Only A Memory

by J. Lea

  “Y ou’re back.” I sigh with relief when I see Everly standing in the hallway. “I was worried for a second.” I’m trying to sound playful, but I’m anything but. “I tried to call you.” She didn’t pick up.

  “I know, I’m sorry.” She averts her gaze before passing me by.

  “Everly, please, we need to talk.” I stop her in her tracks, but she drops her gaze to the floor and shakes her head. She won’t look at me for some reason, and she doesn’t want to listen to me either.

  “Not now, okay?”

  I stare at her for a few moments and then nod, letting her go.

  “Shit,” I grumble. “Fucking hell.” Rubbing the nape of my neck, I shake off my frustrations, and go check up on my little girl to see if she’s already in bed like she’s supposed to be. Then, I find Dolores and ask her to watch over her while I go to Mi Vida.

  “Hey, Connor, I wasn’t expecting you,” Zoe says cheerfully when she sees me.

  “Beer,” I grunt in greeting. She frowns, her lips form a straight line, but does what she’s asked without hesitation. As soon as she places the bottle in front of me, I grab it and head for the office. Slamming the door shut, I lie down on the sofa, my eyes boring into the ceiling. There’s only one thing on my mind. That kiss. Fuck, I shouldn’t have kissed her. No, not true. I wanted to kiss her, and I’d do it again in a second. But she thinks it was a mistake. I think it was the best damn thing.

  About thirty minutes later, when I’m sick of lying down, I sit up, burying my face in my hands. Fuck. Emptying the bottle, I throw it against the wall, but it offers no relief.

  “What the fuck is going on?” Phoenix enters the office right after the bottle hits the wall, shattering into hundreds of pieces near his feet, making his eyes bulge.

  “What are you doing here?” I growl.

  “Zoe called. She said you were acting weird, so I came over to check on you.”

  “I’m not a kid. I’m fine, you can go back home,” I dismiss him. I’m in no mood to deal with him.

  “I could go, but since I’m already here we can talk. Why are you so grumpy?” He casually plops down on the sofa next to me.

  “I don’t feel like talking.”

  “I know you. Something bad happened. Does it have to do with Carlos?” His voice gets serious this time.

  “Nope. Just leave me alone.” I shoot to my feet, walking to the cupboard where we keep some liquor. Beer isn’t strong enough.

  Phoenix whistles, tossing a hand over the back of the sofa and swings a foot up on his knees. “Whiskey, huh? It’s been a while.”

  I close my eyes as I tilt the bottle to my lips; the liquid runs down my throat, leaving behind a burning sensation.

  “So, you’re gonna tell me what happened?”

  “God, has anyone told you you’re a pain in the ass?”

  He chuckles. “I hear that all the time. Now talk.”

  I know Phoenix; he won’t stop riding my ass until I share, so it’s best if I just spill. Maybe then he’ll go away and leave me alone.

  “Fine. I kissed her, man, and she ran away. Just like that. It was so weird.” I can’t get the image of her ashen face out of my mind. She looked like she was about to puke.

  Phoenix furrows his brow. “You talking about Everly?”

  “No, my mother,” I bite, my voice dripping with sarcasm. “Of course, I’m talking about Everly. We were hanging out, and I just went for it.” She looked so beautiful, talking passionately about her best friend, sharing little bits of her life along with it. She rarely does that, opens up that much. I loved listening to her, staring into her blue eyes; eyes I would happily drown in. “I hate feeling like this. I don’t even know why I’m telling you all this shit. Maybe I’m just exaggerating. I’m not sure about anything at this point.” Pouring myself another glass, I lean against the office desk.

  “Even though I promised not to interfere, let me give you some advice. I know you like her. I’ve known this for a while. I could read it on your face.” Phoenix takes the bottle from my hand, pouring himself a glass, too.

  “Don—”

  Phoenix gestures a hand for me to shut up. “You want to hear my advice or not?” With a nod, I shut my mouth and listen reluctantly. I have nothing to lose; I might as well listen to him. “Good. You can’t just give up.”

  I wait for him to go on, but he doesn’t. “What? That’s it? That’s your advice? To not give up? Deep man, really deep. Thanks.” Shaking my head, I step away.

  “I always sucked at giving advice, but I’m telling you now – if it’s not just your pride that got hurt, keep trying. You’re not the kind of man who gives up that easily, you fight until the very end. Especially when the prize is worth the extra fight.”

  After a long time, I feel more than just anger and sadness. “She makes me feel things I thought were long gone. Pride has nothing to do with it.” She is gentle, sweet, smart, mysterious, and incredibly beautiful. I want to kiss her soft lips, caress her smooth skin and grab that sexy ass of hers. I want to make her scream with pleasure and lose her mind at my touch. Every time she looks at me, something moves inside me, making me feel more alive than I’ve ever been. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

  “You’re in love with her.”

  “No, I’m not.” It’s way too soon. “I just like her, that’s all.”

  “Keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better, but you can’t lie to me. I know you too well. Did you talk to her about the kiss?”

  “No, I think she’s avoiding me.”

  “Go to her. Be a man, tell her how you feel and all that sappy shit, ask her on a date or something. You know the drill. Go get that girl.”

  Thinking about what Phoenix said, I toss and turn all night. Maybe I should listen to him and just ask Everly out. I should take her on a real date where we can talk. But before I do that, there’s something else I need to do.

  First thing in the morning I go to Ava’s room. “Ava, honey,” I call and knock before I enter.

  “Daddy! Did you come to play with me?” she asks, her eyes filled with hope. As soon as I sit down next to her, she puts her dolls in my lap and starts explaining what I should do. When she finally stops chattering, I blow out a loud huff. “Ava, what would you say if I asked Everly out on a date?” I need to have her approval, so I’m a little nervous. We never talked about these things because there was no need. I’ve never had a desire to do this until now. I’ve gotten used to the idea of Ava and me against the world. Things have been going great so far, we’re a good team. But Everly turned my world upside down when she crashed into my peaceful life. I’ve realized I don’t want to be alone. Not anymore. I want someone to complete me. Ava needs someone, too. I know she loves Everly, but would she still feel the same if she had to share me with another woman? Is Ava old enough to understand this stuff? I haven’t even asked Everly out yet, and I’m already making plans for the future. I don’t know if Everly will say yes, not after what happened with that kiss. I really hope she doesn’t think of it as a mistake anymore. I sure as hell don’t. But first things first. I need Ava’s approval and then Everly to say yes. Call me selfish, but I really want them both to agree.

  “What is a date?” She tilts her head to the side, staring at me curiously.

  Here we go. I was hoping I still had a couple of years before I had to explain these things to her. “A date is some sort of a meeting where two people who like each other hang out.”

  “Okay. Can I come with you? I want to hang out, too,” she asks as she places one of the dolls in a pink convertible.

  I chuckle, shaking my head at her. “No, sweetie, it doesn’t work that way. A date is for two people who like each other and are much, much older than you are. They need some alone time so they can get to know each other better.”

  “But you already know Evi. Why do you need to be alone with her?” She seems confused.

  “Well,” I have no idea how to explain it. “I want to
ask her on a date because I enjoy her company, just like the characters from the fairytales I’m reading you.”

  “Like when Prince Henry invited seamstress Anna to dinner, and then she became a princess and they lived happily ever after?” she tilts her head and presses her lips together like she is imagining them.

  I exhale in relief. Of course, like them. “Exactly. Would you like that?”

  Ava nods gingerly. “I like Evi.”

  “Great.” I kiss her cheek and straighten up. “We’ll play more later, okay? I have a few grown-up things I need to take care of.”

  “Can I go with you?” her eyes sparkle.

  “No, sweetie, you can’t. I need to do this on my own.” I smile.

  “Why?” Ava questions.

  “Because. You’ll understand when you’re older. Keep playing with your dolls. I love you.”

  I knock on Everly’s bedroom door, but there’s no response. She didn’t come downstairs for breakfast, but I know for a fact she hasn’t left the house. After my second round of knocks, I try the handle. It’s unlocked, so I walk inside.

  “Everly?” Her bed is unmade, the balcony doors open, and the curtains are flowing in the wind. That’s when I notice her, standing at the far end of the balcony, wearing shorts and a pink top. She’s leaning on the railing, staring into the distance. I fight the urge to close the distance between us, wrap my arms around her, and kiss the hell out of her. But since that didn’t work out last time, I know better. Walking slowly to her side, I make some noise so I wouldn’t startle her. “Hey. I knocked, but there was no answer so I came inside. I hope you don’t mind. Are you okay?” Everly turns to me, giving me a small smile. She tucks a strand of loose hair behind her ear but the wind blows it back in her face.

  “I didn’t hear you knocking,” she says, and makes her way into the room. I follow suit. She busies herself with making her bed, avoiding my gaze. The tension between us is unbearable. Filling the gap between us, I take her hand in mine.

  “We need to talk. Stop avoiding me.”

  Everly’s big blue eyes shoot to mine. “I’m not avoiding you.”

  With a pointed look, I raise my brow. “That’s bullshit, and we both know it.” Pulling the blanket from her hands, I make her sit down on the mattress. She doesn’t look too happy.

  “What do you want? If you’re worried about last night, don’t be.” She makes an awkward hand gesture. “Let’s just forget it ever happened, it was a mistake anyway.”

  “Worried about last night?” I repeat, sounding bitter to my own ears. Jesus, she makes it sound like we committed a crime or something.

  “We kissed, that’s it. Don’t make such a big deal out of it. People kiss all the time.” Ouch. She dismisses me just like that.

  “Then why are you avoiding me if it’s not a big deal?” Crossing my arms, I wait for her answer. “Did you hate it? I can handle the truth. I’m a grown man.”

  “No.” She shakes her head immediately. “I’m … I … You … I mean …” she stutters.

  “You’re just looking for an excuse then. I think you’re scared. Maybe you’re scared of getting fired, I don’t know.”

  “It doesn’t matter.” She waves her hand in dismissal. “Let’s just forget about everything.”

  Yeah, not happening. “I can’t stop thinking about our kiss, about you.” Reaching my hand to touch her fingers.

  My touch makes her shiver. “Why not?” She tries to avert her gaze, but I’m not letting her.

  “Because it’s been years since I’ve felt anything like it. I love being with you, talking to you, laughing with you.” I pause for a moment, trying to find the right words. I’ve always been honest and I’m not about to change that. “I like you, and I can’t help the way I feel. Don’t tell me you don’t feel the same about me because I can feel it. Tell me if I’m wrong.” Tracing a thumb over her cheekbone, she swallows hard. Since she didn’t push me away, I go on, my voice soft and quiet. “I’ve always had problems connecting with people. But you and I never had that issue. Even when we first met. It didn’t take long for me to realize there’s something between us, it just took me a while to admit it to myself. I want to explore this intense chemistry we have, don’t you?”

  She hesitates, not sure how to respond. There are millions of thoughts running through her mind right now, I can see it in her eyes.

  I don’t want to pretend anymore, I want a chance to show her we can be good together.

  “Let me take you on a date. I promise you’ll have fun. And I won’t kiss you again until you beg me for it,” I add with a cheeky grin to lighten the mood.

  Everly wrings her hands together, moving away from me. “No,” she shakes her head.

  “No?” I question, not sure if I hear her right.

  “No. I can’t go out with you.” Her words cut into me like a knife. “Call Dana, I’m sure she’d be thrilled to step into my shoes.”

  Dana? “I’m not interested in her in any way other than work.” My hands fly up, irritated. “We did have an affair, but that was a long time ago. I have no feelings for her whatsoever. It’s you I want.”

  “No, it has nothing to do with her.” She sighs, massaging her temples. “It’s me, I’m the problem. Please, stop asking. Can we get back to being friends? Forget the last two days happened?”

  “Friends?” I’m taken aback; I didn’t expect this. Rubbing my jaw, I watch her fidget with her fingers and thinking about her request. I don’t like it, but I’ll respect her wish. For now. I’ll just make sure to become a friend she won’t be able to stop thinking about. She’ll be so thoroughly swept off her feet she won’t stand a chance. “Fine. As you wish. Friends.” It sounds sour coming from my mouth. “I guess I’ll see you around.”

  “Connor,” Everly begs. “Please, don’t be mad.” Her lip quivers.

  Stopping at the door, not even turning around, I give her a smirk over a shoulder, “I’m not mad, friend.”

  Returning to my room, I throw myself on my bed. Shit. This didn’t go exactly as I planned. Why is she so afraid of taking a chance on me? Friends, I chuckle at the idea. She makes me feel things no friend has ever made me feel, and her eyes don’t lie – she’s not immune to my charms either. I have time, I’m patient; slowly but surely I’ll tear down those thick walls of hers and make her question her decision.

  “G od, you’re such a fool,” Amber rants as we talk on the phone the next day. “When has a guy literally offered himself to you on a silver platter like Connor? If someone said all those things to me I’d jump him faster than a hobo would a ham sandwich.”

  “Stop it. I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” I tell her, my knuckles white from gripping the phone so hard.

  “Fine, as you wish. So, I’ll see you on Saturday then?” I told her Connor invited her to a party at Mi Vida.

  “Hopefully the invitation still stands. After all I’ve said to him he may never want to see me again.”

  “You’re not kids, you’re two grown-ass people. After all, he agreed to all that friendship bullshit, isn’t that right?”

  “Sort of.” I think so.

  “Things will work out, you’ll see,” she says in an attempt to calm me down. It doesn’t work though.

  Suddenly, the door to my room swings open, and in walks Ava, dragging her bear behind her in one hand and holding two dolls to her chest with the other.

  “I’ll call you later, Ava just came in.” I grin at the little girl.

  “Okay, bye. Talk to you later.”

  Ava hops on my bed and studies the hand I hold my phone in. “Do you like them?” I saw her drop all the toys when she saw my bracelets.

  “Yes, they’re pretty.” She nods. She loves to wear my bracelets, I think she tried them all already and there are a lot of them.

  I take off a few of my rubber ones and hand them over to her. “Here, put them on.”

  “Will you wear these for your date with my Daddy? I already told everybody in my cla
ss about it,” Ava says casually while putting on the bracelets.

  My eyes almost fall out of my sockets. Where did she hear that?

  “Daddy says he’s gonna take you on a date, and you’re going to live happily ever after until the end of time.” Tears start to sting my eyes, but I manage to blink them away along with emotions.

  “No, sweetie, we aren’t going on a date.”

  “Why not?” She looks disappointed, her gaze so innocent. “You don’t like Daddy?”

  I wrap her in my arms, stroking her beautiful curls. “No, I like him a lot. Your Daddy is a really good man. It’s just not the right time for me to date.”

  “How about tomorrow?”

  I laugh. “Aren’t you a little too young to be asking me these kinds of questions?” I tap her nose playfully. “Why don’t we talk about something else?”

  “Drake told me he wants to take me on a date, too. Can I go? I’m going to marry him someday, you know.” Her face is serious, like she really believes in what she’s saying.

  “I think you should ask your Dad that first.”

  She scrunches up her nose. “Daddy won’t let me go, I know him.”

  I couldn’t agree more. Knowing Connor, he’ll want to lock her in her room until she’s thirty or more.

  Picking up one of the dolls, I smooth down her hair. “What’s her name?”

  “Nelly,” she says. “And this one,” pointing to the blond one, “is Sara.”

  “Pretty names, just like yours.”

  “Thanks.” She looks at me, grinning. “Did you know that Ava means power in Gerbil and bird in Latin?” she boasts. “It’s true. Grandma told me.”