Conflicted (The Existing Series Book 2)

by Guilliams,A. M.

  “I’m so sorry that part of the dream came true. I hoped that it hadn’t after hearing all the other details that were correct. Is this weird for you? Seeing us and having this crazy conversation? It is, and it isn’t for me. I don’t know how to explain it. I feel connected to you for some reason. Like we were supposed to meet and be a part of each other’s lives. I’m sorry if that makes me sound like I should be committed, but it’s the truth.”

  Before I even thought about answering, I took in her revelation and contemplated turning it down. Only when I looked over at Andrew, he didn’t react to what she’d said with malice or anger. He seemed genuinely happy and content. That was the only reason I even considered revealing my answer. I didn’t need him to knock me on my rear end for telling him how I felt about his wife. Even if the feelings were strictly of the friend variety.

  I finished the piece of sandwich I had in my hand and took a sip of tea while trying to get my thoughts together on how I’d respond.

  With one final swig of tea, I took a deep breath. There wasn’t any reason to be nervous, but I was. I didn’t know these people. Not really. Yet, I’d felt like I’d known them my whole life. It gave an entirely new meaning to knowing someone you just met.

  “I know this is going to sound crazy. But when I woke up and realized that none of it had happened, I felt like I lost something vital to me. Very meaningful to my daughter,” I started, but before I continued, I turned toward Andrew and looked him dead in his eyes so he knew that I meant the next words with every fiber of my being.

  “I don’t know how much she told you, but in this dream, my daughter grew attached to Magdalena. Only the oddest part was that she took forever to warm up to someone she didn’t already know typically. However, the second she ‘met’ Magdalena all bets were off. That’s why I felt like I’d lost my best friend. I’d grown to care for her. Only in a friendship sort of way, I swear. But when I woke up and none of it had happened, I not only felt the loss for me, but for Grace,” I confessed, and hoped like hell he didn’t hit me when what I’d revealed sunk in. I also prayed that he understood that everything had been platonic and friendly.

  “So, you’re telling me that nothing ever occurred in this dream that shouldn’t have?” Andrew questioned.

  My immediate response was that it hadn’t, only he didn’t appear to be convinced.

  “Are you sure that’s your final answer?”

  “Do you know something I don’t?” I countered, hoping like hell he explained himself so I could stop sweating the bullets that were now forming.

  “So you mean to tell me that you never woke up in said dream to my wife’s shirt unbuttoned and revealing certain parts of herself that should’ve been covered?” The serious look in his eyes made me question if he’d sat there quietly all along just waiting for his moment to get the question out.

  Only I couldn’t respond. I knew the answer, but I didn’t want to confess the truth. Even though Magdalena had already told him, it seemed wrong to discuss that private moment when nothing happened. Not in that way, at least.

  My mouth opened and shut several times before I just nodded my head. No good excuse came to mind to get me out of the awkward situation he’d brought to light.

  Only when I looked down embarrassed did he reveal his true intention.

  Laughter escaped him in waves. When I looked up, he had his fist in his mouth as he attempted to contain the bouts that were trying to escape. I was confident that if Liam hadn’t been in his lap asleep that he would’ve let it all out.

  “I’m kidding, Weston. I needed to get rid of all the seriousness that was in the air. I’m sorry if that was wrong of me, but I got the impression that you didn’t know how to perceive my reactions to this situation. Do I understand it? No. To an outsider, we’d all sound crazy. But I accept it. The way the doctor explained helped, but I’ve never experienced that sort of phenomenon so I can’t begin to understand the intensity or confusion of it all. Just know that I’m not going to bite your head off at what did but didn’t occur. We’ve talked about it in grave detail and while it’s hard to hear that someone other than myself got my wife to see that some fortune teller can’t predict the future, I’m glad someone finally did. I’m glad someone got her to see that she can live without fear. Even if that someone wasn’t meant to be me. I’m not the jealous type. I never have been. I’m the accepting kind,” he confessed as he reached over and grabbed his wife’s hand and intertwined his fingers with her own.

  I wish I had that type of connection with someone. I thought I’d had just that, but was proven wrong by the one person I thought would never betray me.

  “I don’t know what y’all expect from me here? I’m more confused than ever. It was nice having this chat and all, but what’s supposed to come from it?” I asked, unable to hide what I’d really wanted to know a moment longer.

  Magdalena and Andrew each shared knowing glances back and forth leaving me hanging in the dark a lot longer than I’d liked to have.

  She let out a sigh and exclaimed that she’d like to be friends and a part of each other’s lives. Someone I’d only physically laid eyes on twice before now wanted to be in my life. All because our subconscious minds were apparently linked. How crazy is that? I swear my life felt like a soap opera with no normalcy in sight.

  “This is all just so insane. How would we explain this to the outside world?” I asked, stalling on purpose. I couldn’t care less what other’s thought. But they might and that had to be taken into consideration. I couldn’t do this just for my benefit. We all had to agree. Be a unified front.

  “We tell them we met while you changed my tire. You know the truth does wonders,” she sarcastically stated as she tried to hold in a laugh.

  “I know that, but what about the rest?” I questioned. I didn’t know if I could explain this to anyone other than my parents’ without being ridiculed for letting some strange person around my child.

  “The rest is for us to know and discuss. We don’t have to share that information unless we want to. No one has to know,” she reassured me.

  And for the first time in the past few days, I felt like something was finally going right. It would be awkward at first, but we’d get over that. I just had to come to grips that I everything I knew was true from our dream. That for once, I could skip the blah blah tactics at starting a friendship because apparently I already knew those things. To hell with it. We all forge our own path. We all make our own destinies. Who’s to say my normal is anyone else’s normal? What’s the true definition of normal anyway?

  “To a new friendship,” I toasted as I lifted the only beverage I had.

  They both followed suit and clinked their glasses with mine. All of us took sips to solidify our new found friendship.

  It finally dawned on me that I actually had somewhere I was supposed to be. Work still called my name for the next few hours and I didn’t want to go, but it was a part of being an adult. I pulled my phone from my coverall pocket and pressed the side button to illuminate the screen. Shockingly, I still had five minutes left before I was due back.

  Out of nowhere a hand swooped up my phone and a giggle soon followed. I looked up and Magdalena had a mischievous grin on her face as she tried to get into my phone.

  “There’s a passcode required,” I grinned as I stated what she apparently already knew.

  “Well, put it in so I can add my number,” she playfully demanded as she held the phone out for me to take.

  I took it back and unlocked the phone, only I didn’t hand it back to her. I went to the proper screen to add the contact and put in her name and peered up at her waiting to see if she’d tell me the information. She tapped her foot on the ground and rolled her eyes, but she finally gave into telling me her number.

  “It’s 804-432-0721,” she revealed with a huff of air.

  “Now was that so hard,” I teased as I hit save and called her phone. The ringtone sounded and then I ended the call. “Now you have m
y number, too.”

  “Call me sometime. We can get the kids together for playdates,” she suggested as she started to gather the trash.

  “I’ll do just that. It might be a bit since we’re moving, but I’ll call you after we get settled. It was nice meeting you, Andrew. Thanks for understanding all of this madness,” I stated as I held out my hand for him to shake.

  I exited the sandwich shop before them so that I could get back to work on time. As I quickly ran across the street it dawned on me. Grace and I made it out on the other side happy in the dream. Maybe, just maybe, we could make it out happy in reality.

  Chapter 7

  All of the boxes were packed. The copious amounts of items that we’d collected throughout the years had been sifted through and distributed to either the trash or donated if I didn’t see the need in keeping them. Part of me wanted to throw out everything that reminded me of Mackenzie. Then I thought about Grace and the fact that she needed those small reminders of her mother. Needed to see how much she loved her when I tried to explain it to her in the future and she didn’t believe me.

  The day after I met with Magdalena, I came home to find that Mackenzie had come by to collect her belongings. That gesture alone made the realization of this situation more final. It tore me down inside to think that this is where our life led us. I wanted to ask why. Wanted to know what the purpose of the last ten years had been if it was all meant to lead here. To the heartbreak that apparently I alone felt.

  Louie, my dad, and I had loaded the trailer and the beds of three pickup trucks. Everything was finally loaded and ready to go.

  “You guys go on ahead. I’m going to do one final walk-through and turn in the keys. There’s no point in y’all waiting around here for nothing,” I suggested as I closed my tailgate and pulled on the straps to make sure everything was secure.

  “Drive safe, son. We’ll go on ahead to the storage shed and get this stuff unloaded. I’ll have your brothers meet us so we can get it done quicker. Just head on there so you can unload yours as well. I’ve already talked to your mother and she wants us all to have a barbecue tonight, so no objections,” he said with a smile.

  “No problem, Dad. I can’t wait to have some of Mom’s home-cooked food. Louie, you staying for dinner?” I asked as I rubbed my stomach with the thought of my mother’s barbecue chicken on my mind.

  “That’s a dumb ass question. You should already know the answer to that,” he laughed as he climbed into his truck shaking his head.

  I waved them on as they pulled out of the apartment complex and deeply sighed at the thought of having to say goodbye. At having to close a chapter in my life that I was sure would never close but grow.

  Reluctantly, I turned and walked back into the empty apartment. The sound of the door shutting behind me echoed throughout the small space over and over until it disappeared.

  I stopped in the middle of the open floor plan and took it all in. Let the memories of the past three years consume me. Each one poured in as another left, leaving me open.

  Exposed.

  Raw with emotion.

  Looking over at the kitchen sink, I remembered the day she told me she was pregnant with Grace. The smile that appeared on her face as she turned from washing the dishes and just blurted it out. Once the shock wore off, that was easily one of the happiest days of our lives.

  “Can you believe we’re having a baby?” she asked as I backed her against the sink and wrapped my arms around her.

  “No, I honestly can’t. But you just made me the happiest man on the planet,” I confessed.

  The thought of the little life growing inside of her made my heart swell with pride. Joy. Happiness that I never knew existed at the mere thought of another human life coming into this world that I created.

  “I want a little girl. One who looks just like her mama but adores her daddy,” I whispered as I kissed the top of her hair.

  I brought myself out of that memory and turned to face the living room. No sooner than the memory disappeared, another one surfaced.

  “Look, Weston. Look,” Mackenzie whispered as she tried to contain her excitement and frantically pointed across the room.

  I looked over in the direction she pointed to find Grace, pulling herself up on the love seat. Every fiber of my being told me to reach out and help her. Protect her from falling and hurting herself. But somehow I refrained. She was doing just fine on her own. Being the independent little nine-month-old I knew her to be.

  Just like she’d done numerous times before, she walked sideways while holding onto the cushions. Only this time she was closer to the edge and about to run out of something to hold onto. I went to move, but a hand reached out and pulled me back, causing me to land on my ass.

  “Just watch. We’re right here if she gets into trouble,” Mackenzie beamed. The awe shone out of her as she watched in fascination as our daughter showed just how determined she was to become fully mobile.

  She had her left hand on the corner of the couch and the right waving about in the air. Then she let go. Only she didn’t fall. She stood still. Both arms held out so she could steady herself. I was more nervous than she was as I waited to see if she’d take the step or fall.

  Only she picked up her foot and put it back down. Again. And again. She had taken five steps total before she fell backward on her bottom.

  Neither Mackenzie nor myself could contain our excitement as we cheered her on and went over to express our excitement. Grace looked up at both of us and mimicked our clapping hands, a smile on her face from ear to ear at what she’d just accomplished.

  “She’s growing up so fast,” Mackenzie stated as Grace held onto her fingers while she stood up and wobbled.

  I pulled myself out of that memory and just knew I had to leave before more bombarded me. I didn’t know how much more I could take before my emotions got the better of me and I collapsed from the stress and intensity of saying goodbye.

  Hurriedly, I walked from room to room and made sure there weren’t any boxes forgotten and the cabinets and closets were empty.

  Five minutes later I was at the door. The walls threatened to close in on me with each passing second. It was true that I didn’t want to live here, but memories were made here. Cherished moments that contained happy times. And I was sad to see all that disappear due to an unfortunate outcome.

  I looked back one last time and before I could ponder too much more, I opened the door. The cold air instantly broke me out of my depressing thoughts and brought me back to reality. Without looking back, I reached behind me and pulled the door closed, shutting that chapter of my life along with it.

  I ran over to the administration desk and got there just in time before she closed for the day to turn in the keys and make the final payment for breaking the lease. Something that I didn’t hesitate in doing.

  “Have a good day,” I said to the clerk before rushing out the door.

  I climbed in my truck, shut the door, and started the engine so that it could warm up.

  The painful ache in my chest still lingered from the memories that flashed through my mind, but I couldn’t focus on that.

  Instead, I’d concentrate on the positive outcome. Grace and I were finally heading back to the one place I’d wanted to be all along. The only place I’d ever truly considered home. The mountains in Nelson County called to me since the day I left, and I couldn’t wait to return to the country and raise my daughter. So she could experience the happy times that I cherished the most.

  Chapter 8

  Three months later

  You know that moment when you feel like everything is finally falling into place? The one where your life finally seems like it’s on the track it was meant to be on all along? I’d finally began to feel that way when I moved back home. Yes, I currently lived with my parents’, but it would all work out the way it was supposed to when it was supposed to. It wouldn’t be forever, and they’d been a godsend with helping me with Grace. She’d taken the mo
ve a little hard at first only because she didn’t know what to do about the massive changes that had occurred in her life in such a short amount of time. I spent many nights up and down trying to comfort her when she woke up screaming for her mom. Others where she said she wanted to go home. I almost caved because it broke my heart for her to not understand that we weren’t going back. But I stayed strong. Somehow. Each time she woke up crying for her mom, I made the same promise. That I would never leave her. I would always be there when she needed me. She might not have known how much those words meant right now, but it helped me feel like I was doing something right. Each time she cried to go home, I made it sound like an adventure that we were living with her Maw-Maw and Pop-Pop. She seemed to understand for the moment until those times when she broke down and the adventure had to be altered to sound exciting all over again. It gave my imagination a run for its money that was for sure.

  With all of the stress from the move and the hour commute each way for work, I was mentally exhausted. Physically drained. Only today happened to be the worst day of all. The day had finally come for the court to make our custody arrangement official. My feelings were all over the place about how this would go down. How she’d react to the finality of it all. What the judge would have to say to a mother giving up her child. Overwhelmed didn’t even begin to describe how I felt. I wanted what was best for Grace first and foremost. Only I didn’t think this was what was best for her. None of it made any sense still. I’d tried but failed several times to figure out what frame of mind Mackenzie had to be in for her to do this. No reason I pondered would ever be enough of a reason for her to up and walk away. So I stopped trying and focused on my life. On making sure Grace felt double the love. Only she still missed her mom. Still cried for her. And the hate grew more and more with each tear that fell from Grace’s lashes.