Songbird

by Fristoe, Angela

  “Is Reece here?”

  “Yeah, let me get him. Come on in.” I left him in the doorway and nearly ran to get Reece.

  “Gregg's here,” I said as he looked up at me.

  “What? Did he say why?” He put his books down and led the way back to the door. I didn't say anything, just followed behind him.

  “What's going on?” Reece asked as soon as Gregg came into view.

  “Get your stuff.”

  “Why?”

  “Tessa's been in an accident. She's at the hospital.”

  “Is she okay?” Reece grabbed his coat.

  Gregg didn't respond, but the slight shake of his head and the tightening of his lips said it for him.

  Reece and Gregg took off and I stood frozen at the door. I'd met Reece's older sister, Tessa, a few times. She was almost ten years older than us, but had been real nice whenever I'd gone over to their place.

  Four hours passed before the phone rang. Reece's number flashed across the screen. I grabbed it up, praying that Tessa was okay.

  “Hello?”

  “She's dead.” His voice was empty, and my heart ached for him. “I don't...”

  The line went dead as he hung up.

  I needed to be there for him, but I couldn't ask Martha to take me. She would say it's a family time and that he had his parents, but Martha didn't know his parents. I quickly made up my mind on what to do.

  I went into the living room, where Martha and Paul sat watching the evening news.

  “I'm gonna head to bed,” I said, then gave them each a kiss on the cheek.

  “It's a little early for you, isn't it? Are you feeling all right?” Martha asked, knowing my night owl tendencies.

  “I'm fine. I just have an important test tomorrow on symbolism in Wuthering Heights. I'll probably leave early tomorrow morning just in case.”

  “Well, goodnight then.”

  I forced myself to walk down the hall to my room. Once inside, I changed into a pair of black pants and a dark t-shirt. Paul and Martha weren't the type to check on me at night, so I didn't bother with making it look like I was in bed. I switched off my light and then went to the window, slid it open and climbed out. It was a benefit of a first floor bedroom that I'd never taken advantage of.

  Ten minutes later, I stood on the east side of the Tyler property. I found Reece's window and tapped lightly. The light was out, so I tapped again a little harder. I was about to give up when the curtain twitched, then flew back as Reece appeared. He pushed open the window and I wriggled my way through into his room.

  He was pale and his eyes were hollow and dry. He sat down heavily on the edge of his bed, his arms hanging useless by his sides.

  “She's gone. I can't believe it. I just talked to her a couple days ago. She was going to take me up to Breckinridge next weekend so I could teach her to snowboard.”

  I didn't say anything. I knew all too well that words did nothing to comfort the heart and soul when you realized a major piece of you was gone. Instead, I stepped forward until I stood right in front of him and wrapped my arms around his head. It took only a minute before his arms locked around my waist and his head pressed into my belly.

  His entire body shook at the strength of his sobs. His mom should have been the one holding him, but she was always too busy. I doubted she'd even thought about how Reece was feeling. No, she'd be more concerned with what color of flowers she should order so that they didn't clash with the outfit she would wear to the funeral.

  We stayed in that position long past the time my leg muscles began to cramp. Finally, he released me, turning away to hide the tears staining his face. He went into his bathroom and I fell onto the bed, my legs so sore from the uncomfortable way I'd been standing. I glanced at my watch and was surprised to see I'd been there over an hour.

  When he came back into the room, he looked better, like he'd been able to release some of the anguish. I could remember that feeling only too well. When he sat beside me, I let my arms go around him again.

  At some point that night, we fell asleep holding onto each other. For Reece it was about the loss of his sister. For me it was about giving back to Reece what he had given me for years. Unconditional friendship.

  Looking at him now, I felt an overpowering sense of loss. Our friendship had died, but its death hadn't been a natural progression. It had been killed by my need to be with him in all ways.

  He opened his locker only inches from me.

  “Dani, let's go. We'll be late for English,” Colin said, taking my arm.

  I ignored his words and his touch. Every part of me focused on Reece and the misery emanating from him.

  “Hey,” I said softly.

  He glanced at me from the corner of his eye and gave a slight nod.

  “Is everything okay?”

  He snorted at my question, still not facing me.

  “Reece...”

  He spun to face me. “Don't. Don't pretend you care if there's something wrong with me.” He went back to pulling books from his locker, and then turned back to me. “You want to know what's wrong? My parents are getting a divorce, Gregg has cancer, and my best friend has decided I'm no longer worth her time. So no, everything is not okay. You told me to leave you alone and I'm trying, but...never mind. Forget it.”

  He slammed his locker shut and stalked away. Colin grasped my hand in a comforting grip. I looked down at our hands. I didn't need comfort. Reece did. He'd stood by me though so many things, never letting me doubt the strength of his loyalty. Could I really let him go through this alone?

  I slipped my hand from Colin's and followed Reece's path.

  Chapter Twenty

  “Reece!” My cry went unheard as it blended with the calls and normal chatter of students making their way to class. I ran after him, closing the distance between us.

  He pushed through the exit at the end of the building, and the door slammed closed behind us as I followed him out into the cool autumn day.

  “Reece!” Outside the noise of the busy halls faded and my cry carried on the wind to reach him.

  He stopped, turning back to watch my approach. His hair feathered in the breeze. Once I stood in front of him, every intention I had dissolved in the overpowering urge to cry for what was lost and how much I wanted that back.

  “I'm sorry, Dani. I shouldn't have yelled at you.” He sat down on a bench under a large white oak tree, which despite its name was covered with red leaves hanging onto the branches with tenacity, resisting the call of gravity.

  “I just don't know what to do.” Confusion laced his words.

  “Tell me what's going on.” I hugged myself, wishing I'd grabbed my coat before coming out.

  He hesitated and I knew he didn't want to look weak in front of me. His dad had drilled into him that weakness was not an option. Reece didn't quite fit the mold his father tried to conform him to, but it was still an idea he struggled with. The outburst in the hall meant things must have been really bad at home.

  “Gregg was having night sweats and lost a lot of weight, so he went to the doctor a couple weeks ago. They ended up doing a bone marrow biopsy on Tuesday. They're pretty sure it's leukemia.”

  “Oh God, Reece, I'm so sorry. How's he doing?”

  “He's taking it pretty hard. He's going in on Monday to figure out his treatment options, it all really depends on the kind of leukemia he has. He's scared.”

  The words so am I went unspoken, but came through in the tremors in his voice.

  “Mom and Dad decided this would be the perfect time to announce they're getting a divorce. I can't believe they'd do this now. Gregg's trying to deal with...Mom is going to Cabo for a vacation to get away from Dad and Dad is heading to New York for work to get away from Mom.”

  Which left Reece there for Gregg.

  “How can they be so frigging selfish? I can't do this.” He leaned forward and covered his face with his hands. “I'm going to have to take him to his appointment on Monday. I can't let him do
that alone.”

  His body rocked with a sob and I did what I'd done when Tessa died. I held him. His arms gripped my waist and I let my hand run through his hair. The other hand rubbed circles on his back. Anger flooded me. His mother should be doing this. How could she leave not just one son to deal a diagnosis of cancer, but two?

  Mrs. Tyler and my mom were two of a kind.

  There were times when my mom cared, but they had faded quickly over the years, replaced by a sad and pathetic woman whose primary concern was where her next drink was coming from.

  “Are you sure you want to see her?” Reece asked as we stood outside the fast food restaurant.

  Mom had called the day before. I didn't tell Martha or Paul. The last time I'd gone to see her, I came home in tears after listening to her justify Daddy killing Jace yet again.

  This time I decided to meet her after school. I told Martha I was going to Reece's place to do homework that day. Reece rode the bus with me to meet her.

  I could see her through the window, standing in line. She glanced around and caught sight of us. Her hand waved frantically and she smiled. It was a good day for her.

  “No, but it's too late to change my mind.”

  We went through the door together, found a booth, and slid in beside each other. Mom made her way over with a tray of food. She sat down across from us.

  “Baby, I'm so glad you came.” She waited for me to say something, but I couldn't think of anything. I sure wasn't glad I came. Every time I saw her like this, it reignited the tiny flicker of hope I had that this time she'd love me more than the bottle.

  “So, is this your friend Reece?”

  “Yes, ma'am,” he said with a politeness his mother had drilled into him. His hand extended towards her for a formal shake.

  “Well, it's very nice of you to come with Dani.” She turned her attention back to me. “I thought we'd go see Jace today. His birthday is coming up. The cemetery is only a short walk from here.”

  She looked expectant and I didn't know what to do. I felt frozen under the weight of her gaze, her hope. Beneath the table I felt Reece's hand wrap around mine, squeezing to let me know I'd be all right. Reece was with me. I didn't have to worry about what she might do. He would protect me.

  “I'd like that.”

  She smiled like Mama from years ago.

  Fifteen minutes later the three of us left the restaurant and started on the short walk to the cemetery.

  The cemetery was a contradiction. The vibrant green grass and bouquets of brightly colored flowers were at odds with the emotions that stirred in me. Jace's grave was at the far end of the grounds and we walked down the gravel path lined with headstones.

  His grave was marked not with a traditional headstone, but with a simple gray plaque that lay flat in the rich grass.

  Jace Ronald Mays

  September 30, 1984 - August 23, 2001

  I hadn't been here since the burial. When you're going from foster home to foster home, no one remembered things like visiting a brother's grave. Martha and Paul probably would have taken me, but I didn't want to be alone there. The grass was growing tall and covered part of the inscription. I fell to my knees, and frantically pulled at the grass.

  Reece knelt on the other side, tugging at the grass nearest him. I glanced at him, seeing the pity in his eyes.

  “He wanted to play pro-baseball. He was going to go to college and he told me one day he'd get married and have a baby girl just like me.”

  Mom came up behind me and stroked my hair. I turned my face up to see hers.

  “It's not fair. It's not fair.”

  “I know, baby.” She pressed my head to her belly and held me gently. She was my Mama again and I felt safe in her arms.

  “Why? Why did he do it, Mama?”

  Her hands stilled at my words and I gazed up at her. Her face was a mask of resignation. Her arms fell from me and her eyes lowered to Jace's grave.

  “I wish you'd talk to your father. He didn't mean to hurt Jace.”

  I stared at her in astonishment. Was she really standing here at the foot of Jace's grave and trying to justify Daddy's actions? Tears fell in rivers down my cheeks.

  Reece pulled me from the ground. Reece led me to the bus stop. Reece cradled my head as I cried on the ride home and Reece was the one who told Martha what happened. I wish it had been the last time he'd done it, but over the years, he'd held me countless times as I cried for Jace, my parents and myself.

  Now I cradled him.

  When he finally raised his face, his eyes were red and swollen, yet to me he was as gorgeous as ever, more so with his vulnerability visible. I lowered my face and pressed my lips to his. I told myself it was meant to comfort, to soothe. What it became, what it sparked in me, was anything but.

  Our mouths fused together and the desire to be nearer took over. He pressed me closer and I placed my knees on the bench on the outside of his hips. His tongue traced the seam of my lips and they parted to give him access. He tasted of chocolate and I knew he'd been giving in to his greatest weakness.

  I ran my hands down the front of his shirt loving the feeling of his muscles. I'd seen him without his shirt plenty of times, seen the six-pack he hid under his clothing. Now I was touching those muscles and tingles broke out on my skin. His hands slid down my back and pressed me closer so I could feel just how affected he was by our kiss. He groaned and my teeth caught his lower lip, lightly tugging.

  We broke apart, breathing heavily. Our foreheads pressed together. I kept my eyes shut not wanting to see regret stare back at me.

  “God, Dani. I've been such an idiot.”

  My eyes fluttered open to see him smiling. Every shard of my heart that he shattered weeks ago pieced themselves back together.

  “After the dance I panicked. I didn't want anything to change, not yet.” His hand skimmed down my back. “Then when you said you couldn't be friends with me anymore, I realized that it was too late. Everything had already changed. I miss talking to you, seeing you. I'm ready. Whatever you want.”

  Music to my ears. I kissed him again.

  “Can you come over tonight? I've got your real birthday gift at my house.” He asked as he shifted me off his lap to sit next to him. He pulled at the legs of his pants then coughed in embarrassment. I raised an eyebrow at the combination of his words and actions. “Not that!”

  I couldn't help but laugh at his outraged expression. Not that it would have been a bad birthday present at all.

  “I bought you something, but I didn't feel right giving it to you when...Anyways, I'm thinking we could go out to dinner and then a movie or maybe Trace's party.”

  “I can't tonight. Colin's taking me out.” I felt him stiffen beside me.

  “Just tell him you can't.”

  “I can't do that, Reece. Colin's been a good friend to me and he's been planning this surprise all week.”

  “So you're gonna go out on a date with him?” Anger and hurt vibrated through his voice. “I thought that's what all of this was about? You said you wanted to be with me.”

  “I do, but I promised Colin. We can go out on Saturday.”

  He stood up, frustration making his movements jerky. “Forget it. If you want to date him...well, I guess I deserve that.”

  “This isn't about getting even with you!” I said. He pursed his lips, then turned towards the school. “And it's not a date!” I cried to his departing back.

  He stopped and glanced back at me. “If you think it's not a date then you better tell Colin that, because he doesn't look at you like just a friend.”

  He left me there totally confused about what had happened. One minute I was so happy, reveling in the knowledge that he finally wanted to be with me, and the next we were arguing about Colin. And what did he mean about how Colin looked at me? Colin knew we would only ever be friends. Didn't he?

  Chapter Twenty-One

  By the time I made it back inside, I'd missed English class. I headed straight for the
cafeteria, hoping to find Reece. When I arrived in the lunchroom, his table was already crowded, but he was missing.

  I wove between the tables until I stood beside Jenn.

  “Hey,” I said. “Have you seen Reece?”

  “No, he's been keeping a low profile ever since that whole pregnancy rumor started.” She sounded subdued and I realized that had been the day he told her he didn't want to date her anymore.

  “Yeah, for a while I thought it was because he was your baby's daddy,” Trace piped in with a grin.

  “Ha-ha. I'm not pregnant.” I still needed to kill Colin for that. “Thanks,” I said to Jenn and started to walk away.

  “Hey, Dani!” Trace called out behind me. “I think I saw him heading home.”

  I nodded and left their table before my disappointment drew their curiosity. I wanted to go after him, but I had a test that afternoon and there was no way I could skip it and keep my GPA up.

  Colin waved his arm, catching my attention and I joined him. I sat down and let my head drop to the table. How had everything gotten so complicated?

  “What's going on?” Colin asked. I rolled my head back and forth, not lifting it. “What did he do?” His suspicion of Reece obvious.

  “Nothing. I just managed to ruin our friendship again.”

  “What's going on with the two of you?”

  I hadn't told Colin any of the specifics of what had happened between Reece and me. At first, it had been because it was private and I didn't trust Colin. Later on, it was because I was too focused on putting Reece behind me. Talking about it would have only reminded me of what we'd thrown away - our friendship and any chance we had of being more than friends.

  I raised my head and stared out the window beside me. “Reece and I have been best friends since fifth grade. The problem is that I've known since we were thirteen that I didn't want just friendship from him. He always tried to protect me, and support me. He was the only person that really ever chose to be there for me.”

  “What about the Thompsons?”

  “They're there for me, but they didn't choose me. I got placed with them and I'm really not sure what's going to happen after I leave for college.” I shrugged a shoulder, refusing to admit that the uncertainty in my relationship with the Thompson's was my own doing.