Dazed (The Deliverance Series Book 1)

by Maria Macdonald

  I suck in quick, shallow breaths. Thinking about my feelings for Tarrant causes me to feel like I’m going to spontaneously combust. This mixture of emotions is starting to become hazardous. “You’ve been nothing but my friend from the beginning, and I will never forget what you have done for me. Never,” he whispers.

  I reach across and lay my hand over his on the gearstick. I don’t say anything—I don’t think either of us needs to.

  We stop at some gates, and Caden punches in a code, and the gates slowly open. We drive up to what looks more like a car park than a driveway with a number of vehicles surrounding the house. And what a house—it’s huge, a mansion definitely. We both get out, and I look down at myself and wrap my plain green jacket closer. I’d opted for black skinny jeans and my Thor tee. I figured these people didn’t know me, probably best for them to think I’m into Chris Hemsworth—which for the record, I totally am—and that would explain Thor. I suspected all the other girls would be dressed up. As we enter the house, I’m surprised to see people milling about casually talking, and most of the girls have on much the same as me—jeans and tees. None of them are dressed up, and I instantly relax.

  “Well, hello there, pretty lady,” I hear a swoon-worthy male British accent say and look up to an equally gorgeous guy walking toward Caden and me.

  “Hey, English,” Caden says, and they grab hands and shoulder bump each other. I watch on until they pull apart and stare up at the tall hot dude referred to as English.

  “Hi, I’m Laura,” I murmur.

  Caden chuckles and puts his arm around my neck pulling me into him. “Stop trying to make my girl hot for you, Mickey.”

  I realize this is the guy who’s hosting the party. “Thanks for letting me come,” I say.

  He smiles down at me and winks. “I have no problem with any girl coming.” The way he caresses the words tells me he means more than just to the party. I smile back coyly.

  “Mickey can get the girls, but it’s only ‘cause he has that accent going on,” Caden says looking down at me with a knowing smile. I grin back and shake my head.

  Shit! I need to sort my head out. It’s bad enough one guy makes me go to pieces, I don’t need to add another to the mix.

  “I’m sure the dazzle wears off,” I reply looking pointedly at Mickey.

  “You wound me,” he replies clutching his chest with a smile, and I can’t help but laugh.

  “Come on, let’s allow English to mingle with everyone else,” Caden says chuckling now.

  “See you later,” I call as Caden pulls me away, and I just manage to see Mickey bow before I have to turn and watch where I’m going. Well damn.

  Caden pulls us through the crowd and introduces me to lots of people. They’re all polite if a little curious about me, and I spend an hour saying hello and promptly forgetting their names.

  “I want to do something,” he says pulling me to face him and holding onto the tops of my arms. “I wouldn’t want to leave you alone at a party when you don’t really know anyone, but I’ve just seen someone that was friends with Alex and me, you remember my friend who died?” he asks, and I nod. “Well, he had a boyfriend, Omar, and I haven’t seen him for a long time. He went off the grid after Alex…” He coughs. “Anyway he’s over there,” he says, but I don’t look to where he’s pointing.

  “Go,” I whisper.

  “You sure?” he questions, worry in his eyes.

  “Yes. Go.” I push against his chest lightly, and he kisses my cheek.

  “Thank you,” he whispers in my ear before turning around and walking away.

  I sigh and make my way outside. The beach is busy as lots of people seem to be gathering around a bonfire. I walk in the opposite direction and finally find some quiet rocks. Climbing up them a little until I’m about four feet from the ground, I sink down, closing my eyes and listening to the waves.

  I’m not sure how long I sit there for, but when I hear “Lemon” hit my ears, I jerk and nearly fall off the rocks. “Careful,” Tarrant says frowning up at me. My eyes are assessing, moving from his black boots to his dark jeans which have rips at the knees showing his tattoos. His hands are tucked into the pockets, and he hasn’t got a jacket on, but he’s wearing a dark gray ribbed roll neck sweater that matches the beanie on his head. My stomach flips.

  I tread carefully as I climb down from my perch. Once I’m nearly to the bottom, I stop about a foot from Tarrant, so I’m still on a slight incline. “What are you doing here?” I ask, my voice betraying my need for him as it hitches on the last word.

  Tarrant doesn’t say anything for a minute. Instead, he kicks at the rock.

  “Look… I…” he breaks off his sentence, throwing his head back. “Fuck!” he curses, looking back down and muttering quietly to himself while staring at his feet.

  “What?” I ask.

  His head comes up and he meets my gaze, a grin plays at the corners of his mouth. “Shit, Lemon, do you realize that I’ve been hooking up with girls for years?” He smiles to himself, and I place my hands on my hips arching my eyebrow at him.

  “Your point?” I question.

  “What I mean is, you’re the first girl in… well, you’re the only girl that can make me stumble over my words. You do something to me… you… strip me bare, without even knowing it. Fuck! I sound like a pussy.” He shakes his head but smiles again biting his lip, and on this guy, who looks all badass and tough with his tattoos, dark hair, and a wicked smile, he shows a vulnerability and I want to hold him. I want to keep him.

  “I guess, a guy like me…” He shrugs gazing up at me through his impossibly long eyelashes. I just about stop myself from licking my lips. “I’m never going to be a real college guy, not like the others, not like Caden. Two more years at this school, that’s it for me, and it’s only to please my Mom. It ends here,” he says pulling his hands from their pockets and pointing to the ground. “After this shit is over, all I really want to do is build cars… race cars, restore cars. I might never amount to anything, I might always be living from paycheck to paycheck. I’ve got nothing to offer,” he tells me openly, and there’s a longing in his eyes.

  “You’re wrong,” I whisper.

  I want to scream and tell him he has everything to offer, and any girl would be lucky if he chose her, but the words get stuck in my throat.

  I made Caden a promise this afternoon—two days.

  I don’t know what Tarrant is trying to tell me exactly, but I need a little more time.

  I don’t want it to be too late, though. I need to give him something real.

  “You’re so much better than you think you are, Tarrant,” I tell him stepping forward. Gently, I place one hand on his chest and the other on his cheek. “Any girl would be blessed to have you as her boyfriend. Any girl.” I breathe.

  “Even you?” he asks placing his hand over mine on his face.

  I can’t speak, but even though the tears are building in my eyes and I bite the corner of my mouth trying to rein myself in, I nod my answer to him and he sucks in a breath.

  “What’s wrong?” Tarrant’s voice is so tender. Everything stills, and I want to wade through the thick air which now surrounds us. I want to rescue him from his own self-doubt.

  “Laura, are you out here?” Caden’s voice breaks the tension clinging to the space between Tarrant and me, and he steps back.

  “There you are,” Caden says, completely missing the energy that’s zapping in the air. And as his arm hooks around my neck and his lips make contact with my temple, I watch Tarrant’s eyes as pain shoots through them. I want to scream “no!” that it isn’t what he thinks, but I made a promise and I can’t renege, I smile and quickly wipe the tears that fall but I know he sees them. Tarrant reaches out with his hand, the gesture looks simple enough, like he’s cupping my cheek in a ‘you’re such a sweet girl’ kind of way. In reality, I feel hollow as his thumb strokes away the wet that lingers under my eye.

  “You two look good together.” His
statement is solid as he looks to his brother, but my chest constricts when he turns and walks away.

  “Two days,” Caden whispers and kisses my hair as the tears continue to fall.

  “Two days might be too late,” I murmur to myself.

  Christmas Eve is strange. I find myself in a house full of people I don’t know, and the ones I do know are either avoiding me or getting caught up in the huddle. I debate going back to Caden’s room and hiding, but then Aunt Trudy nabs me. I don’t mind, really I don’t. She’s the first person who has shown any real interest in me or taken the time to talk. I also learn she’s a hoot. If I’m going to be stuck with anyone, I’d prefer it were her.

  Especially seeing as Caden’s other aunt, Susan, is a stony-faced witch. She told me I would be a passing phase and not to expect to get my claws into the golden boy—Caden. And that I was much more suited to Tarrant who would never amount to anything. I told her she could bite me and smiled as I watched her stunned face. Then, I promptly walked away. It was either that or kick her in the crotch, and I’m pretty sure I’ve used my allowance for kicking people this year with Selina.

  Unfortunately, the more time I spend around these venomous people, the easier it is to see why Tarrant feels the way he does about himself.

  “She’s his dad’s sister,” Aunt Trudy tells me, and I look at her to see her eyes pointed where mine just were, at Susan, the viper.

  Bitch.

  It’s entirely possible I have had some punch, and that said punch was not alcohol-free.

  “I never did like him… Martin,” she says nodding toward the head Reigns man. I have to admit, albeit internally, that I don’t like him much either.

  “Tina was always too good for him. She thought that because he had money and status, she was lucky to land him. Pfft!” She shakes her head and slams what I think is vodka down her throat. “He was always the lucky one. Then she had those beautiful babies… they were the only good that ever came from that man.” She smiles, and I do too. Looking in my direction, she tips her head back slightly, so she’s staring down her nose at me, then she narrows her eyes. “Hmm… I’ve got to say I’m surprised you’re with Caden. I would have thought Tarrant and you would be more suited.” She shrugs her shoulders and pours herself another drink. Yep vodka.

  “Why would you say that?” I ask leaning into her and sipping some more punch.

  She pulls a cigarette from her purse and lights it. Collective gasps travel around the room, and Trudy rolls her eyes.

  “Outside,” Martin rumbles curling his lip at her. I look over at Tina and watch as her eyes dart back and forth between her husband and sister.

  “Come on,” I say to Trudy and pull at her arm.

  “Fuck this,” she moans, pulling herself up, and we walk out the back. “I swear they’re all a bunch of dicks. I hate coming to these parties, but I love my sister,” she explains on an exhale of smoke.

  I stand next to her and stare into the garden as the skies darken. A figure takes shape in front of us and almost like a figment of my imagination, Tarrant appears.

  “Aunt Trudy,” he says and leans forward kissing her cheek. “Laura.” He smiles politely at me, and I want to cry and scream, and cry some more.

  “Tarrant,” my scratchy voice pushes out.

  He walks off inside the house.

  “I’m pretty sure you’re with the wrong brother.”

  “Trudy—” I start, but she cuts me off.

  “Aunt Trudy,” she corrects me with a grin.

  I giggle but it stops when the bats in my tummy start scratching at my flesh, trying to rip their way out.

  “It’s all such a mess,” I murmur.

  “One thing I know, girlie, is that it’s always a mess, and it will continue to be until you sort it out.”

  I grind my teeth. “You’re right. Thanks, Aunt Trudy,” I say and kiss her cheek before following Tarrant inside.

  I wander through the lower part of the house but can’t find him, so I make my way upstairs. Tomorrow is Christmas Day, and I want more than anything to tell him something, anything before Caden reveals his secret to them all. I want Tarrant to know that it’s him, only him. Caden doesn’t hold a candle to Tarrant and I need him to know that. I’m not sure why that’s important but it is. I feel it in my bones.

  I make it to the second floor and check Caden’s room and then knock at Tarrant’s but nothing. I start to make my way back down the hall when I hear noises coming from their dad’s study.

  “You’re a fuck up, and you want your brother to be one, too? A fucking matching set... is that it?” I make out their dad’s voice and I edge closer to the door as quietly as I can.

  “Fuck you,” I hear Tarrant growl back, and my stomach tightens.

  “Whatever the fuck it is you see in that girl, get your head outta your ass and stay the fuck away. She’s off limits!”

  “You think I don’t know that?” Tarrant shouts back.

  “I don’t know what the fuck you think, but I can see with my own damn two eyes the way you look at her. She’s his. I don’t think she’s good enough for him—”

  “You know nothing about her. Don’t make snap judgments, Dad, or you’ll end up looking like an ass.” I can hear the smile in his voice and imagine the dark look on his face. I step forward to get a view of the situation and watch as Tarrant leans over his father’s desk.

  “I know that if she were with you, I wouldn’t have a problem… you’re trash, and you always were.”

  “No, he’s not, don’t you dare say that,” I shout as I pull myself into the doorway and point a shaky finger at the vicious man behind the desk. I’m not sure what’s come over me, but whatever it is, I can’t stop myself as adrenaline courses through my body, and I tremble all over. I find I can’t stop shouting. “All you see is what you want to see. Take a harder look, you have two sons, dickhead, and this one is fucking amazing,” I say pointing to Tarrant. My chest heaves up and down and my hands continue to shake with pure rage.

  “I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, but you never come into my house and disrespect me,” he states, rising out of his chair and striding toward me. Belatedly, I think ‘Oh shit!’ as he’s nearly upon me. Then Tarrant is in front of me facing off with his father.

  “Touch her, and I will fucking end you, old man,” Tarrant says his words so low that it’s like a vibration through my body. His father chuckles at first, then whatever he sees in his son’s eyes makes him take a step back.

  “Get the fuck out of my house,” he snarls at me before turning back to his desk and grabbing the amber liquid in the glass on his desk, his hands quivering.

  “Come on,” Tarrant says capturing my wrist and yanking me behind him. When we’re in Caden’s room, he picks my bag up from the floor and automatically starts packing my shit into it. “Why did you have to do that?” he shoots out, and it’s like a slap in the face.

  “Excuse me?” I snap.

  He stops packing and strides toward me, much like his father only moments ago, but while his dad scared me, with Tarrant, my only fear is that we won’t collide. He backs me against the wall. “You make me fucking crazy.” His hot breath caresses my mouth as he leans in, almost touching me.

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper, and he closes his eyes, leaning his forehead against mine.

  “Nobody’s ever stood up for me like that, Lemon. Only you. My Lemon, pure, good, true… trying to keep me clean,” he murmurs. His eyes meet mine again. “You love my brother?”

  I swallow. “Not like I love…” I stop myself from finishing that sentence and instead say, “Not in the way you think.”

  He strokes my cheek with his knuckles. “Okay, let’s get out of here.” His lips touch mine, it’s tender, not meant to be anything more than it is, but to me it’s everything.

  I’m dragged through the house and placed into his shiny black car which growls to life the minute he sits in the driver’s seat. Silently he drives all the way back to
my dorm.

  “I’m sorry I have to drop you here, but I’m worried about my mom when everyone leaves…” he trails off, and I get what he’s trying to say.

  “Of course,” I reply.

  “Wave down from your window, so I know you’re okay before I go. I’ll call you tomorrow, Lemon.”

  “Okay,” I tell him sadly. I can hear the whimper in my voice and he brushes my hair back.

  “I really am sorry. This is not how I wanted things to be. Especially as we’re getting to a point where we were trying to be honest, it’s just—”

  “Don’t worry,” I say cutting him off. “You’re needed there. Go.”

  I don’t give him the opportunity to say anything else as I slip out of the door and haul my bag up to my room. The minute I’m inside, I move to my window and wave down then watch as he drives away.

  I don’t bother getting undressed as I crawl into bed.

  There’s a phone ringing, but I can’t get it as it’s on top of a chicken. Why the hell has a chicken got a phone. No, that can’t be right. I jolt awake and shake my head out as my phone continues playing music. I fumble around until I find it and flip it open without thinking.

  “Laura, tell me you’re okay?” Caden’s worried voice greets me.

  I rub my head. “Erm… yeah I think so. I mean you woke me,” I babble looking at Morgan’s digital alarm clock. “And it is four am,” I continue, blinking my eyes and double checking the time.

  “I’m sorry, some shit went down here, and this is the first chance I’ve had to call you.”

  “What happened?” I ask sitting up straighter in bed.

  “So much, Laura, too much.” He sighs. “Listen, can I call you tomorrow and explain everything?” he asks.

  “Sure, although it is tomorrow.”

  “I’ll call you later then.”