Idol

by Carrie Duffy

  Whatever this thing was with Zac, it didn’t matter. It was just some stupid crush, and the sooner she got over it the better.

  I love Nick, Jenna thought fiercely, and I’m going to be his wife.

  He was all the family she had now.

  ‘Get out,’ Zac snarled, his face contorted with fury. ‘Get the fuck out of here right now before I do something I regret.’

  Amber jumped up from the couch, a frightened expression on her once beautiful face. ‘Zac, please,’ she begged. She didn’t think she’d ever seen him so angry. The vein on his neck throbbed fiercely, his shoulders tight with unreleased tension.

  ‘I mean it, Amber. How could you lie to me like that?’

  ‘I was embarrassed,’ Amber pleaded desperately. There was no point denying it – she knew that would only infuriate him more. ‘They fired me, Zac. Those bastards fucking fired me. I thought they’d change their mind, come crawling back in a couple of days if I just laid low out here.’

  Zac looked at her with disgust. The make-up she was wearing had slid down her cheeks, caking in the creases of her ravaged face like some sort of garish clown mask.

  ‘You still don’t get it, do you?’ he breathed, his voice low and carefully controlled. ‘This isn’t about you. It’s about us. You turn up here, pretending it’s some kind of surprise, when in fact I’m just part of your game, part of the fucking circus that’s always going on around you. What am I to you, a goddamn PR exercise?’ he ranted. ‘Did you even remember it was my birthday?’

  ‘Of course I—’ Amber began unconvincingly.

  ‘You know what?’ Zac cut her off. ‘I don’t even care. It’s over, Amber. I want out.’

  Even as he said the words, Zac felt a sweet sense of relief. He should have done this months ago, and now it was finally over.

  ‘What? Zac, you can’t!’

  ‘Oh yes I fucking can.’ He had stood by her for long enough. Now it was time to do something for himself.

  Amber looked round in alarm then reached for her bag. Zac knocked it away; it fell onto the floor, scattering its contents.

  ‘Please Zac,’ Amber whispered, her eyes trained hungrily on the bag of white powder a few metres away. ‘I need … Just one more time, I promise you. The last time. Then I’ll get help, I swear it.’

  Zac looked at her sadly. ‘You’re not the person I knew, Amber. Not the person I fell in love with.’

  ‘I’ll do it,’ she insisted. ‘I’ll go to rehab, therapy – whatever you want. But you’ve got to help me through this.’

  Zac shook his head helplessly. For so long he’d hoped that she would reach out to him, admit she had a problem and try to get help. But this was too little too late. His voice cracked as he spoke. ‘I can’t do this any more.’

  Anger flashed across Amber’s eyes. ‘It’s her, isn’t it? You’re dumping me for her? Well she won’t leave Nick for you,’ Amber spat. ‘She’ll never leave him, and you’ll end up sad and lonely and miserable.’

  ‘I’m lonely and miserable now! This isn’t a relationship – it’s a joke.’

  ‘You’re the joke, Zac,’ Amber hissed. ‘Running after that skank like that.’

  ‘Why can’t you understand that it’s nothing to do with anybody else?’ Zac yelled. ‘I don’t want to be with you – you disgust me,’ he finished, his lip curling in contempt. It was true. The sweet, fun girl he’d fallen in love with had been taken over by some monster he didn’t recognize. As he stared at her emaciated body, he knew he no longer felt anything for her – not love, and certainly not desire. They’d barely had sex for months.

  Amber’s eyes flamed. ‘Did you ever think I might be sick of you?’ she demanded. ‘You’re the one who’s changed. You used to be fun, to want to go out and party – now you’re boring as hell,’ she continued relentlessly. ‘I’ve got real friends now, in New York. Real men, who know how to have a good time …’ She glanced up slyly from underneath her pale lashes, ‘And who know how to show me a good time.’

  Zac looked up sharply, his chest rising and falling.

  ‘Yeah, that’s right,’ Amber taunted him. ‘I’ve been fucking my way around New York, screwing a different guy every night.’

  ‘Amber …’ Zac began warningly.

  But Amber was on a roll. ‘We laughed at you together. I laughed as they fucked me, and I laughed as I came, and then I thought of you and how pathetic you are.’

  Zac’s fist shot out. It slammed into the wall and Amber jumped in shock.

  ‘I’m going out now,’ Zac began. His voice was low, his breath ragged. A lock of dark hair fell across his forehead as he leaned heavily against the wall. ‘When I come back, you’d better be out of here. Just get the fuck out of my life and leave me the hell alone.’

  Jenna retrieved her room key from reception, ignoring the polite enquiry from the staff as to whether or not everything was okay. She’d left an hour ago and told them she was checking out. Now she was back, but that was none of their business. She was here to see her fiancé, to melt into his arms and have everything back the way it used to be, just like those first, blissful days at Casa Santos when they couldn’t get enough of each other.

  Excitedly, she made her way over the soft sand towards the bungalow she shared with Nick. Further along the beach she could see the remains of the luau, but it seemed to have largely broken up. Only a few people hung around the bonfire, and they all looked to be crew. There was no sign of the band.

  As the villa door clicked open, Jenna saw that the light in the main room was on. That meant Nick was back. He had probably passed out earlier, she thought with a trace of annoyance, hoping one of the guys had brought him back before he got drunk enough to do something stupid. He must have been wasted; he’d clearly undressed in the lounge as the shorts he’d been wearing were slung over the back of the sofa. Well, he’d better sober up – he needed to hear what she was going to tell him.

  She dropped her handbag onto the floor and went to switch off the lamp when she noticed a cute little pair of sports shorts under the side table. Time seemed to stop, her stomach plummeting to her feet. As soon as Jenna saw them, she knew. Her blood was pounding so hard she could hear it thumping in her ears as she moved towards the bedroom. Her ballet pumps were soft, and they made no noise on the stone-tiled floor.

  Even before she reached the room she heard the noise, the soft, languid groans building to a crescendo. The door had been left partially open, and outside Jenna stopped dead. Hailey was straddling Nick, her arms above her head to emphasize those tiny, youthful breasts as she bucked and writhed on top of him.

  Below her Nick moaned and thrust. His chest was slick with sweat, his eyes closed as he grabbed hold of her butt and smiled, ‘Oh yeah baby, you like me fucking your cunt, don’t you? My hard cock screwing your pussy …’

  Jenna watched them for a moment, too shocked to even make a sound. Then she stumbled backwards, wanting to get as far away as possible from what she had just seen. The rhythm was getting faster, their ecstatic moans getting louder.

  Silently, Jenna turned on her heel and fled. Neither of them heard her go.

  33

  Zac stormed along the beach, oblivious to the stunning Hawaiian scenery that surrounded him. The night sky was spectacular, liberally scattered with thousands of pinprick stars, and the moonlit water lapped gently at the shore. Zac pounded along the wet sand at the water’s edge with no idea of where he was going, no plan or direction. He just wanted to keep walking until the feeling of fury subsided. He had a feeling he could be walking for some time.

  Tomorrow he would catch a plane back to the States and head straight to his ranch in Arizona, where he would hole up and lick his wounds. He would take some time to breathe, chill out, maybe even go on a long holiday somewhere undeveloped and deserted. Right now, the idea of being a recluse for a while seemed a very attractive proposition.

  He didn’t even want to pick up a guitar for at least the next year. As far as he was concerned,
it was all over. He didn’t care about anything any more, not even the band. Phoenix were finished – Zac felt they had imploded. They should have ended it when Josh left, not tried to carry on with this insane collaborations project. Most of all, he wished he’d never met—

  Zac looked up to see a woman run out of a nearby bungalow, her long hair streaming out behind her as she ran blindly across the sand, sobbing hysterically. Her silhouette was black against the dark night, her face in shadow, but Zac recognized her instantly.

  ‘Jenna,’ he called out, breaking into a sprint. His voice echoed across the quiet beach, and he reached her in seconds. She collapsed into his arms, clinging to him like she was drowning as her legs threatened to give way beneath her.

  ‘Jenna, what’s wrong?’ Zac asked, although he had a pretty good idea. He’d seen Nick leave the party with that young girl, the one who’d been throwing herself at him over dinner. Jesus, he would kill that son of a bitch for hurting her like this … Zac took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He needed to focus on Jenna.

  ‘I thought you were going back to London.’ Zac anxiously scanned her face. ‘What happened?’

  She looked terrible. Her skin had paled beneath her tan, and her eyes were red raw from crying. She seemed to be having trouble speaking through her sobs, and Zac’s shirt quickly became wet with tears.

  ‘I … I was. I came back because I needed … Because I had to tell …’ Jenna broke down again. ‘But he’s a fucking bastard … I hate him, Zac, I hate him …’

  ‘Ssssh …’ Zac held her close, stroking her hair as he soothed her. He didn’t want to think about how wonderful it felt to have her in his arms, the softness of her body, the delicious scent of her skin … Now was not the right time. ‘Come on, let’s get you away from here.’

  Jenna’s head jerked up, remembering something. London. That would be the perfect escape right now. She could go back home, meet up with Sadie as planned and find out what had happened to Paul Austin.

  ‘You’re right,’ she agreed, wiping her eyes distractedly. ‘I need to get away, go back to London. If I’m lucky I can still make the flight. I need a car, right away …’ Jenna looked around her urgently.

  ‘You’re not going anywhere, Jenna. You’re in no fit state. Stay here tonight, and you can leave on the first flight tomorrow.’

  ‘No, you don’t understand!’ Jenna was becoming hysterical. She’d promised Sadie. ‘I have to leave. I have to get back there. You’ve got to help me, Zac.’

  ‘Okay, okay.’ Zac realized she was serious. ‘I’ll help you. But you’re not going on your own.’

  Jenna looked up at him in confusion. She couldn’t see the expression on his face, just the curve of his cheekbone silhouetted against the moonlight.

  ‘I’m coming with you.’

  ‘What? I don’t underst—’

  ‘It doesn’t matter,’ Zac cut her off. ‘I’m coming with you. Whatever this thing is, I’m here for you, okay? We’ll get through it together.’

  Jenna swallowed. Suddenly she felt self-conscious, pressed against his lean, muscular body. She pulled away from him, mumbling awkwardly, ‘Thanks, Zac.’

  ‘No problem. Come on, let’s get out of here.’ He rested a hand on her back, guiding her across the deserted beach, and realized he had to face it: Amber, the band, his music – none of them mattered any more. The only thing he cared about now was Jenna.

  Morning had broken in Hawaii, sunny and glorious. Yesterday’s clouds had disappeared overnight and there was a clear blue sky, stretching right out to the horizon. The sea was calm, with barely a breeze to trouble the still palm trees.

  Ryan was up early, jogging along the beach, when his phone vibrated.

  ‘Hey Clive.’

  ‘Ryan.’ Clive was straight down to business. ‘Did you speak to Zac?’

  ‘Yeah,’ Ryan confirmed. ‘Last night. Didn’t he call you?’

  ‘No he fucking didn’t. Where the hell is he?’

  Ryan swallowed. Shit, why did he always have to be the fall guy in these situations? Too damn nice, that was his problem. ‘He’s kinda … disappeared. I heard he checked out.’

  ‘What do you mean, disappeared? Is he with Amber?’

  Ryan took a deep breath. ‘I don’t think so. She left a few hours before him. According to reception, he ordered a cab for the airport and left with Jenna.’

  ‘With Jenna? What the fuck is going on, Ryan?’ Clive roared.

  Ryan winced, holding the phone away from his ear. He had no idea either.

  Jenna and Zac were somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean – skirting the coast of Iceland, according to the in-flight map.

  Jenna was sleeping. She’d pulled down an eye-mask to hide her puffy face and curled up on the flat bed, her exhausted body crashing out shortly after take-off. They’d switched off the cabin lights, just the pale strip lights left on for illumination. But Zac couldn’t sleep. He lay awake, watching Jenna. He had no idea what was going on – they’d barely had time to speak in the car, as the driver careered across the island, getting them to the plane with seconds to spare. All Jenna had told him was that she needed to get back to London to meet a friend. It didn’t make a lot of sense to him, but Zac was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt on this one. She was clearly serious, working herself into such a state that he’d just thrown a few essentials in a bag and left. The rest of his stuff was still at the hotel. He would contact Clive when they landed, get him to sort it out.

  Shit, Clive. He’d been supposed to call him before they left. He’d told Ryan he would. Man, that was one conversation he wasn’t looking forward to. He was going to have to tell him he wanted to leave the band – that it was all over. Clive was going to hit the roof, coming so soon after Josh’s departure. There was no way Phoenix could survive. And Clive wanted to talk to him about Amber, Ryan had said. Zac’s brow knitted in fury. As far as he was concerned there was nothing to say. He’d done all he could for her but now it was over; the sense of freedom he felt from knowing he didn’t have to take her crap any more was immense.

  ‘Can I get you anything, sir?’ The attractive stewardess approached him hopefully, giving him a dazzling smile.

  ‘No, thanks,’ Zac shook his head. He wasn’t hungry.

  ‘Are you sure. Maybe just a glass of water?’ It was the third time she’d asked in an hour and he’d refused everything so far.

  ‘No, thank you,’ Zac replied more firmly. He didn’t want to be a bastard, but he wished she’d just leave him alone. He saw her face fall as she turned and sashayed off. ‘Wait,’ he called after her. ‘Do you have a spare blanket?’

  ‘Certainly, Mr Knight,’ she beamed, giving him the benefit once again of several hundred dollars’ worth of cosmetic dentistry.

  She bent over just a little too far as she returned with the blanket, ensuring Zac also got the benefit of several thousand dollars’ worth of breast augmentation. Hell, she didn’t plan on being a stewardess forever. ‘Anything else I can get you, just let me know,’ she winked, leaving Zac in no doubt that when she said ‘anything’, she really meant it.

  Zac laughed softly to himself. She’d really picked on the wrong guy there. He got up from his seat and walked round to Jenna, carefully laying the blanket over her. She stirred in her sleep, but didn’t wake. Zac watched her for a moment. She seemed so perfectly at peace, so vulnerable, that he knew he’d fight to the death to protect her, so beautiful that it broke his heart to look at her. He was entranced. He was also absolutely, undeniably in love with her.

  As the plane hummed gently, banking to the right as it approached the UK, Zac sighed to himself. However this played out, he knew it was one birthday he wasn’t going to forget in a hurry.

  Sadie arrived at Paul Austin’s apartment. After what had happened last time, she hadn’t thought she would ever go back there. The place held nothing but bad memories for her.

  She remembered turning up dressed in only a raincoat and high heels; how excited
and happy she’d been to see Paul; how eager to do anything he asked. The girl she looked back on seemed hopelessly naive. She’d made a fresh start in Vegas now, with a new man and an amazing job. Her affair with Paul felt like a lifetime ago.

  It had been Angela’s suggestion to meet at the apartment. She’d been given time off indefinitely to get over the shock of what had happened and, in spite of herself, Sadie was curious to hear what she had to say. Angela had rung her as soon as she’d landed at the airport to tell her the news about Paul, and since then Sadie had been on autopilot – collecting her luggage and checking into the hotel as planned. The Kandy Girls had a show in two days time, so this trip had only ever been intended as a short stopover.

  But all the nerves, all the adrenaline that had built up as Sadie steeled herself for the confrontation with Paul had vanished, replaced by a sense of anticlimax. Although she was ashamed to admit it, there was a part of her that felt cheated. She’d wanted to get her revenge, to confront him with what she knew and see the look of terror on his face when he realized that everything he’d worked for was gone. That she’d torn his world apart, just like he’d done to hers.

  She knew the real reason she was here today, back at this ghost-filled apartment, was that she needed closure. Sadie smiled wryly to herself. Closure. Maybe she’d been in the States too long.

  She raised her hand and pressed the buzzer. There was the sound of a chain being slid back, before the door opened a few inches. A plain-looking woman in her thirties, with bobbed hair and glasses, peered out. She wore a formal black skirt and smart blouse, as though she was dressed for the office.

  ‘Angela?’ Sadie asked tentatively.

  ‘Sadie.’

  The two women stared at each other, both taking in the other for the first time. Paul Austin’s PA wasn’t what Sadie had been expecting – she was frumpier, plainer. If you were being generous, you might call her pretty, but Sadie got the impression Angela wasn’t at her best. She looked exhausted, as though she’d hardly slept, her skin pale and puffy, her eyes haunted.