Worth Every Risk
Page 9
Thirteen
Andi
When the knock comes, I nearly jump out of my skin. I open the door, afraid of what I’ll see in Chase’s eyes. Violet runs over with her hands raised.
“Dada.”
He glances at me only a second before giving her his complete attention.
“Violet.”
She pats his nose and I cringe when I see him wince. I watch him for his reaction.
“Funny nose,” she croons.
“Yes, Dada’s nose is broken.”
Looking adorably cute, she pokes her lips out. “Kiss … make better.” She nods her head until he agrees with her. More patient than I expect of a man who’s treated most kids like they are made of toxic waste, he leans forward and lets her press a kiss to his bandage. “Better?”
Her eyes are full of hope.
“Better,” he agrees.
I have to turn away as emotions well up in me. Seeing the two of them together is better than I could have ever imagined.
Feeling the weight of guilt, I leave the two of them alone and clean up the remains of lunch when I wonder if he’s eaten anything.
“Are you hungry?” I ask.
Chase looks over. “I’m okay. I can grab something after I leave.”
I press my lips together, hating the coolness in his tone and that he won’t be staying. He just got here. Would he leave so fast? I slice up some of the roasted chicken I have in the fridge and make him a double-decker sandwich with slices of tomato and fresh lettuce. The man could eat, or so I remembered.
“Violet, honey,” I call.
She’s been chatting away nonstop. Surely, he needs a break. I wave her over, only to see annoyance cross his handsome face. I bend down to her height and hold out the paper plate.
“Go give this to your daddy.”
She beams a smile that has me blinking away tears from the brightness of it. I remain crouched and hidden behind the cabinets, listening to her present her father with lunch.
“Eat. Good.”
I stand up in time to see him pressing a kiss to her forehead and then pulling back to stare at her in wonder.
“Thank you.”
“Eat,” she repeats.
His returning grin is genuine.
I have to turn away and busy myself with planning for the night. I prepare each portion of her dinner in the sectioned child plate, wrapping it up so it will be one less thing I have to worry about before I leave for work.
About to go to her room to pack an overnight bag, I glance up to have Chase standing in my path. Immediately, I seek out Violet, afraid he’s about to give me another round of his fury. But she is engrossed in Dora on TV.
He starts to move to the sink and I take the empty plate from him.
“Thanks,” he says.
I can tell even that is hard for him to say to me. I bite my lip, holding in the crazy emotions swirling in my head. Still, the love I have for this man hasn’t disappeared. To have him hating me shatters every fantasy I had for our future.
“I’m sorry.”
The words tumble from my lips like a prayer.
“Stop, Andi. Your apologies mean nothing. I’m here for my daughter, nothing else.”
I nod, holding back the waterworks that threaten to unleash. “I understand.” It’s nothing more than a strangled whisper from my mouth as I flee past him.
Violet calls after me just as I close my door and press my back against it. Her little feet come running and her voice croons through the door.
“Mama, okay.”
I slide to the floor, frantically wiping my face.
“I’m okay. Just a minute.”
“Mama cry,” she says.
If she’d heard me, Chase must have too.
I clear my throat and say with more strength than I possess, “I’m okay, Violet.” My voice is a little too bright. Luckily, it will take her years to figure out the falsehood in my tone. “I’ll be right out.”
“Let’s go watch Dede,” Chase says, confirming my suspicion he’s nearby.
“Dora, silly,” Violet corrects. “And Boots.”
“And Boots,” he says, sounding a little farther away.
Not wanting to lie to my daughter, I get to my feet and go into the bathroom to splash water onto my face. Then with my big girl pants on, I go back out to the living room to accept my punishment in the form of him freezing me out. I stiffly sit on the sofa, and when Violet spots me, she crawls onto my lap.
She takes my hands and claps them together as she sings along to the songs on the show. When it’s over, Chase shifts in his seat.
“I guess I should be going,” he announces.
Violet shoots out of my lap, a cannonball of ringlet curls. “No go,” she begs. Her little arms circle around his neck and she buries her face in his chest.
I have to cover my mouth, choking on emotion. His eyes meet mine, full of pain. I take several deep breaths before I feel strong enough to speak.
“Daddy has to go and Mama has to go to work. You’re going to stay with Owen and Holly for the night.”
“I’ll do it,” Chase says out of nowhere.
My jaw practically flaps in the breeze of my shock.
“Dada stay,” Violet says, lifting her head off his chest to plead with me. “Dada stay. Pleze.”
“Chase—” I stop myself from saying more in front of Violet.
“We’ll be fine. How hard can it be?”
There are a number of things I could say, like point out he’s never babysat in his life. But he’s made it clear we need to co-parent.
“Are you sure?”
“Nothing like the present to make up for lost time.”
That jab hits me squarely in the chest. I give him a tight nod. “Owen is just down the hall if anything comes up.”
His glacial glare could give anyone frostbite. “I’m sure I can handle it. I was two once.”
Violet lies back on his chest.
“Usually she’s had a nap by now.”
He nods and starts to rub her back. In seconds, her eyes are closed.
I whisper, “She shouldn’t nap too long or she won’t sleep any tonight.”
“It’s fine, Andi. She and I will figure this out. Besides, I can always call my brother or Cassie if I need any advice.”
I close my mouth. Clearly, he doesn’t want my help or Owen’s. Can I blame him? Owen’s spent more time with his daughter.
When my emotions flare again, I remember my period should show up in a day or so. No wonder I’m so teary-eyed. I go into the kitchen and make a plate for his dinner. I don’t tell him what I’ve done, only put a sticky note with his name on it on the foil covering. I pass by him watching PBS with Violet fast asleep still nestled against him.
I ease my phone out of my pocket and silence it. Quickly, I get two snapshots of them from behind. I can see Violet clearly. Chase is in profile. When he turns, I spin on my heel and head to Violet’s room. I clean up her toys and I’m in the process of laying out her pajamas when Chase walks in.
“I should lay her down. She’s probably not comfortable.”
“I think she’s more than comfortable. But go ahead and put her down. I’m sure you have other things you’d like to do before I leave.”
He doesn’t do that. Instead, he stretches out on her bed, his feet almost hanging off the end. It was a good thing I’d opted for a twin instead of a toddler bed.
“There’s nothing more important than her.”
Another slash at my heart. I finish refolding her PJs and place them on the dresser. I’m ready to bolt. It’s way too much. I haven’t had time to prepare for this moment. Chase’s animosity toward me is like being rained on and then struck by lightning.
“She looks like you. But I see now, she has my eyes.”
I don’t turn to face him or respond to his comment. I can’t. I won’t. Though fair is fair and I had this coming, it doesn’t make it any easier. So I nod and walk out of the room.
Like clockwork, I let routine take over so I don’t have to think. I do the usual and rush my shower while Violet is napping. What I’ve forgotten is the man in my house. I squeak when I enter my bedroom from the attached bath and he stands there watching me. The towel is in the process of falling to the floor when I clutch it tightly to my chest.
“You shouldn’t be in here.”
That is the extent of what I can say.
“We need to talk.”
I’m not sure how much more of his hatred I can take in one day.
“What is there left to say?”
I hold my breath, wondering if he will threaten me again with taking Violet away.
“Your job? How often do you leave her with that man?”
I grind my teeth together, wanting to defend Owen. He’s been nothing but kind. And I hadn’t pawned our daughter off on him after casually meeting him. It had taken time for me to trust him enough to leave Violet with him. Still, I understand Chase’s questions.
“Only when I have an overnight shift. I had a babysitter that we both used. It’s only been recently when Violet could talk for herself that I let her stay with him.”
“And how often is that?”
“Every few weeks.”
We both turn when Violet screeches out, “Dada.”
The panic in her voice makes Chase’s expression harden. A second later, he’s gone and is by her side because I hear him convincing her that he hasn’t left and he’s staying the night.
I still stand in nothing but a towel with the door wide open as Chase walks by with Violet in his arms.
“Drink?” Violet asks.
“Sippy cups are in the …” My voice trails off, as Chase doesn’t seem to need or want my help.
I think about finding him this morning. He’d taken care of her just fine. Though he hadn’t cleaned up the present she left in the bathroom.
Trust, I tell myself as I get dressed for my shift. As I step into the living room, a knock comes at the door and I open it to find Owen.
“Is Violet ready?”
Owen’s eyes shift over my shoulder to where Chase and Violet stack blocks.
“Chase is going to stay with her tonight.” I lower my voice when Chase’s attention is firmly on our daughter. “If you could just check on them later.”
Owen nods. “Is everything okay?”
I offer him a false grin. “I’ll call you later.”
When I close the door, I call to Violet, “Mama has to go to work. Can I get a kiss before I leave?”
She runs over and I hug her so tight she giggles. The way Chase’s cold stare meets mine, I feel like I should never let her go or it might be the last time.
“I love you,” I choke out.
“Luv too.”
I give her a smile I don’t completely feel as my heart continues to break.
“What time should we expect you?” Chase asks.
It’s a twelve-hour shift, but I don’t say that. “I should be home sometime after seven.”
He nods. Violet takes his hand and they go back to their blocks. Neither notices me as I leave.
Fourteen
Chase
That went better than expected. At least from my point of view. I’m pretty damn sure Andi doesn’t see it the same way. Having Violet want me to stay is the greatest feeling … like nothing I’ve ever known before. When those little arms of hers wrap around my neck, I seriously want to melt. I’m a grown man. How can such a little mite make me feel this way?
Seeing the hurt in Andi’s eyes was like feeling it reflected in my soul. But I’m not stepping back. She caused all of this with her ridiculous actions. I never would’ve done something like this had the shoe been on the other foot. Furthermore, when you love someone, don’t you want to share this kind of shit? I’m not sure I can ever trust her again.
“Dada, drink.”
“Thirsty, Little One?” Her head bobs up and down. “Come on. Let’s get some water.” I hand her a sippy cup and chuckle when I hear her slurping the liquid. When she finishes, I set the cup down and pick her up, lifting her high in the air. I’m oddly thrilled by her squeals of laughter. Then I look at her, really pay attention to her features, and notice more bits of me in her. It’s definitely the eyes—steel gray—that are identical to mine. I missed it the first time, but I’m looking into a mirror. Maybe her mouth, too, the way it tilts up on one corner. I’ve observed that in pictures and it always annoyed me, but on her it’s adorable. Her pointer finger takes aim and goes straight for my nose. This time my reflexes are quick and I intercept it before she makes contact.
“Dada funny nose.”
“Yeah, Dada has a funny nose. But you kissed it and made it better.”
She puckers up her lips to kiss it again. Then she grabs her nose and lets out a serious giggle. My mind churns and I wonder if she picked up any of the Wilde athletic genes. Maybe it’s too early to tell. I set her down and ask, “Do you like to run?”
She nods super fast and then takes off around the house like a dart on feet. Little One can definitely run. I end up chasing her and her bubbles of laughter are infectious. This kid is too cute for words. I tackle her and we roll around on the floor, but I have to be careful of that damn finger of hers. She uses it as a sword, stabbing and pointing. She even finds a place between my ribs, just like Fletcher does. Damn, how does she do that? Her favorite phrase is, “Wa dis?” Most everything else is a garbled mess to me, though I’m sure Andi knows what she says.
Suddenly, she stops and pinches my cheek. That’s not too comfortable either. “Dada like?”
“Yes, Dada likes.” Not gonna lie. Violet is burrowing into my heart faster than anything. By the time Andi gets home, I’m afraid she’s going to have a fight on her hands bigger than anything she’s ever known.
“Story?”
“Story?” I ask. Does this mean she wants me to read her something? “Show me.”
She takes my hand and tugs me up to a sitting position. I pretend she has to pull me to my feet. It’s funny seeing this tiny toddler trying to do it. Finally, I stand and she grins. Her little teeth crack me up. Then she walks me to her room and picks out a book. It’s the old classic called Goodnight Moon about a bunny in his bed saying goodnight to all the things in his room. I remember my mom reading it to me when I was young. I didn’t know it was still popular.
“Is this your favorite?” I ask.
“Favrit.” Her head bobs. She loves to nod her head.
When I’m done, she dashes out of the room like a streak of lightning. If she’s this fast now, I wonder what she’ll be like when she’s older. Maybe I need to get her a little football and start working on her foot skills. Okay, that’s probably a little aggressive. I’ll bet she’s more into dolls or something. That is an area I have no clue about. As if she reads my mind, she scoots over to a basket in the corner of the living room and picks up a fuzzy-haired doll. The poor thing appears to have seen better days. Her dress is fairly tattered and her shoes are about gone.
Violet shakes her in the air and yells, “Ishabew.”
No wonder the damn thing is falling apart. Then she squeezes the thing until I’m sure the seams are going to pop. I’m sitting on the couch when Violet flies at me, coming to a stop as she barrels into my stomach. Christ, this kid is strong. “Ishabew.”
“Ishabew?”
“ISHABEW.”
Holy crap, she has a set of lungs on her too. “Okay, okay. Ishabew.” She shakes her head and stuffs the doll into my hands. Then runs away. What the fuck. Ishabew. Ishabew. I feel like I’m in a foreign country here. And then I get it. The baby’s name must be Ishabew. Or maybe Isabelle. Chasing after Violet is a full-time job. No one ever tells you about that part. I’ve always heard about the lack of sleep, but this kid wears me out. She’s like that damn rabbit on the battery ad. She keeps going, and going, and going. And I have a lot of stamina. I can’t imagine if someone doesn’t.
“Dada. Pway.�
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“Okay. But what do you want to play?”
“Pony.”
What the hell is Pony? “Why don’t you show me?”
She hops off the couch and points to the TV. Ah, it’s a show. I turn it on and she gives me the word. “No.”
Then she points to a DVD. She must have a collection or something, so I have to hunt for Pony—whatever that is. “Show me, Violet.” She scrambles around on her hands and knees to where I am and starts rooting through the pile of DVDs. When she pulls one out and grins, I notice it’s My Little Pony. This occupies her for a while and it gives me a break. Now I get why parents love them so much. I check the time and am shocked to see it’s almost seven. This kid is probably starving.
“Violet, are you hungry?”
“Hungy.” She pats my stomach.
Heading into the kitchen, I try to figure out what to make. When I open the refrigerator, I see there are a couple of things in there. One is a plate with my name on it, and another is for Violet. Andi was forward-thinking on this dinner. I’ll have to remember to thank her.
Violet is my first priority, so I get her seated and strapped into her high chair. Last time I used a towel. There has to be a bib around here. Maybe she can help.
“Violet, bib?”
That handy pointer finger sends me off in the direction of where I hope they’ll be. I open a drawer and, sure enough, there is a stack of them. She claps her hands as I come and snap it around her neck. I have to wonder if she’s always this agreeable.
I warm up her dinner, which includes chicken, mashed potatoes, and some green beans. Andi put it in one of those little divider plates and the meat is cut in nice little pieces. I hope this is better than the Cheerios.