Conflicted (The Existing Series Book 2)

by Guilliams,A. M.

  Without giving it much thought, I set out to see what the customer who entered wanted to fit in. To my surprise when I walked through the door the man that I’d seen only a week ago stood in the waiting area of the office space.

  Andrew.

  The man who wasn’t supposed to be here.

  The man who Magdalena had grieved over in my dream.

  My palms became sweaty as to what he’d be here for, but I reined in my nerves and finished walking into the office.

  Clearing my throat was the only way I could gain his attention. At the sound, he looked up from the magazine that he was holding and when he’d seen that it was me he put it down and walked over to the counter.

  “What can I do for you today?” I asked as I walked behind the counter.

  Quickly, I looked away and went to the task of opening up our computer system to book an appointment if he needed one.

  “Do you remember me?” he nervously asked.

  “I do. Andrew right?”

  “That’d be correct. Look, I know this is awkward, but I needed to come by and see you. To thank you,” Andrew replied.

  “There’s no reason to thank me. I just did what any decent person would do when you see a woman with a flat tire on the side of the road and offered to help,” I revealed as I looked up from the computer and over to where he stood mere inches away.

  “It’s not about the tire,” he whispered and looked around nervously. There’s no way he’s going to say what I think he is. I’m the crazy one here that dreamed in depth about someone I had just met.

  “Come again?” I didn’t need this today. I wanted to get things finished up here so that I could go home to pack yet again.

  “The things you said to her to bring her back to the living. Whatever they were. I feel the need to thank you. I came home from the store to a frantic as hell wife thinking I’d died. That our son had died. Seeing her like that broke me inside. The pain that she’d thought she’d endured and even now a week later she still has trouble believing that we’re alive. I’m going to go out on a limb here and hope you know what I’m referring to,” he confessed.

  I knew all too well what he was referring to. Only I didn’t know how to feel about his revelation. If I should be thankful I’m not the only crazy person or if I should get my head examined one more time to be sure that what happened had actually happened. Or not happened depending on how you looked at it. The more I thought about it, the crazier I felt. Only the feelings that I felt, that I still feel, linger in the recesses of my mind. How being in her presence made me want to live. Made me want to be a better person. I just didn’t know how he’d react to knowing all of this.

  All I could do was nod as I continued to ponder on the remnants of the dream that we’d both apparently shared.

  “She was too scared to come inside. She’s waiting for my signal that it’s okay to come in here. I don’t even begin to understand what you both experienced, but if it has her wanting to live, wanting to do more than just skate through life, I’m all for it. I love my wife that much. She’ll probably explain it better than I am right now. So if it’s okay with you, I’ll tell her to come inside. If it’s not, I’ll walk out that door and you’ll never have to worry about us again.”

  The thought of never seeing her again pulled my mind in a direction that I didn’t want to think about let alone experience. When I figured it was a dream, I felt as if I’d lost my best friend. Now knowing that she’s right outside, that her husband was willing to accept this crazy notion of a friendship, had me wanting to jump for joy. Only I knew I needed to play it cool for everyone’s sake. My emotions were all over the place at the moment with Kenzie leaving, and I longed for normalcy. Whatever that entailed. If this crazy friendship was the new normal, I’d welcome it with open arms. If only for the mere fact that Grace loved her in our dream and she deserved to have as many people in her corner to help her get through the insanity that had become our life.

  He cleared his throat and brought me out of my rapid thoughts. I turned to face him and blinked past the fast approaching craziness. He probably thought I was insane.

  “Sorry about that. I got lost in thought there for a minute. There’s nothing to thank me for honestly. When I woke up a week ago I thought I had lost my mind. And now with you here telling me all this it all seems so crazy. Even crazier than I’d conjured it up in my mind. You can tell her she can come inside. Just let me take about ten minutes to finish checking over this car, and I’ll be right back,” I stated as I started to move toward the back of the office.

  Without looking back, I headed for the confines of the bay. Ten minutes would fly by, but it’d give me some reprieve. A moment to collect my thoughts and try to piece together the bigger part of the insanity that my life was quickly approaching.

  I walked over to the car and felt a calm pass over me. There was just something about being under the hood of a car that put me at ease. Something about figuring out the complexity of a problem that filled my urge to solve puzzles. But the main reason I loved what I did was feeling the power surge to life behind an engine. Feeling the grease roll between my fingers as I brought a beast to life.

  And just like that the oil change was finished. I hadn’t even completed a full thought process and I’d changed the oil filter and added the new oil. After I checked all the components one last time, I shut the hood. Only I hadn’t wanted the task at hand to be done just yet. That meant having to face Magdalena. She wasn’t what scared me. It was what she wanted out of the whole situation.

  I walked over to the sink at the back of the bay and soaped up my hands. While I scrubbed my hands and forearms with the degreasing soap, I heard the office door ding and then the door leading out to the bays opened moments later.

  “Weston, you know there are people waiting for you out front right?” Louie, the other mechanic questioned.

  “Yeah, I just wanted to finish up this oil change really quick before the customer came back from his meeting. You all good if I go take my lunch now? There are two more cars in line for servicing. The work orders are printed and hanging on the carousel,” I instructed as I rinsed off my hands and grabbed some paper towels to dry them off.

  “You go on ahead. I got these two while you’re out,” he reassured.

  Without being able to stall any longer, I reluctantly walked toward my awaiting guests.

  Uncertainty rolled through me the closer I got to the office door. Before I pulled the door open, I shut my eyes and took a couple deep breaths to calm my nerves.

  There’s nothing to be nervous about.

  I repeated these words to myself while I focused on breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth. After I took the third deep breath, I shook off the nervous energy and walked through the door.

  Andrew sat on the chair by the door, but as I looked around I noticed that Magdalena hadn’t entered the space, or if she had she’d left.

  As if he sensed my confusion, he told me that she was still in the car.

  “I don’t know how you feel about all of this, but I’m about to walk across the street to get some lunch from the sandwich shop. You guys can join me if you’d like. It’ll be more private over there anyway,” I replied, in hopes that he understood my underlying need to get away from here while we discussed everything.

  “Sure. That’ll be no problem at all. I’m starving anyway. I’m sure Magdalena and Liam are as well,” he stated as he stood and walked over to the door.

  Before I could comment on the fact that their son was with them, he opened the door and walked toward their vehicle while I followed behind him.

  When she saw her husband approaching the SUV, she opened the door and got out. She went to the back and opened the passenger side door and moments later a very energetic toddler emerged. The moment she put him on the ground he began dancing around and talking a mile a minute. Only she took it all in stride and never once wavered in her reaction to the toddler’s excited energy. She spok
e to him and encouraged his behavior all the while holding onto his hand so he didn’t stray too far.

  She bent to speak to him and when she looked over and pointed at me I stopped my movements. I couldn’t make out what she said and I didn’t want to frighten him by just walking up to him and his parents’. Andrew walked over beside her and swooped him into his arms; the giggle that escaped him caused me to let out one of my own. That sound was music to any parent’s ears. Once she made sure that Andrew had a hold of Liam, she walked over to me, stopping mere inches in front of me.

  “Hey, Weston,” she replied as she rubbed her hands back and forth. The air was chilly and the wind only made the cold worse. The only thing protecting me from the elements was the coveralls that I had on and the beanie on my head.

  “Hey, Magdalena,” I whispered back as I looked to the ground.

  This was more awkward than I thought it would be.

  My stomach growled suddenly causing us both to laugh and break the awkward silence that loomed between us.

  “It sounds like someone needs to eat soon,” she joked.

  “Yeah, I haven’t eaten since early this morning. The place that I told Andrew about is just right across the street. If you want to head over there, we can have a quiet and warm place to talk,” I suggested.

  “Sounds like a plan,” she replied as she turned and took in the buildings across the street. Once she spotted the sandwich shop, she walked over to where her husband and son stood and gestured for them to follow her.

  We all waited for the road to clear and ran across the street before another car approached in either direction. Liam thought it was hilarious that he got to bounce up and down on Andrew’s side, causing all of us to laugh in return. Only my laughter was for nervous reasons. I didn’t know what to expect. What either of them wanted out of this. All I knew was that seeing her was so strange, yet felt just like home at the same time.

  In the dream, I gravitated toward Magdalena with this need to protect her. Make her feel safe and want to experience life. Just like I had as I watched all three of them before me. Only I didn’t remember feeling that way when we’d initially met. I knew people had insane dreams where they woke up confused, angry, sad, or even terrified. Only this dream spanned over months and involved many different scenarios. None of which would probably ever make sense.

  We made it to the door of the small sandwich shop and quickly went inside so that we could get out of the cold. The inside was small with a homey feel. There were only a handful of tables and the counter displayed cakes and muffins that I knew for a fact Sam made fresh every morning. There was also a salad and soup bar off to the right of the counter.

  They stared at the menu while I instantly knew what I wanted. It hardly ever changed from day to day.

  “I’ll have the turkey club on wheat with a side of fries and a sweet tea, Sam. And whatever they’re having,” I replied as I grinned up at her.

  “Is it ever going to change, Weston? I swear you’re going to turn into a piece of turkey lunch meat one of these days,” she joked as she walked over and poured my drink.

  After she brought the beverage back, she looked over to Andrew, Magdalena, and Liam with a strange look in her eye. Instantly, I prayed that the Sam I’d grown to know over the years wouldn’t react to the newcomers the way she usually did. Interrogation was her strong suit. That and nosiness.

  “What can I get y’all?” she asked as she waited for them to place their order.

  “We’ll have two of the same thing he ordered and a grilled cheese for the little guy,” Andrew ordered.

  She rang it all up, and I hurriedly handed over the amount. I invited them to lunch, therefore I paid. It was how I was raised.

  “You didn’t have to do that, but thank you,” Andrew replied, apparently knowing just why I’d done what I did.

  A few minutes later, Sam had all of our food on two trays and handed them across the counter to Magdalena and me, while Andrew still held Liam in his arms. Only he wasn’t as cheerful as he was moments ago. He had his thumb in his mouth and his head leaned onto his father’s shoulder. I knew that look all too well. He was getting tired. He had the same telltale signs that Grace displayed when she was getting tuckered out.

  Magdalena took the lead and walked us over to the far end of the sandwich shop. We all sat down, Andrew putting Liam in his lap, and got our food situated. Hopefully, this outing wouldn’t continue to have an awkwardness looming in the background. Once she told me why she was here, I’d feel much better about the situation. I liked to plan things. Know the outcome before it actually happened. I’d always been the need to know kind of guy. And right now I needed to know what in the world they wanted to come of this.

  After she’d cut up Liam’s sandwich into smaller squares, she sat his plate in front of Andrew so that he could eat. They both took a bite of their sandwich, but I couldn’t eat just yet. My stomach was in knots just thinking about what they’d say.

  Magdalena picked up the napkin and wiped her mouth then took a sip of her tea before she looked up at me.

  “How long of a lunch break do you get?” she asked. Not exactly what I expected her to lead with.

  “An hour,” I replied as I picked up my glass of tea just to have something to do with my trembling hands.

  She shook her head and took another bite but said nothing, causing my nerves to skyrocket. I wasn’t this person. I never felt this way until recently. Until one woman made me question everything within my life. Until I’d woken up one day and wished I could return to my dream. Because in that place, I’d already dealt with all of this grief. All of this pain. Only now, I had to face it head on. Actually dredge through the heartache to come out on the other side. Forge my own path. Make my own decisions on how to get there. And this time, I’d have to do it without having the focus of the green-eyed girl sitting before me.

  “How did you feel when you woke up?” she asked. A question I wasn’t expecting. I thought I’d at least get some basics out of the way first, but she’d decided to go with the direct approach. I didn’t know whether to be thankful or not. I attempted to swallow, but my throat felt tight at what I’d have to reveal. If I chose to tell the truth that is. No one said I had to be that upfront about what I’d experienced. That was personal. A feeling that I didn’t know if her husband would appreciate or not.

  I thought it over and decided that telling the truth should always be the way to go.

  “Honestly, I woke up and thought I was still back at my dad’s ranch. Only when I truly took in my surroundings did I realize that wasn’t the case. My immediate thought was for Grace, so I ran to her room without thinking and made sure she was safe and sound. Once I’d calmed my racing heart and eased the worry that I’d caused myself, I started to question why I was back at a place I was sure I’d left. I took in everything about the apartment and went back to my room only to be more confused than ever when I saw the person that I thought left our lives for good. I felt crazy so I picked up my phone and checked the date. Instead of feeling relieved, my head started to hurt with all of the questions that I had. That’s the reason you saw me at Dr. Harold’s office that day. How about you?” I confessed in one long breath. Only when I’d stopped talking did I allow more air into my depleted lungs.

  “Done, Daddy,” Liam announced, gaining all of our attention. He’d pushed his plate back onto the table and twisted his body so that he could lay his head back on his father’s shoulder. Andrew wrapped his arm around Liam to comfort him as he picked up his sandwich with the other. Seeing this type of affection between a father and child made me long to hold Grace in my arms. I knew she was safe with my parents’, but I didn’t want her to feel like I’d abandoned her, too.

  “I felt confused. Scared out of my mind actually. I thought I’d gone crazy seeing Andrew crouched down in front of me. It took me running up the stairs and seeing Liam for it to all feel somewhat real. Sometimes it still doesn’t feel like I’m awake. I have to kee
p reminding myself that it was all a dream. That I didn’t bury them. That they didn’t die. Sorry if that’s morbid, but that’s how I tell myself that it’s all fake. You have a daughter, right?”

  “I do. Her name is...,” before I finished she completed the sentence for me.

  “Grace,” she whispered, causing Andrew to turn his head and look over at her.

  “That’s correct,” I confirmed.

  “It’s crazy that you two actually remember and know these details about one another. Creepy even,” Andrew laughed between bites of his sandwich and fries.

  “You don’t have to tell me,” I agreed and shook my head as I finally took the first bite of my sandwich. My stomach finally felt like it wouldn’t expel the food that was put in it, and I felt safe enough to attempt eating.

  “So if that’s correct, does that mean that Mackenzie actually left you?” Magdalena bluntly asked.

  “Mags, that’s a little personal don’t you think?” Andrew warned, his voice going deeper to express the seriousness behind his statement. Immediately she looked down are her sandwich and began pulling the crust off the remaining half.

  The mere mention of that nickname caused me to flinch as a memory of the dream surfaced with her reaction to me calling her the exact same thing on a stormy night.

  “I’m sorry. My brain hasn’t yet received the memo that we don’t actually know each other. I’m just trying to understand the situation and how much was real within the dream,” she replied without looking up from her plate.

  “No, it’s okay. I was just shocked at how blunt you were. That’s not the person I remember. You were timid in the dream. Reluctant to even talk unless it was coached out of you. That was another odd part of the dream. I figured that if it was a dream, she’d deny her intentions of leaving and we’d go on about our business. I’d chalk it up to an intense dreamlike stated and forget it had ever occurred. Only when I blatantly asked her if she was going to leave, she looked guilty and didn’t deny it. In the dream, I came home to her gone. No explanation. No forwarding address. Nada. At least this time I got to tell her to leave and know she was doing it,” I revealed and picked up my sandwich to take another bite.