Nephi's Courage

by Rory McFarlan

  “What’s wrong, Uncle Nephi?” asked little Chloe.

  Chloe disappeared under the table for a few seconds before popping up on the other side and giving Nephi a Chloe-sized hug. He laughed and hugged her back.

  “Nothing is wrong Chloe,” he said. “In this moment, everything is just perfect. I love you both and I really needed this today but I’ve gotta run or Mark will have my head.”

  Nephi placed one last spoonful of pumpkin shake in his mouth and then gave Stacy and Chloe another hug before heading back to work.

  Tears proved difficult to hold back on the short drive. Nephi turned his mind to work in an effort to let his cheeks dry before walking into the office. By the time he stopped at the back of the parking lot, he seemed collected enough to work. He badged in, walked past reception and moved toward his office. As he passed by Mark’s office, the sound of his name changed his course.

  “Nephi,” Mark called out, “come in here for a moment. I need to chat with you.” Confused at the request, Nephi wiped his eyes, double-checking they were dry before entering.

  “Please close the door and take a seat,” Mark requested.

  The door swung closed and Nephi heard the click of the latch before sitting down in a soft upholstered chair that was much nicer than the chairs in his own office.

  “How can I help you?” asked Nephi.

  “Your eyes are red and puffy. Is everything okay, Nephi?”

  “Everything is fine. It’s just my allergies acting up,” said Nephi, hoping Mark was dumb enough to believe it.

  “I see. You should take something for that. It’s not a good look,” said Mark before continuing. “I have some business to discuss with you.”

  “Okay. I’m all ears. What’s up, Mark?”

  “Nephi, please address me as President Stone during this meeting. I called you in here in my capacity as a member of the Stake Presidency, not as General Manager of the call center.”

  “President Stone,” replied Nephi, “I am happy to meet with you at the Stake Center after work today. We don’t need to meet on the company’s time.”

  “Nonsense,” stated Mark, “I have the time now and I want to speak with you. President Miller called me during lunch after he got off the phone with Bishop Thompson. I understand that you are questioning some things related to the church.”

  “President Stone, I do have questions. I think everyone in the church has questions about something or other. President Miller relayed some of my concerns to you, I assume. Do you have answers for me about what the afterlife holds for a faithful gay man who remains celibate for life?” asked Nephi.

  “The church has been very clear. Those who suffer from same sex attraction can remain in good standing in the church and should trust in God to take care of them in the next world. I have nothing further to say about that. I called you in to extend you a release,” said President Stone.

  “A release? You are releasing me from my calling as executive secretary? Why so sudden?” asked Nephi.

  “After discussing it with President Miller, Bishop Thompson felt it best to release you. We thank you for your service.”

  “President Stone, I have served as executive secretary to Bishop Thompson for four years, longer than I served in any other calling. The calling has been challenging, and I have grown a lot during that time. I enjoyed it. I understand it is time for a release although I can’t say I’m not disappointed about the way it is happening and what I suspect are the reasons. Nevertheless, I thank you for the opportunity to serve and I look forward to my next calling, whatever that might be,”

  “The recommendation from the Stake Presidency is that you spend time in the Gospel Principles class while you work on repentance and figure some things out,” said President Stone.

  Gospel Principles is the introductory Sunday school class. The class for new members of the church to learn the basics. Nephi loved the class, he found the basic principles of the gospel beautiful. God is our Father. Jesus Christ is our Savior. Love your neighbor as yourself. Show faith in Christ. He wouldn’t mind taking part in the class, although a direct assignment to Gospel Principles from the Stake Presidency was a passive aggressive slap to the face.

  “I see,” replied Nephi. “Well, I guess that is it then. Is there anything else you would like to discuss?”

  “I am curious, Nephi,” said President Stone. “Your questions for Bishop Thompson are bordering on apostasy. What brought about them about? Are you seeing someone?”

  “If you are asking if I have engaged in intimate relations with anyone, the answer is no, not that it’s your business. I have never even held a man’s hand but I have questions, President Stone, questions about God’s plan for me, one of his children who he created different than he created you,” replied Nephi.

  “I don’t believe that God created you that way,” replied President Stone. “He wouldn’t do that. He created us male and female in his image. Each gender has a divinely assigned role and you are choosing not to follow that role.”

  Pressure built up in Nephi’s core. Several years back, such a comment would make him explode. He had worked on remaining calm and patient and had become good at remaining civil. President Stone tested his limits. Swallowing his building anger, Nephi forced a tempered deliberate tone.

  “Believe me when I say this, President Stone, if I could choose my sexuality, I would not have chosen a path that subjected me to ridicule my entire life, a path that causes the church that I believe in with my whole heart to reject me. I am gay and I have always been gay. It is not a choice I made, it is the way God made me. You may want to have a conversation with church leaders. While they once declared the way you think as doctrine, that is no longer the case. The position of the church is that God created me this way and as long as I don’t act on my natural feelings, I remain in good standing. President, do you believe that God makes mistakes?”

  “God does not make mistakes,” he replied. “It is you who made the mistake when you chose perversion rather than God’s way.”

  “This conversation is going nowhere. Let’s agree to disagree and carry on with the work day,” said Nephi.

  He stood and walked out of Mark’s office, retreating to his own. Door closed, Nephi rested his head on the desk and sobbed. Good thing Nephi was so productive this morning, the rest of the day was shot. Nephi’s eyes scanned the daily stats on his monitor but his mind did not process any of it. All focus was on the conversations from the past two days. Nephi’s feelings during the conversation with Stacy stood in stark contrast to those elicited by Bishop Thompson and President Stone.

  The afternoon hours dragged on while Nephi did his best to get some work done despite his anxiety. Four o’clock was approaching and Nephi did one last floor pass to check whether any of his agents needed him before he left. Steve, the evening shift manager, arrived at the office.

  Steve stood about 5 feet 9 inches. He sported dark spiky hair, brown eyes, and a fake smile. Steve graduated from Utah Valley University five years back with a four-year degree in Hospitality Management. UVU is the largest university in Utah by student population. It sits in Orem, a few miles down the road from BYU. Although Nephi had the most seniority of the shift managers, he was the only one without a college education, which made Steve feel superior.

  Together, they reviewed the day shift statistics and talked about the new upsell goals for next week. Steve gave Nephi a hard time about a week over week slip in ‘Handle Time’. Mark typically stopped by around this time to supervise the shift hand off but he was nowhere to be found. Nephi wished Steve luck and headed home.

  Tired from a long day, yet full of anxiety, Nephi compelled himself to hit the treadmill in the apartment complex gym. He ran hard for an hour, completing six miles at a three degree incline. The exercise made him feel better. After a shower, he called Stacy.

  Most days Nephi avoided calling Stacy at night. She had Roger and the kids at home and he didn’t like to disturb her family life.
Tonight, thought, he needed to talk and didn’t feel comfortable discussing this with anyone else. The phone hadn’t finished the first ring when Stacy picked up.

  “Hey, Nephi, What’s up?”

  “The second half of my day was pretty rough and I need to talk. Is this a good time?”

  “I’ll always make time for you,” she said. “Hold on just a second.”

  She put the phone down and Nephi could hear her talking to Roger in the background. She asked him to keep an eye on Chloe and Wyatt so she could talk.

  “Okay, I’m back,” she said. “Tell me about your day.”

  Gratitude for his friend filled Nephi’s heart. It was nice to have someone willing to listen. He walked her through the meeting in Mark’s office.

  “Please tell me you’re kidding,” she said. “He really did that at work?”

  “Sure did.”

  “The nerve and arrogance of that man never cease to astound me. I’m glad we moved to American Fork so I don’t have to deal with him anymore.”

  “How do you like your ward there?” Nephi asked.

  “I really love it. There are plenty of the stuffy militant Relief Society types who seem to think I’m evil if I don’t attend every weekly activity, just like any ward, but I have a lot of good friends here,” she said.

  “I’m glad you’re happy there.”

  “You should move closer to me,” she suggested. “Did I tell you that Roger was just called as second counselor in the Bishopric?”

  “You didn’t mention that,” he said. “Good for him. He will do great in that calling. As for me, I don’t think moving is the solution. I have a feeling that my sort of problems will follow me wherever I go.”

  “Nephi, I’m really sorry about everything. Life really isn’t fair. I wish there was something I could do to fix it all for you. Just remember that I have your back.”

  “Thanks, Stace,” he replied. “I really appreciate you taking my call. You always make me feel better.”

  “That’s what I’m here for,” she replied.

  “It’s getting late, I’ll let you get back to Roger and the kids.”

  “I’ll give you a call tomorrow,” she said. “Goodnight.”

  The connection ended and Nephi sat alone on his sofa contemplating the day. So many thoughts flowed through his mind. He would deal with all that tomorrow. For now, he needed sleep. He opened the scripture app on his phone and read two chapters in the Book of Mormon before kneeling in prayer. He thanked God for his blessings and plead for guidance. Exhausted, he crawled into bed and slept.

  Chapter 4

  Prior to the resurrection of Jesus, the Sabbath was observed on the seventh day. Jesus overcame death when he rose from the tomb on Sunday and from that time forward, Christians recognized the first day of the week as the Lord’s Day and observed it as the Sabbath.

  Sabbath day observance is an important element of faith in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Sunday is a holy day when Mormons attend church for two hours, visit with loved ones, and rest from worldly cares such as work, shopping, house chores, and worldly entertainment.

  Because Mormons dedicate the Sabbath day to God, they use Saturday as a day of preparation. It is a day to do the housework and shopping, gas up the car, and prepare spiritually for Sunday. For Nephi, it was no different.

  The day started the same as every other day, with prayer and scripture study. Every Saturday morning, Nephi followed up his scripture study with a trip to the Mt. Timpanogos temple in American Fork. The temple is a sacred building where Mormons feel closest to God. It is a place to make promises to God and to pray. The temple is also at the center of one of the most beautiful LDS practices – completing ordinances for the dead. Mormons believe that God, being just, offers the opportunity for salvation to each of his children whether or not they accepted the gospel of Jesus Christ in this life. Ordinances such as baptism can be performed for them posthumously, allowing them to accept the gospel in the afterlife.

  Nephi attended the temple every week to set himself right. The temple is where he felt most at peace. After scripture study, Nephi dressed in his suit and tie, grabbed his temple bag, and directed his truck toward the temple. Few scenes offer the beauty of the Mt. Timpanogos temple. The white granite exterior and bronze doors stood against a mountain backdrop adorned in the colors of the bright autumn leaves. Nephi gazed up at the artistic windows and the spire that towered over him. He admired the golden statue of Angel Moroni standing on top of the spire blowing a trumpet.

  A similar statue tops most LDS temples. Moroni is a prophet from the Book of Mormon. The book is named for his father, Mormon. Mormon compiled the writings of the prophets among his people, the Nephites, and abridged their historical records, combining them into what is now the Book of Mormon. Moroni inherited the book when his father died. The last of his people, Moroni roamed the American continent, adding to his father’s book and avoiding the enemy of his people – the Lamanites.

  Before his death, Moroni buried the book which was written on gold plates. Centuries later, Moroni, now an angel, appeared to Joseph Smith, a young farm boy living in upstate New York. Moroni showed Joseph the plates and Joseph translated the book by the power of God. It provides another testament of Jesus Christ. Along with the Bible, the Book of Mormon is scripture. The golden statue you see on top of LDS temples is the angel Moroni, blowing his trumpet to announce the second coming of Jesus Christ.

  Nephi took in the temple's beauty on a crisp fall morning before continuing inside. He completed ordinances for his fifth great grandfather who died in Cambridgeshire, England in 1810. Working for the salvation of his ancestors always brought a smile to Nephi’s face. It made him feel connected to them. After completing ordinance work, Nephi remained in the temple to pray.

  He kneeled and prayed for over an hour, pleading with the Lord for guidance and direction and asked the Lord for help to understand His will. He sought to know his place in God’s plan. Speaking with God just like he speaks to a friend, he laid bare his soul, praying for the comforting influence of the Holy Ghost. While pouring out his heart in prayer, a peace came over Nephi. The warm sensation started in his chest and spread outward until it consumed his entire body. Deep inside, he knew that God loved him and felt that everything would be okay. Nephi thanked God for His love and comfort.

  Rejuvenated, Nephi left the temple and climbed into his truck. The Lord would not abandon him during his time of distress. Pondering upon the experience in the temple, Nephi drove home. He changed into grubbies, the word his family had always used for worn-out clothes you don’t mind getting dirty, and cleaned his apartment. This was his Saturday ritual since he learned to walk.

  Growing up, his mother directed the work. Nephi and his siblings would change into grubbies on Saturday morning and do the chores. Nephi hated chores as a kid and mowing the lawn was the worst. He always tried to pawn it off on his brother, Ammon. Now an adult, Saturday morning cleaning, continued to be part of Nephi’s routine. He even enjoyed it, well, except for the bathroom He wasn’t especially fond of scrubbing toilets, but someone had to do it and he lived alone, so he was that someone. At least in the apartment, there was no lawn to mow.

  While cleaning the house, Nephi worked up an appetite. He made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that hit the spot and brought a sense of nostalgia. Many a Saturday afternoon in his childhood, Nephi enjoyed peanut butter sandwiches after a long morning of chores. The sandwiches washed down nicely with a glass of milk. Tired from a long week, Nephi laid down for a nap.

  The exhaustion took over his body and by the time he woke up it was almost seven o’clock. A red light flashing on his phone alerted him to a missed call from Stacy. She left a voicemail saying that she hoped he felt better. After his temple trip and a good nap, he did. Aware that she was likely eating dinner with her family, Nephi didn’t return the call. Instead, he called to speak with Bishop Thompson.

  The phone rang four times before
Bishop Thompson answered. “Hi Nephi, what can I do for you?”

  “I spoke with President Stone yesterday and he informed me of my release. I would like to speak with you about it and follow up on our last conversation.”

  “That sounds good, Nephi. I was planning to schedule something with you. I’m busy this evening, but speak with Brother Hanson tomorrow at church. He is making my appointments until we call your replacement.”

  “Thanks, Bishop. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Don’t bother coming to Ward Council meeting in the morning. Just come in time for sacrament meeting. I’ll see you then, Nephi. Goodbye.”

  “Bye,” replied Nephi before ending the call.

  In every case Nephi could remember, a new executive secretary was called at the same time that the previous one was released. He found it strange that they would release him so abruptly. Despite the comfort he felt in the temple that morning, the way they handled this bothered him. Dis-inviting him to Ward Council was like a release before the official release, which gave Nephi a bad taste in his mouth. Brother Hanson, who served as the ward membership clerk, would be in Ward Council meeting, so he would be at Sacrament Meeting early. Nephi would catch him in the chapel before it started to set an appointment with Bishop.

  Nephi spent the rest of the night binge watching Gilmore Girls on DVD while eating a microwaved bean and cheese burrito. He preferred his old school DVD player to the newfangled streaming services. There was no need to pay for cable or fork out money every month for a streaming service and used DVDs were dirt cheap. Gilmore Girls was his favorite show. He loved the wit and banter and understood the small town charm. Though he had watched the series dozens of times and knew almost every word by heart, he never tired of watching it.

  Around eleven thirty, Nephi read a chapter in the Book of Mormon and said his prayers before retiring to bed for the night.

  Warm covers on a cool morning dampened Nephi’s will to get out of bed. He was glad to snooze his alarm since he was not invited to ward council meeting. Arms drawn against his chest, he nestled into the blanket for an extra hour before finally shaking the cobwebs from his head and falling to his knees for morning prayers. The feeling of the cold floor through his pajamas helped wake him. Now alert, he hopped in the shower to begin his morning routine. Nephi took his time getting dressed and preparing mentally for the day. Today was fast Sunday, which is typically the first Sunday of every month. Today was September 29th. Fast Sunday was a week early because the following week was General Conference.