Songbird

by Fristoe, Angela

  Pulling in much needed air, I screamed. He raced for the door, leaving my room just as a light in the hallway came on. Donna and Colin were there. Donna began yelling at Lance. One of her hands flew up and slapped his face. Colin came into the room, huddling in the corner as we listened to them fight.

  That's where both memories melded together and I could finally understand Colin's words. You shouldn't be here.

  I stared up at Colin. He was older and bigger, but the fury in his face was the same. Fury, not towards me, but his father and what he'd tried to do to me. I felt my stomach lurch and ran to the bathroom, barely making it before my lunch came back up. I could feel Lance's body pressed to mine, feel his slimy tongue on my lips. I hurled again, until there was nothing left. I collapsed on the floor, tears sliding down my cheeks.

  “I'm sorry,” Colin said. “I didn't know how else I could help you. I was so scared.”

  “How did you know?”

  “Keri. She was my older sister. Just before she died, I heard some noises in her room. I went to make sure she was okay. I saw him. I wanted to kill him, but I didn't know how. She committed suicide two days later.”

  “Where is he now?”

  Colin looked at me. Fear replaced the fury in his eyes. “I don't know.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  “He left three years ago.”

  “Why?” People didn't run without reason.

  Colin sank onto the floor beside me, and rested his elbows on his raised knees, plowing his fingers through his short hair.

  “After you left, Mom wouldn't take any more foster kids. Dad went into some counseling. Then three years ago, they took in another girl, Samantha. She looked a lot like you, tall, blonde, and skinny. But she was younger, only seven. It took me a couple days, but I finally worked up the guts and told a teacher. With you, I didn't know what I was supposed to do.”

  “You were trying to protect me.”

  “Yeah, and I did a piss poor job of it.”

  “You got me out of there.” My head dropped to the side, coming to rest on his shoulder. How was it possible that I'd forgotten so easily what Lance had done to me, yet the minute I'd seen Colin I'd felt I couldn't trust him. Now that fear of him was gone.

  I let my hand grasp his for just a moment in silent thank you then I pushed off the floor and went to the sink. I looked horrible. I turned on the tap and splashed my face with the cool water, wishing it could wash the memories away. I dried my face then set about vigorously brushing my teeth. All the while Colin watched me.

  “What?” I asked.

  “You're taking it pretty calmly that he's missing.”

  “It's what people like him do when they think they're going to get caught.”

  I wasn't really calm about it. I just wasn't surprised. It's what Dad did after he killed Jace.

  I could still see him standing there the gun in his hand.

  Four days after I was released from the hospital, Daddy was still missing.

  “Dani, you need to go outside,” Mama said. “The fresh air will help you feel better.”

  I was lying in my bed, huddled there with the panda bear Jace gave me for my last birthday. I shook my head. I didn't want to go out. Daddy was out there. It was on the news that I saw him kill Jace. I knew he'd be angry with me. He might come back for me. At least inside he couldn't see me.

  “Why don't you just sit on the patio, baby?”

  “He'll see me.” Fear caused my voice to tremble.

  Mama's shoulders sagged at my words. She didn't want to hear it. Each day she came up with some other explanation of what had happened; I had imagined it, I was mad at Daddy and just saying it for revenge. The worst reason was that Jace forced him to shoot the gun.

  “Stop it, Dani. Stop with these ridiculous lies!” She twisted the dishtowel in her hand then whipped it against her thigh. “I can't deal with this. Either go sit on the patio or I'll carry you out there.”

  My nose tingled and my throat tightened. “Fine.” I hobbled on my crutch to the door. She slid the door closed behind me and I heard the lock click. She pretended that she wanted me outside for my own good, but she really just wanted to have her drink alone. Last night, I'd seen her drinking straight from the bottle. Daddy's bottle.

  I sat in the chair, laying my crutch to the side then, using my good foot, scooted the chair into the darkest corner of the patio, a large bush sheltering me on one side, while I pressed again the apartment building. Once in my hiding spot, I picked up the crutch and rested it across my lap.

  I let my eyes drift shut, feeling the cool breeze that combed my hair. My body relaxed and I could almost hear Jace's voice in the wind whispering to me. I don't know what he was trying to tell me, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was hearing him.

  “Well, girly, I hear you've been trying to get me in trouble.”

  My eyes flew open to see Daddy standing less than five feet away. I straightened in my seat and gripped the metal bar of the crutch.

  “No, I-”

  “Shut up, you little shit. I heard all about it on the news.” He stepped closer, sunlight glinting off the gun that hung by his side. It was the same one he'd used to kill Jace.

  Panic overwhelmed me and I couldn't move. Couldn't call for help. Even if I did, who would come? Mama? She'd already been in the bottle this morning, and she'd probably finished it off by now. Even if she did come, would she even help me? Would she recognize his intent?

  “They made me say it, Daddy.”

  “I said shut the hell up!” He lifted the gun, pointing it at me. He was going to do it. He was gonna kill me. I squeezed my eyes shut, praying that I wouldn't feel any pain. I wished Jace was there to hold my hand, then decided I was glad Jace wouldn't have to see me die.

  “Ronnie Mays, drop the gun!” A voice shouted from behind the bush. Daddy froze. Our eyes met for a fleeting moment and I could see the fear and anger battling inside of him. The fear won out. He turned and sprinted up the green strip that ran between the apartment buildings.

  A police officer chased after him. Daddy looked fit, but the years of sitting on the couch with a drink in hand had taken an internal effect. Before the green strip meet the asphalt of the parking lot, the police officer had managed to tackle Daddy. I could hear the officer speaking to him, reading him his rights, just like on television.

  “You okay, Dani?” A young officer asked me, coming up after Daddy had been taken down.

  I looked up at him, my eyes wide with confusion. How was it possible for a daddy to not love his own kid? Why didn't my daddy love me?

  Dad and Lance were the same. They both hunted for weaknesses, and in the end, they both ran. Lance was just a bit luckier than Dad.

  I saw Colin's reflection in the mirror and smiled.

  “I'm not worried, at least for myself. If he were going to come back, he'd have done it already. He's not gonna come back now.”

  Dad only came back to cover his tracks. Lance had nothing to worry about from me, even if Colin looked like I should be concerned.

  “If he's been gone for three years, what makes you think he might come after me?”

  Colin stood up and walked back to the living room, leaving me to follow if I wanted my answer.

  “He went after Samantha two years ago.” He sank onto the couch, leaning back with his hands rubbing his face.

  “What happened?”

  “She was back home with her parents. After school one day, he grabbed her. She fought him and he took off when he saw some kids coming up the street.”

  The idea of Lance being free, roaming around the world, hunting, didn't bring fear for myself, but for every little girl that crossed his path.

  “Your dad probably doesn't even remember me. He hasn't even seen me in nine years.”

  “Yeah, I mean, you're probably right.” He leaned forward and rolled his shoulders. “So, you want to go to the movies tonight or tomorrow night?”

  I wanted to hug him for changing t
he subject.

  “Tonight.” The more distraction the better.

  “Great, I'll pick you up at six-thirty.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Colin arrived right on time. When the bell rang, Martha and I got there at the same moment. I shot her a look, hoping she'd let it go. She just smiled and waited for me to open the door. Refusing to get in a power struggle with her, mostly because I knew she'd win, I twisted the knob to face Colin.

  He'd dressed up. Nothing fancy, but he wore a nice clean pair of dark blue jeans and a black shirt with some Chinese symbol embossed in silver and gold. It even looked like he'd polished his scuffed boots, and he'd shaven. I hadn't even noticed that he'd needed to shave. I kind of missed the scruffy Colin from earlier.

  “Ready?”

  “Yeah, let me grab my purse.” I turned to the closet and nearly ran Martha over. I'd completely forgotten her.

  “Dani, don't you want to introduce me to your young man?” God, she sounded snotty. I wondered if she even realized when she was doing it. Probably not. She never meant to offend, but there was some kind of stick up her back that stiffened any time she was determined to get her way.

  “Martha, this is Colin. Colin this is my foster mom, Martha Thompson.”

  “Nice to meet you, Mrs. Thompson.”

  “So, how do you know our Dani?”

  “Oh, well we have English class together and we were paired for an assignment.”

  “I see. So, you must be the one eating all of my oatmeal cookies.” She smiled at his blush. “Don't feel bad. It's nice that there's someone who has the same taste as me. Reece would only ever eat the chocolate chip ones, and stuck Paul and Dani with everything else.”

  “Let's go,” I said, dragging Colin out while holding my purse in my other hand. There was no way I wanted to start talking about Reece. Once the door swung shut behind me, I glanced around. “Where's your car?”

  “No car.”

  “Then how are we getting to the theater? No way am I walking that far.”

  Instead of answering, he pointed. A motorcycle sat in front of the drive, two helmets rested on the seat.

  “Surprised?” he asked.

  “Not really. That first day you came to English class I was thinking all you needed to complete the bad boy image was a motorcycle.”

  “Well, it's only temporary. The thing is so old, it's gonna die on me, then I'll work on convincing Mom to help me get a truck.”

  “You don't like it?”

  “It's fine on nice days, but sucks when it's raining or icy. Come on, we're gonna be late if we don't go.”

  I followed him to the bike and let him strap the helmet on me. I snuck a look back at the house and was relieved to see the curtains still closed. If Paul or Martha saw me anywhere near the bike, I wouldn't even make it onto the seat.

  He climbed on, then told me to get on behind him. The ride to the theater flew by in a blur of colors as I clung to his waist, a rush of exhilaration churning inside of me.

  I'd told him it wasn't a date, but I don't think he wanted to believe me. He paid for our tickets and our drinks and popcorn. I protested and tried to pay for my share, but he refused, saying that he owed me. I wanted to tell him that he didn't, that I understood what he'd done and I forgave him, but I knew the words would only bring his father and that night back to the surface for both of us.

  The movie was great. We laughed at the same parts, groaned in unison at the jokes that went just a little too far, and for a while, I was able to leave the past where it belonged.

  We left the dimmed theater still laughing over the ending. My laugh ended abruptly when I saw Reece leaning against the wall. He'd already seen us. His expression was unreadable. When our eyes met, his face softened and for just a second, I thought he still missed me, that maybe he'd changed his mind, but before I could figure it out, the door to the girl's restroom opened beside him and Jenn exited.

  She slipped her hand into his and smiled up at him. He broke our gaze to focus his attention on her. A knife slid through me repeatedly until Colin wrapped his arm around my shoulder and led me to the exit. He didn't say anything, just gave the support I needed to walk away.

  The ride home was a little less enjoyable with images of Reece and Jenn floating through my mind. Jenn had said he'd asked her out. Why was I surprised? Possibly because, as stupid as it was, I'd still been hoping he'd take a chance.

  Colin dropped me at the house, staying at his bike instead of walking me to the door.

  “See ya Monday!” he called as I unlocked the door. I turned and gave him a half-hearted wave, my thoughts still consumed by Reece.

  When I woke up for school on Monday, it was with a certain amount of dread. I'd managed to avoid thinking about this day for an entire year.

  It was my eighteenth birthday.

  For most people turning eighteen was a wonderful event, for me it meant I was alone in the world. Martha and Paul no longer had to keep me under their roof. Not that I was worried about them kicking me out or anything like that, but it was an option that terrified me with the realization that I would have no one else to depend on. My one rock, Reece, was gone.

  When I got to my locker, Reece was there leaning on his. I couldn't avoid him. I had to get my books.

  “Hey,” he said softly.

  Ignore. Ignore. Ignore, I kept telling myself.

  “Happy birthday. Here.” He shoved a box at me, forcing me to grab it or let it fall to the floor. He walked away before I could refuse it.

  I glanced down at the small box resting in my hand, underneath was a note folded up. The way he cut and ran after giving me the gift brought back the memory of my thirteenth birthday.

  Martha and Paul had let me choose ten friends to take bowling. Reece was the only one I really wanted there, so I filled the rest of the spots with his friends.

  After bowling, we ate pizza and Reece stood up and began to tell bad jokes. When they turned a little dirty, courtesy of his older brother's filthy mouth, Martha put a stop to his stand up routine. I opened the gifts, oohing and aahing over each one, all the while aware that there wasn't one from Reece. It wasn't that I was angry, just disappointed. He hadn't even given me a card.

  I tried to hide my hurt and said my thank yous to the other kids that came as they were picked up one by one. Finally, only Reece remained. We stood there waiting for his mom to arrive. She pulled up ten minutes later. That's when Reece shoved a small box at me. I opened it up and inside found a silver chain with half a heart dangling from it. The writing was incomplete, but I knew what it should have said. Best friends.

  “I figured you'd like it. You being a girl and all.” He ducked his head. “I've got the other half.”

  That was the moment I knew, beyond any doubt, that I loved Reece more than just a friend. He ran to his mom's car before I could even say thank you.

  I wore the necklace every day, until one day last year the chain had snapped.

  Looking at the small gift, I wasn't sure what I was expecting. I gently lifted the lid of the box, ignoring the noise of students walking the halls. Inside was his half of the necklace. I slammed the lid shut, fumbling for the note.

  Happy Birthday

  When I gave you your half I meant it. I always will. Maybe one day you'll want me to have this back. Maybe one day I'll deserve it back.

  Reece

  Chapter Seventeen

  I could have passed for a zombie the rest of the morning. During English class, I felt Colin's concerned gaze. I didn't have the energy to respond to any of his whispered attempts to gain my attention. My eyes followed Mrs. White with an unfocused stare, her words flitting through one ear and out the other.

  Every ounce of concentration I had went towards preventing the flood of tears that threatened to explode. The note had killed me, because it was so like Reece. He was stubborn and determined, and he knew how to play dirty. Oh, I knew he hadn't meant to hurt me, but he knew how much the heart, the words, had meant t
o me. By giving me his half, he was telling me that he wouldn't pressure me anymore.

  That's what made everything so hard. If the hurt had been intentional, I could have shoved the necklace into my locker and moved on, but this...the note...My nose tingled, a signal that the tears were winning.

  I quickly raised my hand, anxious for escape.

  “Yes, Ms. Mays?”

  “I need to use the restroom.”

  Mrs. White raised an eyebrow. She had a no leave policy while she lectured. During independent time, we were free to come and go, but to get up while she spoke was a crime in her opinion.

  “Ms. Mays, you know the rules. Class will be over in ten minutes, surely you can wait that long.”

  “It's an emergency.”

  She sighed, pursing her thin lips, and gave an irritated nod of her head. I must have looked as bad I felt if she was willing to let me leave. Reece had tried every trick he knew to get out of her lectures last year and never made it. He'd always chicken out when her eyebrow popped up.

  I rushed out of the room and headed straight for the restroom. I pressed my back against the door, stuck my hand in my pocket and pulled out Reece's half of the necklace. Letting it dangle in front of me, the light glinted off the sterling silver, flashing before me. Was it possible for me to move on? Was this how Kayla had felt with Jace gone?

  When Kayla had lain next to me in the park and told me she had to move on, I'd been devastated. Her moving on meant I was left behind with Jace. I didn't see her again for almost eight years.

  It was a few days before I'd gone to the Valentine's Day dance with Reece. Martha and I were at the mall, shopping for my dress.

  “Let's grab something to eat, then we can go to Macy's,” Martha suggested.

  “Sounds good,” I said, relieved to have a bit of a break. Martha was in one of her power moods, moving like it was Black Friday, and yet spent all day there like the stores would never be open again. She moved quickly through the crowd, swinging her hips in a natural flow that I tried to emulate.