Wanting to Remember, Trying to Forget (Meet the Shepards #1)

by Jacqueline Francis

  His New Year’s resolution for next year was the same as this year: Move on with his life.

  It was easier said than done. She had showed up at his motel room today and he realized that simply seeing her weakened all his defenses. She told him that she loved him and he almost fell back into the same trap, he almost believed her. He so wanted to believe her. But then he reminded himself that she was only there because Amber and Charlie convinced her that she had feelings for him. He had left a week ago and she hadn’t called him once. She would not have shown up at all if their friends had not intervened.

  He didn’t know what to think anymore. She had told him last week that she was in love with Richard and then she let him leave without saying another word. And today she shows up, out of the blue, saying something completely different. If it wasn’t real, why had she wept so bitterly on the motel room floor? If it wasn’t real, why did she beg him not to leave?

  It didn’t matter now anyway. He was done obsessing over a woman who couldn’t make up her mind about who she really wanted.

  As he walked to stand in the queue to board the plane, the loudspeaker went off again.

  “Hello,” came a nervous voice.

  Max heard three loud thumps on the microphone and smiled. She must be new, he thought.

  “Hello. Is this thing on?”

  His eyebrows creased as he recognized the familiar voice.

  “Maximillian Augustus Shepard.”

  He froze, looking around as if everyone knew she was talking to him.

  “Yes, you, Max Shepard. There are a million things I want to say to you right now, but I’m gonna keep it short. Do you remember the day I broke up with Anthony? I didn’t break up with him because he left me stranded on the beach. The pictures only came out after that. I didn’t break up with him because of the pictures. I broke up with him because he asked me to choose. All of them did. And my choice was always you.” She paused for a bit and he could tell by the change in her voice that she was crying. “You were never second best, Max. I didn’t mean what I said. I didn’t mean any of it. I love you. I guess my heart always knew that. It just took a while for my head to figure it out. If you can somehow find it in your heart to forgive me, I’ll be waiting for you in the lobby next to the food court. I’ll wait as long as it takes…I think a guy like you is worth waiting for.”

  Max exhaled the breath he had not realized he’d been holding and clasped his hands together at the back of his head. She was so fucking ostentatious and she just had to use his full name. Only Danny. Only Danny would suck in her pride and declare such private information to thousands of strangers.

  He forgave her. That part was easy. The difficulty was deciding whether he could leave his heart in the hands of a woman who had broken it so many times.

  The passengers in front of him shuffled forward as they filed into the plane. Max picked up his bags and shuffled along with them.

  * * *

  Danny shifted in the chair, trying to ease the pins and needles in her left butt cheek. The chairs were comfortable, but not after six and a half hours. She had changed positions several times, even choosing to sit on the floor at one stage.

  She was exhausted now, bored out of her mind. For the first hour or so, she had actually had a group of people sitting with her. They had heard the announcement and came to see the reunion, chatting and giggling about how it was going to be just like the movies. Everyone was excited for the big kiss and the dramatics of it all.

  But as the minutes ticked by, they realized that he wasn’t coming and they began to disperse. She had been alone since then, depressed and deflated. He wasn’t coming. Somewhere deep inside her, she knew she had to accept that. She wasn’t really waiting anymore. It was more like she was holding onto hope. She had stood up to leave a few times, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. If she just waited one more minute, she would see him coming through those doors. That was what she had been telling herself all this time.

  He was probably in Montana by now. The thought of buying a ticket and chasing after him had crossed her mind, but then she would have to leave this spot and she had grown quite attached to it in the last few hours. She tilted herself upside down in the chair as she passed the seven hour mark, tossing her legs over the back rest and hanging her head over the edge of the seat. The world was a very different place when seen upside down. Legs and bodies and faces all appeared distorted.

  Seven hours and twenty minutes. It was a little after midnight now and her tummy started to rumble. Eating was not high priority, though.

  She saw a pair of sneakers from the corner of her eye and groaned inwardly. She had become the designated information desk after ten o’ clock. Just because she looked like she lived here, didn’t mean she did. Ten times already she had been asked where the restrooms were.

  “Down and to the left,” she said, throwing out a lazy arm in the direction of the restroom. Or was it right? She was upside down. Gosh, this was confusing.

  “Actually, I might have found what I was looking for right here.”

  She quickly flipped herself right side up at the sound of his voice. “Max,” she said, sounding as surprised as she felt. “I thought you left.”

  He shook his head somberly and could not quite read the expression on his face. It was possible that he might be having second thoughts.

  “Why did you take so long?” she asked nervously.

  He tossed his suitcases on the open chairs before looking up to meet her gaze. “I wanted to see if you would really wait.”

  Mutual symmetry, she thought. He had made her wait one hour for every year he had waited for her. She saw the hurt on his face and decided to try explaining one last time. “Max, I really am sorry. Like I told you, when I regained my memory, everything came back so fast—”

  “I don’t wanna hear…I don’t wanna hear any of that. I just want you to answer one question for me.”

  She nodded, apprehensive as to what his question might be and hoped she wouldn’t say something to mess up again when she answered.

  “Before you came to the motel,” he began. “In the week we were apart…did you see Richard? I mean…is that the reason you came back to me? Because you found out he didn’t want you?”

  Her throat tightened and tears welled up in her eyes when she saw how much this question tortured him, how being option two was more than just a complex. “Max…I didn’t even pick up the phone.”

  He nodded. “That’s it.” He closed the gap between them and cupped her face in both his hands. “That’s all I wanted to hear.”

  And then his mouth covered hers, making up for lost time, invoking every feeling she thought she would never experience again.

  “I love you,” he breathed against her lips.

  “I love you more.”

  She didn’t know how long they were lost in that kiss, but when he finally pulled away, she felt dizzy. They took one suitcase each and he slung his arm over her shoulder as they walked to the exit.

  “Are we ever going to see your family?” she asked.

  “I rescheduled our flights. We leave tomorrow, but tonight…you’re mine.”

  * * *

  Christmas Eve. It was late evening when they turned down the familiar tree-lined street. Danny opened the cab door before it came to a complete stop. She helped Max unload their bags and inhaled the rich smell of whitebark pine. She had been born and bred in Los Angeles and it always took some time to adjust to the colder temperature. The icy winds alone were enough to chill her to the bone.

  They lugged the bags and suitcases up the stairs to the wooden porch and Max held the screen door open as she walked inside. They stopped at the entrance of the dining room and set down the bags.

  “Momma, we’re here,” he called out.

  His mother came rushing out of the kitchen and threw her arms around him. “I missed you, baby.”

  “Missed you, too, Ma,” he said, kissing her cheek.

  “Hi, Mom
my Jess.” Danny was also pulled in for a tight hug and she took in the sweet scent of pecan nut pie that lingered on his mother’s clothes.

  They walked through the dining room to get to the living room and sat down.

  “So, Danny. How have you been? Max told us that you don’t remember anything, you poor child. I called to speak to you a few times, but you were always in the shower or at the store or you had some or other doctor’s appointment.”

  Danny noticed the pang of guilt that wrinkled his face as more of his lies were revealed.

  “But just make yourself right at home,” his mother continued. “You always did.”

  “Mom, Danny regained her memory a few days ago.”

  “Oh, that’s wonderful. It must have been so hard for you, but at least you had my boy there to take care of you.”

  Again, she noticed the guilt on his face and placed her hand over his. She didn’t want him to feel guilty about that one, stupid lie anymore. “Your boy always takes care of me.”

  Their eyes met for a few seconds and a slight smile curved on his lips.

  “I don’t know why you two don’t get together,” Mommy Jess said. “You stare at each other like love-sick puppies all the time.”

  “Actually, Mom, Danny and I decided to test your Leo-Aries compatibility theory.”

  Her face beamed and her smile stretched from ear to ear. “Don’t test it for too long. I want me some more grandbabies.”

  Max chuckled and swiftly changed the topic before she got too hooked on the idea of having another grandchild. “Where’s Kevin, Ma?”

  “In his room. Just give him some time alone. He’s been a lot better since he got back, but he gets a bit depressed at night.”

  Max nodded. “And Jo-jo?”

  “Her flight was delayed so she’ll be here early tomorrow morning,” she replied, standing up. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have kitchen work to do.”

  Danny shook her head. When Jordan and Max were together, they became kids again, fighting and bickering over every little thing. She liked watching them, though. She liked watching all of them because they gave the word bond a deeper meaning. She loved this house. She loved this family. She loved the man beside her. Right in his arms was the place where she always felt like she belonged.

  * * *

  It was almost ten o’ clock Christmas morning when Max’s eyes were finally ready to see daylight. Between jet-lag and an emotionally draining week, sleep had come very easily. For the last six Christmases, he had slept in Dom’s old room, Danny in Shane’s and Jake in the guestroom. Although his mother was old-school, this year she had suggested they sleep in the same room and it was almost surreal to wake up beside her on this cold Christmas morning.

  He kissed her forehead and her eyes fluttered lazily. “Good morning,” she said, stretching her arms.

  “Merry Christmas.”

  She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck. “A very Merry Christmas. What time is it?”

  “Almost ten.”

  “What?” She immediately tossed off the covers. “I’m supposed to be helping in the kitchen.”

  Max held back a smile. Helping was the key word. His mother had assigned her to all other forms of kitchen duty after the turkey debacle in the first year. Danny chopped vegetables, made salads, washed dishes, anything that did not involve a stove.

  She was in and out of the bathroom in a matter of minutes. After a quick kiss, she left the room. Max took his time getting showered and dressed.

  When he finally left the room, it was a mad-house. Kids were running everywhere; some screaming, others throwing tantrums.

  Kevin emerged from his man-cave, yawning and stretching before running his hand through his ruffled hair. “It’s a fucking zoo.”

  Max smiled. His eyes were barely open and he was already cursing. “How did you sleep through all this?”

  “Happens every Saturday,” he responded tiredly. “So used to it now.” He walked over to Max and gave him a quick hug. “Merry Christmas, bro.”

  “Same to you,” Max said, walking down the long hallway to the living room.

  There he saw Dom and Tracey, neatly laying presents under the huge tree. On the side of the room, Shane and Debbie were arguing over which Christmas carol CD to play. He greeted his brothers, kissed his sister-in-laws, and then listened for twenty minutes as Shane spoke about how commercialized Christmas had become.

  His brother talked incessantly and he eventually made up an excuse and left the room. He was Dom’s problem now.

  Max walked to the kitchen and took a moment to appreciate the sight. The three women he loved most in this world were all in the same room. His mother and Danny were chatting at the island counter as they worked, while Jordan mixed a batter at the table on the other side of the large kitchen.

  “Merry Christmas,” he said, placing a kiss on his mother’s cheek.

  “Merry Christmas, baby.”

  He moved over to Danny, who was chopping carrots, and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her back to his chest. “Love you,” he whispered, placing a kiss on the side of her head.

  She only smiled, shy to say anything back in front of his mother.

  And then he rushed to Jordan.

  “Don’t even think about it,” she warned before he caught her in a choke hold, but he did it anyway. She was an inch shorter than him, which actually made it impossible to resist.

  He tightened his grip around her neck. “Don’t be a sissy and complain to Mom.”

  She punched him hard in the stomach, briefly knocking the air out of him, and he released her. “Ow.”

  “Who’s the sissy now?”

  She adjusted her glasses and continued mixing the cake batter. “You didn’t respond to my text.”

  Max decided to keep the mood light and not tell her the reason he had not responded was because he’d been wasting away in a motel room. “How does one respond to a picture of two turtles humping?”

  She giggled and nodded her head towards Danny. “So does she know the truth now?” She kept her voice low so they wouldn’t be heard from the other side of the kitchen.

  “Yeah. It got really bad before it got good again. And now it’s…perfect.”

  She smiled. “I’m glad. You guys are great together.”

  “Where’s your boss?”

  Her face twitched and he could tell it was a sore point for her. “Well, he’s obviously not here. I told you, it was nothing serious.”

  Her saddened expression made it obvious that there more to it than she was letting on. “What happened?”

  She shrugged as she tilted the mixing bowl and poured the batter into a baking pan. “It just didn’t work out.” She turned to place the pan in the oven and he noticed the way she subtly rubbed her cheek against her shoulder to get rid of the stray tear.

  Max shook his head and gritted his teeth. Balls and fucking shears! Tyler was a dead man!

  “Mom,” Kevin shouted from outside the kitchen, “I’m going to Momma B’s.”

  “Sure, honey,” his mother yelled back. “Just be back before lunch.”

  Jordan used the opportunity to change the subject. She walked over to the island counter and began chopping vegetables beside Danny. “How’s Bink doing, Ma?”

  “I was telling Max last night, he’s doing a lot better. He came back from his road trip completely different. He talks to me a lot more. He’s been going over to see Momma B a lot and it seems like he’s made peace with Perry’s death, but something else is troubling him. He gets so depressed sometimes, but you know Kevin. He doesn’t talk about it. He just sits in front of his computer, staring at it all the time, Facepaging and twittering.”

  Max chuckled at his mother’s attempt to be hip with techno-lingo.

  “Sometimes ’til two, three in the morning,” his mother said. “I just leave him be.”

  Jordan’s eyebrows creased in confusion. “Momma, Kevin hates social media. If it wasn’t for Perry and the s
wim-team, he wouldn’t even have an account.”

  “Maybe he’s got a girlfriend,” Danny suggested idly.

  Jordan and Max both laughed at the idea. Danny did not know all the details of Kevin’s track record with women. Their brother changed his girlfriends as often as he changed his underwear. Actually the encounters were so brief, they could not even be called girlfriends. And the thought of Kevin ever spending that much time or effort on any girl was unfathomable.

  Max left the women in the kitchen and went searching for more testosterone. He chatted with Dom and Shane for an hour before lunch was served.

  The dining room was smaller than the living room, but still large enough to comfortably fit the twelve-seater dining table. He watched as all his family members filed in, all except the kids. They usually ate in the living room because it was impossible to pry them away from the tree.

  They held hands as his dad said a short prayer before everyone took their designated seats.

  Max looked at the empty chairs beside Kevin and his dad and felt sadness sweep over him. The absence of Jake and Perry wasn’t only noticed, it was felt. He could tell by the look on his brother’s face that this wasn’t easy for him. Perry had occupied the seat beside him for fifteen years, not just for Christmas lunch but every occasion involving a meal. And that was plenty.

  Danny was feeling uneasy too and he could see the sad smile on her face as she stared at the empty chair on the opposite end of the table. He reached over and took her hand, and she squeezed his fingers to let him know she was okay.

  “Let’s eat,” Shane said, breaking the silence. “Momma, everything looks delicious.”

  Everyone began filling their plates with the wide variety of food set out on the table. It seemed like a lot, but four boys could demolish all that, leaving only morsels of leftovers for dinner.

  “I helped, too,” Jordan countered, adding roast potatoes to her plate. “So did Danny.”

  Shane leaned over and ruffled Danny’s hair. “Well, we all know Danny didn’t actually cook anything.”