Reckless Mind

by Wiginton, Heather

  Fuck, the pictures were coming, Brandon just blind sided me with that shit. He knew we were coming, he did it on purpose. Chuck used to stage things the same way, like even though I got home from school the same time every day at least once a week he magically forgot that's when I got there, but since I'd shown up how about I show his client a good time. Yeah.

  Emma looked from me to Jax in shock I think. I was having trouble breathing, no matter how slow and deep I tried to drag the air into my lungs, it seemed I got less and less each time. I threaded my fingers through my hair, as I closed my eyes, willing myself to just breathe. To shut off my emotions, stop the images, and breathe. It wasn't working. Grabbing Emma's arm, because I felt like I was going to pass out, she made a move to wrap her arm around me, but my legs were giving out.

  Strong arms wrapped around me, Cole was there to catch me before I fell, and he cradled me to his chest. “You okay, pretty girl?” He smiled down at me. “This heat takes a little getting used to, you probably just need some water. Y'all want to go to the Slushy Spot over there off campus?” He asked everyone, but his eyes never left mine. I nodded in approval, and he began walking, still holding me in his arms.

  After a few minutes I told him I could walk, but he didn't agree. He told me he would compromise...he would give me a piggyback ride instead of carrying me how he was, or I could just stay put. I conceded, and he set me down for just a second so he could adjust himself to stand in front of me and squat down. Climbing up on his back, he locked his arms under my upper thighs, and I draped my arms over his shoulders and laid my head down.

  I was taking deep breaths trying catch my breath again, and I found my chest rising and falling in the same rhythm as Cole's. Not picking my head up or moving, I just closed my eyes and focused on his heartbeat, it was like a lullaby to my own. A soothing peace came over me as it seemed like my body reset to his. He smelled clean, like cool mint mixed with the aqua smell of his colonge, and I inhaled deeply.

  “You okay back there,” he asked as we walked a little bit behind Emma and Jax, for obvious reason since it seemed they were in a bit of a heated conversation. “Not that I like to admit stuff like this, but you scared me back there.” Cole tipped his head to the side to get a brief glance at me, but when he saw my head still resting on his shoulder he smiled and looked where he was going again.

  The walk wasn't long, but a couple times we'd passed girls who couldn't pull their eyes off of him. It was more than just a damn-you-are-hot look though, it was an I-have-seen-you-naked type of gaze. I was invisible, completely inconsequential, but only to the other women. Cole, on the other hand, kept looking back at me, asking me if I was feeling better or worse, and never once even acknowledged anyone but me.

  The shirt he had on was thin, and it felt almost like I was pressed right against his skin. My mind threw a few pictures at me, but Cole's thumbs were slowly grazing the skin on my thighs soothing me. Without shutting my emotions off, or feeling like I had some unexplainable force behind it like with Brandon, the images just drifted away.

  At the slushy place he eased me off his back, not the least winded, then turned to face me. He brushed some of my hair back behind my ear, and then slowly, not moving his hand away from the side of my head, and I mean excruciatingly slow, he leaned in to me. Those green eyes had me entranced, and he never broke my gaze until his full soft lips brushed my forehead. “I'm really glad you're okay, Kahlen.” He gave me a small smile, finally moving his hand from the side of my face.

  Cole's touch, his lips, they left behind a tingling that wasn't going away. It resonated with me, over me, and in me, reminding me over and over again how good it felt for someone to look at, and after, me the way he just did.

  Chapter 9

  All four of us sat at one of the picnic tables sitting outside of the slushy stand in the park. Jax looked longingly at Emma, she kept asking him what the fuck he was staring at, and that made me laugh. She sure did give him a hard time, I'd have to remember to ask her why sometime.

  Cole and I sat next to each other and every couple of minutes he would lean closer to me and playfully bump me lightly with his shoulder. I'd giggle quietly, and watch his eyes squint up at the corners when he smiled. He put the straw of his grape slushy up to my mouth, a smirk playing on his lips because I think it was more of a challenge to him, he wanted to see what I would do. I narrowed my eyes at him, took hold of the cup, my fingers brushing his, and took a drink.

  He laughed, then motioned for me to hand my cherry one over, and he never took his eyes off mine as he took the straw and drank. I don't know why, but it was turning me on. Cole was giving me attention, not overly touchy or flirtatious, and I had his undivided attention. But that was right now, what was he going to do the second him and I went our separate ways today? Would he do exactly what Brandon had ran off and done when he'd gotten scared of where he and I might be going?

  All I knew is I wanted to be friends with both of them, even Brandon. If nothing but friendship ever happened between Brandon and I, I'd gladly take the friendship alone because I knew from the moment I saw him he would be important to my life somehow, and nothing has changed my opinion about that.

  I felt similarly about Cole right now. I had no intention of dating him, but I would be upset if we couldn't be friends, so I was going to do my best to be a good friend to him. He seemed to want to get to know me, and I wanted that too. I saw Emma wave a girl over to where we were sitting, and she had a huge smile on her face when she saw Emma.

  “Hey, Emma, long time no see,” she leaned in and gave Emma a hug. “What have you been up to? How are your classes going so far?” She was pretty...gorgeous actually, with auburn hair and deep green eyes, slender, with a warm smile. Emma said she hadn't been up to much, and then she did introductions around the table telling the girl each of our names. “Everyone, this is Becca, we graduated together last year.” Becca waved to us all, but said she had to get going, she was meeting a group of freshman in the horseshoe that she had some classes with. She wrote down her number quickly for Emma before jogging off in a hurry.

  “Alright, let's get this going, pretty girl.” Cole stood up, grabbed my empty cup, and took them to the trash. My face heated at him calling me pretty girl in front of Emma and Jax. He came back holding his hand out, and he helped me up from the bench, then held on to my hand for a little longer than necessary before letting it go.

  Jax and Cole pointed out all of the buildings they had classes in, as we pointed out ours. They told us the best days to eat at what buildings on campus, and the best way to get around when it rained. Once they did that Emma suggested splitting up so Jax could show her from building to building exactly how she needed to go for her schedule, and Cole could do the same for me. The smile on Jax's face made me smile for him, he must really like Emma. It also kept my mouth shut because I had half a mind to give Emma a hard time. I knew she wanted to be alone with Jax, but I'd let it go, I didn't want to ruin the moment. I did think Jax needed to tell Brandon to fuck off when it came to Emma though.

  “Penny for your thoughts?” Cole said, and when I blinked I realized Emma and Jax were gone, I was staring at the space they'd been occupying.

  “I was thinking Jax should tell Brandon to fuck off,” Cole laughed so loud, several people turned to stare. He wanted to know why, so I continued, “Well, he clearly likes Emma. Clearly. Yet for whatever reason Brandon has an issue with the two of them being together. I just don't get it. I mean they are obviously close, Brandon and Jax, they live together and seem like best friends. Why would he be like that to the both of them?” Shaking my head it just didn't make sense to me.

  “Sometimes friends go through shit and it changes them, no matter how hard they try to keep it what it was, it just isn't, you know?” Um, no. No, I didn't know. But I nodded my head anyway, because it seemed like either he had been through something like that, or he knew they had, and I wasn't big on hearing other people's business unless it was directly from
them.

  My schedule was pretty easy, and I felt relieved at all the things Cole told me about campus as we walked around. We headed back to my apartment, and as we passed by two buildings sitting pretty close together, all of a sudden Cole's fingers were around my wrist, and he pulled me between the buildings, pushing my back against the wall. Tucking a piece of hair behind my ear, he leaned his forehead against mine, taking a deep breath. His eyes swam with emotion as he looked down at me.

  “I,” he licked his lip, and worried his lip ring with his teeth. “You mean something to me, Kahlen. I can't figure out how to put it into words, but I want you to know that this,” he motioned between the two of us. “It's more to me than what you might think. I want to get to know you, and not like I've wanted to get to know other girls in the past. You've probably heard things about me, and I won't deny it, but that's not what this is.”

  His eyes searched mine, I could tell he meant every word he said. Understanding he needed confirmation I understood what he meant, I ran my fingertips down his jaw, and he turned his face into my hand. “Okay,” I whispered. “But you have to understand I'm not promising anything, Cole. I want to be friends with you, but right now that is all I can give you for a lot of different reasons.”

  “Any of those reasons happen to be Brandon?” The breath I took in could be heard in the silence between us. I wasn't going to lie to him, I wasn't going to be a person who lied to people just to keep them interested, to drag them along. So, I nodded, but didn't say anything else. “I thought so,” Cole nodded his head before continuing. “I care, but it won't stop me. I know I'm the better choice for you, and I'm not going to prove it by pushing what I know we have in his face. You'll see, Kahlen. I'll prove to you I'm the better man for you.”

  Well, shit.

  “I'm not running to or from either one of you. I'm offering both of you my friendship. I feel connected to Brandon in a way I can't explain, but that doesn't mean I don't want to be friends with you.” He nodded in understanding, and a look of determination pooled in his eyes. I knew he heard what I said to him, but I also knew he meant what he'd said about proving it to me. Taking both my hands in his, he stood staring at me. He wanted to kiss me, it was written all over his face. Instead, he slowly let go of my hands, and nodded his head for us to get going.

  Cole kept his hands to himself the rest of the walk to my place. I thanked him for helping me today, and his dimple was so damn sexy when he smiled in return. He messed with his lip ring again, then too quick for me to stop it even if I wanted to, and so gentle I almost didn't feel it, he bent down and placed a kiss on my cheek. I stood there a little in shock I think, and he laughed as he walked down the stairs.

  When I had my apartment door almost shut I heard yelling outside. I almost didn't even open the door back up, but then I heard, “Fucking hands on Kahlen?” I whipped the door back open and tore to the top of the stairs just in time to see Brandon slam his fist into Cole's face. Cole took the punch like it was nothing, spitting to the side to see if there was blood, there wasn't, but he was bleeding on his cheek bone.

  “Don't come at me like that because you're a stupid motherfucker and decided to stick your dick in some dumb bitch right when you knew Kahlen would be coming over!” Cole shouted at Brandon, pointing his finger at him and getting up in his face. Brandon shoved him back and stood there glaring at him, clenching and unclenching his fists.

  “You want to talk about me sticking my dick in stupid places? How many girls have you fucked your way through while you've been here? A fucking lot. A lot, Cole. You are a piece of shit to be doing this, you know what I...” he went at Cole again, the first punch missing his face, but the second hit him in the ribs, and I heard all the air in Cole's lungs force itself out.

  Why wasn't he fighting back?

  Why was I just standing there like an idiot?

  Brandon kept going at Cole, but Cole wrapped his arms around him to hold him. “You know what happened, man. Why the fuck would you do this to me? I told you last night to stay away from her.”

  “And then I walk in on you fucking some stupid girl. She deserves better than that. She deserves better than the both of us,” Cole said as he shoved Brandon away from him. “But I haven't hooked up with a girl since I met Kahlen, and I don't plan on hooking up with anyone else. More than I can say for you, fucker.” And then Cole swung, hitting Brandon in the jaw, and Brandon was spitting blood.

  I ran out to the both of them, putting myself between them, palms on either of their chests. “You two back off each other, now. I don't know what the hell is going on out here, but one minute I'm shutting my door, the next I hear screaming and come out to find the both of you beating the shit out of the other.”

  Cole put his hands up in surrender in front of him as he slowly backed away closer and closer to the parking lot where his car was. I know he was hit more, but it looked like Brandon was worse off. Looking at Cole, his eyes begged me to understand that he wouldn't do something like he did unless he thought Brandon deserved it, and I know why he thought he deserved it. It was for the girl on the pool table when I walked into the apartment earlier. I couldn't say anything to him right now though. Too much of the last few years of my life were spent at the end of someone's hand, fist, shoe, belt...everything seemed pointless to me if it ended in a fight.

  I turned away from Cole to face Brandon. “What you did just then, you were wrong.” I got really close to his face, pointed my finger at him, “You think you have everything figured out, but you don't. You think you have it all figured out with Cole and I, but you don't. And you think you know me, I can tell by the way you look at me that you know I'm fucked up some how, but you don't know me at all.” I swallowed before pushing him out of my face. “And you know why you don't know me, Brandon? Because you won't take the chance. You're too caught up in the past, and yeah, I think I know a little about you too, enough to make that assumption anyway. I'm here to move on from my past, while you're still finding excuses to stay stuck in yours.”

  Walking away from him after getting all of that off my chest felt good, but it broke my heart, and a few stray tears escaped down my cheek. I wiped them away roughly as I climbed the stairs back to my apartment. What. The. Fuck. I mean, seriously. Just when I thought things couldn't get any more messed up, there came that smack across the face to prove me wrong.

  I was bent over the back of the couch, head in my hands, trying to breathe through all the pain. Not only could I see them hitting me with the multitude of items them chose to punish me with, but I could feel the physical pain. It was a wonder I was able to hold it together enough to get up to my apartment before I lost it.

  Beating my fists into the couch, I grabbed a pillow and screamed. I let it all out, every bit of hurt, pain, and emotional hold the images running through my head had on me. Then I cried, absentmindedly stroking different scars that littered my body.

  Moving over the back, I just sat. I thought about everything I had gone through, before I moved here. The abuse...verbal, emotional, physical...how different was what Brandon was doing to me? He was verbally rude to me, and was toying with my emotions. Not that I thought it was anywhere close to what my foster parents had put me through, but it was wrong what Brandon was doing. I knew he had issues, knew there was some deep seeded reason in his mind he felt the need to keep pushing me away by doing horrible things to me.

  Then there was Cole, who seemingly claimed he was a bad boy sex god, but that he was changing. How did I know that was true though? The only logical thing to do in both situations was walk away or continue as their friend. Sometimes all someone needed was a person who believed in them, believed they could be better than what they were, and that would be enough. I wanted to be that for both of them.

  I knew I walked a thin line that could easily be crossed or blurred. I was attracted to both of them, physically they were both gorgeous. Brandon I had more of a raw connection to, I felt he and I had both been through though, life
altering circumstances, and because of that he could understand me. With Cole, I wanted so desperately to be for him whoever he saw that he believed was good enough to give up sleeping around and using women, but I knew he wanted me. All of me.

  I would try to be their friend. That's all I could attempt to give them right now, and I wasn't sure I could even pull that off anymore.

  Chapter 10

  The morning came too quickly. I fought with my alarm to shut it up, it won. Stretching myself out over my bed, my muscles protested at the thought of carrying me around all day, but I pulled myself up and slipped out of bed. Heat from the shower began to clear my cloudy mind, and by the time I got out I was running late.

  Quickly I pulled on some blue ombre shorts and a white tank top that had a blue exposed zipper running down the back I only zipped up enough to cover my bra. Super cute outfit compliments of Emma's closet. Pouring some coffee in my thermos cup, another alarm yelled at me that I should be walking out the door.

  My bag sat by the front door, and I locked the door from the inside and shut it. Looking down in my bag double checking I didn't forget anything as I walked toward the stairs, his hands gently stopped me. Brandon was a couple steps below where I stood and we were eye to eye with each other. He took my bag from me slinging it over his shoulder, and laced my fingers with his as he began walking to the parking lot.

  Ripping my hand out of his grasp, and grabbing my bag back from him, I stood with my arms crossed at the bottom of the stairs leading to the lot from my apartment. He turned and kept walking to his car without saying a word, leaving the passenger door to his car ajar, stopping at his door. “Please, Kahlen.”

  Even after everything yesterday, knowing how much it must have hurt me to see him with another girl, he just thought he'd show up here like it didn't matter. Well I wasn't in the mood to deal with his shit right now, trying to be friend or not.