We've Always Got New York

by Jill Knapp

  “Well, go on,” he smiled eagerly. “Open it.”

  I smiled politely and gently tugged at the shimmering paper, wondering if he had got it at Papyrus. Underneath the wrapping was a dark-blue box with the word Swarovski imprinted on it. As I opened the box, I felt my heart race a little faster, but still couldn’t pinpoint why. Inside lay a beautiful silver bracelet with pale-blue crystals dangling off the sides. I usually didn’t like anything that resembled a charm bracelet, but this was different. This was perfect. I felt my eyes well up with tears, touched by Hayden’s gesture. I kept my head down for an extra moment and blinked them back so he couldn’t tell I was getting too emotional. I simply smiled and told him it was beautiful.

  “Just like you,” he replied. “Can I put it on you?”

  I nodded.

  Hayden carefully removed the bracelet from its box and fastened it to my right wrist. It looked even better on my arm than in the box.

  “Thank you so much,” I touched his cheek. “It’s lovely.”

  He smiled and reached for my hand. Picking it up to his lips, he softly kissed it. “Amalia, there’s something I want to talk to you about. Before your friends show up.”

  “What is it?” I asked timidly.

  “I don’t know how to ask this without sounding like an eighth-grader,” he said with a soft laugh. His lips were pulled into a straight line, and his eyes were wide with anticipation. “Will you be my girlfriend?”

  I didn’t respond.

  “I know,” he looked down at his drink. “Utterly corny.”

  “No,” I said quietly, reaching for his hand. I didn’t know what to say except, “It’s not corny at all.”

  “I want to be with you, and only you. I feel like we just click. It’s so easy when I am with you. There’s no hyped-up drama, or anxiety-induced panic over the next time you’re going to return my call. I look forward to seeing you every time we make plans, and I find myself wishing you were around more often when we aren’t together. What I am trying to say here is, I want to date only you. Exclusively.”

  It was beautiful. It was direct, it was romantic, and, most importantly, it was honest. But I still couldn’t say yes. A part of me still wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. I didn’t know if it was what Nicholas put me through, or Michael, or both. But I found myself saying no to this proposition and hoping that he would still want to continue to see me until I was ready for more. Until I was ready to fully commit.

  “I don’t want to stop seeing you,” I said in an attempt to salvage us. “I’m just not ready for that kind of commitment. It doesn’t mean I won’t be in the future, I’m just not there right now.”

  “I had a feeling you’d say that,” Hayden replied, offering me a kind smile. “And it’s alright.”

  “It is?” I breathed a sigh of relief.

  “It is. I’ll wait until you’re ready,” he said. “Just know that I’m not seeing anyone but you.”

  “You really are a great guy, you know that?”

  “And you’re a great girl,” he replied. “Which is why I will wait.”

  We looked at each other for a moment, both unsure of our next move. I heard footsteps behind me and realized that someone from my group had arrived. I felt relieved that Olivia had shown up just in time to break the tension.

  “Hey guys,” she said, looking downcast. She was slightly more dressed-up than usual, wearing a collared blouse with a dark-purple cardigan over it, dark-wash skinny jeans, and for once three-inch heels. Her brown hair flowed with soft waves and her lipstick was bright, movie-star red.

  “Olivia, you look gorgeous!” I stood to give her a hug. “How are you feeling?”

  “Awful,” she replied with no apprehension. She scanned the bar for a moment and sighed. “Is Alex coming here tonight?”

  Hayden and I looked at each other, unsure of what to say.

  “No, sweetie. I don’t think he is,” I shook my head.

  “That’s fine,” she said through a fake smile. “I didn’t expect him to come anyway.”

  “Do you think you and I could have some time to talk later?” I asked her. “Just you and me?” I was so curious to know what would prompt Alex to break up with her so coldly. There had to be more to the story she wasn’t telling me.

  “Of course,” she said, giving me the best smile she could muster up. “It’s your birthday; you get whatever you want.”

  “That’s true,” I laughed. Hayden nodded in agreement.

  “Speaking of which!” a genuine smile returned to her face as she rummaged through her purse. “I have something for you.”

  She pulled out a tiny pink tiara with the number 24 on it and playfully showed it off to me.

  “What the hell is that?” I asked, fearing I already knew the answer.

  “It’s your birthday crown,” she said in a declarative tone.

  I looked at Hayden for help, but he gave me a glance that suggested I do what she wanted or she might start crying.

  “Awesome, Olivia. I love it,” I bent down so she could place the teeny crown on top of my head. I felt the small combs push into my curls, ripping out some of my hair in the process. “Thank you so much. Now everyone in the bar will know it’s my birthday.” I gritted my teeth and could just barely hear Hayden snickering behind me.

  “Well, now, that that’s settled you can tell me who else is coming tonight!” she laughed. “Also, I could use a drink.”

  I waved to the bartender to come and take her drink order. Rum and coke, as usual.

  “I invited Cassandra, who, believe it or not, actually promised to show up,” I said as I reclaimed my seat at the bar. The place was starting to fill out, and I certainly didn’t want to spend the entire night standing in my high heels. “I also invited Aaron, who should be here any minute!”

  “Your brother’s coming?” she asked, sounding surprised.

  “He is!” I grinned. “I’m very excited about it. I haven’t seen him in months!”

  I heard a vibration on the bar and noticed it was Hayden’s cell going off.

  “I’m going to let you two chat for a moment,” Hayden stood up. “I just got a call from work and I hate to do this but I have to take it. I’ll be gone ten minutes tops, I promise.” He offered his stool to Olivia, who happily took it.

  “I’ll start the stopwatch,” I said, pointing to the clock in the corner.

  As soon as Hayden walked out the front door, Olivia leaned in closer to me. “Did you invite Michael?”

  “I did,” I answered, suddenly feeling guilty about it. Hayden didn’t exactly know the entire story about Michael and me. All he knew was that he was a classmate. A lie of omission.

  “Wow. That might get a little awkward,” she said.

  “Oh please,” I fiddled with the tiara that was destroying my hair. “If he even shows up.”

  “You have a point,” Olivia said, as the bartender handed her a drink. “I wonder if he’ll bring Angela.”

  “I guess he can if he wants to. We are trying to be friends,” I slightly stumbled over the word.

  Olivia just shook her head and sipped her cocktail. “I’m worried this isn’t a good idea for you.”

  “You know, there’s something else I am wondering about,” I said, thinking now was as good a time as ever to ask her what was really on my mind. “What exactly happened between you and Alex? Did you really just break up over Nate calling you? It seems a little extreme.”

  Olivia took a deep breath, shook her head again, and took an even longer sip of her rum and coke.

  “No, it’s not that simple. You don’t know the whole story,” she said, her eyes fixed on her drink. “About me in college. About Nate and me.”

  “No, I don’t really know anything about him,” I shrugged. “I just know he was your college boyfriend.”

  “He was the love of my life,” she spat out. “Or at least I thought he was.” She lowered her eyes to the ground.

  I nodded and motioned for her to g
o on with her story.

  “When we met, we were both interning at the same hospital. We were both single at the time, and there was an instant connection, but there was also a strict no-fraternizing policy among co-workers.”

  “So what happened?” I asked, confused and intrigued by her story.

  “We didn’t care,” she uttered. “And ultimately it cost me my internship.”

  “Your supervisor found out?”

  “She did,” Olivia said. “Not only that, but when my parents asked me why I got the boot, I told them the truth. Ever since then, they’ve hated Nate. They told me he wasn’t allowed in our house during Christmas or Spring Break, and they even threatened to stop paying my tuition if I continued to see him.”

  “Oh my God,” I replied. “How did I not know any of this?”

  “Because I don’t like to talk about it,” she admitted. “But the reason Alex doesn’t like him is because when we first started dating, I told him how passionate I had been about Nate. The notion of us not being allowed to date, either at work or because of my family, was intoxicating. I made a lot of bad decisions, and finally, after a couple of years, I called it off.” She ran her fingers over her cardigan, fidgeting with the buttons. “The ugly truth was that he didn’t really care about me. He had a wandering eye and even though we were exclusive, I never felt like he was truly committed to the relationship. On top of all that he never wanted to leave Florida and I knew I was going to go to graduate school in New York. I may have finally got the courage to break it off, but it destroyed me. Alex knows all of this, and that’s why he got so angry when he saw Nate calling. Also, because I had run into him a week prior and never told him.”

  I raised an eyebrow. I couldn’t believe that Olivia, being so straight-laced, could have such a sordid tale to tell.

  “When did you run into him?”

  “It was the night of that party for Cassandra’s boss,” she explained. “He was on the same subway platform as me. He told me he was in town on vacation. I spoke to him for literally five minutes.”

  “Why didn’t you just tell Alex this?”

  “I don’t know!” she threw her hands in the air. “I saw Nate, and it just did something to me. All logic went out the window. I’m not in love with him anymore… but just seeing him again made me feel a bit crazy.”

  “It sounds like your relationship was very difficult,” I offered. “I am so sorry you had to go through any of that.”

  “I realize now, looking back on it, that I wasn’t in love with him. That I was attracted to the drama. It made every moment together so passionate. But it wasn’t real.” She looked like she might start to cry again, and I put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m not even attracted to Nate now. What I had with Alex, that was real. And I sabotaged it.”

  “You need to tell him this,” I said. “Maybe you two can get back together”

  She nodded. “Yeah, maybe.”

  Hayden came back just as Olivia was finishing up her story. She quickly wiped her face and went to stand up, but he told her to remain seated. He would stand for the night.

  “Sorry about that, ladies,” he said. “Amalia, I ran into your brother outside. And I think Cassandra too.” Hayden hadn’t met my brother before, but I had shown him enough pictures of us on Facebook for him to recognize Aaron right away.

  “Yeah?” I said, perking up.

  “Okay, no more sadness!” I smiled. “Plus, I am dying for you to tell me what you got on Professor Greenfield’s exam.”

  “A-,” she brushed off pretend dirt on her left shoulder.

  “You bitch,” I laughed. “I only got a B+!”

  Just then, Aaron entered the bar and made a beeline for us.

  “Amalia!” he grabbed me off the stool and pulled me in for a big hug. “Happy birthday, sis!”

  “It’s so good to see you!” I beamed. “I want to hear about everything. How’s school? Oh! Let me introduce you to Hayden.”

  I knew it must have upset Hayden a bit that I didn’t introduce him as my boyfriend, but he took it in his stride and happily shook my brother’s hand. The two of them started talking about basketball, and I knew they would get along just fine.

  Following Aaron’s arrival, Cassandra strutted in with her cell phone pressed to her ear. Of course. I caught her eye and waved. She hung up just as she approached me and pulled me in for a tight hug.

  “Happy birthday, girl,” she said in my ear. “You look great.”

  “Thanks!” I tipped my crown at her. “No Brandon tonight?”

  She shook her head. “We ended things.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that. Are you alright?” I asked. Even though she and I hadn’t spoken much recently, Cassie was still important to me.

  “Oh yeah, I’m fine!” she said, deflecting. “Oh and by the way,” she pulled me in closer and whispered into my ear. “Michael’s outside.”

  I felt a sudden shortness of breath, followed by a general queasiness. Had that Cosmopolitan made me sick? No, I don’t think I drank nearly enough of it to have affected me.

  Cassandra squeezed my shoulder and excused herself to use the ladies’ room, but I hardly heard a word she said. For a moment, I was sitting alone. Olivia had stepped outside to have a smoke, Hayden was deep in conversation about the Knicks with Aaron, and Cassandra was in the restroom. And in walked Michael. Alone. He caught eyes with me and smiled. It felt like the room was in slow motion as he walked over to me. Even with Hayden right by my side, I couldn’t deny the effect Michael had over me any longer. As much as I hated to admit it, I couldn’t deny the truth from myself anymore. I was right back where I was last year.

  I was still in love with Michael.

  Midnight came and I was uncomfortably seated at a small, round table in the back corner of the bar. The table was wood and splintery, poking tiny holes in my stockings every time I moved. Yet another LMFAO song was playing and through my tipsy haze I yelled, “Come on! Turn that crap off!”

  Hayden and Michael both laughed at my drunkenness, but I was nowhere near as bad as Olivia. I saw her taking shots of vodka with some tall, dark and handsome stranger she had met about an hour ago. The two of them were getting cozy by the bar, as the mystery dude had her sandwiched between a bar stool and his hips. She was giggling and appeared flirtatious, but as I watched her take her fourth vodka shot, I worried about her judgment.

  Cassandra had been AWOL for most of the night. The last time anyone saw her was at around 10:30 pm when she stepped outside to make a phone call. Aaron told me she came back into the bar 45 minutes later, bleary-eyed and puffy-lipped. Apparently whoever she was on the phone with had made her very upset.

  Aaron had also spent most of the night solo after catching the eye of a cute girl. She looked around the same age as him, 21, and definitely appeared to be dressed that way. She had on a super- short, hot-pink skirt with high-heeled strappy sandals. A bold choice of outfit for a breezy October night. I hadn’t heard about him dating anyone since he showed up to my apartment in shambles last year, so I figured I’d leave him to it and let him have some fun.

  As unexpected as it was, Hayden, Michael, and I were seated at the table by ourselves. The more Michael and Hayden got along, the guiltier I felt about not telling Hayden the whole story about our past. I was caught in the middle. Literally. The table was small and the bar was over-crowded. Both of their knees were pressed up against mine. Hayden’s I knew was deliberate, he also held my hand. I felt a mix of happiness and anxiety as Hayden held my hand, but I couldn’t help but wonder about Michael’s positioning. I looked around as I was sipping my third Jack and ginger. Between Cassandra’s absence, Olivia’s drunkenness, and Hayden and Michael’s bonding, I was resolved to call it a night.

  Just as I was about to tell the guys I wasn’t going to be able to have another drink, I heard a girl yelling over by the bar. The three of us snapped around in our chairs to witness Olivia, firmly pressed up against the bar by the unknown guy. He had one hand
on her arm and the other on her waist. He was trying to pull her in for a kiss as she used her free arm to push him off. He ignored her pleas and continued with his unwanted advances.

  The bartender was nowhere to be seen, and no one else in the bar seemed to care or notice Olivia’s distress. Michael and Hayden both rose the moment the word “stop” escaped Olivia’s lips. Her hazel eyes were wide and her red lipstick was smudged. Michael darted toward her and angrily tapped her pursuant on the shoulder. The guy turned around and finally let go of Olivia’s wrist. As soon as he faced Michael, the guy’s lips twisted into a smirk. Olivia immediately rubbed her wrist and darted over toward me and Hayden. Michael stood about three inches taller than the blonde, fraternity-looking guy, who just moments ago was trying to pressure our friend to leave the bar with him. I felt nervous as I watched Michael take a step closer to him. I couldn’t hear their conversation. The chatter in the bar was loud; the music was even louder. I grabbed Hayden’s hand for support. He just looked at me and then took a step forward to help Michael out. I pulled him back. I didn’t want to risk them both getting into a fight. I wasn’t sure what Michael was going to do, but I suddenly realized I worried for his safety.

  Just then, the blonde guy shoved Michael, forcing him to fall into a neighboring booth. Michael regained his footing and shoved the guy back, knocking him into the bar stool he just had Olivia pressed up on. For a moment the two of them just stared at each other, silently daring the other to throw the first punch. The moment was up. The blonde took a step forward and took a swing. Michael ducked and the guy ended up hitting nothing but the air. He swung at Michael again, his fist colliding with Michael’s face this time. Michael stepped back and tested his jaw. He had a small amount of blood in the corner of his mouth that was now on his hand. Swinging back, Michael hit the frat guy. Hard. He fell backwards onto the floor. As he fell, he dragged the stool down with him. He was down.

  “Let’s get out of here!” I said, feeling a mixture of anxiety and fear. Michael hopped backwards and rejoined us at the table, just in time for us to duck out of the bar. From what I could tell, the blonde guy was still on the ground when we left.