Finding Jordie: Things aren't always what they seem. (The Love Lies Bleeding Series Book 1)

by Harley, HJ

  “More time passed and still no letters or calls from Jason. Then Rachel came down to North Carolina to spend a week with me at the end of February. Her second day there was when the Death Deliverer rolled up and the general broke the news to me. Jason’s platoon was ambushed and he was killed.” I could feel the tension of my mashed-together eyebrows and tightened lips spreading throughout my body. I stopped for a second to concentrate on relaxing.

  Even if you are melting down like Chernobyl, how about we not make it so obvious, okay? He’s going to get the wrong idea. Thanks.

  “The reason they had no word was because Jason was, in fact, Special Ops. He and his men were so off the grid. It took time for the news to be reported by one of his team members who’d managed to escape. I was given sixty days to move off post, so I came back north. I figured New York City was where I left off, so New York City was where I’d pick back up.”

  I had made it through with no meltdown, and I could feel my muscles finally relax. See, that wasn’t so bad. You are such a drama queen, Jordan. Honestly, he’s so easy to talk to.

  “I’m sure he would be proud of you. Look at what a great life you’ve provided for yourself and Emma,” Nathan said after a long pause on my part.

  “Yeah, I guess I did all right. I’ve been so closed off from the world, though. Reliving that makes me realize exactly how closed off I’ve been.” I trailed off. “I’ve made Emma and the bar my life. The Iron-Clad Bubble, Rachel calls it.” I gave a small laugh. “I’ve been an emotional mute for eight years, Nathan. It’s hard for me to process or come close to understanding...” I stopped. Shut it, Jordie. Too much too soon.

  “Understanding what?” he asked with that ‘you can’t stop mid-sentence’ look on his face.

  “Understanding why, after all these years of my emotional coma and avoiding romantic relationships, why... Shit. How do I say this without sounding crazy?” I laughed while I struggled to gather my thoughts.

  “Just say it. I already think you’re crazy.” The corners of his mouth twitched when he said it.

  I was still struggling to find the words.

  Fuck it.

  “Why, after eight years of being closed off to any emotional connection to any man, did all that change when I met you two days ago? Almost a decade I’ve been building this wall, and you just strolled on over with those blue eyes of yours and that impossible-to-resist smile, and knocked it down.”

  He was silent.

  Oh no, he has no words. This isn’t good. I could feel the blood rushing to my face and my eyes start to sting. Damn it, Jordie, don’t. I wiped my eyes quickly. “I’m sorry. I haven’t cried in years, and it seems like today my ‘quit that shit’ button broke.” I chuckled nervously and stood up. I walked over to the wall to gaze out at the cityscape. I heard the creak of the chair as Nathan got up and stood behind me. I knew he was close—my insides were in a frenzy. He leaned in just above my shoulder, and I could feel his breath on my ear. Breathe, Jordie. Breathe.

  “I’m glad you shared that with me, Jordie,” he said in a low, soft voice.

  I just kept my eyes closed. I was so afraid that when I opened them none of this would be real. Every fiber of my being was at attention and longing to love this man.

  “Everyone has issues. I have my own, believe me. I’m a lot like you in the emotional department. It’s very hard for me to trust people, because I never know what their true intentions are,” he confessed in an almost sad, monotone. He gently grasped my shoulders and guided me to face him. There we stood, face-to-face, green eyes to blue. “When you’re ready I’ll tell you all about it.” He leaned down to kiss me. His lips were soft and warm as they moved against mine. They tasted just as sweet as I had imagined, which only made me crave more. My head was reeling, a million thoughts crammed into my mind at once. I thought it was going to explode. Then, as quickly as it had filled up, my head cleared, leaving me only to be lost in the moment, lost in that kiss.

  Nathan pulled back and put his forehead against mine. His eyes blazed and stared right into mine. “You are something.” His cheeks moved into a smile. You know, one of those ‘he turned my insides into mush’ smiles. The crazy smile, my smile. Then he hugged me and held me for what felt like forever but not nearly long enough. Yanking us out of the moment too soon, Emma’s alarm clock blared through the monitor.

  “Shit!” I jumped back in a tizzy. “What time is it? Holy shit.” I scrambled. “You have to go! She can’t see someone here.”

  “She gets up at five a.m.?” He gave me a confused look.

  “She’s overly proficient. She has to be at school by seven-thirty and it takes her forever to get ready. Besides, she goes to bed at like eight-thirty. I’m telling you, she isn’t the average nine year old.” I chuckled.

  “What about the door over there?” He pointed.

  “No, it’s bolt locked. I don’t have my keys.”

  He looked over to the fire escape.

  “No, you can’t, it’s broken,” I said in a panic.

  “Well that’s not safe or legal.” He scowled at me.

  “Okay, Fire Marshal Bill, lecture me later. Right now I’m so sorry but you have got to hide!” My voice was a few octaves higher than normal.

  “Well, can I at least hide inside, with some coffee?”

  I laughed. “Yes, sure, of course. I’m sorry. I’m panicked. Just goes to show you how new this all is to me.” I shrugged and we headed down the fire escape.

  “Mom?” Emma called up to me, all sorts of groggy.

  “Be right down, honey.”

  “I’m going to shower,” she muttered.

  I turned to Nathan. “Oh good, she’s going to shower. You can get that coffee to go.”

  “Kicking me out already?” He arched one eyebrow up.

  What? Already? I just spent three hours pouring my guts out up there, and he wants to stay? The kissing was nice, though.

  “Hello? Jordie?” He waved his hand in my face to get my attention.

  I quickly snapped out of it. “Sorry, I was... Nevermind. Um, no that’s... fine... or um... okay.”

  Shit! Fine? Okay? Those were words describing a walk in the park—not the message I wanted to send out. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly with my eyes closed.

  “Yes, I’d like if you’d stay,” I said shyly. “I’d like it a lot.” I opened my eyes and looked up, smiling at him, and that smile of his was already waiting for me. He walked over and put his arms around my waist and kissed me again.

  Oh my Lord, I’m melting. I pulled back this time, but he kept his arms around me, pinning our hips together so I had to arch my back to see his face.

  “I need an hour to get her ready and off to school. That okay?” I broke away from his gentle hold.

  “Sure.”

  I turned to make my way downstairs and he smacked my behind playfully.

  I CAME BACK IN from walking Emma to the bus stop to find Nathan on the couch drinking coffee and watching TV. He shut it off when I sat next to him.

  “Hey,” he said and set his cup on the coffee table.

  “Hey, you. I don’t know about you, Nathan, but I’m exhausted. I need some sleep.”

  “Okay, so sleep.” He patted the cushion next to him.

  “Uhh no, I don’t do couch sleeping. It’s too light in here. I like it dark when I sleep.”

  “You don’t sleep with a TV on?” He sounded shocked.

  “I don’t watch TV period. I think the last time I watched television I was a teenager. I was always out when I was younger. After Emma was born Nickelodeon was the only thing allowed on. Now that she’s older, neither of us really watches it.” I shrugged. “Just not big on TV, movies, Internet. I like to read, but I haven’t had time for that in a while. I do skim the New York Times occasionally to stay somewhat connected to the world.” I laughed and got up to pour myself another cup of coffee.

  “This is your plan of action to sleep?” he asked me as I walked back in holding m
y cup.

  “No. This is my plan of action to spend some more time with you.” I sat back down next to him and took a sip.

  We talked, and talked, then talked some more. We discussed the bar, Rachel, and Emma. We even discussed how our love lives over the last few—okay, over the last decade almost—had been non-existent. Which left us both with the hard realization that neither of us had had any kind of intimacy in years. Not emotional or physical. He was so easy to talk to, though, and even easier to look at. I’d never talked that long about myself like that before—to anybody aside from Rachel. Not even Jason. Ever. It always seemed as if his life was more important than mine because of his job. I mean honestly, how shallow could someone be to sit there and gab on and on about their past, their life, their hardships when the person in front of them was risking their life on a daily basis? So, needless to say, we didn’t have many heart to hearts. I didn’t want to talk to Jason the way I wanted to with Nathan.

  “So, I told you what my major malfunctions are. What’s your deal? How come you haven’t been with anyone? Should it worry me that it’s been so long for you? I’m not going to discover a bag of toenail clippings and hair in your closet or something, am I?”

  He laughed. “No, it’s only because I hadn’t met you yet.” His crooked grin gave me the warm fuzzies all over.

  “Holy crap, has that line ever worked?” I snorted.

  “You tell me. Did it? I’ve never used it before.”

  “Cheesy, yet efficient.” I smiled.

  Somewhere in our conversation I must have fallen asleep, because when I woke up I was in my bed. I struggled to focus on the clock. It was twelve thirty-three in the afternoon. I rolled over into the thin stream of sunlight that peeked through my blackout curtains and heard something crinkle beneath me. I felt around on the bed until I found the source of the noise—a slip of paper. What did he leave me? A therapy bill?

  With a huge smile on my face I sprung out of bed and hit the shower. I couldn’t stop thinking about his smile and how sweet he was. I realized, though, I didn’t know anything about him except his name and that he was visiting from... from? Oh damn. I didn’t even know where he was from, if he worked, nothing, nada, zip, zilch... I was too busy talking about myself the entire time. I hated to admit it, but it felt great though. I hadn’t had that kind of connection with anyone, ever. All I knew was that the guy was sexy as hell and made me think the dirtiest of thoughts.

  It was right then I realized I didn’t even know how much longer he would be here. My stomach sank.

  Just as I finished up straightening my hair I heard the ping of my cell phone downstairs. I rarely got texts, so I knew it had to be Nathan. In a hurry I grabbed my crap and flew downstairs.

  “One New Text”

  *You up yet sleeping beauty?*

  *Yup, I am. I can’t do dinner, because of Emma, but lunch?*

  I closed my phone, put it in my purse, and headed out the door for the bar. When I got there I went straight to my office. I lit a cigarette and pulled out last night’s till. Rachel had left me a note on top of it.

  A change in the lighting caught my attention, and I heard the door out front open. What the hell? I didn’t lock it? Instinctively I reached under the desk for my 9mm.

  “We’re closed. We open at five today.” My voice cracked a little. When nobody responded I yanked the gun out of the case stuck to the underside of my desk. The one thing Jason had always insisted on was a firearm for protection while he was away. Old habits die hard, I guess. I kept one in my closet at home as well. Nobody knew it was there, though.

  I continued, “And I have a gun. I’ll shoot first and ask questions later.” What the fuck were you thinking not locking the door, Jordie? I know what you were thinking about. My guts were twisted.

  “All right, Annie Oakley, don’t shoot.” Nathan’s familiar voice put me at ease immediately as he approached my office door.

  “Shit, Nathan, don’t do that to me,” I barked at him.

  “How about you lock the door, and I won’t be able to do that to you again?” He sounded a little pissy. Heh, he can throw an attitude, can’t he? I decided to ignore it though. It wasn’t like he was wrong.

  “Where did you come from? I just texted you twenty minutes ago.” I slipped my gun back into its case.

  “Lunch?” He completely ignored my question.

  I’ll let that slide, too. After all, I did just ignore him. “Sounds good. Em has cheering practice right after school, so she won’t be home until four forty-five today.” I took my half-burnt cig out of the ashtray and closed up the office.

  “So, I was thinking. I don’t know a thing about you except that your name is Nathan, you’re twenty-seven, and you have blue eyes.” I chuckled to hide my embarrassment. “I don’t even know where you live, how much time you have left to your visit here, if you have a job. I mean, you know my entire life’s story.” I locked the door and put on my sunglasses.

  You could tell he was amused at the onslaught of questions by the way the corner of his lips tightened. “What do you want to know?” He let loose a bright smile that moved his ears it was so big.

  “Uhhh, all of it?” I chortled, with a well duhh face.

  “I’ll tell you over lunch, all right?” He led me down to the sidewalk and reached around me to put his hand on the small of my back. A quiet gasp escaped my lips when he touched me, and I stepped back a bit.

  “You okay?” He looked down at me with those blue eyes.

  Holy Moses, if he knew what that did to my insides.

  “Yeah, startled me is all. Alone, eight years.”

  He put his sunglasses on and his hood up. “Get used to it.” He smirked.

  We ended up a block down at a pizzeria. His arm never strayed from my side. When we approached the entrance he held the door for two women walking out. They just stared at him. No, no, they gawked at him, mouths wide-open catching flies. Nathan pointed with his chin signaling for me to go in. As the door closed behind him, I heard them giggling like two giddy schoolgirls still staring through the big front window. A pang of annoyance shot through me, and it was as if he could read my mind.

  “Calm down,” he said as put his hands on my shoulders guiding me to the back of the place.

  “Jesus Christ, I haven’t been out of the game that long, have I? Like, it’s still not okay to act like that, right?” I furrowed my eyebrows as we sat down.

  “I didn’t notice, Jordie. I was too busy enjoying my view.” He moved his eyebrows up and down.

  “Shut up.” I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks, amongst other places. How does he do that? I was grateful that our waiter was a man, although he was eyeing Nathan as well. His demeanor was enthusiastic and overly polite when he took our order, far too chipper for a server. Then again, what did I know? I was no cheerleader behind the bar.

  “So, what do you want to know about me?” His question dragged me out of my thoughts.

  “How much longer will you be here in New York?”

  “Eleven more days. I flew in on Friday.”

  “Where are you staying?” I immediately shot the next question at him.

  “At the Mercer in SoHo.” He cracked his knuckles and rested back in his seat.

  Whoa... the Mercer. “Your musician friend must be more popular than you let on if you guys are shacked up at the Mercer.” I gave him a suspicious look.

  The waiter came to the table and set our drinks in front of us.

  “Thank you,” Nathan said to him and shifted his attention back to me. “Tyler has a following, a loyal following.”

  I paused for a moment collecting my thoughts. I found myself getting lost in his lips and his eyes, sometimes even his hands when he spoke.

  “What’s his name?”

  “Tyler Duncan,” he answered as the waiter returned, bringing our pizza.

  “You guys need anything else?” the waiter asked, still pushing hard for that big tip.

  Nathan answered n
o and thanked him, and the guy practically skipped away from our table.

  “Next,” Nathan said, slapping his hand on the table.

  “Where are you from?”

  “Sacramento, California,” he answered, chewing his pizza.

  I picked mine up and took a bite.

  “Damn, this is good.” He stretched a piece of cheese from the pizza to his mouth like a child.

  “Do you work?” I continued my questioning.

  “I do.” He answered dryly, quirking his lip up.

  “What do you do?”

  He reached out to his cup and rolled the straw between his thumb and forefinger. I had no idea what he was thinking. “I do lots of different things.” He smirked and quickly diverted my attention to other topics of conversation. Which I didn’t think twice about because well, let’s face it, I have the attention span of a squirrel.

  “Shit. It’s four already? Seriously, Nathan, you’re a bad influence, I lose all track of... well everything when I’m around you,” I admitted sheepishly.

  My guess was the waiter was eavesdropping because he was at the table in a flash, holding the check.

  “Have a great day.” He nodded politely and kept standing there.

  “Thank you,” I said.

  Nathan scooped the check off the table and as he said, “You, too,” he made eye contact with him. It was like there was something else he was thanking him for. “Hang on a sec,” Nathan said as we slid out of the booth. He reached in his back pocket for his wallet.

  “I got this!” I reached over, trying to grab the check from him playfully.

  “That’s not going to happen.” He shook his head. He pulled out two twenties and handed them to the waiter. “Keep the change.” He smiled and took my hand. The bill was $21.50.