Behind the Mask

by J. L. Ostle

  “I know. I don’t even know why I’m crying.” I touch my cheek and it feels hot. I can’t believe I got slapped.

  “Tegan is right, don’t let them get to you.”

  I’m way in over my head here.

  “I just want to get back to the bus.” Is all I say. Nate is looking at me with a fallen expression. It’s not his fault, but I’m too upset to comfort him right now.

  When we get to the bus I head to the bathroom. After having a quick shower, I’m heading to my bunk when I feel my hand being pulled and I see Nate looking at me. “Can you sleep next to me?”

  I’m about to decline, just wanting to sleep.

  “Just to sleep. I just want you there. Please.”

  I haven’t got the energy to say no.

  “Okay.”

  He guides me into his room, pulling the sheets back. I climb in and soon he spoons me, his arms around me. It’s weird thinking it was only just a couple of weeks ago when we were like this, when he asked me to sleep next to him back at home, and yet it feels like a lifetime ago.

  “I am so sorry, Blair.”

  “It’s not your fault. If it’s anyone’s, it is mine. We should have just gone to the designated club. At least there we would have been safe. I knew your life is crazy, I live with it every day, but actually being in it…” I shake my head.

  “It was a fun night until the end.”

  I giggle. “Yeah, because you got to taste me,” I tease and he pulls me closer to him.

  “Talk more like that and neither one of us will be getting any sleep tonight.”

  “I’m sorry. I am so drained now. I know I’m going to have another hangover from hell tomorrow. How do you do it? If I drink one more time, I’m going to die.” I feel his breath on my neck, him cuddling more into me.

  “You get used to it. It’s the joys of being a rock star.”

  I feel him stroke my hair before sleep finally takes over.

  In the next week, Nate and I started hanging out when we weren’t rehearsing or doing a show. We were glued to each other’s side. Nate and I were all over social media exiting the girls’ toilets and seeing my tussled-up hair and smeared lipstick, it doesn’t take a genius to guess what we were doing.

  Even though it didn’t lead to sex.

  With the band’s name spreading around, Jeffery asked for more, so when at clubs I would be seen sitting on Nate’s lap, having private conversations in darkened corners. The more we did this, the more I started to really like it.

  There was also a video of me being slapped. It’s the comments that I had to stop reading. There were people out there congratulating the girl for doing it, saying I deserve it for messing with Nate’s head and there are those who have stuck up for me saying I didn’t deserve it and what happens between me and Nate is up to us.

  When it came to the crazy fans, that was something I didn’t enjoy. I would get girls yelling at me to stay away from him when entering or exiting places. They were everywhere. Nate always kept me to his side, but it wasn’t nice to hear.

  I have also started sleeping next to Nate in his room, but apart from kissing it hasn’t gone any further. I have told him I want to take things slower. I know I am leading Nate on as I am still going to leave soon. But I want to cherish each minute with him.

  Because in the next few days I will be gone.

  This is his life, not mine.

  I have always dreamed of Nate being like this with me, always having excuses to touch me, to be near me, and I want to live in the moment while I can.

  Yes, I’m being a bitch. I should tell him I’m leaving, but I know he will stop me.

  Lying on Nate’s bed, we are watching the new version of Dirty Dancing. I sing along to the songs, feeling Nate watching me every now and then. I keep hitting his arm to stop it, but he doesn’t. He watches me like I’m fascinating, but I’m anything but. I love seeing this playful side to him. He treats me like I’m the most precious thing to him.

  “Do you know every song in the world?” he asks me while “Hairspray” starts to play.

  “Only the good songs,” I tell him before continuing to sing. “Zac Efron is so hot,” I say. Soon I’m being pinned on the bed, Nate looking down at me.

  “You better take that back. I know Zac and if I know my girl is crushing on him I will have to do something about it.”

  I know he’s joking, but it’s hearing him say I’m his girl that hits me.

  “I’m your girl?” I say, and he smiles warmly at me.

  “I guess you are.” He kisses my lips gently.

  “So, I have to tell Zac Efron he has no chance with me then?” I continue to tease.

  “I will tell that pretty fucker that you are mine and he will need to back the fuck off.” He presses his erection against me. “If anyone is getting near you, it’s me. Everything about you is mine.”

  “Don’t I have a say?”

  “I made the choice for you.” He goes on his arms, hovering over me before his lips go on mine. He kisses me gently, slowly. “I love kissing you.” He kisses me again.

  “You are okay, I guess.” He grabs hold of my wrists, pinning them above my head, and starts grinding himself against me, causing me to groan.

  “You want to take that back?”

  I shake my head. “Nope.” I pop the p. He grinds further into me.

  “I can keep going.” Both our breathing is coming in faster.

  “So, can I? Remember I can have multiple orgasms. I know you can’t.” I stick my tongue out at him.

  “I have been wanking off my sexual frustration. Have you?”

  I don’t answer and he stops moving.

  “Have you been touching yourself?”

  I feel my blush spreading.

  “When the fuck have you been touching yourself?”

  “What a girl does is her own business. Now get off.” I can’t talk to him about this.

  “Tell me,” he says. “Tell me and I will let you go.”

  “In the bathroom. Before I have a shower, I use my vibrator, but don’t worry I’m not getting orgasms. I’m getting close but nothing. I’m not even getting clit orgasms.” I pout and he looks at me confused.

  “Clit orgasms?”

  “Naomi says if you stimulate your clit you can get this pulsing like feeling. It’s called a clit orgasm, but I haven’t experienced one yet.” He sits up and I do the same. What a conversation to have.

  “Where are your toys?”

  “Why?” I look at him curiously.

  “If I can’t make love to you yet, there’s no harm in pleasing you. Let me give you a clit orgasm, then I will give you a mind-blowing one after.” He winks at me. I must be crazy to agree, but I’m so wound up I need a good release.

  “They are in my toiletry bag.” He speeds off the bed to my bunk, grabbing it and coming back, then closing the door. He goes through it, taking out my rabbit vibrator and my newest bullet.

  “Strip,” he orders me.

  I stand up, taking off my short shorts and tank so I’m sitting there completely naked. His eyes have gone dark, but he looks away, back at the toys.

  “Lie down for me, Blair.”

  I do.

  He spreads my legs open, and I close my eyes, feeling a little too exposed. I hear him turn on one of my toys. I open one eye to see it’s the bullet he has picked. He lies on his stomach, his face up and personal to my pussy. I close my eyes again as I feel him press the toy against my clit, causing my body to shake.

  “You need to keep still, and you have to be very quiet.” He smiles playfully at me.

  “Why am I letting you do this to me?” I know once the words leave my mouth they also have a different meaning to me.

  “Because I can’t be inside you, yet.” He annunciates the word yet. “So this is the next best thing. Letting me see you come undone right in front of me. Seeing you right now, your legs open, your dripping wet pussy screaming out to me. You have no idea how much restraint I am holdin
g back.” He presses the bullet toward my clit, the vibration sending little shocks through my entire body.

  “Nate…” I whisper his name.

  “You will need to be quiet.”

  I fist the sheets, clamping my mouth shut.

  “Good girl.” He moves the bullet slowly around my clit. When I tense up a little he moves it along my folds but always brings it back again.

  He moves it to an angle on my clit and my body starts to shake. The feeling is too much. It’s just a weird feeling and soon I moan out, my clit pulsing a million times a second, coming in very strong until it starts to calm down.

  I open my eyes to Nate, who looks very smug. At least I can say I had a clit orgasm, but how does anyone have one and don’t want one the normal way? My vagina is screaming for a real release, to come.

  To have someone fill me.

  To be inside me.

  I launch myself at Nate, sitting on his lap, wrapping my legs around his waist as I start rubbing myself against him. This ache is too much. I grab a fistful of his hair as I deepen the kiss. He pulls me into him, his hands in my hair.

  I need a release so bad that I could just scream.

  “Nate, help me,” I beg in a breathy voice.

  “Fuck, tell me what you need. Fuck, if you ask for the world right now, I would give it to you.” He kisses along my jaw, to the top of my breasts.

  “I need to come. Please make me come.” I feel his hand glide down my stomach. I open my legs a little and soon his fingers enter me, pushing them really deep inside until my body tenses up.

  It’s such a weird feeling. I feel like he is poking my stomach but from the inside. It feels too weird like he’s pushing onto my bladder. I try and move away as it’s a feeling that’s too foreign, but he grabs hold of me, keeping me still.

  “Nate, I can’t. It’s too much.” He presses his fingers harder, moving in and out of me. My whole body is shaking, my arms hugging him tightly.

  “I got you,” he barely says. He keeps assaulting me. I am shaking my head into his neck, trying to breathe.

  A sensation hits right through me that’s so intense that I scream out into the room. I scream like my life is depending on it. I feel like I’m having an outer body experience as I can’t feel any sense of my body, but freedom.

  I come back down, my body slumped into Nate’s arms. I move myself a little and inwardly groan when I notice how soaked I am. Holy shit, if that’s what orgasms are like, I want one every day.

  Maybe twice a day.

  “Blair,” Nate whispers into my hair. “Are you okay?”

  I smile even though he can’t see me. “I’m more than okay. We definitely have to do that again.” I sit up, my body feeling weak.

  “I am happy to give that to you.” He chuckles.

  “No guy has ever done that to me, not even close, and that was just by your fingers.” I giggle, but Nate’s eyes have turned dark.

  “I don’t want to hear about you and other men. A far as I’m concerned you are a saint.”

  I sit back out of his embrace. He can’t be serious. “Well, I have seen you with hundreds of different women. Seen you in secluded corners doing what you just did to me now. You don’t see me holding that against you, even though apparently you were in love with an imaginary girl who happened to be me,” I say, but my eyes go to his legs and the bed to see my juices on them.

  How much did I fucking come?

  “It wasn’t imaginary, it was you.”

  “Even so it didn’t stop you from getting your dick wet.” I stand up grabbing my clothes. “I have been with two men. Two. Can you tell me how many girls you have been through?” He doesn’t say a word. “Because you can’t remember. I was giving you a compliment. You gave me my first orgasm. I was just stating it.” I am putting on my shorts when he stands up, walking toward me before he pushes me against the wall, kissing me hard.

  He presses his body into me, his erection pressing against my core. I feel so sensitive down there that it makes me ache all over again.

  “You can’t just kiss me and everything is okay,” I say, pushing him back a little, but he kisses me again, his hand gliding down my sides until he reaches my ass, lifting me so I have to wrap my legs around him. He presses himself more into me.

  “You are so hot when you are angry,” he says before biting into my neck, causing me to scream out. “You are mine now. You hear me, Blair. You fucking belong to me,” he says in a stern, hoarse voice. Those words hit me straight to my groin.

  “Nate…”

  He grinds himself into me harder.

  “Oh God.”

  “Fuck, you’re so much worse than a fucking drug,” he says. Soon I scream out my next release. I have my forehead on his shoulder when I feel him moving and when I look at what he’s doing I get turned on all over again.

  He has his dick in his hand, rubbing himself. My eyes are glued to him. I look up at him and he is watching me. My mouth is open, my breathing coming in pants. I want him so badly inside me, but I know I need to wait.

  But Nate does scream out temptation.

  “Can I taste you?” I ask him, his movement coming in faster before he stops, stepping back and helping me down.

  “You are going to ruin me,” he says as I go on my knees, taking him into my mouth. I close my eyes as I taste him. I use one of my hands to rub up and down the base of him as I try and take the rest of him into my mouth. “Fuck.” I hear him hiss out.

  I get used to his size then start to go faster, sucking harder. Hearing the sounds come out of his mouth just makes me want to please him more. I feel his dick start to pulse.

  “I’m going to come. Fuck, fuck,” he says, but I just keep going until he roars out, his come entering my mouth, me swallowing every last bit of him.

  Once I have licked him clean, I sit back on my heels, looking up at him, and he is looking at me in wonderment. “Please don’t tell me your other boyfriends experienced it.” He shakes his head at me.

  “Actually, I never gave a blowjob before. It never really appealed to me, until you. I would say now, but that would be a lie. I wanted you in my mouth when I saw you in your bathroom.”

  He grabs hold of my hair, pulling me up to stand before his mouth is back on mine. Not caring that he could probably taste himself.

  “Your mouth felt so good wrapped around me.” He kisses me. “That is something you can do whenever you want.” He chuckles.

  “Good to know.” I kiss him back. He pushes me against the wall again. I have to place my hand on his chest. “I think we should leave the room for a little bit, or we are just going to be touching each other nonstop.” I laugh.

  “I don’t mind that.” He kisses my neck, feeling his tongue where he bit me before.

  “I know you wouldn’t. Now let’s go.” I take hold of his hand, existing his room, but I stop short when I see Troy clapping and cheering. I look at Tegan, who looks pale. Naomi looks a little shy.

  “Fuck, man, you really must be that good. Never heard so much screaming in my life.”

  I then realize that we weren’t that quiet. I turn, ready to get back into the room when Nate takes hold of me.

  “Ignore him.” Yeah, easier said than done. Nate pulls me to the booth, taking a seat and pulling me on top of his lap. Naomi is watching us.

  “I am so sorry,” I tell her.

  “You don’t need to apologize. Just happy you are having fun.” She winks at me.

  “Fun, that I don’t want to hear,” Tegan shouts over. “I swear I’m scarred for the rest of my life.”

  I don’t mean to, but I soon burst out laughing.

  “Sorry, sis, blame Nate for being so good.” I face Nate, who smiles at me. I bend down a little, giving him a kiss. It was meant to be quick and innocent, but he holds me in place, kissing me harder before letting me go. “You two make me sick.”

  Tegan stands, heading to the bathroom making sick noises.

  The bus stops at our next destinati
on and I quickly head to the door, wanting to get some fresh air. Once I’m outside I look up at the sky, closing my eyes, taking in a few deep breaths. I then feel hands wrap around me.

  “You look so beautiful.” He kisses my neck.

  “You sweet talker.” I sigh, leaning back into him. We just stand there when I see another tour bus park up and I look at it confused. So does Nate. Soon the guys come out, standing at our side.

  “Who is that?” Naomi asks.

  “No idea,” Nate says, coming to my side, taking hold of my hand.

  We watch as the doors open and the first thing I notice is long legs until I see who it is and my body deflates. The happy buzz I was in leaves. Nate tenses up next to me.

  What is she doing here?

  “Holy shit,” Troy says.

  “No fucking way,” Tegan says angrily.

  “Oh no, Blair.” Naomi takes hold of my other hand.

  I look at the girl’s perfect figure, flawless skin, long white-blond hair. The girl who was actually Nate’s drug last year. He was glued to her side a year ago. Wherever she went, he went with her. She clicked her fingers and he came running. From what I knew, she was the greatest fuck of his life, and he just kept going back for more.

  Christal White.

  She is a singer and they met at a charity function and were inseparable until she got bored and ended it.

  Why is she here, though?

  “Nate baby,” she purrs at him, walking over, and I look down my body, feeling a little insecure.

  She just screams out perfect.

  Nate is looking at her, but I can’t read what he is thinking. She smiles at him before she presses her mouth on his, shocking me.

  The worst part is that I just stand there watching.

  Frozen to the spot.

  “What the fuck?” Naomi pulls Nate away and Christal just smiles. “Back off.”

  “Sorry, didn’t realize he was yours. He doesn’t usually go for civilians.”

  Troy has to hold her back as Naomi tries to launch herself at her.

  “What the fuck are you even doing here?” Sam asks her.

  “Oh, didn’t Jeffery tell you? I am going to be joining you at a couple of your next concerts.”