faye, how are you?’

  ‘Good thanks.’

  ‘Good, good. I wonder if yourself and Brandon could come into the clinic, as soon as you can manage. Don’t worry the baby is ok, it’s just something that we want to discuss with you.’

  ‘What is it? Can you tell me now?’

  ‘No, this is something that needs to be discussed in person.’

  ‘Oh, ok. Em one moment, I’ll just ask Brandon. He wants us to go in to the clinic, as soon as we can. He needs to talk to us about something, in person. He says the baby is fine, but…’

  ‘What about now? Before we have to go to the office?’

  ‘Hello, Doctor; you still there?’

  ' Yes Faye, when can you make it?’

  ‘We could come in this morning, on our way to work?’

  ‘That would be great. I’ll see you then.’

  A short time later, sitting in the Doctor’s waiting room, a cloud hung over me. He had said there was nothing wrong with the baby, but could I believe that? Maybe it was me, which would be worse, something wrong with me or with the baby. I didn’t know.

  ‘Faye, Brandon lovely to see you again! Dr. Fraser said over enthusiastically and interrupting my thoughts.

  ‘Hello Doctor.’ I said still contemplating all sorts of conversations that we were just about to have.

  ‘Shall we head down to my office?’

  ' Sure.’ We said as we slowly rose from our seat and followed.

  ‘Now, take a seat there. Em this is Mr. Conlon, the clinic’s solicitor. I’m afraid I have something rather sensitive to discuss with you both.’ He started.

  Brandon and I looked at each other utterly confused. What did a solicitor have to do with our baby? I had a bad feeling about this.

  ‘Faye, Brandon, I’m afraid I have some rather bad news.’ It was Dr. Frasier who spoke. ‘It appears that at some point after fertilisation and before implantation your embryos were switched with another patient’s.’

  I blinked at them, I wasn’t sure I got it. ‘Sorry Doctor, what are you saying?’ I looked at Brandon, his eyes were filled with tears and face paled.

  ‘The baby, Faye, it isn’t ours,’ Brandon’s voice was barely audible.

  ‘I’m afraid your husband is correct Faye. The baby you are carrying is not your biological child.’

  ‘No, that can’t be, of course it’s mine, it is growing inside of me.’ I insisted.

  ‘I’m sorry Faye. There was a mix up. The baby belongs to another couple.’ Dr. Fraser was hard but sympathetic.

  I just couldn’t respond.

  ‘Our eggs, where are our eggs.’ Brandon sounded angry.

  ‘They were implanted in the other couple. I’m afraid it didn’t result in a successful pregnancy.’ Dr. Fraser spoke again.

  No one spoke for a few minutes. What do you say during something like this?

  ‘How the hell did that happen? What kind of two bit clinic are you running here? We trusted you. Trusted you with our children’s lives! Who’s responsible? Who did this?’

  Brandon boiled with anger beside me; I’d never heard him speak like that before.

  ‘That is something that we are still investigating, we believe it to be down to some sort of an administrative error. Both cases are very similar and both Faye and the other patient involved have the same initials and reasonably similar medical history.’

  ‘Administrative error, you’re telling me you have no firm checks and procedures in place? Or does this sort of thing happen often here?’

  ‘Eh Mr. Donohue I can assure you that we operate to the highest of standards here at the O’ Malley Clinic, I see to it personally. This ‘situation’ has never arisen before.’ Mr. Conlon started.

  ‘Must have been your day off then was it?’ Brandon smirked at him, ‘ And this ‘situation’ you refer to is that my wife is carrying someone else’s baby. I would say ‘situation’ doesn’t even cover it!’

  ‘Brandon, I can appreciate your anger, each and every question you have will be addressed but right now, well, right now there are some rather difficult decisions to be made about the pregnancy.’ Dr. Frasier tried to bring the conversation down to a single decibel.

  ‘Pregnancy? You expect us to continue with the pregnancy? For someone else? Not a chance mate, not a chance!’

  My head was swimming; it was so much to take in. It only hit me then that of course there would be another couple involved.

  ‘The other couple, do they know?’ I asked.

  ‘Yes, they were told this morning.’ Dr. Fraiser was going to continue but I stopped him.

  I bowed my head as the tears streamed down.

  ‘Obviously, there is a lot to discuss around this matter and we are here to support you in any way that we can. At this time is there anything that you ne
ed?’ It was Mr. Conlon who spoke again.

  ‘Need, well we needed for you lot to do your job that we paid you to do. Right now you can all go to hell! You’ll be hearing from our Solicitor. Come on Faye, I’ve had enough of this, we’re going!’

  ‘Wait Brandon, sit down a moment.’ I cleared my throat. ‘What happens now? To me, to the baby’

  ‘Well that is up to you and Brandon. Whether you want to continue with the pregnancy or not’ Dr. Frasier was trying to be sympathetic, but no one in that room knew how to act.

  Brandon went to answer again and I shot him a look.

  ‘But the baby, its mine, why wouldn’t I continue with the pregnancy?’

  They all looked at me; Brandon with shock and Dr. Fraiser and Mr. Conlon with sympathy.

  ‘Faye, I’m afraid the baby isn’t yours. While there is no Irish precedent, if you were to carry the foetus to full term you would have to legally give it back to the other couple.’

  ‘No chance, there is no way my wife is carrying someone else’s’ child, I will not allow her to be put through that.’

  I looked across at Brandon, he was very angry. How had this happened? It wasn’t my baby. I sat in silence, barely hearing Brandon argue and shout at the other two. My mind racing, my world collapsing, again, I touched my stomach. There was life inside me, a human. I realised then, it wasn’t just about me anymore. It wasn’t just about my need or want for a baby, it was about the baby and this other couple; but even then it was an impossible situation to contemplate.

  I cleared my throat; ‘This other couple, have they other chances?’ Brandon balked at me as I said it.

  ‘Faye you can’t even…’ I cut him off before he could finish.

  ‘Have they Doctor?’

  ‘No, we used the last of her eggs. It was their last hope.’ Dr. Fraser said.

  I was carrying someone’s last hope.

  ‘I need to think.’ I couldn’t stay in the room any longer. I needed air. I couldn’t breathe. I left and walked out of the clinic. Brandon followed me.

  ‘Brandon I love it, I love the baby.’ I pleaded with him.

  ‘I know you do, I know you do, but you can’t be seriously thinking about continuing with the pregnancy, Faye? For complete strangers, I won’t allow it!’