Blue Saturn

by Jay, Libby

  His sudden outpouring takes me by surprise. Why is he telling me this?

  I shake my head. “I don’t see that.”

  He looks at me. “Yes you do. You saw it the very first day we met. You didn’t look at me the way all those other people look at me. You saw the real me.”

  I’m still shaking my head. “That’s not true.”

  “Then what did you see? Because the way you looked at me that day made me realise I’m no better than anyone else. And I hated that realisation.”

  “Mike, all I saw was a rock star who needed someone to look after his son.”

  He looks away from me. “You’re lying.”

  “I’m not.” I stand up from the couch. “I’m going to...”

  Mike speaks over me. “I saw a woman who has seen enough crap in her own life that she didn’t want to put up with mine.”

  His words make me stop in my tracks and I turn around to look at him.

  “I saw strength. An awesome strength.” He looks back at me. “So tell me, other than being too skinny, what did you see in me?” A smile breaks onto his face.

  I sit back down on the couch. “I saw Michael Greene. You were every bit as good looking as I thought you were going to be. You were taller...”

  Mike leans forward in his seat, his piercing eyes engaging mine. “What did you really see, Lyndsay?”

  Should I really tell him what I saw? Or what I thought? And why does he want to know? I take a deep breath and decide to go with brutal honesty. “I saw a pathetic excuse for a father and a rock star that was drowning in a sea of cliché.”

  Mike nods his head. “That’s what I thought.”

  “I don’t think that now.”

  “What do you think now?”

  “I think that given time you will be a dedicated father and I hope that you can clean up enough to give your son a good life. The life he deserves.”

  Mike nods his head. “What else?”

  I take another deep breath. “Why does my opinion of you matter? I’m just the babysitter.”

  “You’re a nanny, Lyndsay. And a damn good one. And your opinion matters because you’re not interested in blowing up my ego. You say it how it is. So tell me, what else do you see?”

  I recall his time at the hospital with the sick women. How he used his free time to do something for others. “I think you’re generous. I think you have a depth to you that for some reason or another you’re too afraid to let other people see. And I think you care about the people around you.”

  He nods and leans back against the couch, relaxing his posture. I relax too, hoping my interrogation is over.

  “You know why Gavin is sober?”

  I nod my head. “He told me.”

  “He went cold turkey. He went to stay with his mum and four of his sisters helped him get through his withdrawals. They had to tie him to the bed and for five days he screamed and puked and crapped and pissed all over himself. And in the end, he walked away and solemnly swore he’d never touch the stuff again.” He takes another drink. “I want to get clean. But I can’t go cold turkey. It’s too hard. I’m going to do it slowly. Over time. For Mikey.”

  “And for you. You need to want to do it for yourself.”

  “Yeah. Giving up the drugs is going to be the hardest. That stuff messes with your head.”

  “If you really want to succeed, you will. You have the drive. It wasn’t that many years ago that you were living in a tiny apartment. Now look at you. It takes determination to achieve what you have. And if you’re determined to get clean, you won’t fail.”

  Mike finishes his beer and stands up. “I think you missed your calling as a life coach.”

  I smile. “I think I’m too outspoken to be a life coach. I’d just make everyone cry.”

  Mike chuckles. “Thanks for the chat. I’m going to bed. Good night, Lyndsay.”

  “Good night Mike.”

  I eventually go to bed, once I’ve dissected and analysed every part of our conversation. But I always came back to the same conclusion; why the heck does Mike Greene care what I think?

  11.

  I can hear music. Soft guitar sounds. And singing. A deep voice accompanied by a high pitched voice. Both voices are perfectly in tune.

  And they’re singing my song.

  I make a quick visit to the bathroom, slip on a pair of track pants and a light jumper and head out to the living area.

  Mike is sitting on the couch with Mikey. He has his acoustic guitar in his lap and is playing Mikey’s favourite song.

  “Listen Indsy,” Mikey says when he sees me enter the room. “Mike can play your song on his guitar.”

  His enthusiasm is contagious and I find myself going to sit with them on the couch.

  Mikey counts Mike in and they start singing, while Mike plays. Mikey does all the actions to perfection and when they finish, I clap.

  “That was beautiful. Thank you.” I look to Mike. “I over slept. Sorry.”

  “You have the day off. Go back to bed if you want to.”

  “I might go for a run,” I say, which of course causes Mike to roll his eyes at me. “Have you had breakfast?”

  “The little man had some toast. I haven’t eaten though.”

  “I might call up some room service when I get back.”

  “What are your plans for today?”

  “I haven’t made any plans beyond going for a run.”

  Mike stands up and puts his guitar down on the table. Mikey immediately starts strumming the strings. “I was thinking about taking Mikey to Movie World. Gavin was gonna come. You’re welcome to join us if you want to.”

  I consider accepting his offer, but then decide against it. I think some father/son time is exactly what both the Mike’s need. “Sounds like the perfect boys day out. Thanks for the invite, but I’ll stay here.”

  Mike nods and I head back to my room to get changed into my running gear.

  It’s warm and it’s only nine o’clock in the morning. I cut my usual 10 k’s down to 7 and head back to the hotel. I know I must be a sight, dripping with sweat and even with my naturally tanned skin, I must be a burning red colour. I ignore the strange looks and quickly enter the waiting lift.

  Gavin is playing with Mikey on the floor of the living area. His hair is freshly dyed bright purple. I wonder how he’s been to the hairdresser since last night. They’ve stacked all the blocks on top of each other, creating a very unstable looking tower.

  “Hi,” I say as I walk through to the kitchen for a bottle of water from the fridge.

  “You went for a run without me,” Gavin says as he places another block on the tower.

  “I didn’t think you’d be up for another run so soon after yesterday.”

  “You’re probably right.”

  Then I hear voices from out on the balcony. “Sorry isn’t good enough!” It’s Mike. He’s yelling at someone.

  I lift my eyebrows and widen my eyes in question to Gavin.

  “Paul and Steve showed up this morning. They trashed their room in Sydney and it’s all over the news today. Mike is fuming.”

  Paul appears from the balcony. “Three weeks ago, you wouldn’t have cared.”

  “Yeah well I care now.” Mike follows Paul inside. Steve quietly follows Mike.

  Paul leaves the apartment while Steve sheepishly takes a seat on the couch. “I’m really sorry Mike,” he says.

  “Don’t let that dick wad lead you on, Steve. You’ve got an incredible career ahead of you. Paul on the other hand...” Mike shakes his head. “You’re better than him.”

  “I’m sorry,” Steve says again.

  I quietly head to my room to shower and change.

  The boys left half an hour ago, with Steve in tow. They have their first Brisbane show tonight so Mike said they’d be back around five o’clock. Then I’m officially on duty.

  I spend an hour sunbathing in the mid morning sun on the balcony. After I do that, I head inside to call Meredith.

&nb
sp; “You seem so much more relaxed, Lynd’s,” she says.

  “I am. The last few days have been great. I’m really starting to enjoy this job.”

  “Too bad it’s almost over.” She tells Levi she’s talking to me. Levi mutters something in the background before I hear a door close.

  “Levi said to say hi.”

  “Tell him hi back.”

  “He’s gone. So what are you going to do when this gig’s up?”

  “Mike has asked me to go to the UK with them.”

  “Are you going to go?”

  “I think I will. I don’t think I’m ready to say goodbye to Mikey.”

  “I’m sure all the swanky accommodation would be hard to pass up too.”

  “It is a lot nicer than my little farm house.” It’s the first time I’ve thought about home in a long time.

  “How are the beds?” Meredith laughs.

  “They are the best.” I laugh too. Meredith and I have a theory on hotel beds, the higher you can jump on them the worse they are to sleep on.

  “Have you tried the beds out?” Meredith asks.

  “I’ve slept on them Meredith. I know they’re good to sleep on.”

  “You should always jump on a bed before you sleep in it Lyndsay. Have I taught you nothing?”

  I laugh and shake my head, realising just how much I’ve missed my cousin. “Well make sure that mattress in the spare room is ready for me. I’ll be dropping by in a few weeks.”

  “The mattress is ready and waiting.”

  I eat lunch alone at a small cafe on South Bank. I go for a stroll along the river, but I begin to feel a little amiss. I’ve spent the last few weeks so focused on caring for Mikey that I feel a little bit lost without him. I plug my earphones into my phone, hoping that a little music can distract me, but it fails and I decide to head back to the hotel.

  I throw a load of washing into the machine, and as I go back into my bedroom, I look toward the bed. It seems like ages since I’ve jumped on a bed, but that’s only because Meredith made my jump on every single bed I slept in during my travels with her and Levi.

  “Stuff it,” I say to myself and jump up onto the bed.

  This bed is terrible to jump on. It has absolutely no bounce to it at all. But I keep jumping because the song that’s playing through my earphones demands to by jumped around to. It’s called ‘Paradise Street’ and it’s got a great beat. It is also one of Blue Saturn’s biggest hits.

  I jump a few more times and as I turn around to jump off the bed, I scream because Mike is standing in the doorway to my bedroom, watching me with an amused look on his face.

  “Didn’t your mother ever tell you it’s naughty to jump on the bed?” he asks.

  “Yes, but my mother isn’t here now, is she?” I slowly get down from the bed.

  Mike laughs. “No she isn’t.” Then he lunges toward me and grabs my iPod from my hand, effectively pulling the earplugs from my ears.

  “Give that back,” I say.

  “What are you listening to?” He puts one plug into his ear.

  “Nothing. No one. Give it back.” I try to grab at the iPod but Mike steps away.

  “I know this song,” he says and starts to laugh. “I didn’t know you’re a fan.” Mike starts to scroll through my iPod.

  “I’m not a fan. Give it back.”

  Mike quickly moves away. “You have all our albums.” Mike begins to walk toward the living area. “Hey Steve, Lyndsay has all our albums. She’s our biggest fan.”

  “I’m not your biggest fan.”

  “But you have all our albums.”

  “You only have three.”

  “And you paid for all of them.” Mike is smiling, still scrolling through my iPod. “You even have our crap one.”

  Their second album received huge criticism after they abandoned the classic rock sound of their first album and tried a new sound. I liked the album, but I was in the minority. Their latest album is back to their roots, their classic rock sound.

  Steve comes into view. He’s standing at the kitchen bench. He looks a bit sun kissed.

  Mike holds up my iPod. “Lyndsay is listening to our album on her day off.”

  Steve looks amused but doesn’t say anything.

  “I wasn’t listening to your album, it was on shuffle.”

  Mike ignores me. He’s scrolling through my list of artists.

  “Blink One-Eight-Two, Blur. Bon Jovi.” He rolls his eyes at Steve. “What is it with chicks and Bon Jovi?” He looks up at me. “Have you ever seen us live?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?” Mike looks offended.

  “Because I’m not a fan.” I try to grab my iPod back again, but he quickly moves away.

  Mike smiles. “But you have all our albums.”

  I sigh. “Can I have my iPod back now?”

  “No.” He keeps scrolling through my selection. “Grinspoon. They rock. Lenny Kravitz. No Doubt, coulda picked that one.”

  I lunge at him again but he holds the iPod above his head out of reach. He looks up and keeps scrolling through. “You can tell a lot about a person from the music they listen to. Radiohead.” Then he stops and looks at me. “Whitney Houston? Really.”

  “She’s a goddess of music.”

  “No, she’s a screamer.” Mike lowers his hand. “You have very eclectic tastes, Lyndsay.”

  “Can I have my iPod back now?”

  “Sure.” Mike hands it to me along with the earphones. “Anything for our biggest fan. Do you want me to sign your tits?”

  I slap his shoulder. “Shut up.”

  Mike laughs and walks toward the balcony. “You didn’t say no, Lyndsay. You didn’t say no.”

  The boys are heading out for their concert. Gavin and Steve are on the balcony and Mike is in his room. He’s been in there for about an hour getting ready.

  I’m getting a light dinner ready for Mikey. He’s tired from his big day out and I doubt he’ll eat much. He’s playing with his new super hero figurines. From what I can gather, Superman and Batman are trying to rescue the guy in red (I don’t know his name) from a massive fire. Wonder Woman is with Green Lantern on the coffee table, tied together with a shoelace. I’m not sure where the shoelace came from.

  Mike appears on the other side of the kitchen bench. When my eyes meet his, I see something I haven’t seen for a few days. His eyes are foggy. He’s high.

  He sees the disappointment on my face and steps closer to me. “I have to do it slowly.”

  “I know. I’m not judging you.”

  “I haven’t used in two days.”

  “Mike.” I step around the bench and stand close to him. He smells like alcohol and cigarettes. I look up into his eyes. “I’m not judging you.”

  His eyes stay locked to mine for a few moments before they rapidly start to dart around, never staying locked in one place for more than a second. He steps away from me. “Let’s go boys,” he calls out.

  He says goodbye to Mikey and without looking at me again, he leaves with two of his band members.

  *****

  The Brisbane shows are getting rave reviews. Mike has been in fine spirits, both on and off stage, and Liane was here only a few hours ago, raving about the reviews last night’s show got.

  Mikey and I are in the bathroom brushing our teeth. Gavin, in all his parenting genius found green “Incredible Hulk” Toothpaste and Mikey has been brushing his teeth at least five times a day.

  “What are you doing tonight?” I look to the door of the bathroom. Mike is standing there with a strange look on his face.

  “Hi Mike,” Mikey says with a mouthful of green foam, while I spit green toothpaste into the sink and rinse my mouth.

  “Hey mate.” Mike comes into the bathroom and roughs up Mikey’s hair before looking at me. “Are you busy tonight?”

  “No I’m staying here with Mikey. You have a show.” I’m a bit confused. “Don’t you?”

  “Yeah, I want you and Mikey to come.”
/>
  I slowly shake my head. “I’m not bringing him to one of your concerts. He’s too young. It’s too loud.”

  “I’ve taken care of all that.”

  I’m still shaking my head.

  “I hate to have to pull rank with you Lynd’s, but Mike is my son and if I want him to come to one of my concerts he will. And I’m sure you don’t want me to leave him with one of my disease infested whores while I’m on stage. So if you’re interested in Mikey’s welfare, you’ll come too.”

  “Babysitting a child during a concert isn’t my idea of a good time.”

  Mike smiles at me. “I told you, I’ve taken care of everything. Be ready to leave at four, not a minute after.” He turns around and heads out of the bathroom. “I’m a very important rock star, Lyndsay. Don’t make me tardy.”

  He disappears into the hallway and I wonder how on earth he knows about words like ‘tardy.’

  “Are we going to watch Mike at work today?” Mikey asks, spitting green foam onto my shirt.

  “It would seem we are.”

  I have no idea what to expect from my evening. Noise. Crowds. Giggling girls. The latter makes my stomach churn.

  I pack a bag with snacks and toys and two changes of clothes for Mikey. I know there’s a pram around here somewhere. I’ve seen it whenever we’ve moved hotels but have yet to use it. Maybe I should bring it so I can put Mikey to sleep in it later. The door to the apartment opens and Mike strolls in, humming a tune.

  “I’ve got a tune in my head, I gotta get it down.” He goes into his room and closes the door behind him.