Alice's Nightmare In Wonderland

by Jonathan Green

  455

  Unable to unlock the secret of the Clock Gate, Alice has no choice but to return to the last junction she passed and choose another way to go – turn to 370.

  456

  Alice can take the Executioner’s Axe with her, to be her own weapon, if you like. Every time she delivers a successful strike with the weapon, it will cause 3 Endurance points of damage; however, because the axe is so heavy and hard to wield, Alice must also reduce her Combat score by 1 point for as long as she is using the weapon.

  With no other obstacles barring her way now, Alice pushes open the ornate double doors and enters the palatial room beyond.

  The throne room is as splendid as one might expect of the Palace of the Queen of Hearts, with pillars running round the outside edge of the heart-shaped chamber, a grand chandelier hanging from the high, vaulted ceiling bedecked with cut-crystal hearts and, at the centre of the room, where the curves of the heart join, is a magnificent royal seat that continues the heart-theme in both form and decoration.

  Seated upon the throne is a tall, thin woman, wearing an elegant crimson gown, its embroidered detailing making much use of a teardrop pattern, and with a delicate diadem upon her head set with a blood-red ruby. The woman’s skin is as pale as porcelain and her hair is as fine as spun silver. The irises of her eyes as are black as obsidian, and she is possessed of an unearthly beauty.

  Lying beside her, on the heart-patterned rug at her feet, is the body of a much shorter woman, wearing a dress decorated with all manner of hearts and stained red with blood. Apart from the fact that she is lying spread-eagled on the floor, there is one obvious thing wrong with the woman’s body; it is quite clearly missing its head.

  The mysterious beauty sitting on the throne is holding the missing head in one hand, smiling at the ugly woman’s rigor mortis-locked expression of horror and disbelief that have seized her sagging features. In the red-robed woman’s other gory hand is a still gently pulsating fist-sized lump of meat.

  “Off with her head!” the woman says, a cruel smile curling her rosebud lips. “That was her favourite expression, wasn’t it? Well you know what they say, you should be careful what you wish for…”

  Alice cannot move, she cannot even speak, so appalled is she by what has been revealed before her in the throne room. And it is then that she realises the woman’s dress isn’t decorated with teardrops but rather it is embroidered with droplets of blood.

  “The Queen of Hearts,” the woman goes on, fixing Alice with a soul-penetrating stare. “Well not anymore.”

  With that she takes the Queen’s still beating heart and opening her mouth wide, dislocating her jaw as if she were a snake, swallows it whole.

  “And I suppose you were sent here to do away with the insane tyrant,” she adds, licking her fingertips clean with a long, snaking tongue.

  The woman, smiles seductively at Alice. “Come here child,” she says, her unblinking gaze never once faltering, and beckons to Alice with a still bloody finger.

  Take an Insanity test. If Alice passes the test, turn to 486. If she fails the test, turn to 476.

  457

  Alice gulps down the rest of the tincture (cross the Shrinking Potion off Alice’s Adventure Sheet) and immediately starts to shrink. Soon she is small enough to slip under the door of the cell.

  Once she is on the other side, she sets off along the cavernous passageway into the Palace. Fortunately, before she can run into any elephant-sized vermin, the effects of the potion wear off and she returns to her normal size.

  Turn to 342.

  458

  Alice can’t help but inhale a lungful of the mycetic spores and doubles up as her body is wracked by a terrible coughing fit.

  Lose 2 Endurance points and reduce Alice’s Agility score by 1. If Alice is still alive, turn to 438.

  459

  Retreating a few paces, to give herself more of a run-up, Alice runs towards the creatures at full pelt. At the last possible moment, she launches herself into the air, hoping to flip herself over their heads. The question is, did she give herself enough of a run-up?

  Take an Agility test, and if Alice is successful, turn to 489. If she is unsuccessful, turn to 469.

  460

  “Ahoy there!” comes a voice from somewhere nearby, and turning her head Alice sees a great sailing ship bearing down on her.

  It is a most curious sight; it has the appearance of a square-rigged merchantman, except that a great funnel, pumping out billows of thick black smoke, emerges from the aft castle. As the ship draws alongside her, a lifeboat it lowered, accompanied by the clanking of esoteric machineries. Hauling herself on board, Alice waits as the lifeboat is raised on its hoist again so that she might disembark onto the deck of the peculiar galleon.

  The crew immediately gather round her. There is a Boot-maker, a Bonnet-maker, a Barrister, a Broker, a Billiard-marker, a Banker, a Butcher, a Baker, and – most curiously of all – a Beaver.

  “Welcome! Welcome!” declaims their Captain, a Bellman, ringing his bell enthusiastically as he does so. “Welcome aboard the Snark-Hunter!”

  “Snark-Hunter? What’s a Snark-Hunter?” asks Alice, staring about her in amazement at the strange ship and her curious crew.

  “Why, we are,” says the Bellman, looking uffish. “All of us. We are, after all, hunting the Snark.”

  “And what, pray tell, is a Snark?”

  “Why, let me tell you,” the Bellman says, conspiratorially. “Come, listen my men,” he goes on, beckoning to his crew, “while I tell you again the five unmistakeable marks by which you may know, wheresoever you go, the warranted genuine Snarks.”

  His men lean in closer, with Alice caught up among their throng, as the Captain of the Snark-Hunter passes on his especial knowledge of the creature they are, apparently, hunting.

  “Let us take them in order. The first is the taste,

  Which is meagre and hollow, but crisp:

  Like a coat that is rather too tight in the waist,

  With a flavour of Will-o’-the-wisp.

  “Its habit of getting up late you’ll agree

  That it carries too far, when I say

  That it frequently breakfasts at five-o’clock tea,

  And dines on the following day.

  “The third is its slowness in taking a jest.

  Should you happen to venture on one,

  It will sigh like a thing that is deeply distressed:

  And it always looks grave at a pun.

  “The fourth is its fondness for bathing-machines,

  Which is constantly carries about,

  And believes that they add to the beauty of scenes--

  A sentiment open to doubt.

  “The fifth is ambition. It next will be right

  To describe each particular batch:

  Distinguishing those that have feathers, and bite,

  From those that have whiskers, and scratch.

  “For, although common Snarks do no manner of harm,

  Yet, I feel it my duty to say,

  Some are Boojums–”

  The Bellman breaks off in alarm, for the Baker has fainted away.

  Their Captain’s speech concluded, the rest of the crew go about their business, making sure that Alice feels quite at home on board. They offer her muffins and tea, which Alice tucks into with gusto (add 4 to Alice’s Endurance score), and the Beaver evens offers her his second-hand dagger-proof coat.

  If you want Alice to take the coat, add the Dagger-Proof Coat to Alice’s Adventure Sheet, and for as long as she is wearing it, in battle Alice may reduce any damage done to her by her enemies by 1 point.

  “And now,” says the Bellman, “navigation is always a difficult art, with only one ship and one bell, but where can we take you? Will you join us on our quest or can you drop you somewhere on our way?”

  How should Alice reply?

  “Please drop me at the first safe

  harbour we come to.” Turn to 475.

 
“I would like to come with you.” Turn to 495.

  461

  Alice is fast, and on any other day such a run would win the village show sprint, but the airborne Snap-dragon-flies are faster and quickly catch up with her, one of them delivering her a nasty sting with its thorny tail.

  Lose 2 Endurance points, and if Alice is still able to continue her adventure, turn to 112.

  462

  The Red Knight dead, Alice turns her attention to recovering the Vorpal Sword. Carefully easing it from between the effigy’s fingers, Alice weighs it in her hands. The blade is perfectly balanced and unbelievably feels as light as a feather.

  If Alice uses the Vorpal Sword in combat, you may add 1 point to her Combat score and any successful strike she makes against an opponent will cause 4 Endurance points of damage.

  Hearing the clatter of armour and steel behind her, Alice turns in time to see the Red Knight rise from the floor and throw himself at her in one sudden, fluid movement.

  At that same instant, the mausoleum echoes with the thundering sound of galloping hoof-beats and a phantasmal horse and rider emerge from the far wall, in a burst if ectoplasmic mist. The guardian of the tomb has come to Alice’s rescue, now that she is mistress of the Vorpal Sword and its protector.

  Ignoring Alice now, the Red Knight turns to meet the ghostly White Knight’s charge. Swords clash and sparks fly.

  “She’s my prisoner, you know!” the Red Knight growls.

  “Yes, but then I came and rescued her!” the White Knight replies.

  “Well, we must fight for her, then,” says the Red Knight.

  “You will observe the Rules of Battle, of course?” the White Knight remarks.

  “I always do,” says the Red Knight.

  It is all the distraction Alice needs. With one swing of the Vorpal Sword she takes the undead knight’s head from his shoulders, as the keen-edged blade meets the stump of his bony neck.

  As the knight’s armoured head tumbles to the floor, the rest of the Red Queen’s vampiric champion falls to his knees before poleaxing onto the floor, and remains motionless this time.

  “You saved me!” Alice says as the ghostly White Knight dismounts from his phantasmal steed.

  “It was a glorious victory, wasn’t it?” says the ghost.

  “Is it your body that lies within?” Alice asks, her eyes on the great stone sarcophagus.

  “What does it matter where my body happens to be?” replies the knight. “What’s done is done, but what still needs to be done must be done also. It is time you were gone from this place. Wonderland needs you.”

  If you have the word ‘Portal’ recorded on Alice’s Adventure Sheet, then you will also have a number associated with it. If so, turn the section with the same number. If not, turn to 123.

  463

  There are three things that Alice may have found whilst exploring the maze that might be of particular use to her now in her altercation with the gardeners.

  If you want her to use a jar of Slug Pellets, turn to 473. If you think she’d be better off using Bloom’s Patent Plant Provender, turn to 493. If you think she should arm herself with a Spade, turn to 66.

  If Alice has none of these items, or you don’t want her to use any of them now, turn to 503.

  464

  Putting her hands over her head, Alice runs for the library door as books continue to hammer her body. (Lose 1 more Endurance point.)

  Back in the passageway, Alice slams the door behind her and is relieved to find that the Ghost does not follow her out into the corridor.

  If she is still alive, turn to 454.

  465

  The gravel path gives way to grass and Alice finds herself standing at the edge of what she supposes is a croquet-ground, although it is unlike any croquet-ground she has seen before, all ridges and furrows, with arches made of doubled-over playing cards larger than any she has ever seen… or has she?

  If Alice has visited the Croquet-Ground before, turn to 248. If his is her first visit, turn to 365.

  466

  As the Red Queen throws herself at Alice, talon-like fingernails and fangs bared, an apparition materialises between them inside the throne room.

  “Go!” the Ghost whispers to the child, and then turns to meet the shrieking vampire’s onslaught.

  Alice doesn’t need to be told twice. The phantasm’s appearance has bought her precious seconds that could mean the difference between life and death.

  Turn to 245.

  467

  No matter how she imagines events might differ from the path they seem set upon now, the Tiger continues to prowl towards her, despite Alice’s best efforts to avert the inevitable. It would appear that this is one battle she is going to have to face up to.

  Cross off one Curiouser and Curiouser box from Alice’s Adventure Sheet and turn to 492.

  468

  Before she can close her mouth and eyes against the toxic spore cloud, Alice begins to feel their ill-effects as her head starts to spin and she feels that she can no longer trust her own senses.

  Add 1 point to Alice’s Insanity score, reduce Alice’s Logic score by 1 point, and then turn to 437.

  469

  Just as Alice is thinking she has done it, one of the creatures arches backwards, almost bending itself in half, and a whip-like tongue shoots out of its mouth, its sticky tip catching her ankle, and pulls her out of the air.

  She lands hard, grazing her knee against a stone. (Lose 1 Endurance point.) By the time she has picked herself up again, the newt-like lizards are on top of her.

  Turn to 499.

  470

  Alice finds herself standing before a faux classical temple in which stands the statue of a monstrous winged beast. Alice does not allow her gaze to linger too long upon the horror, lest it drive her mad!

  From here Alice can only go east or west, so which is it to be?

  East? Turn to 430.

  West? Turn to 480.

  471

  The Executioner’s laugh becomes a mighty roar, as he raises the axe above his head, ready to bring it down upon Alice’s neck. (The Ace of Clubs has the initiative.)

  ACE OF CLUBS COMBAT 9 ENDURANCE 9

  If Alice wins her epic battle with the Royal Executioner, turn to 456.

  472

  Alice does not rejoice in insects at all, the truth being that she is rather afraid of them – especially the larger ones, like these Snap-dragon-flies. She runs like the wind and the fiery insects soon tire of the chase.

  When she is sure she has lost them, she slows her pace to a walk once more. Turn to 146.

  473

  Alice takes the jar of pellets from her pocket and hurls it at Two, only for the gardener to bat it away. The jar lands against another shrub, the glass shattering against the woody stem and scattering the pellets over the soil.

  Cross the Slug Pellets off Alice’s Adventure Sheet and turn to 503.

  474

  Bravely Alice charges towards the Ghost, but she cannot cause any physical harm to its ethereal form. While Alice is trying to fight off the spectre she continues to be battered by heavy atlases and dry historical tomes. (Deduct another 2 Endurance points.)

  If Alice is still conscious, turn to 464.

  475

  “Steer to starboard, but keep her head larboard!” the Bellman cries to the helmsman, who does his best to comply, and soon Alice sees land ahead, and not long after that, she is disembarking by jolly boat, as the Beaver rows her to shore.

  Exchanging farewells, the Beaver returns to the ship while Alice takes in her sandy surroundings.

  Beyond the shore, the beach rises to a range of grass-topped dunes, and beyond those Alice can see the tops of trees interspersed with carefully-tended topiary. Looking left along the beach, Alice spies the entrance to a rocky cove, while to her right the shoreline curves round to a wide bay.

  If you think Alice should investigate the rocky cove, turn to 138. If you think she should head towards the sandy
bay, turn to 258. If you think she should just head into the dunes towards the well-tended topiary, turn to 312.

  476

  Alice finds herself unable to resist as the Red Queen’s mesmeric stare penetrates her soul. Her will no longer her own, the child climbs the steps of the dais and only stops when she is before the throne.

  “Now then, my dear,” says the Red Queen, smiling languidly, “I know what you’d like.”

  As she opens her jaws wide once more, Alice just stands there, not acting to protect herself, as the Red Queen sinks her cobra-like fangs into the child’s jugular and starts to drink.

  The part of Alice that is still Alice, thinks she hears the rumour of a voice carry to her on the wind, a voice that says, “Wake up, Alice dear!”

  But Alice can’t wake up. She is under the control of the Red Queen now. She will never wake up again.

  THE END

  477

  Alice slumps to the ground, dejected and defeated.

  Her melancholic reverie is disturbed by the arrival of another within the mausoleum chamber. Standing at the top of the stairs is a knight clad in a suit of blood-red armour, his face hidden behind the closed visor of his helm.

  The Red Knight says nothing but drawing his black iron blade crosses the chamber, sword raised.

  Without the Vorpal Sword, not only will Alice not be able to slay the fiend-like Red Queen, she will not be able to defend herself against the harridan’s deathless servant either.