Resisting Ryder

by Blakeley Wilde

  Stormy shrugged and opened the door wide to invite him in. He stepped in, sensing her reluctance, and took his shoes off.

  “What’s up?” Stormy asked.

  Hayden stared her up and down. He had probably never seen her looking so disheveled before.

  “Just checking on you,” he said. “Hadn’t heard from you in a few weeks.”

  “I’m here,” Stormy said. “Don’t really know what else to say. Just taking things one day at a time.”

  She chuckled on the inside as she remembered what Brooklyn had said about him. He really was obsessed with her. In all their years together, she had always been the one chasing after him. He’d never really chased after her. It was nice for a change.

  “I’ve been thinking about you a lot,” he said. He seemed nervous, and there was an obvious longing in his voice.

  Stormy walked into the living room and sat down on the couch as Hayden trailed behind her. He took a seat right next to her leaving very little space between them.

  “That’s nice,” she said. She sort of liked being a bitch to him. He deserved it.

  “Have you given anymore thought to what we talked about a few weeks ago?” he asked. His eyes twitched nervously as he waited for her response. She could tell he’d been thinking about this nonstop.

  “Somewhat,” she replied. “I’ve just had a lot going on lately. Nothing’s really changed since three weeks ago. I don’t feel any differently.”

  “Oh,” he said. He was crushed and his face said it all. “I hope we can still be a part of each other’s lives. I want to make it up to you. The way I treated you. I want to make it right. Can we start as friends and go from there?”

  There was something different behind Hayden’s sapphire blue eyes. He was being earnest for the first time in his life, and his face was pained. He had never opened up like this before, and Stormy had to give him credit for that.

  “I’d love for you to make it up to me,” Stormy snipped. “You were so shitty to me, Hayden.”

  He hung his head in his hands and hid his face. He said nothing, but his sniffling gave it all away. He was desperate. Something about seeing Hayden so vulnerable and in emotional pain tugged at Stormy’s heart strings. She couldn’t continue being a bitch to him. It just wasn’t in her nature.

  She reached her arm behind him and rubbed his back as she said nothing.

  “I messed up so bad,” he sobbed and sniffled into his hands. “I had you, and I lost you. And now you’re gone forever.”

  “Don’t say that,” Stormy soothed him. She didn’t want to get his hopes up, but at this point the future was one giant question mark. She was ruling out nothing.

  He lifted his head up and turned towards her, tears streaming down his face. There was something so touching about seeing perfect, grown man Hayden lose his composure and break down in front of her. They locked eyes for a moment, and Stormy instinctually leaned in to kiss him. She didn’t give it much thought. She just did it. With Hayden it just felt like second nature no matter how many ups and downs they’d had over the years.

  Their lips touched and his hands moved to her face and then down her sides. He kissed her with a fervor she’d never experienced before from anyone. His kisses were passionate and hungry, and he positioned himself over her as she leaned back against the couch pillows. He laid on top of her as he kissed her like he’d never kissed her before as his hands traveled the length of her body.

  Stormy blocked out all the warnings that flew through her mind and just tried to enjoy the moment. She blocked out the fact that she was making out with her jerk ex on the couch her dead husband bought her, in the home her dead husband bought her. She blocked out the warnings that told her Hayden was bad news and would never change. She blocked out any and all thoughts of Ryder that instantly came to her mind the moment her lips touched Hayden’s.

  Hayden was in a vulnerable, lonely place and so was Stormy. She was sure she’d be sorry in the morning, but she didn’t care. She wanted to be touched. She wanted to be longed for. She wanted to feel loved again, and Hayden felt like the safe choice in that moment.

  Hayden’s hands glided under her shirt as he caressed her soft breasts. Stormy knew where things were headed yet she had no desire to stop any of it. She wanted to feel something, anything. She wanted to feel human again. She wanted to feel hot, bothered, angry, guilty, happy, and sad. She wanted to feel everything. She was tired of feeling numb. With the wine still coursing through her veins and clouding her judgment, she closed her eyes and let Hayden call all the shots. As far as she was concerned, he could have her. All of her. Just that once.

  His lips pressed against her neck and his breath blew hot on her skin. He tore of her clothes like some kind of hungry animal and soon they were both naked on the couch. He picked her up, lips pressed against her collarbone, and carried her back to the bedroom where he threw her down on top of the rumpled bed.

  He climbed over her and positioned himself between her thighs. Within seconds, he had pressed himself inside of her. She closed her eyes as he made feverish, passionate love to her. For one night, she would give him her body but nothing else.

  The next morning she awoke in her bed, only something was different. She rolled over and saw Hayden lying sound asleep next to her. She sat up, startled, as bits and pieces from the night before played through her head.

  What have I done? She asked herself. What was I thinking?

  Seeing another man lying in Jett’s place was just too much for her, and she couldn’t keep herself from instantly sobbing.

  “What? What?” Hayden popped up, suddenly wide awake. He reached his arm over and grabbed hers. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

  Stormy was inconsolable. She couldn’t stop hyperventilating long enough to tell him what was wrong, but she had a feeling it didn’t matter to him. He got what he wanted from her. He won the battle the night before.

  “Stormy!” he yelled. “What’s wrong? Talk to me!”

  He reached both arms around her and pulled her into him, holding her in his strong arms and rubbing her back.

  “You’re okay,” he whispered into her ear. “You’re going to be okay.”

  She calmed down long enough to catch her breath and wipe her face clean with her sleeve.

  “I feel so guilty,” she huffed.

  “Guilty?” Hayden questioned. He looked confused. “You’re not married anymore. You’re a single woman.”

  Stormy glared at him.

  “Poor choice of words. Sorry,” he said as he looked down. “I just mean, it’s not like you cheated on Jett or anything. I’m sure it’s weird having another guy sleeping in your and Jett’s bed. Believe me, it’s weird for me too. You insisted I stay last night, remember? You said you didn’t want to be alone.”

  “I did?” she questioned. She was beginning to remember less and less of the night before.

  “Mm, hm,” he said as he nodded. “If it makes you feel any better, I’ll take off now. I don’t want to upset you any more than I already have.”

  He climbed out of bed and slipped on his jeans that were laying in a heap on the floor. He pulled his shirt over his head, leaned down, and kissed her softly on the forehead.

  “Happy birthday, by the way,” he said as he tossed an envelope onto the bed next to her. He must have had it in his pocket all night. He turned and walked out the door and down the hall. Stormy waited until she heard the front door open and close before tearing into the envelope.

  She was expecting a letter, a birthday card, something typical, but it was a little rose gold ring with tiny white diamonds around it. It was the promise ring he’d given her in high school. It was the same ring she had tossed in his face the night he’d broken up with her before he moved away to college. She had thrown it at him in his Jeep and was sure it was lost or stuck between some crevice, never to be seen again, but he’d found it. He must have searched his car high and low to find that tiny little thing, and he’d kept it safe
for the past five years.

  Maybe he was really coming around? She thought to herself. Maybe he deserved another chance?

  CHAPTER 14

  Stormy spent the rest of her birthday trying to make excuses for her late night hook up with Hayden. Her once hardened heart was beginning to form a soft spot for him, and the possibility of moving forward with him was back on the table. She wouldn’t tell him that though. She wanted him to work for her.

  At the same time, she couldn’t understand why Ryder kept popping into her head. She hadn’t talked to him in two weeks and although she had fun with him, she had convinced herself that her attraction to him was simply because he was the living, breathing, successful and independent version of the man she had loved more than anything in the world. Never mind that he made her feel like a million bucks. Forget that he made her smile. It didn’t matter that he made her laugh, even though Hayden could do none of those things.

  Hayden was safe and familiar. Ryder was new and exciting, and in Stormy’s book that equaled scary. Hayden was the easy choice for her. When the time was right and she was ready to move on, she imagined she’d move on with him.

  Brooklyn called her around noon that day to sing her an awful rendition of “Happy Birthday” that sounded more like a bunch of feral cats fighting in an alley. She also reminded her that they had plans to go out that night for a couple drinks to celebrate her birthday. Stormy wasn’t in the mood to go out, but she knew she didn’t have a choice. Brooklyn would show up at her door and drag her kicking and screaming all the way to O’Malley’s if she had to.

  For the first time in a long time, O’Malley’s was dead. The music that boomed from the speakers played to a dead audience. There were maybe five people in the entire bar, not counting Stormy and Brooklyn.

  “What’s going on here?” Stormy wondered.

  “Fourth of July weekend,” Brooklyn said as she stomped her feet. “I wasn’t even thinking about that. People are probably out at the lake or on vacation.”

  “It’s okay,” Stormy insisted. “Less people to gawk and point at me and call me names.”

  Brooklyn’ strutted over to the bar, all 5’9’’ of her, and ordered two Cosmos.

  “Happy birthday, Stormy,” she said as she took a sip of her drink and stared around the room. The music was too loud for them to have any real kind of conversation and the lack of other patrons gave them nothing else to talk about.

  Stormy sipped her drink and looked down at her watch. It was barely nine, and it was going to be a long night. She didn’t want to bail early on Brooklyn, but she didn’t want to hang out in an empty bar the rest of the night.

  She couldn’t help but wonder what Hayden was up to. He was probably out on the lake with his family. They owned a lake house about an hour north of Coleville. She had been there many times in high school, and she knew it was a Goodwin family tradition to spend Fourth of July weekend up there.

  “I slept with Hayden,” Stormy blurted out to Brooklyn. She couldn’t help it. He’d been in the forefront of her mind the entire day.

  “You did what?” Brooklyn said with her jaw dropped. “Please tell me you’re joking.”

  “It just…sort of…happened,” Stormy said with a sheepish smile. “I think you’re right. He’s totally in love with me. He’s trying to change. He wants to make it up to me. He wants another chance.”

  “And you’re not going to give him another chance, right?” Brooklyn pleaded. “Stormy, how many times do we have to go down this road?”

  “People change all the time,” Stormy defended him. “He was crying, Brooklyn. Real tears. Streaming down his face. Begging me to give him another chance.”

  “And the second he has you back, he’s going to drop you like a sack of potatoes all over again,” Brooklyn jabbed. “He only wants what he can’t have. Haven’t you figured that out by now?”

  Brooklyn rarely got annoyed with Stormy, but Stormy could sense the conversation was getting ugly fast.

  “Okay, okay,” Stormy surrendered. She didn’t want to get Brooklyn any more riled up about Hayden than she already was. Brooklyn had been a saint throughout the years, and Stormy had cried to her about Hayden more times than she could count. She understood why Brooklyn was so upset.

  The girls sat, once again, in the loud bar, not saying a word to one another. They finished their drinks and exchanged looks of pure boredom.

  “Well, should we call this night a bust?” Brooklyn asked, eyebrows raised. “I’m so sorry your birthday night was so lame.”

  “Oh, no, it’s fine,” Stormy said with a smile. “You got me out of the house. That’s all that mattered.”

  Brooklyn closed her tab, and they walked back outside to her car.

  “I should probably just go home now,” Stormy sighed.

  Brooklyn squinted at her for a minute before saying, “You just want to go home so you can call Hayden.”

  She knew Stormy all too well.

  “That’s not true,” Stormy said, though her wrinkled nose gave it away.

  “Liar,” Brooklyn snipped. “Whatever. Get in the car. I’ll take you home.”

  As they drove the streets of Coleville and turned onto Stormy’s road, she couldn’t help but notice a black car with bright red tail lights sitting in her driveway.

  “Is Hayden at your house?” Brooklyn huffed.

  “No, that’s not Hayden’s car. I don’t know whose car that is?” Stormy was perplexed. “Wait here.”

  She climbed out of Brooklyn’ car and walked up to the driver’s side of the black car. It was just a Toyota, nothing special. The windows were a little dark, but she could see the outline of a man sitting in the seat. She rapped on the window and as it slowly rolled down, she knew immediately that it was Ryder.

  “Ryder?”

  “Hi,” he said as he studied her reaction. He shut off the car engine and climbed out.

  Stormy saw Brooklyn staring hard to figure out who that was. She was probably making sure it wasn’t Hayden. Stormy waved her away until she finally got the hint and left.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked.

  “I hadn’t heard from you since you left L.A.,” he explained. “You weren’t returning my calls or texts. It’s been weeks. I was worried.”

  “So you came all the way here to check on me?” Stormy was bemused and flattered at his bold move.

  “I did,” he admitted. “I know you’d been a little depressed. And after I kissed you that night, I was worried I pushed you away.”

  “No, you did nothing wrong,” she swore. “I’ve just been taking some time for myself. Trying to figure things out. Trying to move forward. It has nothing to do with you.”

  “Well when someone ignores my calls, I tend to think it does have something to do with me,” Ryder said. He seemed annoyed, not to mention a little hurt. “What was I supposed to think, Stormy?”

  She scratched her head as she tried to make sense of why he would be so hurt. They really barely knew each other. It’s not like they were best friends. They spent a few days together and everything was fine. She didn’t think ignoring his calls would drive him to fly all the way out to Coleville, Kansas to check on her.

  “You want to come inside?” she said as she nodded towards the door.

  She crossed her arms as she walked towards the house and Ryder followed her in. She kicked off her heels, which instantly lowered her by several inches, and stood in the entry way waiting for Ryder to say something or make some sort of move.

  “So as you can see, everything’s fine here,” she said with a nervous laugh and then patted her belly. “I’m even eating again.”

  Ryder smiled, but she could see something was not right behind those hazel eyes of his. She could tell he wasn’t himself.

  “You okay?” she asked as she reached across and rubbed his arm. “You seem different tonight.”

  He ran his fingers through his chocolate brown hair, messing it up, and sighed heavily.

&nb
sp; “What the fuck am I doing here?” he muttered to himself.

  “Excuse me?” Stormy asked.

  “This was a bad idea,” he muttered again.

  “What are you talking about? Why are you being so weird?” Stormy took a step back. “You’re really kind of freaking me out right now.”

  She racked her mind trying to figure out what was behind Ryder’s bizarre behavior. She thought back to her days in nursing school during her psych rounds and decided she should calm him down. From the looks of it, he was about to have some sort of nervous breakdown. Maybe that was the reason Jett never told her about him? Maybe he wasn’t mentally stable? She found that a little hard to believe given how normal he’d seemed during their days together, but if she had learned anything in the recent months, it was that she knew nothing.

  Stormy reached for his hand and led him into the living room where they sat side by side. Her couch was getting a lot of company lately.

  “Talk to me,” she pleaded as she stared into his gorgeous eyes. She took his hand in hers and held it in her lap.

  “I can’t get you out of my head,” he said as his eyes locked into hers. “Ever since I met you, you’re all I think about. When you came out to L.A., I couldn’t believe it. I shouldn’t have kissed you when I did, but I just had to. I’d been dying to kiss you that entire weekend.”

  Stormy blushed and looked away, secretly happy that she wasn’t just imagining the magnetism between them that weekend.

  “When you left and then I didn’t hear from you,” he said as he gulped. “And you didn’t return my calls or texts, it just made me even crazier.”

  “I-I had no idea you felt this way about me,” she said, half lying. “I don’t know what to say.”

  Ryder seemed crushed. “I’ve been struggling with these feelings towards you for weeks. You’re my dead brother’s widow. It just seems so fucked up. I tried to deny them. I tried to talk myself out of them.”

  On the inside, Stormy wanted to tell him how she had felt the exact same way, but she said nothing.

  “Damn it, Stormy,” he said. “You’re this broken little bird, and I just want to take care of you. And you’re so freaking beautiful.”