Never Give Up

by Heidi Lis

  I’m about to shut the door when I hear voices. Somewhat surprised, not sure why, but I’m dying to hear what Liza’s boyfriend sounds like. Struggling to understand them, I lean my head near the door as softly as I can. Oh my God, here I am eavesdropping, and my eyes go wide when I hear him more clearly. Wow, his voice is a lot deeper in person compared to the few times I’ve heard him on the phone with Liza. My stomach flip-flops because the sound of his voice surprisingly excites me.

  I anxiously inch so close to the door my naked body is flat against it. It’s then that I realize things are too quiet. I’m puzzled until the slight knock on the door startles me. Surprisingly, I keep my composure and remain silent, but just in case I have my hand clamped over my mouth.

  “Hey, Pip, you in there?” The deep voice gives me instant butterflies.

  I’m closing my eyes, cursing how excited his voice makes me feel. “Um…yeah, I’m here. Ace?” Oh God, who else would it be?

  “Yeah,” he says pausing. “Don’t get your tattoo wet okay?”

  I swear he sounds so close like he’s right up against the door. A door I’m currently standing behind naked.

  “What?” Shit, it’s all I can think to say in my moment of sheer panic.

  “Just wanted to make sure you keep it covered up, I know it’s your first one…that’s all. Oh, and it’s nice to sort of meet you.” He offers a lingering sigh.

  Oh my God, this is so awkward. “Okay, thank you for the advice… and it’s nice to sort of meet you, too.” I keep my voice cheery trying not to let my nerves show.

  An awkward pause lingers before a hint of a laugh escapes his lips. “Later.”

  “Sure, later Ace.” A wave of uneasiness consumes me, and it’s an odd sensation. His voice is so pleasant, but the familiar tone is hard to pinpoint. I quickly dismiss it, chalking it up to nerves. It’s just me, I need to let him go. I cannot think every guy out there, is him. It’s not Micah. They’re not Micah. I’m left to ponder this aching notion taking my shower, extra careful not to get my new tattoo wet.

  After I showered up, I ate dinner by myself. I’m grateful Liza went out, at least I didn’t have to listen to her all night. Laying in bed, I’m exhausted but I know I need to make a call.

  “What are you doing?” I ask a very taciturn Nick.

  “Missing you, why am I not with you, again?” Yep, he sounds depressed.

  “I have to get to work early tomorrow, and I’m beyond tired. Someone kept me up late last night.” I can’t help saying with a smirk.

  He briskly replies. “Oh, how could anyone do that to you, unless it was because he was devouring your beautiful body?” Depressed Nick is now playful Nick.

  I burst out laughing. “That’s right, I did have some hot guy in my bed last night.”

  “Speaking of last night, are you okay with all that happened?” He’s so serious, his voice deepens with a hint of anxiety.

  “Nick, we talked about this already. Last night was great, but.” Softly I close my eyes, praying he understands.

  “Yeah, I know you do, El. I’m just happy you are finally giving us a try.” His voice is lighter, and I can tell he’s smiling. “You’re energizer bunny is ready to devour your body again.”

  It’s hard not to smile and laugh when I’m talking to him. “You’re the best, always remember that. No matter what happens, you have always been here for me and I appreciate that more than you’ll ever know. I know over the years, things have not been pretty, but you never gave up on me. You were a shoulder for me to cry on.” I’m on a roll and can’t seem to stop the honest things I need him to hear. “You held my hand, dried my tears, and never let me cry alone. You are my best friend, and you are so important to me. It’s why I hesitated to take us to the next level.”

  I knew I was rambling, but telling him this might help ease the news of my tattoo. If I’m lucky, he will merely see a beautiful butterfly, but he’s smarter than that. He knows me too well.

  “I know and I will always be here for you, no matter what happens with us. Although I see no reason we won’t be together, even if we weren’t, I’m your best friend.”

  Hoping like hell he means those words, I’m closing my eyes holding onto them. I whisper, “I’ll hold you to that, you know.”

  “Yeah, I know you will.” He replies earnestly.

  “Okay, sweet Nick. I’m off to sleep. Dinner tomorrow night?” Sounds like a good plan, and then I’ll tell him about my tattoo.

  “Dinner it is. Sleep tight.” He acknowledges with some excitement.

  “Night, best friend.” I think nothing of it, this is how I always said good night to him, this is familiar.

  He pauses longer than normal. “Ouch, the best friend comes out, not a good sign.”

  “Hey, don’t interpret that the wrong way. You know I’ve always said that to you before when we would hang up. It slipped out, I’m sorry.” I did not mean to offend him. Boy, this will take time getting used to. I now realize I need to watch what I say to him so not to hurt his feelings.

  “Just giving you a hard time, girl. Enough talking, I need to go to sleep. I got a big day at work and a date tomorrow night.” The excitement in his voice makes me happy.

  “That’s the spirit, you buying?”

  “Bet your cute ass, anywhere you want to go, girl. I need to show you off. One of the many perks of our new arrangement is I get to have my hands all over you without you smacking me.”

  We ended the call on a good note and sleep finds me fast.

  DRAGGING MY TIRED butt out of bed is difficult today. I’m cranky, and it’s Monday, to boot. Showering up quickly as I can, I apply the cream to my bad ass tattoo, covering it with some gauze I borrowed from the dental office. Having it rub against my pants all day, did not appeal to me. Not a great way to start off my day.

  Liza and I drive together since she will be working late with a patient. I’m off around five, but she has Ace picking her up, so all is good. Making sure we left enough time, we stop off at our favorite Starbucks before work. Like usual, the minute Tristan see’s us, he’s making our usual orders before we hit the counter.

  “Tristan is going to be jealous when he finds out you did the deed with Nick. God, I can’t wait to see his face.” Liza, the troublemaker, is showing me her evil grin.

  “You can’t tell him, he will be devastated. Good Lord, Liza, you are too mean.” First of all, this all so new to me. I don’t want to advertise my love life all over town. And secondly, it might hurt his feelings. Tristan is way too sweet and for some silly reason, he thinks he has a shot with my new love interest. Weird.

  “Don’t care, this is going to be funny as hell.”

  Walking to the register, I’m just praying she keeps her mouth shut.

  “Hello, my sweetest El and her always grumpy friend, Liza.” Tristan then winked with a shrug of his shoulder, rolling his eyes at the always grumpy Liza. A name he’s given her. I secretly love it.

  I laugh out loud and dare sneak a peek at Liza. Her eyebrow lift tells me I’m in trouble. I cringe, holding my breath.

  “Your sweetest girl jumped Nick’s bones this weekend. Now how is your day Tristan?”

  Ouch. That stung.

  His expression freezes.

  “Shut the front door, what are you saying? Holy shit… Elsa, you and my Nick? No way.”

  Using my hands, I’m shushing him to lower his voice. “Ssshhh. Come on, we are all adults here. Don’t listen to Liza, let’s just forget it.” I force a smile and hope he just lets it go.

  He replies, cool and calm like. “Double Mocha Latte, extra drizzle order will be held up unless you spill the beans and fast.” He smirks with an evil grin that rivals Liza’s. He is blackmailing me with…coffee! My coffee.

  “Really?” I say raising my eyebrow, hand on my hip.

  Wiping the counter, he keeps whistling. “Yep, let's have it, sweets. Just tell me yes or no, is he as awesome as he looks?” Good Lord, shoot me now.

  I
concede, I need my coffee. “Yes, now can I have my much-needed coffee… Please?” Batting my eyelashes, I’m smiling, trying to win him over with my sweetness.

  Sizing one another up, we both crack up before Liza clears her throat for round two.

  “Oh, she got a wild hair up her butt and also got a tattoo this weekend. She was a busy girl, no wonder she’s in dire need of caffeine.”

  “LIZA!” I’m mortified, turning to her before I slap her shoulder.

  Leaving Starbucks, I want to murder my best friend. This day is just not starting out well, and it’s just beginning. Aargh, maybe the rest of the day will go without another hiccup.

  We approach our office, Noelridge Dental. Dr. Davis, a good-looking dentist in his forties, and has an exceptional practice. I run the front office, Liza is his assistant, and we have two hygienists. We’re a small office, but we all get along great. The only thing about a small office is everyone knows each other’s business. Until this past weekend, it was fine. But now, it’s not so great because Liza can’t keep her mouth shut. By the end of the day, I know Cindy and Kathy, our hygienists, will also have a count by count rundown of my weekend.

  Nick stops by frequently, each and every time he does, they both drool over him. Yeah, the ladies here are a sucker for a pretty face, and a sweet body. Nick fits that profile just fine. My only horror will be if my boss catches wind of it all, that would be beyond embarrassing. He likes to joke with us girls and always tries to stay current with what’s going on in our busy lives. I, however, draw the line at my love life.

  Sitting at my desk, I’m trying to catch up on some insurance checks when the office phone rings.

  “Noelridge Dental, may I help you?” As I answer the phone, I can see someone from the corner of my eye standing at my desk, ready to check in. Looking up to acknowledge whoever it may be, my eyes about drop out of their sockets. A face that’s all too familiar, and it takes me back… a few years at least.

  The lady on the end of the phones has asked to schedule an appointment, but I’m finding it difficult to concentrate on her at all. My attention is all too focused on the guy staring back at me with his mouth open wide in astonishment.

  In a complete fog, I somehow find a date for my patient. “Mrs. Eckley, we can see you at noon on Thursday. Wonderful, see you then.” I’m struggling to finish my conversation, my eyes never leaving the gentleman standing at my desk.

  I find it hard to breathe. Scanning the appointment book, I try to locate his name. How is it possible I missed his name?

  His sudden throat clearing tells me he’s just as shocked.

  “I can’t believe it’s you, Elsa. Wow, you look amazing, by the way.” He says rapidly speaking. I think we are both in shock.

  The first thing I notice is how deep his voice has gotten. He has grown into his own man. Matt was a looker before, but now he is stunning. His resemblance to Micah is remarkable, and I can’t help staring…speechless.

  With his raised eyebrow, it’s easy to read his curious expression. “Elsa, are you okay?”

  Staring. Pausing. Shocked.

  Finally able to speak, my voice is shaky at best. “Wow, I can’t believe you’re here. It’s been years, how are you, Matt?” When I get to his name, it comes out barely a whisper, like he’s unfamiliar somehow.

  Of all the things to happen today, this is not one I would have believed. Matt Taylor is standing right in front of me. Standing taller than ever, he looks even better today than he did five years ago. I’m still stunned… and shocked.

  Glancing at the schedule, I mumble. “Do you have an appointment?” I correct myself almost instantly. “Of course you do,” I’m embarrassed with my lack of professionalism.

  “Hey,” he looks at me with his head tilted, and eyes furrowed tightly. “Have you seen Micah since he’s been back?”

  My heart plummets when he speaks his brother’s name. I’m sure my eyes are a dead giveaway, they are wide as saucers before I shut them so tight it’s painful. For the love of all that is holy, what the hell? I’m not prepared for this moment. I’ve always been bothered with what could happen if I ever ran into Matt or his parents. Luckily, until today I had not. This is just not my day!

  Swallowing my nerves, I can’t let him know how long I’ve struggled when it came to his brother. “Um…wow, no. I had no idea he was back from where ever he went. No one told me a thing.” Hell, no one said shit when I was left to pick up the pieces of my life after Micah left.

  Matt tilts his head back like I’ve offended him. “Your parents mentioned nothing to you?” He eyes me with an odd expression.

  The way he is looking at me like I’m missing something is most unnerving. I’m not only confused, I’m baffled. “My parents, no. Why would my parents know anything?” I look at him inwardly saying ‘duh,’ the only thing they wanted to do was kill Micah for leaving their daughter in a mess. Our parents, never talked. We all lived close, but that was it. No communication, ever.

  Matt’s frantically running his hand across his forehead. “Well, I told your parents shortly after Micah left. He wanted to make sure I let you know where he was. You weren’t home, they said you left for your aunt’s house for a while. After that, I never saw you again. Weird.” His body language takes on a more relaxed position, laying his arms on the counter. “The way he left was a mess, he really wanted to talk to you. He just felt it was better to leave it alone. The more time that went on, he knew you most likely moved on as well.”

  “Yeah, weird.” My anger overtakes me with the idea Micah once again did what he thought was right for me, never once asking me what the hell I wanted. Who the hell was he to think he knew better? He didn’t know shit! A fact proved only a short time after he left. Me.

  “Okay, not sure when I’ll see him, but I will tell him you work here. I know he would love to catch up with you.”

  Oh please, don’t for God's sake. Not a good idea. Not now…Jesus. The knot in my stomach feels like a fist to the gut. I can feel my panic attack starting to brew.

  “Um, Matt, not a good idea. It was a long time ago. A lot has changed, and it’s best we don’t see one another again.” My breathing’s calculated, long and slow. I can’t do this, I’m struggling to remain calm on the outside because my insides are being torn apart once again. I really want a redo on this shitty Monday.

  “I’m surprised.” Matt’s eyes search mine carefully. “He’s never forgotten about you. Talks about you, still to this day. He’s always wondered what happened to you and even went to your parents house like I did. Only they told him you never forgave him for hurting you, so he decided to let you go.”

  What?

  Oh God, what is he telling me? Oh no! My mind is spinning. Micah spoke to my parents. Matt talked to my parents. My parents never said one word to me. My mind’s not able to comprehend any of this. I was able to finally let go after five years. Went as far to get a tattoo to symbolize my finally letting him go, and now I find out he still talks about me. What the fucking hell? This doesn’t change a thing. Our time was then, not now. My life is with Nick. I’m sure Micah’s changed, and I know I sure have. I honestly never expected to hear or see Micah ever again.

  As the tears spill over and down my cheeks, I glance up to see Matt studying my face. Shit. I slowly turn away from him, and clutch my aching chest.

  “Excuse me.” I stand up and sprint to the restroom. Locking the door my head falls against it with a loud thud. After a few calming breaths, I make my way to the sink. Staring at myself in the mirror, I start to hyperventilate. Splashing cold water on my face, I concentrate on slowing my breathing like I did when I… shit, not today. I can’t let my mind go back there. It’s taken me so long to get to this point, I cannot go back now. Letting out an emotionally packed sigh, it’s time I had a talk with myself. Looking in the mirror, my nose flares with each deep intake of air. “You moved on. Get it out of your system. Straighten yourself up, get your ass back out there and pretend like everything i
s cool.”

  Like that worked, nope not at all.

  Defeated, I walk back to my desk. I’m praying no one caught onto my episode. Blowing out a huff, I notice all is well. Matt is no longer in the waiting area. Thankfully, Lori has taken him back to her room. Phew.

  “You okay, Elsa?”

  Shit, Dr. Davis is staring at me with concern. I never caught sight of him until he spoke.

  “Of course,” I force a smile on my somber face. “Sorry, I had to excuse myself.” I’m sure the wiping under my eyes, shows how much I’m not okay at all.

  “Heard you had a big weekend, Liza has been busy.” He jokingly replies.

  I groan. “Great. Please don’t listen to her, she’s on drugs.” I blurt it out, not even thinking he is our boss, I’m just so upset that girl can’t keep her damn mouth shut.

  Slapping my hand over my mouth, I gasp. “Oh, no. No. No. I did not mean that.” With my luck, I’d get the girl fired the way my day was going.

  The laugh that escapes his lips put me at ease. “Don’t worry, I know what you meant. Also, if you need anything, let me know. You’re the best front desk girl around, and I will not lose you.” He says with a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

  Wide-eyed, I just stare at him, bewildered. I’m not thinking about quitting. What the hell has Liza said, now? “Thanks, Dr. Davis.”

  Thankfully, the rest of the day is uneventful. Unfortunately, my mind has been all over the place since Matt showed up out of nowhere. He left with no further incident. I think he felt sorry, because he did not say another word about his brother. After the way I reacted, I’m sure he saw how shaken up I was.

  I’m stuck having a recurring theme plague my every thought. There is a part of my past that has a real connection with Matt, his whole family if I’m honest. The idea that no one in the Taylor family knows is hurting me. I know I can never tell them, and that’s what saddens me the most. Even if I could, what would be the point? It’s too late.