All That the Heart Desires

by June Moonbridge

  “Bas…” almost slipped out of my mouth, but I sealed my lips before I said something I would regret. After all, I was not alone. Ursula Crest was standing next to me.

  “He loves you very much,” I heard her saying. I was angry, as I’d let him play me for a fool. Despite this, I smiled through gritted teeth.

  “He’s my rock.”

  She took me under my arm and led me back to the house.

  “It must have been hard for you, losing your parents at such a young age,” she said when we were alone. I had a hard time not to roll my eyes.

  Not you too! It looked as if she’d decided to interrogate me. She led me through the main parlour across the hallway to the library. The only thing besides shelves full of books in the room was an armchair, a matching sofa and a window seat.

  “You should ask Harry. He’s the one who’s done all the work.”

  Ursula sat on the sofa.

  “Please sit,” she invited me. “No one will interrupt us here.”

  I stepped to the window seat and looked out at the oak trees.

  “I’ll be direct,” she started.

  I turned to face her.

  “What are your intentions?”

  “I don’t understand you.”

  She sighed.

  “The boys…”

  A knock on the door disturbed us. Lorcan looked in. He’d saved me again. But this time I wasn’t sure I wanted to be saved. Ursula Crest had started the conversation with a subject that was interesting to me, but after Lorcan explained to her that he ‘urgently’ needed me, she let me go.

  When I reached the door, I turned around to look at her. She was still sitting there, watching me leave. I didn’t know what to think. Everything was so strange. When she smiled I simply nodded and closed the door behind me.

  I’d had enough of people. There were too many of them. For the last three years I’d lived alone with the exception of Anne-Marie, Michelle and Lucille. Now in one weekend I had been thrown together with at least twenty people. I didn’t have a minute for myself; no chance to be alone.

  I managed to make my excuses after lunch and escaped to my room. I locked the door behind me. Lorcan was having a short briefing with the rest of the team. I didn’t want to stay alone with Ursula again.as I didn’t know what to think of her.

  When the house fell silent and the terrace was empty, I crept through the parlour. After closing the French doors behind me, I ran onto the grass and followed my route to the maze. It was obvious that I was worse than the boys in the sense that I didn’t know how to follow orders either.

  Finding the entrance again, I didn’t hesitate and entered the maze. There were two possibilities and I went left. The paths were wide, at least four feet, and the inner walls of the maze were cut with the same precision as the outer ones. Coming around the corner I continued on the path towards the mansion but, as the walls were still the same height, I couldn’t see anything but the upper floor and the roof.

  Just before I reached the next corner, a new entrance appeared. I decided to go further. I wondered if I would be able to find the centre of the maze.

  The next row was the same width as the one before. Again I had two choices as to what to do and I decided this time to go right. Well, that decision was not quite right as I didn’t get far—I soon found a dead end. I turned back and continued, but it was no use: another dead end.

  I sighed as I realised that this walk was going to occupy me for some time. I still knew which direction I’d come from, so I returned to the beginning and tried the other way.

  At the beginning it looked like I’d finally found the right route and I wondered why this one was called a maze and not a labyrinth. Until now I hadn’t found anything that was even close to the traps that should have been there.

  Walking around the fifth square, I quickly changed my mind. I almost came back to the entrance from the fourth and, instead of a new entrance to the sixth square, all I found were several entrances on the other three walls. I started to feel a little bit lost.

  I checked my pocket for my phone to see what the time was and realised I had left it in my room. I hadn’t only lost track of where I was, but also track of time. I tried to find an exit, but it was too late. I couldn’t get out.

  At one point I almost crashed into a mirror that suddenly blocked the path, yet was not immediately visible as it reflected the sidewall. Only when I was a few feet away did I see my reflection.

  I knew then I had no choice but to go back and find the right path into the next level.

  Suddenly I saw it: a small stone bench. I wondered how I hadn’t seen it before. The bench was made of white stone and was big enough for two people at most. My legs were hurting. I didn’t know what the time was. I couldn’t call anyone.

  I sat down and leaned on the green wall. The whole time I’d walked around the walls they had looked solid. I was mistaken. Instead of resting my back on the wall, I found myself on the other side, lying on my back on the grass. The part of the green wall I’d fallen through closed shut, leaving no evidence of where it had opened.

  Slowly, I stood up and finally understood why it was called a maze. Looking around, I hoped I was closer to the centre, but I was just on another path. At least that’s how it looked.

  I had to crawl to get to the eighth square. I wasn’t sure if that was the right entrance as it was really narrow and close to the ground; big enough for a child or perhaps an animal. Knowing I had no other option, I squeezed myself through, scratching my arms and legs. I carelessly let a small branch slip through my fingers, hitting me in the face and leaving a scratch.

  At that point it was clear to me that I had been really stupid to enter the maze in the first place. The boys had more sense than I. But I knew I had no other option than to find the centre and wait for someone to find me, hopefully before nightfall.

  I cleaned myself of leaves and grass and checked the scratches. None were bleeding badly so I left them alone. But my hair must have been a real mess; after all, I had stuck my head in a bush.

  The next entrance was easy and it took my breath away. There it was. A beautiful fountain stood in the centre, made from white stone, probably Italian marble. Two white doves sat on a plate, lowering their heads and, opposite them, two more were raising theirs. Water fell into the lower plate from their beaks. The water must have been routed through the stone and, then, the stone birds. It couldn’t be seen from the ground floor of the house, nor the first floor, but it must have been seen from the upper floor. Perhaps it was the reason why the boys obeyed and didn’t search for the maze’s treasure.

  I decided to wait by the fountain and hope someone would find me. With a sigh I sat on the bench next to the fountain and lost myself in thought.

  How much time passed I didn’t know, but finally I heard voices calling me. I recognised both; Lorcan and Daniel Crest. At last!

  “Here I am!” I answered their calls. And then there was a silence.

  “Lorcan?” I called out.

  “Yes, where are you?”

  I had to laugh. It was clear where I was.

  “I’m in…”

  “You’re in the maze? Where?” Crest asked.

  “I’m in the middle.”

  “You found it?” He sounded astonished. “Without a map?”

  “You have a map for this?”

  “Yes,” he replied.

  “Can you find the way back?” Lorcan asked.

  “If I could I’d already be in my room. What’s the time?”

  “Half past five,” they replied.

  “Great.” I’d been ‘lost’ for almost five hours. “Can you get me out?”

  “Yes. Wait here; I’ll go and get the map.”

  “I’m not going anywhere,” I rolled my eyes.

  Half an hour later, I watched the final wall move like a door. Lorcan stood before me. I was still sitting on the bench. Holding the ‘door’ in place so it wouldn’t close; he looked at me and smirked.r />
  “You really like to tire people out. No. Not people. Just me.”

  “It’s beautiful here,” I said quietly. “So peaceful.”

  He looked around and his silence confirmed that he had never been to the centre of the maze before. I turned to the fountain.

  “I wonder what the fountain…”

  “It is beautiful.” As I looked at him I saw he was not watching the fountain. His eyes were resting on me.

  “…represents,” I finished my sentence. He offered me his hand.

  “You can ask Daniel. Can we please get out of here?” I nodded, stood up and joined him. If the hidden door in the last square was a surprise for me, a bigger surprise waited for me. All the walls had hidden doors in a straight line out of the maze. Only those with the map knew where they were and how they opened. It was a safe way out if someone got lost. That someone of course had to be me!

  “Now you know the secret,” Daniel said when we came out. The doors closed behind us as we walked through them and everything was as before. No sign of my escape route.

  “I won’t tell anyone. Especially not the boys.” Daniel Crest nodded and, with firm strides, he left us in the garden and went back to the house.

  “Why did you go into that thing?” Lorcan was looking at me.

  “I wanted to be alone. I didn’t want to be interrogated anymore.”

  “Interrogated?” he said with laughter in his voice.

  I turned to him and nodded.

  “First Daniel himself and then his wife. You interrupted us in the library…” Lorcan started to laugh and I punched his arm.

  “You can laugh as much as you like, but they acted like…”

  “They acted like what?” I shrugged my shoulders. I didn’t know how to explain. Mother hens? Like mother bears? Like … I pushed the last thought away. I didn’t want to think about that possibility.

  “I don’t know,” I said. “I’m cold and tired.” Not saying anything, he hugged and kissed me deeply. Every kiss from him managed to warm me up.

  When his lips left mine all I felt was dizziness and the effect was obvious when I walked away—my legs were wobbling.

  “Let me help you,” Lorcan said and, before I could protest, he lifted me in his arms and carried me through the garden. I pleaded with him to put me down but he refused. I didn’t want to be seen like that. Too many people had seen the way Lorcan and I acted around one another.

  Lorcan walked through the flower garden and on reaching the house, he instructed me to open the side gates. Only when the door closed behind us did he put me down.

  The room we entered was lit only by the glow of the fire from the fireplace. All I could see were walls full of books. Old books. But it was not the room Ursula had led me into this morning. This room was bigger and extended over the ground and first floors. This was a truly magnificent private library.

  “Oh my God,” was all I was able to say, turning around like a spinning top.

  “Daniel’s favourite room,” Lorcan explained. I nodded. He came closer and whispered in my ear.

  “Honey, you’re drooling.” Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand I realised he was just teasing me and I’d fallen completely for it. He smiled and wiped away a strand of hair covering my bruised cheek.

  “What happened?”

  I waved my hand.

  “Nothing serious. I had to crawl to get to the centre.”

  “What?”

  I didn’t want to explain any further.

  “I need to go to my room. I need to shower and do something with these bruises.”

  “Follow me,” he took my hand and led me out of the library.

  I had luck on my side as no one was around to see us, and in particular, my appearance. Lorcan led me to the stairs and watched me as I walked up. On the last step I remembered my brother and asked Lorcan if he had returned. But Harry was still in London. I wondered what news he would have for me.

  I slept well after a long shower, and didn’t wake until the next morning. Slowly, I turned around I found myself face to face with Lorcan who was still sleeping—in my bed! He was doing exactly what I had done in the Paris apartment.

  His face was relaxed and his long black lashes covered his grey eyes. His shoulder length black hair half covered his face. I didn’t brush it away as I didn’t want to wake him. As he was laying on his right side to face me, his left arm was exposed and I was able to see his tattoo better; a black dragon silhouette in the pattern of Celtic knots.

  Forgetting myself, I found my finger touching his tattoo. I traced the dragon’s body until I reached its head. I looked up into Lorcan’s eyes. He was awake.

  “Good morning, my love,” he said. I was unable to speak. He leaned forward and kissed me, first on my forehead and after that, not knowing how exactly, I found myself beneath him, sharing his hungry kisses.

  After some time he lifted himself onto his elbows, capturing me between them without any chance of escape. He looked deeply into my eyes.

  “You can’t sleep?”

  I shook my head.

  “Not with you in my bed,” I smiled. He kissed me again. I was glad, as I didn’t want to show him my sorrow. The evening before, I’d made my decision that if Harry had no news, I would stop the search for my son. It was time. My heart had been broken too many times. It had never actually healed. I knew I would never forget him, but I needed to let him go.

  “What’s wrong?” he leaned on his elbows again. “You’re miles away.”

  “I am,” I whispered. Raising my hands between us, I gently touched his face and then pulled him closer to me. I wanted to vanish. I wanted to be lost in his embrace. He obliged .

  Sometime later, as he was caressing my face, we heard a distant bell ringing.

  “You bewitched me. Do you know that in the past women like you were burned on the pyre?” he smiled.

  “Because I’m red-haired? Well, you’re close to it .

  And you will light the fire yourself.

  The question that followed was the one he had asked me several times in the last few weeks.

  “What now?” I didn’t want to answer or look at him.

  “No, not now. But I will definitely be burnt.”

  “I’m not talking about that, Desiree.”

  Before he could stop me, I was out of the bed, along with the white sheet, looking at him.

  “I will only hurt you, Lorcan. The best thing for you is to forget about me after tomorrow.”

  “What?” he stood up on the other side of the bed. “What are you talking about?” He started to walk around the bed to get to me, but I was faster. I hid in the bathroom. I didn’t want him to see me crying.

  “Desiree?” He pounded on the door, but I stayed silent. When his pounding stopped for a while, there was a knock on the bedroom door.

  “Go away, Tom,” I heard Lorcan say. “Everything’s alright.”

  After a few moments of silence Lorcan tried to convince me again to open the bathroom door. I still didn’t say anything. Tears were running down my face. I knew it was because of the impending farewell, but I was not quite sure whom I would be bidding farewell.

  “Desiree, please open the door. Let’s talk. Tell me what’s wrong.”

  “I can’t, Lorcan. It would be unfair to you. Please understand.” The hard pound of his fist on the bathroom door frightened me a little. The door shook.

  “I can’t. How can I, if you don’t explain yourself?”

  I stayed silent. I couldn’t tell him. I just couldn’t. It was my burden and I didn’t want him to carry it for me.

  I heard him walking around the room, pacing up and down. More knocking on the bedroom door disturbed the silence in the room.

  “What?” Lorcan’s voice was full of annoyance and anger. The door opened.

  “Mr Crest is waiting for you in the library.” Tom’s voice was stoic as always.

  “Right,” Lorcan almost barked at the man. Hearing the slam of the door, I
was assured that I was now alone. I quickly washed my face and returned to the bedroom. It was empty. Finding my clothes, I dressed and wrote a quick note for Harry and put it into an envelope, which I found in the table drawer.

  All I took was my purse, car keys and phone. All the other things I knew Harry would collect and bring back to Paris. It was impossible for me to stay in the Crest mansion under the same roof as Lorcan Shore.

  Sneaking out of the room, the first floor was empty, as I had presumed it would be. I checked the entrance and the ground floor but didn’t hear anyone.

  As quietly as possible, I ran quickly downstairs and through the entrance hall. Only then I saw I was still carrying the note for Harry in my hands. I’d passed his room too quickly and forgotten to push the envelope under his door.

  Looking around the hall to find somewhere I could put it so it would be seen when needed, I finally spotted a table near the room Ursula had taken me to the morning before. I tiptoed over and put the letter down on the table.

  I heard Ursula talking.

  “Promise me. Daniel, promise me, she will not be invited into our house again.”

  “Ursula, please,” her husband replied. “I’m trying to…”

  “No, Daniel. I want your guarantee. I don’t want to…” I lost the last words, as in the distance more voices could be heard. I didn’t want anyone to see me, so I left the letter on the table and ran out to my car. I calmed down when I heard the motor running under the hood of the car.

  Harry’s car was still missing; he was not back yet. I wondered how quickly he would follow me.

  Driving fast soon calmed me down. The road that led from the Crest estate to the main road was narrow but clean on the turns, so I didn’t need to use the brakes. I didn’t run into any other cars. Most of all I was afraid I would run into Harry. I was not in any condition to explain to him why I was leaving.

  I took the main road that was before me, so I was heading back to Dover by the coastal road. I was heading back … to home? Paris was never my home, or Nice. I knew I couldn’t return to Monte Carlo. The best thing for everyone would be if I truly vanished from the face of the earth. But it was not quite that simple. Harry didn’t deserve it.