Guilt Ridden

by Marie Johnston

  Travis let out a slow breath of relief, but his concern didn’t dissolve. “This day is your day, Dillon. I don’t want it to be about me. Kami and I will deal with any issues that come up. These last few weeks with her—” Travis tried not recall her sprawled on his floor with him prowling up her body, “—have been really good. I’m in a good place, and I just want it to keep improving. We can’t do that in secret.”

  He’d gone home after work. Kami had been there. They’d talked and laughed, had sex. These last few weeks were a dream come true, and he’d had to keep it all to himself.

  Until he had to talk to his family. He hadn’t told either Mom or Dad about his budding relationship. He’d mentioned he had a date, that an old friend was going with him, but no details. When his sister Brigit got home, she’d dig until she was satisfied with her knowledge of this “old friend,” and no one knew if Justin was going to make it back for the wedding.

  “This might be Dillon and Elle’s big day,” Cash said, “but it’s kicking off a stream of weddings.”

  “We’ll all be lucky if Brock and Josie invite us to their nuptials.”

  The other two snorted in agreement.

  Cash adjusted his hat. “Did your mom ever hit you up with potential dates for the wedding?”

  Travis groaned. “No.” That scared him more than if she’d had. The hurdle of getting them to accept the daughter of their cantankerous neighbor was high enough, but to fend off his mom’s ideas of perfect mates was an unknown obstacle. He’d left for college and then met Michelle. Mom hadn’t needed to set him up.

  How tenacious was she going to be?

  Dillon scuffed his boot against the ground. “I’m guessing since you’ve been skipping around the farm that Kami made your day when she said yes?”

  Travis grinned. Today was the day they went officially public. He could show her off, dance with her, and finally feel what it was like to be a real couple with her. His family would have to take them seriously no matter who Kami’s parents were.

  Travis sauntered away. “Mom and Dad are going to grill me about Kami and that’s a whole ’nother mess after all the stunts her dad pulled.”

  Cash shook his head. “Old Man English was an ornery bastard. He was always on Dad about the cattle pushing his fences down. As if we didn’t repair them constantly because he never took care of them. I never understood why Pam didn’t leave his ass. He couldn’t have been a good husband. Or father.”

  Travis scowled. Kami had never delved into the subject. She’d been a daddy’s girl, but that didn’t mean he’d been warm and nurturing.

  Dillon tsked. “You mean like why she was always looking for approval from men. We all know nothing was good enough for Mr. English.”

  “She’s not like that anymore,” Travis snapped.

  Cash and Dillon exchanged a look.

  Irritation ate at Travis. “You guys don’t know her. She’s strong, resourceful, and committed to raising her daughter.”

  “We didn’t say she wasn’t,” Dillon said cautiously. “We’re on your side, and we remember how depressed you got about being stood up. We’re happy for you, but we’re cautious.”

  Cash ducked his head. “We hated leaving for basic training because you were still a wreck and trying not to show it.”

  They were worried about him; he got that. But he shouldn’t have to convince his entire family it wasn’t a bad idea.

  He couldn’t leave without making his point. “You all found love when you needed it the most, from the unlikeliest of places.” Cash and his Army buddy’s sister. Brock and the sister of the man who’d vandalized their property. Both times, his cousins had been warned about the disaster potential. “Let me and Kami find our way.”

  Cash pushed off the pickup. “No matter what, man. We’re here for you.”

  “Got it. See you in a few hours.” So they didn’t leave on such a heavy note, he turned to Dillon. “Better go shave. She’s not marrying a lumberjack.”

  “She likes the whiskers,” Dillon replied.

  Travis chuckled and climbed into his pickup. The trip home was only a few miles away. A rental car was parked by his barn.

  Mom and Dad. Brigit wasn’t at the house yet. Good. One inquisition at a time.

  “Hey, guys,” he called as he walked into his house.

  “I’m in here.”

  He entered the kitchen. Mom was tucked into the fridge, rummaging around. His stomach circled into a knot. He knew what she’d find in there—and that she’d ask.

  She straightened with an armload of containers. Inspecting one, she set the rest down on the counter. “Are these still good?”

  “Yes.” He didn’t offer any more info.

  “I have to admit, I’m a bit surprised. I told your dad we should stop and pick up a few things, but he said we could always run back to town.” She grinned at him. “I think he forgets what a commute it is from here to a grocery store. In Phoenix, they’re all over.”

  He’d never get used to his parents wandering around in khaki shorts and polo shirts. They used to be all blue jeans and work boots, but once Dad golfed for the first time, he was lost to their new way of living.

  Mom opened the container and sniffed.

  “That’s from Thursday. I swear you won’t get sick.” Kami cleaned out anything he hadn’t eaten within a few days to make room for more. Rarely had he left any food behind.

  She popped the lid of another container. “Meatballs?”

  “Meatball subs. They were delicious.”

  She glanced at him. “When’d you start cooking?”

  Here it goes. He might as well lay it all out there before he arrived at the wedding with Kami on his arm. “I’ve been helping Kami Preston with her mom’s property. She insisted on repaying me, but I’d feel like a crook taking her money. We settled on food.”

  “Preston? Oh…Kami English.” The surprise wasn’t unexpected, and he waited for the rest. “She comes here and cooks?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you two…eat together?”

  “Yes, Mom. We’ve started seeing each other.”

  “Oh.” She stared blankly at the food bins in front of her.

  “I know. You’ve had problems with her parents, but that’s all in the past.” He leaned against the doorframe, waiting on Mom’s judgment. Because it’d always been important to him.

  She nodded slowly. “Umm…how serious are you two?”

  “I’d like it to go somewhere.”

  “She has a kid, right?”

  “Kambria. She’s ten.”

  “And what does she think?” Mom’s voice was carefully even. He couldn’t tell where she was going with her questions.

  “She doesn’t know. I’ve taken her riding, but that’s it. Kami doesn’t want her to know, wants to be sure of us, but I’m hopeful. She’s my date today.”

  Mom blinked at him. Her bright hazel eyes brimming with astonishment. “Oh. That was fast.”

  “It only seems fast because you weren’t here.”

  Mom gingerly set the container of meatballs down and faced him. “What do you two have in common?”

  Mom had loved Michelle. Each time Michelle had called it off, his mom’s heart cracked just a little. She’s such a smart girl. She’s so driven. So down to earth. I think you both work so well together.

  His traitorous mind clicked through all the places in the house they’d had sex. Not an appropriate answer to what they had in common. He shouldn’t have to cover the same ground with his mother that he’d had to go over with Kami. He enjoyed her company—clothes on or off.

  “I see.” Mom grabbed three plates from a cupboard and smacked the meatballs onto one. She banged open the microwave and slid the plate inside. The click of the door shutting rang across the kitchen.

  “Something smells delicious.” Dad breezed into the room, giving him a clap on the shoulder as he passed. “Hey, I like what you did with the west quarter. That corn is huge. What’s the seed?”r />
  “It’s a hybrid that I’m testing for a company out of Sioux Falls.”

  Mom’s back was to him, but her words were clear. “Travis is seeing Earl English’s daughter.”

  Dad’s brows lifted. “Kami English?”

  “Preston.” Did no one pay attention to her getting married, or did they assume it wouldn’t matter?

  “That’s right.” Dad gathered utensils and exchanged a look with Mom. People did that a lot around him.

  His mom sighed and looked over her shoulder. “She lost a husband. You lost—”

  “I get it,” he said tightly. “But we’re both allowed to move on.”

  “I’m not worried about Kami moving on.”

  “Mom!”

  Mom crossed her arms over her chest. “I remember how devastated you were when she stood you up. And not more than a year after that, she was married.”

  “We were kids.”

  “What your mom is saying…” Dad exchanged a look with Mom.

  Travis pushed off the wall. “We’re both allowed to grow up, and we’re both allowed to move on.”

  “Well, I talked to Sheila Yager to see if we could meet for coffee while I was here. You remember her daughter, Amelia? She’s a pharmacist in town.”

  Drop it, Mom. “I do. I’m not interested.”

  “You might find that you two have more in common. I put in a good word. Amelia’s around all weekend. She’s a pharmacist.”

  Frustration churned in his gut. “You said that.”

  “You should think about it.”

  “Why? I’m a farmer; she’s a pharmacist. What are we going to talk about over dinner? How antibiotic supplemented feed correlates with the incidence of antibiotic resistant organisms infecting humans? Should I ask her for the flu shot and out to a movie, and then comment on how many calves I helped Cash vaccinate?”

  Mom blinked. “Yes. Exactly. Try asking Kami English those questions and see how long you two can talk.”

  “Wow, Mom.” He left the kitchen, his appetite gone.

  “Just think about it is all I’m asking,” Mom called. “How’s your next computer game coming?”

  His shoulders tensed. “I haven’t been working on it.”

  “But you had the design all planned out. Haven’t you started programming? I told everyone in Phoenix that you’d have it ready by the end of the year.”

  “I’ve been busy. I gotta shower.” Veering into his room, he swung the door shut after him. Sinking onto the edge of his bed, he released a long sigh.

  Well, that was over with.

  ***

  Kami turned to the left. To the right. And back.

  How the hell was someone supposed to dress for a wedding?

  She’d been too deep in kid-raising—and she’d never been invited. Keeping girlfriends had been hard. Impossible after she moved. Right when she was creating solid friendships, or so she thought, Ben died and they’d drifted away after a few consoling words.

  The excuse that she was essentially new to town worked for a while. Now a year had passed and she was still friendless.

  Her coworkers helped her stay sane, but they were as interested in socializing as they were in underwater basket-weaving.

  When she’d gotten married, she walked down the aisle in her mom’s dress. An ivory, off-the-shoulder sheath dress.

  Mom had worn the dress and Dad had died. Kami had worn the dress and Ben had died.

  After she’d moved back, she and Mom had a special bonding moment when they’d burned that dress. Kambria had asked what they were toasting to. A better beginning.

  She grimaced. None of her reminiscing was helping now.

  An A-line sleeveless dress with a muted floral pattern. Not too flashy, not too bright. Not white. Not black. A pair of strappy sandals and she’d kill it.

  Chewing on her lip, she studied her reflection. She’d had to buy a new outfit. The only dress she owned was the one she buried Ben in, and she cried whenever she looked at it. It’d get incinerated in the next bonfire.

  She was going out. With Travis Walker. His family and the whole town would know.

  Oh god! Mom!

  She found her phone and dialed. As soon as her mom answered, she let her news spill out. “I’m going on a date with Travis Walker and I really like him.”

  Silence greeted her. “And you think I’ll be pissed.”

  “Yes.”

  Mom sighed. “I’m not thrilled about his parents, and if Travis ever treats you like they did us, then I’ll have a problem. Until then, you’re and adult and he’s not Austin, so go on. Have fun.”

  She held a hand to her forehead. Was it a sign she was growing up or regressing when she asked for her mom’s permission? No, it’d been more of a blessing.

  She jumped at the knock on the door. Travis.

  She rushed to answer the door, pausing to step into her sandals.

  Oh shit. The tags were still on. She’d forgotten.

  “Just a minute.” Stupid price tag. She ripped it off and stuffed it into the trash. It shouldn’t be a big deal if Travis new she’d had to do an emergency shopping trip. Until yesterday, she could’ve sworn that she was going to cancel.

  Ending the night in Travis’s arms and then sneaking home to an empty apartment had her pondering what she was getting into. The wedding was a turning point. She’d arrive on Travis’s muscular arm knowing every inch of what he looked like naked. They’d mingle. His family would have to talk to her. If they didn’t, then she’d know there was trouble in their future.

  But if the night was enjoyable and maybe even not awkward, she and Travis could be the real thing. A couple.

  And she’d have to tell Kambria. Would her personality switch like it had on Austin?

  That wasn’t a worry for tonight.

  She feathered her hands over her hair to tame any strays. Her long locks hung in a sleek wave. She patted her dress down for no damn reason.

  Open the door!

  She whipped it wide.

  Travis’s extremely capable lips curved into a smile and his gaze licked her from head to toe.

  “You’re stunning.”

  Her face warmed. Because day-um. Put the man in a black pair of jeans with shiny black boots… Her heart stammered. Cowboy boots, not his usual work boots. His crisp white button-up shirt draped over his wide shoulders and set his blue eyes aglow.

  “Do you have a hat to go with those boots?” Her voice nearly shook.

  His eyes sparkled with humor. “We don’t do cowboys hats. They don’t fit in the tractor. And we don’t do sport coats, either, because it’s over eighty degrees.” He held his arm out. “Ready?”

  If she said no, it’d ruin the night. She and her belly full of raving butterflies would endure.

  “Did your family make it down okay?”

  His bicep flexed under her hand. She glanced at him, but his expression was neutral. “They’re here. Justin rolled in a few minutes before I left. Late as always. Brigit stayed in town to meet up with friends before the wedding. Mom and Dad are at the church already.”

  Yay… Everyone would be there. This could be a giant debacle, or a really great night.

  He led her to his pickup. The midnight blue paint sparkled under the sunlight. Freshly washed. When they were both inside, her stomach lurched as he threw it in drive.

  The church was on the other side of downtown, but it was Moore, and the trip took about five minutes. She steadied her hand on the door. Her nerves made her want to jump out and run back to her apartment.

  When had she ever been nervous for a date?

  He offered his arm again. She cradled her hand in the crook of his elbow and they walked up the sidewalk to the arched wooden doorway of the hundred-year-old stone church. One side of the door opened. A young woman swept out, her hand on her forehead.

  “Something wrong, Brigit?”

  Kami looked closer at the girl. That was Travis’s sister? She was a good five years younger than them
and would’ve barely been a teenager when Kami last saw her. Gone was the ruddy-faced little girl with wild hair that bested a brush on a normal day. Brigit Walker was a few inches taller than her, with a full, curvy body and short, styled hair that was dyed the softest shade of lavender.

  She dropped her hand. Brigit won the body lotto and hit the looks jackpot. Keen eyes latched onto her and Travis. At first they seemed blue, but a ring of yellow around the irises made them impossibly bright. Kami used to wish her eye color was as vibrant instead of wet dirt-road brown.

  “Nope, it’s all fine. Kami, hi.” Brigit stuck her hand out. “Remember me?”

  Kami gave it a quick shake, some of her nerves fading at Brigit’s open greeting. “Of course. I can’t forget the girl who brought a frog onto the bus.”

  Brigit’s eyes widened, like the memory hit her out of left field, then she grinned, her mega-watt smile blinding. “It wasn’t bringing the frog on the bus that was the issue, it was losing it.”

  Travis chuckled. “If only a frog was the tamest thing you tried to bring.”

  Brigit waved toward the church. “They’re all inside. I’ll be back in a bit.” She wandered away.

  They entered the church. Kami blinked. After the glare of a summer afternoon, everything was dark. She kept her gaze down and let Travis guide her to the front rows.

  “There are no assigned sides for family,” he spoke low into her ear, his breath giving her delicious shivers. “Elle doesn’t have much for family; just her dad will be here. The ceremony will be small and intimate. The reception is what they’ve invited others to.”

  They neared the group and a moment of unease disturbed her stomach. She pressed a hand to it. The reception would’ve been a better place to bring her. He was right. The sizable group was small for a wedding, and the atmosphere was more intimate and familiar than she’d anticipated.

  I can do this.

  Several pairs of eyes watched them approach. She smiled hesitantly—she hoped. It could be a grimace the way her insides were turning like she was doing round-off after round-off.

  Cash greeted her first and she could’ve hugged him for it.

  His fiancée stepped forward and introduced herself next. “I’m guessing you know everybody already. We didn’t quite get introduced at the street dance. I’m Abbi. You remember Elle?” Kami nodded. “Then you haven’t officially met Josie, either?”