Conflicted (The Existing Series Book 2)

by Guilliams,A. M.

  Channeling the hate had become a different story. The punching bag in my parents’ basement took the brunt of my anger, and I was surprised it had withstood my wrath. Every time I felt the anger boil to the surface I made a date with that bag when everyone had gone to bed. Some nights I didn’t know how I could still lift my arms with the amount of force that I used. Others weren’t so bad. Punching that bag was better than any alternative. The only way I had found that calmed me. If I had the time, I’d go downstairs right now and go a few rounds, but that wasn’t possible. Court was scheduled for ten this morning, and I needed to leave so I could make it back to Charlottesville in enough time since it was a little after eight already. Hopefully, Grace didn’t throw a tantrum when I had to leave.

  I walked over to the mirror and checked my tie. Thankfully it was straight. I’d dressed in a pair black slacks, a white collared button-up, black dress shoes, and a black and blue tie. After today, I never wanted to wear this again. I wasn’t the slacks and dress shirt kind of guy. Give me a pair of cowboy boots, jeans, and a t-shirt and I’d be the happiest man on the planet. Reluctantly, I grabbed the jacket from the back of the chair and walked out of the room so I could get on the road.

  Laughter filled the air as I rounded the corner into the kitchen, instantly causing me to smile. There was no better sound than hearing Grace happy. Laughing. So full of joy. That sound alone was all the motivation I needed to get through this despicable day.

  “Good morning, pumpkin,” I said to Grace to make my presence known. She was standing on a chair at the counter, my mom close to her side. She turned to face me, flour all over the front of her shirt and face. But the smile that she had made me want to forget my obligations and get into whatever my mother and her had going on. Anything to get me out of this hell hole of a day.

  “Make cookies, Daddy,” she squealed as she held her dough-filled hand out to me.

  “Oh yeah. Can I have some when you’re done?” I asked as I kissed the tip of her nose.

  She laughed and pulled away from me and said, “They mine.”

  “You’re not going to share with me? You’ll make Daddy cry,” I said as I attempted to pull off a fake sniffle and poked my lip out in a pout.

  I turned my back to her for dramatic effect and no sooner than I’d done that I heard her small sigh.

  “I share, Daddy. No cry,” she said. No sooner than the words had escaped her mouth, I heard my mom start to laugh.

  Grace went to jump at me, throwing caution to the wind, but my mom moved faster than I’d seen her move in a while and caught her.

  “You can’t get Daddy dirty, pumpkin,” she said as she spun her around.

  “Sorry,” she laughed.

  “I got to go, Grace. You be good for Maw-Maw and save me some cookies,” I said as I ruffled her curls.

  “I be good, Daddy. We share cookies later?”

  “It’s a date, baby,” I promised. One I looked forward to keeping later.

  “Thanks for watching her, Mom. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

  She nodded as she went back to the showing Grace how to make the cookies. I took that as my cue to get out of dodge. I walked out of the house, my shoulders instantly tensing from the stressful situation I was about to face.

  The drive had minimal traffic, and I was about thirty minutes early. Instead of messing around, I headed straight for the courthouse after I’d secured my phone in my glove compartment.

  I walked into the courthouse and put my keys and belt into the bin for the metal detector. Once I was cleared, I walked inside and looked around for where I needed to go. I asked a guard and he directed me to the second floor. I opted for the stairs so that I didn’t have to be cooped up in a small space and I could calm my racing thoughts before I possibly came into contact with the one person I didn’t want to see.

  I got to the top of the stairs all too quickly and walked through the double doors. There were chairs all set out and a monitor that had the cases that were set to be heard for the day. Our names were the next in line so hopefully we didn’t have to wait too long.

  I looked around and saw Mackenzie and her parents’ off to the other side of the room. Mackenzie and her mother were having what looked to be a heated discussion. Her mom pointed her finger at Mackenzie and shook her head. Whatever they were talking about Mackenzie didn’t even try to defend herself as her head was down and she looked at the floor. I didn’t make my presence known, but part of me wanted to so I could possibly overhear what the argument was about. If I had to bet, it was regarding the reason we were all here.

  “You’re going to regret this. Once it’s finalized, there’s no going back. Think about what you’re doing to everyone else. What you’re doing to Grace,” her mother’s voice grew louder the more she spoke. There was only one other couple here, but that didn’t seem to matter to her. She wasn’t happy about her giving up Grace. To be honest, nobody in this situation was, my parents’ included.

  The tone in her mother’s words must have struck a nerve because Mackenzie snapped her head up and attempted to defend her decision.

  “We’ve been over this, Mom. Time and time again for the last five months. I have no other choice. Drop it. For all of our sakes. This will happen. Whether you like it or not. End. Of. Story,” she snapped back, stomping her foot and throwing her arms up in the air to showcase her frustration. I wanted to feel sorry for her, but I didn’t. None of them had been there through the tantrums. Through the tears. Through the anxiety. That was all my family and me. Her parents’ and siblings hadn’t even called, and after witnessing this, I wondered if she was the reason they’d dropped all contact.

  I wanted answers, but the bailiff took that moment to come out of the courtroom and call our case. Taking a deep breath, I turned and walked toward the doors. The weight of the world hung on my shoulders the closer I got to the room. My daughter was about to be officially without a mom and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.

  She walked in behind me and we both sat on the appropriate sides of the room. I never in a million years thought we’d ever get to this point. Even if we weren’t together, I always felt we could’ve settled things without a judge dictating it all. But then again, I never thought she’d walk out of Grace’s life either. It was funny how I thought I knew everything about her when it was becoming more and more apparent that I never knew her at all.

  We were instructed to rise as the judge entered the room and we both complied. I looked over at Mackenzie and took her in for just a moment. She looked pale. Distraught. Like she’d aged tremendously since I’d seen her last. Something was ailing her and I wanted to know what it was. What made her leave our little miracle? But I couldn’t ask that anymore. I tried. She denied me the explanation. Maybe one day she’d come out and tell me. Maybe I’d never know. But the only thing that was certain was that I would be both mother and father to Grace. Someone she’d never question would leave her.

  The judge looked over the court documents that we’d both signed. As he turned from page to page, the door opened and I turned to see who entered. A young man with a briefcase entered and walked over to Mackenzie’s side of the courtroom.

  “My apologies for my tardiness, Your Honor. I had another case that ran over on the third floor,” he said as he sat down at the table beside her.

  “I’m looking over the petitions that your office filed one last time before I begin,” the judge stated without looking up.

  I couldn’t take my eyes off of them as they whispered back and forth to each other. I’d love to know what they were discussing. Seeing as how said discussion pertained to the welfare of our child.

  “Are you ready to proceed, Mr. Garringer?” the judge asked.

  “Yes, Your Honor. We’re ready.”

  “Your office petitioned and filed to have the rights of Ms. Campbell relinquished and for full sole custody to be awarded to the father, Mr. Corbin. Is that correct?” the judge asked.

  “Yes,
Your Honor. Ms. Campbell understands the severity of her actions and wishes to relinquish her parental rights. As I disclosed there are circumstances that warrant these proceedings,” her lawyer confirmed.

  What circumstances would justify her giving up our child?

  “I’ve read over all of the documents. However, I take relinquishing rights very seriously. Regardless of the circumstances, I need to hear the confirmation from Ms. Campbell as well as ask questions to Mr. Corbin before I make my ruling.”

  That I understood. But I wished someone would tell me what the hell her reasoning behind this was. Apparently, I was the only one out of the damn loop. My fists curled in my lap, and I bit down on the inside of my lip from making a sudden outburst. I had to keep my cool. I couldn’t allow the judge to see my emotions. I’d save that for the damn punching bag later.

  He cleared his throat and made some notes before he began his questioning. My ears began to ring and my heart began to pound at what could possibly be revealed.

  “Ms. Campbell, do you understand that when you sign your rights away you have no legal standing to your child? That you can’t legally come back into her life or make any decisions regarding any portion of her life?” the judge asked as he crossed his hands together to wait for her response.

  Mackenzie stood and I saw her tremble, but she caught herself on the table before anyone else in the room noticed. But it didn’t get past me.

  “I do, Your Honor. I’ve thought relentlessly about my decision and it’s the only one that I can make. I’m not fit to be her mother, and I want to ensure that she’s taken care of. That legally Mr. Corbin has all the documentation that he needs regarding her welfare,” she answered.

  Mr. Corbin. When did I resort to that? Even in a professional manner, she could’ve called me by my name. It was informal. Emotionless.

  The judge nodded his head and jotted down more notes. My leg had a mind of its own and began bouncing to ward off the nervous energy that had started to consume my entire body. I was next to be questioned. I had no clue what he’d ask. How I’d respond. Everything was up in the air, and I didn’t know how to handle that. The uncertainty lingered in the air causing my throat to tighten in fear. What if he decided that neither of us deserved Grace? Holy shit. I’d never thought of that. I tried to calm my breathing, but I felt like I was hyperventilating at just the thought of having her taken from me.

  “Mr. Corbin, I see here that you’ve signed the documents presented by Ms. Campbell’s counsel. But I just want to make sure that you understand the severity of what that entails. Do you understand that legally you will be the sole provider of Grace Corbin? Do you understand that you can’t go after Ms. Campbell for child support or any other means of financial help? Do you understand that you will be the sole person making decisions on behalf of the child and her welfare?” the judge asked as he looked at me. His expression not showing an ounce of emotion.

  Money didn’t matter to me. I didn’t want nor need her money.

  Being the sole decision maker scared me. Terrified me even. But that was because I didn’t want to disappoint my child or steer her in the wrong direction.

  Without hesitation, I replied, “I understand all of the above, Your Honor.”

  I didn’t want to go overboard with my response so I figured a yes or no would suffice.

  “How old is the child, Grace Corbin?” the judge asked.

  “She’s two, Your Honor,” I replied.

  “And where does the child currently reside?”

  “We’re currently living with my parents’ in Nelson County. I decided to move back home so Grace didn’t have a constant reminder that her mom wasn’t there. We’re leaning on my family for support until Grace gets settled into her new normal. I’m looking for a place of my own, but Grace has her own room at my parents’. Her own playroom to enjoy. The house is completely child proofed. She’s safe,” I explained. I felt the need to go overboard so he could see how much I put Grace first. How she was the top priority in my life.

  “How do you plan to support the child on your own?”

  “Currently, I’m the lead mechanic at my place of employment. However, I’m in the process of opening my own business which will be closer to home. I can have my own hours and be home when Grace needs me the most instead of spending that time driving home. I’ve already got a care plan in place for when I’m at work. I’ve applied for Grace to attend a preschool next year so that she gets the interaction she needs with other children in a classroom setting,” I replied, feeling really proud that I’d done all of this on my own since she had left.

  “I have a big decision to make. We’re going to take a thirty-minute recess, and I’ll be back with my decision,” he replied, then quickly exited the courtroom.

  My head reeled with the uncertainty and the unknown of Mackenzie’s situation. I had to find out the problem. What caused her to leave. Without knowing, I couldn’t justify this decision, but I also couldn’t stop it. I had to know what to tell Grace when she was old enough to understand why her mom left.

  I stood up and walked over to her side of the courtroom, clearing my throat to gain her attention.

  She looked up at me, dark circles loomed underneath her eyes indicating how little she’d slept.

  “I need to know why, Mackenzie. I need to know what would make you leave before I leave here today,” I explained even though all I wanted to do was yell and shake her until she revealed the secret she’d been keeping before she left.

  She shook her head and closed her eyes, refusing to answer. Who does that? A selfish person that’s who.

  “Your daughter deserves to know when she’s older,” I gritted through my teeth, hoping that would give her the push to start talking.

  “All will be explained in due time, Weston. That’s all I can say for now,” she whispered.

  “You could tell me if you wanted to. But you’re selfish. You’re being…” I cut myself off before I finished that statement. I was just about to say something I couldn’t take back. Something hateful. And that wasn’t me. Regardless of the circumstances, I’d never use those tactics to get what I wanted. No matter how much they were deserved.

  “For once in my life, I’m being anything but selfish. You’ll understand one day, Weston. One day you’ll see that I did what was best for everyone involved. No matter how much no one else gets my reasoning, I do, and I don’t see any other choice but to walk away,” she said, still not lifting her head or opening her eyes to face me.

  I refused to cause a scene. Refused to give in to my anger. Instead, I turned and walked back to my side of the room. If this was what she honestly wanted, she’d get it. Tenfold. My daughter was all that mattered.

  The judge came back into the room minutes later and my anger had yet to subside. It only grew with each passing second. I needed that punching bag. Sooner rather than later.

  “All rise,” the bailiff stated. We all complied and were told to be seated after the judge sat down.

  “I didn’t come to this decision lightly. If there were any other extenuating circumstances, I’d have decided differently. Grace Corbin was my only concern, as it should be. No child deserves to be parentless regardless of the reasoning behind leaving. While I do understand the reason that Ms. Campbell provided, I don’t agree with it. But that’s neither here nor there. Mr. Corbin has provided sufficient information regarding the welfare of the child. He’s shown that he’s a responsible, loving parent, which made this decision all too clear for me. I’ve decided to award sole custody to Mr. Corbin and relinquish the parental rights of Ms. Campbell effective immediately,” the judge responded, hitting the gavel against the bench to end the hearing.

  My emotions were all over the place. While I was happy that this chapter of my life was over, sadness loomed in the background for what Grace had lost. What we’d both lost.

  I looked over to Mackenzie one last time as I stood, shook my head, and walked away. No more words needed to be spoken.
She could have kept the reasoning to herself. We didn’t need it. Not really. We were moving on just fine without her and we’d continue to do so. When Grace was old enough, if she wanted to, I’d let her seek her mother out and ask her why. I’d be both mother and father until my last dying day on earth.

  I got all the way to my truck before the finality of our situation hit me full force, almost knocking me to my knees. Who was I kidding? I cared. Way too much. More than I cared to admit. But that didn’t matter. My feelings didn’t matter.

  I unlocked the truck with the key fob and hopped inside. One destination on my mind. My parents’ house. I had a bright-eyed, brown-haired beauty waiting on me. With cookies. And I couldn’t wait to wrap my arms around her and hear her laugh. The only medicine I’d ever need to cure any ailment I had. That and the punching bag that waited for me each evening.

  Chapter 9

  This morning I woke up filled with anger. I had to get the feelings out before everyone else woke up or I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to contain them and lash out at an unintended target. So I grabbed my sweats and went in search of the one solace that I’d found helped keep the anger at bay.

  The punching bag in the basement.

  It was worn and tethered from years of abuse, but it still held strong and withstood my heated sessions. I’d need a new one soon, but for now this worked just fine.

  I put on the gloves, and as I stood in front of the bag ready to take that first hit, I pictured all of the reasons for the feelings that had welled up inside of me.

  My pride was the reason I couldn’t admit them out loud.

  I didn’t want to have to face that I missed her.

  My arm moved on its own accord and my fist connected with the bag for the first time of the day. Immediately, I felt a tiny sliver of hatred wither away.